You accidentally remove an outside load bearing wall during a home renovation and you realize you can’t outrun the collapsing structure
.. OR ..
You accidentally run into a bear outside while you are loaded and your gun is not loaded and realize you can’t outrun the bear and you start to collapse as your knees are no longer load bearing.
Helpful Hint: When you go walking in the woods it is important to take a friend with you for bear protection. Its not that the average bear is more afraid of two people vs one, you just need to remember to bring someone that you can outrun. (I didn’t create this hint, but I did make sure my version of it rhymed and it is one of the most important pieces of imphomashun we can pass onto the next generation as a guiding principle, even for non-bear-loaded situations)
You scratch yourself so much it makes you bleed
.. OR ..
You are working in a blood bank and the shelf falls down and you spill so much blood on yourself that it makes you itch (Subsequent scratching begins, see first choice …)
Helpful Hint: Don’t work in a Blood Bank with weak shelves
Walk around W-Mart and put 10 items into the pockets of your coat and then start over again and put each one of them back before walking out of the store
.. OR ..
Walk into W-Mart with 10 tiny things that W-Mart has never sold and probably never will and distribute them throughout the store on shelves and then go back and collect them in the same order before walking out of the store.
Helpful Hints: Don’t bring kitties or puppies unless you plan to securely attach them to something and they are extremely quiet. Also make sure that the local laws are something akin to: Its not "shoplifting" if you “accidentally” put something in your pocket unless you leave the store with it and “forgot” to pay W-Mart
A tornado, a hurricane and a typhoon walk into a bar …. Oh, sorry, wrong blog post…..
I just noticed that I accidentally put an ‘accident’ or ‘accidentally’ in every case.