Mix One Part Hatred with Two Parts Goofiness, Then Stir Slowly

Don't you just hate it when you ask your dog a question and he just stands there and doesn't answer, no tail wag, no smile, not anything?


Sometimes I live a very dangerous eXistence. I just had to trim my bad fingernail on my right thumb with a steak knife, using my left hand - and I am right handed. Oooh, I know what you're thinking.


Someone wrote: You know the economy is tough when you see two "Hell's Angels" doubled up on a Honda.

My Response: That madE mE rEally laugh hard. I EvEn havE EnlargEd E's from laughing too hard. That doesn't really mean anything, I just write goofy things after 1 AM. It was 1 AM about 34 years ago almost eXactly, and ever since, bam! -goofy-


United States President Barack Obama has asked the Islamic Republic of Iran for the downed RQ-170 Sentinel aircraft that crashed near Kashmar on December 4. (CNN)

I'm sure he will use a legal defense, "we were just hiking and didn't realize we were in Iran". Then the plane will spend a year and a half in an Iranian hangar, a cold dark smelly hangar, before the Sultan of Oman hands over a million dollars for it.


Remember that thing earlier in that paragraph about the fingernail, left hand and steak knife where I said I knew what you were thinking? Well, it turns out that I didn't.


Alcohol-free blog post - no alcohol was consumed during the production of this particular blog post. (Now I'm not sure if that was a good or bad idea.)

Update: What am I singing/humming this morning? George Harrison doing "Here Comes The Sun", perhaps I am just eXcited about some Texans coming home from far away later today! Here comes the son and daughter-in-law and puppy, yea!

May We See Your Mirth Certificate Please?

Forget about the birth certificate for Obama, the Twenty-second Amendment (1951) prevents a President from being elected more than twice. I am starting to think Barak H O might be the reincarnation of Grover Cleveland, who has already served two terms. If you look at pictures of them there is an uncanny resemblance.

Oh, sorry, I accidentally pulled up a picture of Grover from Sesame Street, I get him and the former prez mixed up every once in a while, my bad.

‎(While researching this piece of humor I discovered that there have been THREE Adlai Stevenson's in national politics, same family tree, just one generation skipped: first one was a Vice Pres, second a Pres contender, and the third came close to being a vice pres nominee. They served in a variety of other posts as senator, congressman, ambassador and governor as well)

C L A R I F I C A T I O N: By "uncanny" I mean that neither one on them resembles a can.

Hmmm, maybe its a foursome of confusion: Obama looks like Adlai Stevenson's son's son, who was Grover Cleveland's vice president with both of them politicians from the great state of Illinois and Obama's vice president Biden looks more like Grover Cleveland with both of them being more East Coasty, as well as Grover from Sesame Street looking more like Barak all the time. Perhaps I really just need more coffee at 1:15 AM. ... Oh, sorry, counting noses, thats five "people", so, fivesome, unless you are factoring in the reincarnation reduction, then maybe "fourpointonesome", approximately. I think I checked all their birthdays as well (including Grover of Sesame Street fame) and they don't match. Yes, thats right, Grover has a birthday listed in his Wikipedia article: October 14th.

Obama Time Machine Math

One of my friends wrote the following, most likely copying it from someone else:

Let's take the United States to it's pre 1957 state - no Hawaii - then Mr Obama will for sure not be a citizen of this great country and those of us with any intelligence can support Israel until the end! That's ok the God I worship and the nation of Israel wins I read THE BOOK

My Response: Haha, doing the math, BHObama was born in the year 1961, so HAwaii was already 716 days old. While doing the math I suddenly realized why BHObama must be so special - he was born in the SAME month as YOU! ROBLOLAMLOI - rolling on bed laughing out loud at my level of inventiveness.


Now I wonder why the original author chose "1957" when wikipedia has 1959 for the year Hawaii became a state. Do you suppose there is another conspiracy theory now going on about Hawaii's birth certificate as well?

Update: I later found out "they" had an argument about whether it was 1957, 1958, or 1959, and chose the oldest year to be safe, so it was a group thing.

My Second Response: Thats funny that you had an argument about a statehood year when there were probably at least 4 internet devices (guessing the number of smart phones etc) in the room to search the year! I did read the CNN article about the Obama proposal for Israel to return to its pre-1967 borders, and that has no support from either Netanyahu or Hamas, who want to take Israel to a pre-1948 state. I imagine that Israel will keep right on doing whatever it wants based on its previous behavior and the United States government will keep right on supporting Israel based on its previous behavior. (I did look up Israel's birth year of 1948 AD, so hope-fool-ly Wikipedia was correct) Israel can always insist on it's 930 BC borders.

