"I hope I don't have to go get my father out of jail on Monday"
Now keep in mind that my father-in-law does not habitually go to jail, never been, as far as I know. I have to stop eating to write her sentence down exactly as she has said it. You know you are in the middle of a Redneck moment, Ernest. Life is good. Continue dear, after this bite makes it all the way to my stomach this time, what could possibly be the 2nd sentence of your conversation, I ask - is it going to be better than the first ??? - she assures me that it will be.
(Yes, people, the wife and I actually have convoluted conversations that sound like this)
2nd sentence: "Cause he's fighting city hall over his goats"
Okay, I am nearly on the floor by now. The city where my father-in-law lives, which shall remain anonymous to protect the innocent, if there are any in this story (but it has a population from the 2000 census of 1936 people (goats not included) and its not very far away from Borger, ~11 miles) wants to impose a license fee on pets, and I think they also want my father-in-law's pet goats (i.e. lawnmowers with lungs) to move out of town.
So I get a historical flash through my brain of this hysterical moment, equating King George the Third of England and the Stamp Act of 1765 with this city council and their puppy & kitty licensing and goat banishment proclamation. My wife mentions that she wished the council would spend more time worrying about something important, like maybe fixing or even paving their streets. Puppies permits pave the way for needed pavement improvements. Yea for puppies! His pet rottweilers will help repair the ruts. Yea for puppies everywhere, now funding the urban infrastructure.
So my father-in-law is demanding the city council's resignation.
Then she tells me his parting quote: "They are my lawn mowers, they keep the weeds down on my place, and I like to go down and talk to them in the evening" Ahhhh, city council, have a heart, don't try to separate him from his herd, a guy needs his goats.
Update 2010.04.29 - I found out yesterday that my father-in-law is going to appear in court to testify against the piece of legislation regarding his goat herd. I am looking forward to attending the event to see what amount of nonsense is going to pop out of his skull.