No Wrong Oops What? A Very Good Good-Bye

There are several things that some people never learn.

Condi's lipstick doesn't matter. She has plenty of thoughts and words, listen.

Stop trying to live below sea level. There is plenty of dirt, higher dirt to live ^upon, move.

I don't reaLLy watch the Olympics and Presidential Conventions for almost the same reasons.

Some idiot is trying to steal a building from me, and ruin my business. She is going bye-bye today. I don't know how many times she has told people that my building is for sale, or the number of times I have said, "NO!!!! I am NOT getting out of this business, I plan to run this another twenty years (i.e. the rest of my life)." Renters. Idiot. Trouble-maker. I am veRy glad she is leaving.


Now, back to studying "Stairway To Heaven" and learning about Led Zeppelin. Thank you, Eddie, you wiLL be missed by several people. Thanks for everything you taught me about HVAC and life, and for aLL the griLLed chicken sandwiches with bacon you bought me over the last year and a half of training. I wiLL try to be a good little helper to aLL those in need of a cooler breeze.

The Condensed Number Value Pattern in the Fibonacci Series

The Fibonacci numbers (FN) are a sequence of integers, starting with 0, 1 and continuing 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, ..., each new number being the sum of the previous two. The Fibonacci numbers, and in conjunction the golden ratio, are a popular theme in culture. They have been mentioned in novels, films, television shows, and songs. The numbers have also been used in the creation of music, visual art, and architecture.

0 1 1 2 3 5 8 13 21 34 55 89 144 233 377 610 987 1597 2584 4181 6765 10946 17711 28657

A condensed number value (CNV) is derived by repeatedly summing the digits of an integer until a single digit remains.

Examples:

12 => 1 + 2  = _CNV3
66 => 6 + 6 = 12 by previous example condenses to _CNV3
So 12 and 66 have the same condensed value of _CNV3

Condensed Number Value of the Fibonacci series, first 28 values:

0 1 1 2 3 5 8 4 3 7 1 8 9 8 8 7 6 4 1 5 6 2 8 1 9 1 1 2


0 1 1 2 3 5 8 13 21 34 55 89 144 233 377 610 987 1597 2584 4181 6765 10946 17711 28657

10946 => 1+0+9+4+6 = 20, then 2+0 => _CNV2
17711 => 1+7+7+1+1 = 17, then 1+7 => _CNV8
28657 => 2+8+6+5+7 = 28, then 2+8 = 10, then 1+0 => _CNV1
46368 => 4+6+3+6+8 = 27, then 2+7 => _CNV9
75025 => 7+5+0+2+5 = 19, then 1+9 = 10, then 1+0 => _CNV1
121393 => 1+2+1+3+9+3 = 19, then 1+9 = 10, then 1+0 => _CNV1
196418 => 1+9+6+4+1+8 = 29, then 2+9 = 11, then 1+1=> _CNV2

My recent discovery is that the sequence of Fibonacci numbers follow a repeating pattern of CNV. I searched for a repeating pattern, and found it at "_CNV1 _CNV1" in the 26th and 27th positions, 75025 and 121393, which are the same as the 2nd and 3rd positions.

Fibonacci numbers are derived by adding. Condensed Number Values for the summation process of integers follows a table:

