A Free All First Story

Look carefuLLy at the first picture. The words on the crooked window sticker are: 

"Cell Phone Free Vehicle"

I tried to adjust the color and contrast so you could read the words but that is about the best I could get my computer to do without my fancier software from my previous computer.

Several minutes ago I was at the intersection of 10th and Cedar at the stoplight facing south when I was directly behind this vehicle and I thought, "What does this little square sign mean on this window of this tiny little truck?"

So I took my ceLL phone out of my pocket and quickly took the first picture while we were motionless at the red light.

Then I thought, focusing on the second line Free Vehicle, "I wiLL follow her and get this vehicle and it can be mine until the neXt person who sees the vehicle's Free sign and rightly claims it as their vehicle ..... then my second thought: I realize I should make up a rule that says you can only "own" this magicaLLy free vehicle once."

So I foLLow the magicaLLy free truck to Wal-Mart a few miles away and wait for the driver to go into the store. Then I go over to the free truck to rightly claim "It's My Turn" - but she didn't leave the keys in the ignition! I thought, "Hmm, she obviously is not playing the free vehicle game correctly." So I foLLow her into the store and got the keys.

Now, I am not going to say eXactly how I got the keys. I might have reached in her pocket and got them. I might have borrowed a frying pan from the kitchen supplies and used that. The keys might have simply faLLen out of her pocket after there was a cutting action by a borrowed large hunting knife from the sporting goods section. Perhaps pharmaceutical chemicals were involved. It wiLL just have to be a mysterious part of this store story.

So anyway, I drive the tiny truck of Free to my house. I am sitting on my lawn admiring it wondering how long it wiLL be mine until the neXt person figures out that it is free and takes it.

15 Minutes

That is how long it took about fifteen cops to show up at my house with guns drawn, and pointed at me while I just sat there on my lawn, admiring my free truck. 

I just waved, "hi" and smiled. 

One of them approached me veRy cautiously with his pistol drawn wearing SWAT gear and began asking, "Mr. Boston, we have you on video surveillance stealing this vehicle and assaulting the owner. Why did you take this vehicle, considering you already had a much larger truck that you left behind at the store?!?!? ... and what was the deal with the frying pan and duct tape?"

Oh, I forgot to mention the duct tape a couple paragraphs ago, sorry.

I was confused. Stolen?!?!? I told the SWAT Gear Guy that the vehicle wasn't stolen, it was Free. And then I showed him the sticker on the back window. Then he started to argue with me that was ridiculous! Something about how the sign meant that cell phones couldn't be in the vehicle. And I said, no, that was physicaLLy impossible and took out my ceLL phone and threw it into the cab of the truck through the open passenger side window. Some idiot cop yeLLed out, "He's got a GUN!" and fired off a couple rounds but luckily missed both of us but nicked the free truck on the back right side. The spokescop, Mister SWAT Gear Guy, yelled for them to hold their fire and the other 13 slightly smarter cops subdued the one idiot cop who shot at us. There was some momentary wrestling and yeLLing out in the street.

I told the spokescop my story about seeing the free vehicle sticker at 10th and Cedar, and this time he said, "Oh, I understand now, so just anyone who sees the vehicle can claim it and get the keys and drive off in it?" and I reply Yes, its that simple. Then I eXplained the new rule about how the vehicle could only be claimed once by each human. Then I told him about how he could make up a new rule to add to the previous set of rules for how the Free game is played.

Suddenly another cop car stopped in front of my house and a woman jumps out with a bandage on her head and a pants pocket cut by what was most likely a large borrowed hunting knife, just speculation on my part, came running towards us screaming, "Thats him, that's the guy who stole my truck and keys! And he hit ..." but then the spokescop told her, "No! Its now MY vehicle, I've always wanted a little truck just like this ... NEW RULE: Only cops can have this FREE vehicle." and he jumps in the vehicle and throws my ceLL phone back to me (otherwise how would I have got my picture for this blog post?) and he drove off escaping through hole in the perimeter of cop cars. They obviously didn't realize just how smaLL the free vehicle was. Every cop car takes off in pursuit after the Free Vehicle hoping it wiLL be their turn neXt ...

So I am left standing in my empty driveway with the woman with the bandage and then we both notice there is the trigger happy cop in handcuffs just sitting alone in the middle of the street. He smiles and tries to wave and says something I don't understand. The woman with the head bandage turns to me and asks, "Tell me, ... what just happened here?"

I respond, "You wouldn't believe me even if I told you. It's an April 1st kind of story."

Disclaimer: ActuaLLy I took this picture several days ago and wrote the story then, too, but later decided to wait until the perfect day in the future, April 1st, to publish it. You can teLL that I didn't take the picture today because it is much cloudier today and it was veRy dark and early when I first started actuaLLy typing this into blogger. It may be April 2nd right this veRy minute but it was stiLL April 1st somewhere on the globe when I started the actual typing process, so it stiLL qualifies as an April First joke. hahahahahhaahhaahhaahahahaha .. I am just old and slow ... now clicking the Publish button