Absent For A Bit ....

I am away for a little while working on a few or more episodes for The Adventures of My Space Alien Alter Ego story ... will return (to Earth) soon!

Notice: Blogger has screwed up and lost a bunch of photos out of my blog! They are replaced with a gray silhouette of a human head. I will eventually get them replaced with the correct photo, it may take a while to find and fix everything. So some of my stories don't make much sense without their photos, sorry for the inconvenience.



My Wife Discovers Me Sleeping With An Elephant And I Hadn't Even Noticed

Actually it was two elephants but it was dark and she didn't have her eyeglasses.

A few weeks ago before Thanksgiving I noticed that my wife's bedroom dresser was dustier than normal so I wiped it down while also vacuuming. I don't normally dust in my house but we have been terribly busy at our business so she has been doing less around the house.

I decided that I would make it my secondary minor main mission in life to always keep her dresser dust-free but never let her know about it, and see if she ever noticed. Then I would conjure up something to eXplain it.

About a week later she smiled at me asked if I had dusted her dresser. I insisted that I had not. I told her that I had warned the dust while I was vacuuming that they were neXt, but when I came back they had mysteriously left. She looked puzzled and I repeated my story adding a few more details but then she finally caught on and laughed while shaking her head.

So I dusted again yesterday.

I woke early this morning to noises in my bedroom of my wife leaving the room at 3 AM. I decided to have a cup of coffee and I asked my wife how she was doing on my way to the kitchen.

She asked me, "Why is the elephant in the bed?"

Of course I think that maybe she is asleep talking, insane or both.

I asked her what she meant, giggling.

She said she found the elephant figurine (which normally lives on the top side middle of the dresser) in the bed near my feet.

Not wishing to tell her that I had dusted yesterday, I responded, "The dust must have carried the elephants over there when they left yesterday." Now I have a mental picture of the dust as Hannibal's army crossing the Alps with their military elephants with the dresser as Carthage and my bed as Rome and the carpet as the Mediterranean Sea. Then I realize that would be backwards north and south.

She now thinks I am the one who is insane but I repeat my story leaving out the whole interesting Hannibalian military dust adventure but only make it about halfway when I tell her that, yes, I moved the elephants while dusting. But she is still groggy and doesn't understand this either or maybe I confused her with the elephants plural, so I have to repeat myself.

The second elephant is a baby about 40 percent as tall blended into and under the larger elephant. So luckily it didn't get broke during the dust exodus-t.


I just wrote this holiday joke:

Santa Claus and The Easter Bunny were talking one day. The Easter Bunny said, "Does it ever bother you that most people get to have a middle name but we don't?"

Santa looks confused and tells him, "I thought 'Easter' was your middle name, The."


fmcgmccllc said...

The 3 most attractive things about a man, his ability to make a woman laugh, his knowledge of helping out without bragging about it, the ability to not admit (and cause a panic)that he has somehow really made the elephants angry and the are doing nighttime recon.

esbboston said...

You are an eXtremely wise person.

Rob Z Tobor said...

You are very good Mr ESB, as a chap I don't normally see dust. It never appears to fall on moving things so maybe if you put wheels on the dresser and a small motor so it could move about during the day.

I am assuming dust can only fall in daylight, I may be wrong.

I think I failed the three tests of Miss fmcgmcclicllmfmc . . . I may have just failed a forth test too.

esbboston said...

You are an eXtremely wise person.

esbboston said...

I think I just noticed that you spilled her name wrong (which isn't her real name, of course). It is fmcgmccllc which I think is the big three motor companies of Detroit, Ford GM and Chrysler. She is an automotive person and interesting.

fmcgmccllc said...

Esby, thank you, how kind.

Julie Hutchinson said...

Haha, that's a great joke Esb. Love the dust story. You are so sweet to do that - dust is such a bummer.

esbboston said...

Julie: I wrote an holiday joke for someone either yesterday or today which I wiLL try to post on Christmas Day.

Hope you are having a wonderful summer solstice, it is snowing here. It rarely snows where we live so its a nice treat.

I found it amusing visualizing tiny dust marching with an eight inch tall elephantine figurine. I forgot to imagine how they would have lowered it down three feet to the Mediterrainean Carpet.

esbboston said...

Julie: Oops! Sorry, I forgot to tell you: You are an eXtremely wise person

Rob Z Tobor said...

Merry Christmas Mr ESB and a Happy New Year . . . . . .

esbboston said...

Rob: Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to you and your crew. I have been wondering all day how much wind you got today. I wiLL wander over to your blog when I get off work, which should be soon.

Marianne said...

You know I'm going to love any reference to Hannibal in a blog. Awesome, and great response under pressure!

esbboston said...

Marianne: I was gone for a week, and I noticed today that the dust was slightly noticeable even though no one was here to generate dust ... so I now from proof that some of the dust must have snuck back! Perhaps they just like their elephant.

Badger said...

Reminds me of the Groucho Marx quote
'Last night I shot an elephant in my Pajamas and how he got in my pajamas I'll never know.'

esbboston said...

Hahahahahahahahaha - I am glad you made it home from your wintry journey. I just got started with today so I am off to read blog stuff now. Of course my wife eXpects me to already be downtown but I need a little Monday Morning Me Moments w Coffee to get some momentum. I am post sandwich-al pre-cheesecakeish.

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