Karma or Amtrak?

I did not, happily, write these questions
I did, sadly, write these answers.

Do you still own any VHS tapes?

Yes, where are they … yes, there they are in my time capsule waiting for me to close the hatch. Click.

How many jobs have you had?

Lots. Sold eggs door to door, human dishwasher in a restaurant – twice, SD & TX, carpenter's son, well digger's son, (same father!), combine operator (again, same father) - twice, roofer, now, without my father's help: chemist, computer baby sitter, blend chemist, programmer, chemist, computer babysitter (AGAIN!), dog sitter, chemist. I want to retire soon to study the science I am interested in and be an artist and a writer and … but mainly I want to play with my dog. That is 4 years and 365 days away. It's a leap year thing. I won't add my usual XX hours and YY minutes and ZZ seconds.

What's your favorite kind of soup?

Hah! There are just toooo many …..

Do you still have your wisdom teeth?

I have wisdom and teeth. And I have one wisdom tooth left in my head because of the JERK idiot disguised as an oral surgeon who couldn't manage to finish the job. Now I bite the inside of my mouth WAY TOO often. Call me if you want his name and business address to avoid him ….. his brother at the other end of the building has a much better reputation.

Did you ever collect Beanie Babies?

Yes. Here is a picture of Cheeterie and Tigger on my trip to the Grand Canyon. Currently Tigger is propped precariously at the "Northeast" corner of my video monitor at work where he constantly inspects everything I do. You could say he is my "Maine" Beanie Babie at the moment. Cheeterie belongs to someone else, I just rescued him from his neglectful owner and he "accidently" wound up going to Arid-zona, against the wishes of Tigger who can be jealous and has that "I'm The Only One" attitude. 

Other photos in the MySpace album "Arid-zona 2003"

When was the last time you got a haircut?

My wife is a cosmetologist and I am a cosmologist, yet our planets don't align often enough and she needs to orbit my orb and bar-bor it rob it of it robe of fur. Okay, I ran out of "R-O-B" type words.

Have you ever been to a bachelor/bachelorette party?

Too many. Mine was rather boring. No alcohol. Just one brother.

Is your next birthday coming up soon?

Yeppa, in just four days! Half a century of wandering, wondering, and one wedding ring.

What's the last board game you played?

The only board game I ever play is 'Sequence'. No more chess. I stopped playing that game about 35 years ago and then about 2 years ago for the second and hopefully last time. It just depends on what the wishes are of the grandkids when they arrive in the far distant future.

Do you actually eat 3 meals a day?

Define meal, eat, act, you, all, do and day. No need to define three.

How many cars have you ever owned?

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,,,,, how many have been in my name? A lot, but other people actually wear them out. My last car I drove for 12 years.

Can you do math in your head well?

It depends on the kind of math and the condition of my head and the atmospheric pressure and current state of nuclear warfare alert "DEFCON" number according to the military supreme hierarchy, say isn't that math too? Wargames.

What's your least favorite chore to do around the house?

I actually love all of my chores as I enjoy being alive and then running out into the mountains of Bavaria and bursting into song because the plains are alive with the sound of .. then a lion cub licks my face and I wake up.

Do you ever read the weather forecast?

1 – that is the shortest way I know for saying 'yes', as in binary logic first invented by ancient folks like Egyptians and Chinese and later refined by Bacon, von Leibniz, and finally George Boole, giving us Boolean logic ushering in the computer science world and digital electronics. Somehow my worlds shortest form of YES just became waaay tooo long, darnsies. Oh, I forgot to tell you that 0 means 'NO', just in case you would like to use this system of 0 and 1. 0?

Who is your favorite Star Wars character?

The tall hairy son of someone named Ford. Harrison Ford.

What radio station do you listen to the most?

I never listen to radio stations… they still exist?

What was the first thing you ever learned how to cook?

Eggs, because my mother "over"-cooked them to please my father's carbonized morning appetite, die if you ate it, diet. Mmmm, a fried egg sandwich with mustard, my specialty. Just like in the movie 'Havana' with Robert Redford and somebody else Scandal-navian who pretended to sound Cuban and fooled only people from Oriental countries, I'm sure.

How old were you when you got your driver's license?

Dezesseis, but I "legally" killed a pheasant with a Pontiac Catalina station wagon with (I think) 455 caliber cubic inch V-8 w a four barreled carb in Kansas while headed south on highway 83 at age 15 with an officially sanctioned SD Learner's Driving Permit. Actually the front grill killed the bird, not the engine. The cargo box on top stopped him. My father skinned him. We later re"grill"ed him. My paternal grandfather handed me a cigarette. Pall Mall. My nervous hands could not find a match. He held one up for me. By the way, the Chinese Ring Necked Pheasant Phasianus colchicus torquatus is the state bird of South Dakota, that's what they get for wandering off to a dangerous place like Kansas where children smoke the same brand of cigarettes that later kills both grandfathers.

Today's main lesson boys and girls: Never go pheasant hunting with a doubled carburetor if a four barrel is available. And don't smoke cigarettes, at least in Kansas, immediately after killing your first pheasant.

…and finally…

Do you believe in karma?

Add a 't', and I probably come closer to believing in the near reverse, "Amtrak". Someday soon I hope to sneak away from a certain amount of my known universe and go to Garden City in Kansas. There I will go to 100 North 7^th Street. Buy a choo choo train ticket. Then get on a choo-choo train. Only now I understand they no longer make that exact noise due to a lack of steam, maybe. Then I will peacefully steal away to somewhere far far far away on two pieces of steel, as my eyes stay full of new country side and my cameras going click click click and zoom zoom as the train goes clickity-clack and zoom on the metal track. I still think choo-choos still make that particular sound 'clickity clack' due to the tracks even if they don't go choo choo as they go, but what do I know? I made it back to Kansas......without a cigarette or a match or a grandfather, with only both of their names now equally hidden in mine.

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