My Lost Trailian Son Comes Home Soon

I posted this status in Facebook: Eight VIII 1000 (that third one is the binary form of the number 8) 8 - EIGHT more days and my son will be home for awhile!!! We have missed you so much, please make sure that you make your flight, don't forget to come home that day! (ha, like that would really ever happen!) We promise not to make you eat anything Australian.


Message from my ex-sister-in-law: Do You keep Vegamite in the house??

Response to my ex-sister-in-law:

We keep Vegemite at our house under lock and key and out of direct sunlight ONLY for the following purposes:

A) For Halloween Trick-R-Treaters who happen to be more than 51% Australian
B) For use as a refrigerant as an approved chemical according to the Montreal Protocol for the ban and diminished use of chlorofluorocarbons to save the ozone layer
C) For shingle roof repair
D) To lubricate the sludging, oops, wrong word, SLIDING glass door at the back of the house
E) A small amount is kept in a hypodermic needle as a replacement for epinephrine (adrenaline) in case any Aussie visiting vegetarians go into anaphylactic shock
F) For skunk odor removal. Mixed with tomato juice with a side of vodka and a celery stalk in a separate container
G) For those rare times when I run out of RoundUp weed killer
H) Painting my toe nails

and last but not least:

I) In slightly diluted form (3:1 ratio water:vegemite) to fill my Super Soaker as my primary weapon when "playing" paintball. I make a flame thrower noise when releasing the toxic contents on my victims. I rarely get invited back to play paintball from the other kids in the neighborhood and somehow always win.