Yesterday’s MISTS-ery and Assassination Explained (It was just me messing around)

When I was younger I proved that the advertising slogan for the margarine product

" Everything's Better With Blue Bonnet On It! ™"

was not true.

a) Babies – Proof: 17 mad mothers at a day care center at the end of the day

b) Iced Tea – Proof: Numerous disgruntled customers at the restaurant that I only worked at for 3 hours mainly to do this experiment

c) The brakes on my sister's bicycle – Proof: The mysteriously dented fender of our car and dented forehead of sister. Don't tell anyone in my family about this.

Yesterday I finally got my MISTS (Make It Seem Time Stopped) machine to work. So if the day seemed kinda goofy for 7 minutes at 3:15 PM, it was just me. I also pushed the "Repeat" button, so today's tomorrow will seem like yesterday from now on, but only for 7 minutes which will feel actually like nothing really happened at all again.

Someone yesterday asked me 'what is the largest thing you've ever had thrown at you?'

Answer: Four E's - Once I was falling off from a building in Shattuck Oklahoma during a roofing job at approximately age 21, so for several milliseconds, 'The Entire Earth Except for Ernest'.

This is the most important question that someone asked me the other day: Why does your dog not like it when you blow on his face but wants to stick his nose out the window when traveling in the car?

Answer: Your dog obviously prefers carbon monoxide, diesel fumes, and ozone in preference to what on earth must be wrong with your mouth.

Second most important question: How important does a person need to be before their death is considered an assassination instead of a regular murder?

Answer: The main clues are A) notice that there are 2 "ass", and not just one, embedded in the word from which you can draw your own conclusion and then B) "nation" at the end which means that the death has to affect the entire country. Oh, I almost forgot C) the "I" in the middle is for conspiracy theorists who think that "I" might know what really happened or more importantly who didn't really die but just wanted to secretly sneak out of the country with lotza money and sit on a beach somewhere, quietly soaking up the rays and eating giant shrimp.

(Now I hope no one important, "A.A.", dies immediately after "I" post this, and then the whole nation gets the notion that I was in on it, especially if it seems to occur at 3:16 PM CST. Now, where did I put my emergency suitcase, tub of Blue Bonnet and fake beard?)

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