Do I Have Guts? Why, of Course I Do!

1) Do you have the guts to answer these queries and post them as "The Controversial Survey?"
I have guts in my abdominal cavity, so yes (?)

2) Would you do meth if it was legalized?
I like to do math, it was one of my favorite subjects in school. I get paid lotza money for doing math.

3) Abortion: for or against?
Personally, I would never have an abortion, or liposuction, or anything else to my tummy


4) Would our country fall with a woman president?
Actually Fall is the correct term, because the presidential election is in Nov, technically a part of the Fall season. So all presidents elected in the Fall are Fall presidents. And think back to the Chevy Chase days on Saturday Night Live when he portrayed Gerald "Oops" Ford, he was always falling down, even though Gerald Ford didn't become president in the Fall season, but in the summer time on Aug something^TH, 1974

5) Do you support the death penalty?
Support, as in spend money to actually buy the equipment or be on the cheerleading squad? I have killed a few insects, but I usually take spiders and wasps back outside, captured with a saucer and glass. Big game hunting. Poetry. Yes, I wrote a poem about taking a bug outside.

6) Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already?
Marijuana? Isn't that what hippies say when they propose, "Marriage, ya wanna?" So the answer is no, we don't want hippies getting married.

7) Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized?
Having sex at the same time is an important part of marriage, otherwise, isn't that adultery?

8) A 12 year old girl has a baby..should she keep it?
Is it hers? Then "yes". If its not hers, she should give it back. If its like a baby bird, well, she shouldn't injure herself climbing the tree, that's where this subject matter gets difficult, when trees get involved.


9) Should the alcohol age be lowered to 16?
Yes, it should actually be lowered to 3 months instead of 16 months. When beer gets to be more than 3 months old, it isn't fit to drink. Some of the aged liquors actually improve over time, so waiting 16 months is okay. Oh, I forgot, I quit drinking almost two years ago, never mind.

10) Should the war in Iraq be called off?
No, we should keep calling it the "War in Iraq". If we rename it the "Off War" that would only fusecon, I mean, confuse people. See, I just confused you with fusecon. And if we call it the Off War then they might have to change the name of the country Iraq to "Off" and of course that would require changing the name of the country of Iran to "On". Aren't four letter words short enough already for the name of a country? When I think of Iran and Iraq, lots of four letter words come to mind, I just can't repeat them here, my mommy might read this.

11) Assisted suicide is illegal... do you agree?
Yes, I agree that it is illegal. You just told me it was illegal, why would I doubt you?


12) Do you believe in spanking your children?
Not now, they are taller than me and in their mid to early twenties with bigger muscles. I could probably still out wrestle them though, unless they begin to tickle me. Would I be required to spank them at the same time, it does say 'children'?


13) Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars?
Yes, because then I could buy 1,000,000 more flags at a dollar a piece.

AND (do you already see where I'm going with this?) burn a million flags, and get a TRILLION dollars

AND then buy one flag to replace the original flag I burned, and now I have $999,999,999,999

Then I buy the presidency of the United States of America, all the companies that make flags, and make it a law punishable by death to burn a flag, that way no body else can become rich like me with the same deal and buy the presidency of the ….

That was easy math, duh.

14) A mother is declared innocent after murdering her 5 children in a temporary insanity case, Do you agree?
Who was insane, the mother or the children or the jury? Always remember, there is always a difference between 'being declared innocent' and 'being innocent'

15) Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?

I never wanted to become a judge, but if it was going to be this easy to become one, wow, and I hear the pay is realllly good, plus you get to wear silly looking black clothes and have a funny looking useless wooden hammer. But you do get to have a bailiff. I have always wanted a bailiff, ever since I was a little boy, and if by "little boy", you mean 45 seconds ago. Because it has been a long time since I ate, so I am now smaller than I was right after I ate supper. Wait! I forgot I took a nap and didn't have supper yet! Instead I am hungry but not Hungarian and typing these words to you right now and you are reading them right now but they are not the same now, isn't that cool? So I have guts, but less in them than I should, so there, I have answered the first question adequately on an empty stomach (and guts).