My Third Response: I was reading the requirements for Prez, and noticed that it says "natural born Citizen" - so this must mean anyone who was born by C-section method or a test tube baby would not be eligible to be Prez. We'll have to find out how he was born!

I looked at his long form birth certificate, and it does not indicate type of birth, C-section or natural, BUT I did learn that his last name is really "OBAMA, II", in uppercase. Does that mean we are supposed to say it really loud (uppercase) when speaking his name, and should we pronounce the II part as each letter of the alphabet as "eye eye" ? Maybe its suppose to be pronounced "Obama comma eye eye".

OH NO!!! I just saw the space between the comma and the II, he is a SPACE man, SO HE IS AN ALIEN !!! This totally disqualifies him as president, he isn't even HUMAN!!!

Link to Barak H. Obama II Birth Certificate Long Form PDF File

Pre-Birthers

So if you want to be involved with another Presidential controversy (and I really don't, I'm just pointing out the simple math here), then if you calculate the difference between the parents of Obama wedding date of February 2, 1961 and Barak's birthdate of August 4, 1961, do the math and that is only 6 months, so most likely he was conceived out of wedlock.

So would people who argue about this be called "pre-birthers"?

Reference for dates was the Wikipedia article for Barak H. Obama

Disclaimer: I don't support the "Birther" arguments or imply that even if Barak was conceived out of wedlock that he is unqualified to be President on that account. I'm just creating a new label for a conspiracy group, just being my lil ole inventive self. Actually none of us knows for sure where or when we were actually or accurately born, as our memories don't typically go back that far. We depend on others to let us know.

So there is always the slim chance that someone else has lied about your true citizenship without you knowing about it. I'm pretty sure if you've always thought of yourself as a U.S. Citizen from birth, even if you really aren't, you have the proper frame of mental citizenship that the founding fathers were looking for in order to be qualified to lead your fellow like-minded citizens.

An Al Obama Vacation

2010.11.07

President Obama is scheduled to visit Indonesia on Tuesday but some of the Islamic people are protesting his visit because he supposedly is anti-Islamic from their perspective. Obama lived there as a child. They say you can't go home again, but at least he's trying.

A friend of mine thought the Tea Party People already thought he was a Muslim.

I responded, "Theoretically he could be both." quickly followed by a "maybe Indonesians don't like Kenyans"

So ... if the Indonesians don't want Obama to come there, would that make him a Kendon'tnesiyan ?

Someone else complained to me that Obama's current trip was costing the U.S. Tax payers 2 million dollars a day.

My response was: Yes, but at 2 million dollars a day that might be cheaper to keep him out of the country if he isn't signing even bigger spending bills. So that only works out to ~790 days or so, so roughly it would only cost us about 2 billion dollars to have our beloved president stay out of the country for the rest of his term. Sounds like a bargain! Orbitz? Expedia? Where do we sign him up?

The First Friend responded that Obama was doing the move overseas much cheaper than his predecessors (for which I have no supporting data), moving the White House (implied) overseas is expen$ive.

My cascading ring tones, oops, I mean, responses to First Friend were:

NUMBER ONE: So ... this mobile-home-casa-blanca ... does it have 3 axles or 4? Double wide? Telescoping oval office?

Now thanks to you (First Friend) I have that TV ad jingle "A-1 Is Number One" (A-1: local supplier for mobile homes) just starting its irritating probably all day journey through my cabeza. Hope-fool-y it will soon be echoing in yours as well.

At least for the financial sake of the country, I usually travel alone, in a very used automobile.

NUMBER TWO: Oh, what a relief! Now I have my own cerebral video of Obama mainly in slow motion to the song 'Tik Tok' by Ke$ha meshed visually with the opening of 'The Simpsons' show season 21 , episode 20, where I first heard/saw it, ah, much better than 'A-1 Is Number One'

"cause when I leave for the night I ain't comin' back"

Gonna party like$ it'$ 2011 (already)

NUMBER THREE: Now the Obama video is becoming more animated with B.H.O. simpsonized, mixing in some syncopated Indonesian crowds chanting with signs that have Arabic script on one side and flip around to Tea Party slogans on the other.

"Ain't got no money in my pocket but I'm already here"

Reference for lyrics: 'Tik Tok' by Blanco, Dr. Luke and Ke$ha

2010.11.10 - Update 

Pakistan was irritated because Obama visited India and skipped them. Don't worry, Pakky, he skipped me too! I was even waiting all day with milk and cookies. Guess I will save these for Santa Claus. Of course I have milk and cookies all the time. So I could have easily picked a different pair, say, vinegar and stale crackers.