Oh! The Things You Will Learn from the University of Phoenix!

I noticed that the latest ads for the University of Phoenix have the people all looking up. Too uppish. They appear to be uncomfortable but still have a slight smile on their face. Paid pain to be in an ad pane? Advil anyone? So these are probably the most popular degree plans for this group of people:

• UFO Investigator
  
• Head Lice Inspector
  
• Pro Football Helmet Measurer
  
• Astronomer
  
• Practice Person for Chiropractic Schools
  
• Flying Flock Counter
  
• Fireworks Quality Control Inspector (Oooh and Aaah'ers need not apply)
  
• Air Traffic Controller Controller
  
• Theplanetwicer - That little guy on that TV show from a long, long time ago whose name I don't remember who said "The Plane, The Plane" - must also be able to distinguish between The Bird, The Plane and The Superman, and track properly identified moving object with index finger.
  
• Horizontal Odor Sniffer (You have to visualize the person in motion, head back, with the rushing torrent of air blasting the olfactories. Okay, that was a bit too much. We may decide to drop this major and send it over to the culinary school on the south side of town.)
  

Several of these can be combined as double majors to increase your job hunting prospects later on.