Integer + Integer = CNV ...and... CNV + CNV = CNV

X + Y = Z where X and Y are either Integers or CNV's, and Z is a CNV

1 + 1 = 2
1 + 2 = 3
1 + 4 = 5
1 + 5 = 6
1 + 6 = 7
1 + 7 = 8
1 + 8 = 9
1 + 9 = 1
2 + 2 = 4 .... (and 2 + 1 = 3, so I didn't repeat Y + X = Z when I have already stated X + Y = Z)
2 + 3 = 5
2 + 4 = 6
2 + 5 = 7
2 + 6 = 8
2 + 7 = 9
2 + 8 = 1
2 + 9 = 2
3 + 3 = 6
3 + 4 = 7
3 + 5 = 8
3 + 6 = 9
3 + 7 = 1
3 + 8 = 2
3 + 9 = 3
4 + 4 = 8
4 + 5 = 9
4 + 6 = 1
4 + 7 = 2
4 + 8 = 3
4 + 9 = 4
5 + 5 = 1
5 + 6 = 2
5 + 7 = 3
5 + 8 = 4
5 + 9 = 5
6 + 6 = 3
6 + 7 = 4
6 + 8 = 5
6 + 9 = 6
7 + 7 = 5
7 + 8 = 6
7 + 9 = 7
8 + 8 = 7
8 + 9 = 8
9 + 9 = 9

So after a pattern of  24 Condensed Number Values:

  1 1 2 3 5 8 4 3 7 1 8 9 8 8 7 6 4 1 5 6 2 8 1 9 

the Fibonacci series starts repeating using this pattern. Some interesting features of this distribution of CNV:

 a) There are five _CNV1's and five _CNV8's
 b) There are two of the other values _CNV2,_CNV3,_CNV4,_CNV5,_CNV6,_CNV7,_CNV9

I noticed that Fibonacci numbers have a distribution of 2 odd numbers for each even value, a 2:1 ratio, with the pattern after the first zero value being odd, odd, even, odd, odd, even, .... repeating forever, because two odd numbers sum to an even, and then an even and odd produce an odd.

Because the smaller repeating group of 3 (odd, odd, even) is a factor of 24, they group together on an infinitely repeating basis:

CNV: 1 1 2 3 5 8 4 3 7 1 8 9 8 8 7 6 4 1 5 6 2 8 1 9

FN:  O O E O O E O O E O O E O O E O O E O O E O O E <-Odd Even

If FN has a _CNV2, then FN is even

If FN has a _CNV3, then FN is odd 

If FN has a _CNV4, then FN is odd 

If FN has a _CNV5, then FN is odd  

If FN has a _CNV6, then FN is odd 

If FN has a _CNV7, then FN is even 

If FN has a _CNV9, then FN is even 

If FN has a _CNV1, then FN is even 1/5 of the time, odd 4/5

If FN has a _CNV8, then FN is even 1/5 of the time, odd 4/5  

^Note: I have had a lot of fun researching the properties of Condensed Number Values since about age 10. When I was a child in church services (and bored), I would find the CNV of the offering and attendance numbers that were posted on the wall in the church sanctuary.

Please let me know if anything is unclear or if you believe I have made a mistake in my math, logic, or presentation. Thank you!

 

Update: 2012.09.08 - I found another website where someone else had published some of the same things I mentioned in this blog post. It has a publication date of May 2012, but I didn't copy that work.

Link: Fibonacci 24 Pattern

Invisible Instruments On The Moon

With thoughts of Neil Armstrong, I just realized that performing the act of "Air Guitar" on the moon would be referred to as "Vacuum Guitar".

Siri Us Stuff - I asked Siri "Is one-third of a lumberyard a lumberfoot?"

Tuned Watermelons: I discovered that you could arrange watermelons AT the groc store and play them like a xylophone. The couple shopping nearby thought it was cool. 

They were sniffing the cantaloupes. 

I asked them if they knew how to detect a cantaloupe that had been inspected several times but then rejected by other people. 

They said, "No"

I told them to look for several nostril impressions.

They laughed.

More things later ... maybe.

I Can't TeLL You

I laughed.

I told my wife, "I just thought of something funny that I can't teLL you, is that okay?"

She nodded her head yes.

It was something ironicaLLy funny (to me) that she would not have found funny, but it would have simply been more fuel for the fire of why she thinks someone I have a business contact is a dirty rotten scoundrel. So I wiLL keep that part of my his-story private.

