You and Me and He Make UV3 - The Beginnings of a Boy Band

I am totally despondent. I found out just now that I can never be a performer in a Blue Man Group. They have strict height requirements of 5' 10" to 6' 1". I am outside that three inch gap. At least I have a puppy who loves me. And France is on fire. And sugar is on sale. And its s'posed to rain tomorrow. Somewhere.

I guess I could use a different color with a "shorter" wavelength than blue and create my own group, maybe the 'Ultraviolet Men Group'. Notice how I used a plural 'Men' instead of 'Man', duh, its a group.

There is no entry in Wikipedia for an 'Ultraviolet Men Group'

Don't confuse my group with the 'Ultraviolent Men Group'.

The beautiful part about using Ultraviolet is that it is outside the visible range for humans. So you can be walking along with your friends sometime (in the near future, we have to practice first) and point your finger to some place where there are not any humans, and say,

"LooK !!! Its the Ultraviolet Men Group"

The Maine Thing To Know

One of the main things we lost (temporarily) in the War of 1812 was the main part of the state of Maine, only it wasn't a state yet, but still a part of Massachusetts.

I can fit all of Maine back into Massachusetts if I try really hard. Thinkthinkthink ... They both have M, a, and e, and if you rotate the n of Maine 180 degrees it becomes a u, and you are then just left with i, and you know that I, me, Ernest has a last name of Boston, which is in Massachusetts as well.  

Blink, Breathe, we did it !!! Wasn't that funzies?!?!?

eyePad oN tHe iNcrease (iPad ?)

Some things that only happen very early in the morning . .. ... .... .....

I was reading a news article on my iPad about the growth plans for the iPad market and manufacturing, when I received a "wireless" telepathic plea from my very own iPad, 

"I wanna be bigger too!", 

so I simply held it slightly closer to my eyes and my brain relayed the image back to the astonished device, which responded, 

"WOW ! How did you do that?!?"

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Two Corndogs Equals Eternal Perfect Love

I have more proof that I am married to just the right person. I got home last night after being away all day and there were two sticks from corn dogs on a plate on the kitchen counter. That was exactly what I had for lunch as well in far away Stinnett, and we rarely ever eat corn dogs. Of course I suffered the indignity of no mustard - I have never heard of a convenience store running out of mustard before.

Gas - they also couldn't pump any gas or take a credit card while I was there because their system was messed up. So the elderly man in line in front of me had quite a shock when he had to pay for his three packs of menthol Marlboros with the better part of a twenty. At least they had an adding machine, a notebook, and a supervisor to tell them how to do the math.

Twenty

I think I figured out what's wrong with health care in the USA. They have been waiting for me to retire to pay for everyone. I found out today that my former employer is charging me more than $20,000 a year for retiree medical coverage for myself and spouse. I thought the "bene" in the word benefit meant "good" ?

I realize that my wife's medical expenses are a little bit higher than mine, but I think my total medical purchases during the last 20 months after my job have been ~10 dollars for one bottle of severe headache medicine, a bottle of ibuprofen, and a box of band aids. And zero visits to see a doctor.

A little later I remembered there would also be a couple bottles of vitamin B-12 at 250 pills per bottle, so that escalates the total into the 20 dollar range, or around a dollar a month.

So I have easily spent slightly more the 10 times that much money on health care for my dog (more than $200) in that same time period, but he isn't covered by the insurance policy.

Philososophy

My friend used the word 'philosophy' yesterday in a conversation. All of our conversations eventually spin horribly out of control into a jumbled pile slash mess of The hilarity and The goofy. In mock seriousness she said that I never let her express her philososophies. In mock anger I replied that I don't mind letting her express her philosososophies.

Then we had a discussion of just how many extra 'so' to include in the middle of The word philosophy and which 'so' syllable should be accented. I mentioned that in the future when she hears a public speaker use The word 'philosophy' she should immediately stand up in the meeting and ask them, "did you mean 'filled with sausages in me' or (if Islamic) 'filled with salami' ?" and then listen to see if the confused person can continue to properly pronounce The word 'philosophy'. She said she would probably get kicked out of the meeting. We giggled our good-byes, ended our run of pun fun, and I wandered away out into the mid day sun.

But this morning I suddenly see the need to have a prepared philosophy of flying sauces. This will come in handy if we are invaded by space aliens. For instance, if you find yourself talking to a space alien while admiring his space craft and you feel the need to attack preemptively, just ask him,  "Do you have a philosophy of the use of flying sauces as weapons?"

The confused space alien will then ask, "Do you mean 'flying saucers' ?"

At this point you can whip out your hidden jug of Molotov Cocktail Sauce that you always carry just for these types of emergencies. In a Randy Quaid Independence Day way you and your glass half gallon of sauce may be the only thing that saves mankind from certain doom.