Green with INVI

Table of Contents

• Codename INVI
• Cooking & Compounding
• Clearly Contaminated
• Cool Can with Curved Colophon
• Commercial Caption
• Chemically Confounding a Computer in Corpus Christi
• <poof> usage
• voCabulary

Paint : Codename INVI

When I was a little boy my favorite color was 'green', but now I think its 'invisible'. Now, I don't mean to indicate 'clear', as in putting on a clear coat finish, or the invisible things all around you, like the "air", but invisible as paint. Paint? Yeah, nice liquid paint that turns solid. I want to be able to paint things and have them <poof> away. So I am testing my most recent invention right now in my kitchen and adjusting the ingredients for the recipe.

Cooking & Compounding

I haven't really decided whether painted objects should disappear just as soon as the paint is applied or whether they slowly become invisible based on how dry the paint is. The painted object is still there, of course, you can pick it up, feel it, brush your teeth with it (preferably when its dry), toss it across the room and hit your sister in the back of the head. It has been a secret lifelong dream of mine to hear my older sister say, "Mom, make him stop, Ernie's throwing invisible things at me again". I've noticed that nobody calls me 'Ernest', except for the people who don't know me. Officials, like, judges and the nice policemen and those guys with the funny white jacket last week. Some folks have abbreviated me all the way down to "Ern", and a few to just the simple, singular, sound "E". So I have slowly become partially invisible in name.

Viewing INVI – Clearly Contaminated

I invented eyeglasses that work in two modes: To be able to see the painted invisble – oops, ts startng to happen, splled some of my invisble pant on my keyboard and the letter that rhymes wth "eye" sn't showng up now n all of my words, just notced t n the word "invisble". At least 2 out of 3 of the "eyes" of invisble were still vsble.

{PAUSE for Keyboard Cleanup}

Well, I got most of the paint cleaned off the keyboard. The word "invisble" is still "broken", there must be some INVI paint inside the very middle of that particular word that I can't get it out of the computer's dictionary. Okay, now where was I? Oh, yeah, I have special eyeglasses where I can select to either the painted objects along with everything else, or switch to a mode where I just the painted invisble objects. What?!?!? That last sentence didn't make complete sense! Oh, pause for another cleanup: The word "see' should have been in there twice. That sentence should have been "Oh, yeah, I have special eyeglasses where I can select to see either the painted objects along with everything else, or switch to a mode where I see just the painted invisble objects." I must be getting invisble paint in several places in the dictionary, now it's making a mess of my writing. Oh, now I understand, one of the first entire words that I should expect to lose is "see" when dealing with invisble paint. So I may have to switch to the homonym "sea" if the word "see' disappears again. That is going to be really confusing if I have to use certain words together, like "sea green" – everyone is going to think: Exactly what does Ernest mean by that? I am so glad you called me 'Ernest' instead of Ernie, Ern or E in your thoughts just then. Don't you think it sounds more professional?

Deliverance, Safety & Technical Issues – Cool Can with Curved Colophon

Spray or brush? Water based or oil? I just noticed that the can of paint disappeared, {soft bump noise from elbow}, oh, there it is. This is very inconvenient. Its kind of like dealing with last week's super-superglue, be very careful where you put things - together. I was worried about how to put a label on the can. Here is an interesting phenomenon: The paint on the inside of the can made the can disappear, but the label that I later put on the outside doesn't disappear! Maybe there's a time delay feature? Cool. So whatever the paint originally touches turned invisible, or maybe it only affects things while the paint is still wet? I will have to do more test work on this puzzling aspect. This is really cool, you should come to my kitchen and see this! – The label is curved around the INVI paint can and the label appears to be floating in mid air. I can read back through the label and see the reverse print. How neat! I'm calling Steven Spielberg right now. Lets see, he is speed dial "77" – no, Steve-o's line is busy again.

I noticed that the end of my right index finger used on the spray nozzle is starting to disappear, and it's becoming numb! I had better get this washed off soon. Let me finish typing this first though, you know how important scientific progress is.

Brand Name of Product – Commercial Caption

I haven't come up with a good sounding brand name just yet. Here are my ideas so far:

• "Adjustable Translucence" – no, that's really a feature, depending on dilution.
• "Eye See You", no, that might get confused with the hospital acronym ICU, which is where I may be going if this finger gets any worse.
• "Casper" – no, and what made me want to name it after a city in Wyoming? Oh, now I remember, ghost & friendly, and my product is really neither of those (finger).
• "Patrick Swayze & Whoopi Goldberg" – no, too Hollywood-ish, supernatural & "Ghostie". Actually that sounds more like a good name for a "Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream®"
• "Bare" – no, too similar to the existing paint brand name "Behr®"
• "The Emperor's New Paint" – that's the one I like the best.

FOLLOW UP IMPORTANT DISCOVERY - Chemically Confounding a Computer in Corpus Christi

I sent a rough draft note to one of my best friends on the other side of Texas about this invention and her response was:

I enjoyed your story about the ".........." paint. Hey, how'd you do that? It is affecting my keyboard too!

I performed some more testing and sent her back this reply:

That is really something that it infected your computer keyboard. It looks like I invented a new class of chemical based keyboard confounding computer virus, how strange! Here is a solution: I found that the Bic® office product "Wite Out®" surprisingly reverses the effect of the INVI Paint, so just start putting that everywhere, except avoid your mouth, eyes and certain mucous membrane-ish sensitive "other places". Be sure to follow all warnings on the labels of products.

Note About <poof> Usage

You have probably noticed by now that I like a good italicized poof in pointy brackets every once in a while in my writings. "<poof>" might be an interesting thing to put on a headstone, but not mine please. One single word "<poof>", yeah, a magician's headstone, that would be perfect.

Vocabulary

• Colophon - A name or other device placed on merchandise to signify its ownership or manufacture
• Psy-Phi – This kind of story

Physician's Note to the Family, Friends and Fans of Ernest:

No fingers were really harmed in the making of this blog post. That is just a photograph. He's all there. Well, not really all "all" there, if you know what I mean. He just got up from a nap and is having some "coffee" with "creamer". And the only thing cooking in the kitchen this morning was C-o-W oatmeal. After the first disaster, we don't let Ernest ANYwhere near the kitchen.