This aLL is at the end of a long evening of unquiet. Now there is only the sound of the air conditioner humming along. The Cooper is complaining. I think he wants us to leave the kitchen area and come into the living room. I plan to make evening coffee first. The compressor for the air conditioner makes a slightly different noise as it starts up.

My wife says, "Is it fixing to rain?"

I respond, "No, that was the AC compressor coming on. It isn't so blazing hot now so that the compressor doesn't run 110 percent of the time. You just aren't used to hearing that noise."

It goes back to the main sound being the clicking noise of my iPad typing. Then I realize it is completely artificial, and I turn down the volume. So I turned down the volume - no luck, the keyboard STILL makes noise! There must be a separate control. There, I found the control that turns off the keyboard clicks at almost the same time that the AC compressor kicked back off. So now the only sound is the fan of AC unit, a distant teleBision, and my hurt shattered heart, I mean sadness, nothing cardiovascular.

Yes, I should actuaLLy make the coffee now ...

My Main Fun-ction In Life

My main function in life (at times) is to make my mother giggle.

I attempt this on a regular basis usuaLLy through the physical medium of telecommunication.

On the drive home from the automotive parts store after breaking something that was instaLLed too tightly by the representatives of Ford Motor Company and constructed of plastic, I invented something.

The newly invented something was a different voice for singing.

So I caLLed my mother during the long drive across the semi-barren rocky wasteland that makes up the terrain between Borger and Pampa. I told her that I was thinking about getting a newer Yamaha electronic synthesizer soon and that during the process of clearing my throat I invented something new (while thinking of synthesizer noises).

"What?" she asked.

"Its a singing voice combining these three elements:

   A) Robotic-electronic (with sharp raspy enunciation)
   B) Southern African American
   C) Female (think Tina Turner)

.... and I keep working on just one song, I'm On The Edge Of Glory"

I never actuaLLy perform The New Voice for my mother during the telephone conversation.

But first I am off to buy a torque wrench, to avoid the error of the previously paid automotive technician.

I asked my wife to guess the price of the failed plastic component, a cap for one of the two fuel filters.

"Ten dollars?", she guessed.

"Try seventy, before sales tax", I replied.

My wife recently saw the price tag for the Yamaha a few weeks ago and asked, "you really want to pay that much money for a keyboard?!?!?"

"No", I replied simply. I don't want to, but I think I need the device. I have wanted it for quite a long time. My wife is not a musician, so I am not sure she understands the purchase. The money eventuaLLy being spent is from a smaLL inheritence from my father, and I think he would be happy with my new noise maker. He liked it when I played the piano at his house.

I have lived way too much of my life without a piano.

Back to the wrench ....

I had caLLed Autozone while on my way to Pampa earlier and they had a torque wrench. They said they would hold it for me. When I arrived about an hour later after Pampa, I was told that there was s'pposedly one wrench in their store inventory, but, they couldn't find it in the store! So they had caLLed the Pampa store and it was sending a wrench over by delivery truck later that day. I could have simply picked it up in Pampa, but they had not taken down my ceLL number and couldn't contact me. So they took down my number and I waited for the truck and got busy doing a variety of things. But someone urgently needed a new AirCond motor, so I fixed my truck without a torque wrench in order to play super-hero and save a damsel in distress (heat).

But the wrench store never caLLed, so I guess I wiLL wander by there later today, a new day. I hope my wrench is waiting for me. I have other things to torque on my F-350. I think my agriculturist father, the master tinkerer and fixer-upper of antiquated combine harvesters, would be proud that I finaLLy have a torque wrench in my life.

The Cheese Dial in the Dark

At 8:45 PM this evening Sunday Aug 12th my dog Cooper began complaining for his daily evening treat of a piece of cheese. But I have begun waiting until nine o'clock to give it to him.

So I told my wife that he had to wait a few minutes.

Why?

I am doing an eXperiment.

I am going to see how weLL my dog can teLL time (internal clock) or how weLL he can pick up other time related clues, such as maybe when certain teleBision shows come on, or that it is dark outside.

