My Main Fun-ction In Life

My main function in life (at times) is to make my mother giggle.

I attempt this on a regular basis usuaLLy through the physical medium of telecommunication.

On the drive home from the automotive parts store after breaking something that was instaLLed too tightly by the representatives of Ford Motor Company and constructed of plastic, I invented something.

The newly invented something was a different voice for singing.

So I caLLed my mother during the long drive across the semi-barren rocky wasteland that makes up the terrain between Borger and Pampa. I told her that I was thinking about getting a newer Yamaha electronic synthesizer soon and that during the process of clearing my throat I invented something new (while thinking of synthesizer noises).

"What?" she asked.

"Its a singing voice combining these three elements:

   A) Robotic-electronic (with sharp raspy enunciation)
   B) Southern African American
   C) Female (think Tina Turner)

.... and I keep working on just one song, I'm On The Edge Of Glory"

I never actuaLLy perform The New Voice for my mother during the telephone conversation.

But first I am off to buy a torque wrench, to avoid the error of the previously paid automotive technician.

I asked my wife to guess the price of the failed plastic component, a cap for one of the two fuel filters.

"Ten dollars?", she guessed.

"Try seventy, before sales tax", I replied.

My wife recently saw the price tag for the Yamaha a few weeks ago and asked, "you really want to pay that much money for a keyboard?!?!?"

"No", I replied simply. I don't want to, but I think I need the device. I have wanted it for quite a long time. My wife is not a musician, so I am not sure she understands the purchase. The money eventuaLLy being spent is from a smaLL inheritence from my father, and I think he would be happy with my new noise maker. He liked it when I played the piano at his house.

I have lived way too much of my life without a piano.

Back to the wrench ....

I had caLLed Autozone while on my way to Pampa earlier and they had a torque wrench. They said they would hold it for me. When I arrived about an hour later after Pampa, I was told that there was s'pposedly one wrench in their store inventory, but, they couldn't find it in the store! So they had caLLed the Pampa store and it was sending a wrench over by delivery truck later that day. I could have simply picked it up in Pampa, but they had not taken down my ceLL number and couldn't contact me. So they took down my number and I waited for the truck and got busy doing a variety of things. But someone urgently needed a new AirCond motor, so I fixed my truck without a torque wrench in order to play super-hero and save a damsel in distress (heat).

But the wrench store never caLLed, so I guess I wiLL wander by there later today, a new day. I hope my wrench is waiting for me. I have other things to torque on my F-350. I think my agriculturist father, the master tinkerer and fixer-upper of antiquated combine harvesters, would be proud that I finaLLy have a torque wrench in my life.