A Violent Dream, But For A Noble Cause

So this is my latest reaLLy stupid dream.

In my dream is my dog Cooper. In the real world Cooper is a 100 pound German Shepherd - Husky mix, but in my dream he is a dauschund, a very small dog. On the inside its stiLL my same dog, personality, inteLLect, eXperiences ... just in a smaLLer package. I don't believe in reincarnaion, so maybe its a form of rein-canine-ation? Anyway, there is trouble, big trouble, for the smaLL package of new Cooper in dreamland.

In my dream a big dog has come along and snatched him up and decides to carry Re-Cooper away for what I can only guess a meal. I go running after the dog who is trying to eat my dog and screaming but the dog with a dog is faster than me, and Cooper-In-The-Mouth is strangely getting even graduaLLy smaLLer as the chase goes on and on. I pick up a 2x4 board trying to use it as an encouraging device to get the big dog to drop my little dog, but, no, he runs through a hole in the waLL and I scream, I have no way to follow, I can't get to the other side!

Dream ends.

Boom.

Snap.

I actuaLLy wake up to go check on my baby, yes, he is just fine, all 100 complete pounds. He wags his tail gently, "I love you, Ernie, you can go back to bed, itz zo-kay".

Eyes blink.

"Please turn off the hallway light, itz zin my eyes, on your way back to bed".

I Must Go Down To The Sink Again

I am on the couch reading in the living room.

Cooper comes out from the bedroom and complains, standing there in the hallway.

I tell him, "No, Ernie can't snuggle right now, I have to do the dishes."

He makes no more noise (a rarity) and immediately turns around and goes back into the bedroom.

The Fractional Pillow Fight

I just had half of a pillow fight with my dog.

He had no idea whatsoever in how to appropriately respond, so-so-so, he wrapped his mouth around my hand.

No, he didn't bite me, he wrapped his mouth around my hand. There is a difference.

See? -close inspection- no bitey marks.

Ha ha, he wuvs me.

Goofball (me)

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Today's Unvention: They should name a cold medicine "Drain No"

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Due to poor inventory control on the part of Wal-Mart, my dog will just have to settle for an old piece of corn bread instead of a chew rawhide bone. He likes the corn bread. In a related story my orchid looks beautiful with five recent blooms.

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At The Intersection of Slumber Street and Empty Avenue

My wifey said something to me and I woke up on the couch but my legs had hung off just a little bit making them fall partially asleep. She repeated that the dog wanted outside and there he was across the way by the backdoor, so I slowly & carefully headed to the back door.

BUT when I made it to the spot where he had been I turned around to see that he had repositioned himself to almost my former spot near the couch, and I asked him if he wanted to go outside. But he didn't move or say anything, he just stood there and smiled. Then Tamie said, "you dumb dog, Ernie went over there to let you outside!" - BUT then I looked and saw that his water bowl - empty - was positioned almost eXactly between us, both times, ah! And so I filled his water bowl, he drank and was happy, now back at his chew bone by my side.

(Sometimes it takes awhile to train these humans, you just have to keep trying,

CtD

[Cooper the Dog])

JoinWhatWhoWhy?

Here is part of my today after dealing with the Great Blogger Collapse of Twenty-Eleven. Luckily I stopped trusting CERTAIN people a long long time ago and have a backup copy of the blog post they lost (Extremely Large Brown Wooden Holes For Sale). I will hook it back in place later today.

I saw a Facebook ad that said "Join Tommie Lee Jones", and I thought, "How Can I Do That?!?!?" Do I really want to be physically attached to him, say, maybe superglued?? Are there going to be others hooked on as well? Then I thought maybe ToLeJo is falling apart and they are raising money to put him back together, i.e. Humpty Dumpty Jones. The least I can do is this: "TommieLeeJones"

My wife gets out of the shower this morning and yells into the bedroom, "Get outta bed, you lazy bum, I'm ready to go to breakfast, I'm hungry!", but then moments later she realizes that her silliness has been wasted as I am outside having coffee with Rover-Rover-Pupstinator admiring my vineyard-in-progress. So she was wrong about something at least once this decade. At least her silliness is slowly increasing over time, a very good thing for me - my diabolical plan for her is working (evil mad scientist in a deep dark la-bor-at-ory laughter sound effect goes here).

While we were playing fetch with his squeaky ball Cooper accidentally let it get away and it wound up at the bottom of a post hole. I get the post hole digger to recover his toy only to discover that he had already put a tennis ball in it before on purpose. I am going to be doubly sure the holes are empty before setting the poles in place.

Cooper likes to wander around the "construction site" peering down into all the post holes, making sure that he looks down into all of them. Perhaps I should rename him 'Snoop-y'? I wonder if he is impressed with my hole digging abilities, able to go so deep and uniformly shaped(?)

(The Shower: Part Two)

Monday, Three Days Later

I start the water in my shower and go to get a cup of coffee that should be finished brewing by now, while the shower warms up. After I get my cup of coffee and I'm headed back to the bathroom I see my wife enter ahead of me and start talking to the shower thinking I am in there. So I quietly continue on into the bathroom and she is startled, saying, "I thought you were in the shower!", and then I know my plan has worked.

Pork Flavored Saliva

A certain Animal who shall remain nameless gives me his best guilt trip its time for you to hold me noises, which I respond to with: "No! Ernie is on the computer right now, you don't get to have me 24 hours a day, your current limit of 20 is quite enough" More intense noise, Animal starts to drip post supper mash potato gravy pork flavored saliva onto my portable keyboard.

C-Animal WSRN then assumes an ostrich head in sand position, his head=Ostrich, my back and couch=The Sand, more guilt canine o'clock PM noise. I hold my ground, he retreats to the floor with an old treat, a raw hide chew, relatively recent gift from his gal, crunching but quiet at my feet, defeat for him.