Why??

Today on the Sunday morning teleBision show "Texas Country Reporter" there was a segment about a man in Arizona who makes eXtremely accurate sun dials. (yes, I know, you are probably wondering what part of Texas the Arizona is in; I asked myself the same question. If Texas is the real country, then Arizona is one of its 49 colonies. Arizona is a 2^nd tier colony, as it doesn't touch the boundary of the motherland of Texas, such as New Mexico, Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Lousiana, the four blessed 1^st tier colonies.)

So ... I wiLL try to keep track of when Cooper asks for his evening cheese by publishing updates to this blog post, but I wiLL also constantly reinforce the 9:00 PM "Giving Of The Cheese Houristically Allocated" (GOTCHA)

Definition: Houristic - adj - event timing characterized by a particular hour long block of time on a regular basis

Update: Time of Cheese Request - Target is 9 PM

Standardization: Wait for a request from dog. Ask him what he wants. He should respond with the word, "Lum" (his word for food), and his tongue wiLL flick outside his mouth, typicaLLy to the right side of his mouth, once. Then I wiLL ask him to show me what he wants, and he has to point at the refrigerator with his nose.

2012.08.30	9:35 PM
2012.08.29	8:57 PM
2012.08.27	8:38 PM
2012.08.26	8:43 PM
2012.08.25	Away From Home
2012.08.24	Away From Home
2012.08.23	Cooper was asleep
2012.08.22	8:55 PM
2012.08.21	8:40 PM
2012.08.20	Away From Home
2012.08.19	10:04 PM Cooper was asleep for about an hour
2012.08.18	Away From Home
2012.08.17	8:51 PM
2012.08.16	8:38 PM
2012.08.15	8:35 PM
2012.08.14	9:41 PM
2012.08.13	8:37 PM

Who?

My wife is watching the closing ceremony of the Olympics.

She says, "Well, I expect Elton John to perform and that other guy from over there."

I think about the (im)p0ssibilities 0f that statement f0r 600 millisec0nds.

I crack up laughing.

Comment from Marianne: "C'mon. You KNEW who she meant, right?"

Me: ActuaLLy, no, my first guess was Rod Stewart, but she eventuaLLy revealed Paul McCartney

A Violent Dream, But For A Noble Cause

So this is my latest reaLLy stupid dream.

In my dream is my dog Cooper. In the real world Cooper is a 100 pound German Shepherd - Husky mix, but in my dream he is a dauschund, a very small dog. On the inside its stiLL my same dog, personality, inteLLect, eXperiences ... just in a smaLLer package. I don't believe in reincarnaion, so maybe its a form of rein-canine-ation? Anyway, there is trouble, big trouble, for the smaLL package of new Cooper in dreamland.

In my dream a big dog has come along and snatched him up and decides to carry Re-Cooper away for what I can only guess a meal. I go running after the dog who is trying to eat my dog and screaming but the dog with a dog is faster than me, and Cooper-In-The-Mouth is strangely getting even graduaLLy smaLLer as the chase goes on and on. I pick up a 2x4 board trying to use it as an encouraging device to get the big dog to drop my little dog, but, no, he runs through a hole in the waLL and I scream, I have no way to follow, I can't get to the other side!

Dream ends.

Boom.

Snap.

I actuaLLy wake up to go check on my baby, yes, he is just fine, all 100 complete pounds. He wags his tail gently, "I love you, Ernie, you can go back to bed, itz zo-kay".

Eyes blink.

"Please turn off the hallway light, itz zin my eyes, on your way back to bed".

I CERNtainly Know What You Are Saying

I go into the local diner slash bar that serves my wonderful grilled chicken sandwich with bacon. One of the cooks comes out to chat with me. We had not seen each other in several weeks. We chat physics alot.

The following lines were the very beginning of our conversation and we both knew what the other person was talking about, three words each.

