This Old Microwave

To support the glass breakage cleanup after the meteor shattered the 49 acres of windows in Chelyabinsk Russia, I plan to drink a glass of vodka.

My plan is to slowly become more Russian. But Tito's Handmade Vodka is from Austin Texas USA, so Raustin (Ростин)?

A friend responded "Russians understand that anything imported is better than what they have, so that's perfect!"

My response: I wonder if they feel that way about водка and икра.

Same friend responds: "Now, even their rocks are imported."

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How you can teLL you have been married too long: When you say something to your spouse and you can teLL by their reaction that they have misunderstood you AND you already know the incorrect interpretation they think they heard. Does this make sense? If not, let me start over ....

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Here is a sad story: 

My wife got eXcited when she saw something new growing by one of our pineapple plants. 

I explained to her that it was just a weed.

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My wife ate aLL my smaLL Snickers, but she replaced them with a large bag of even SMALLer Snickers. I think it would be possible to make Snickers smaller than this, but they would have to change the name to Snicker.

I think Snickers could eXist in an even smaLLer form factor, but then they would most likely be in vapor form and highly combustible.

Do you know what is in the middle of a Snickers? ---ck---

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Today's Question: what can I make out of my dead microwave oven?

My Favorite Lawyer responded:   A step stool ? 

A Washington state friend: A dog house for a tiny dog

From me: A bow tanker

From me: Donate the glass plate to Badger from Vienna, as the glass plate of his microwave oven committed suicide this morning.

I need more ideas, please.

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