Cook: smiling, "They found it!"

Me: "Yes, I heard."

What?!?!?

Higgs Boson, sub-atomic particles, Large Hadron Collider, CERN, Switzerland; just your typical tiny Texas town diner dinner conversation content.

And to think we could have had a super collider in Texas a long time ago, but it got voted down.

Here is a cartoon #89 that I drew as part of my series "TINY PICTURES FROM My BRAIN". I think this was from about twenty years ago.

 

Link to "Tiny Pictures From My Brain"

My First Pineapple Harvest !!!

I was able to get 203 grams of edible fruit (less than a half pound) from my first pineapple fruit grown at my house. It is smaller than what I can get at the groc store, but tasted marvelous, probably the best ever!!!

I have two more fruit that are just getting started. It took this one about 6 months from the first appearance of the fruit until completion, and about two years before that just to grow the plant. The entire amount of dirt used was about 3/4 of the volume of a Folger's Coffee can, 34 oz size. I just planted the top from this picture in a slightly larger can, (it is outside, I will find the size later...) so maybe more dirt volume will give a larger fruit? The plant was only outside for about 1 1/2 months of its 6 month fruit producing time period, so probably more direct sunlight would help, but I don't have a greenhouse, only a sunny double wide glass back door that faces west.

I am pretty sure that the amount of energy that I eXpended in the process of caring for the plants, watering them, transporting them between the inside and outside twice a year, vastly eXceeds the amount of food energy that I gained by eating the pineapple. Plus my wife ate one fourth of the pineapple, and I am saving one fourth for someone else. At least I didn't spend any money on water - they live completely on a diet of rain water. No wait, I think I spent $10 on the large water collection barrel, but that eXpense is spread out across the grape vines and the orchid as weLL. I store water long term in leftover 2 quart jugs from V-8 juice. So I do use some city water to clean those out .... $$$

Sixteen Shades Of Pink

I was having a negative day fiLLed with bad events, thieves, and ignorant people, but then I got some interesting news on Friday. A far distant relative caLLed my mother and told her that he had traced my maternal grandfather back to a Cherokee heritage in Georgia. Surprise! I have lived most of my life not knowing I was a native.

This eXplains the manner in which I have fiLLed out the previous two United States Census questionaires. When it asked for race, I created a new minority "Pink". So my family has been Pink the last twelve years. I figured that everyone is pink, you just have to look deep enough. So we Pink reaLLy aren't a minority, we are the majority, all 100 percent of us.

So figuring out a percentage Cherokee, I think the fraction might be 1/8 or 1/16 Native American Indian. I bought my first of probably many Indian books yesterday and got busy learning the language last night.

Here is a color scale between White Man and Red Man in 16 Shades

As a tribute to my new found heritage, I used a "Georgia" font instead of Trebuchet as the first letter in each sentence, and the word "I" and "Indian".

So what song am I humming right now?  ... Georgia On My Mind by Ray Charles ....

My wife is 1/4 Choctaw. She is constantly bothering me about being more Indian, so I think I wiLL adopt a new name, "He Who Puts Up With Four Times Wife".


Update: Later in the afternoon while my wife was behind me in the laundry room with some noise by her, from the kitchen I told her, "At least now I have a good reason to go to Georgia"

She responded loudly, "What did you say?!?!?"

I repeated, "At least now I have a good reason to go to Georgia"

She repeated louder, "What did you say?!?!?" - this time walking towards me.

For the third time I turned around and said, "At least now I have a good reason to go to Georgia."

Her response was, "Oh, I thought you said 'I finally have a good reason to reward you', and I thought we were fixing to have us a fight!"

"Oh, silly silly woman", I thought, not spoken.

Saving Private Susie

I have been working on three projects. I didn't mean to, it was just a de-painting job at first, but then an "emergency" insulating project interrupted the de-painting before I could even start the painting, and then The Wife begged me to help her with a display case refinishing project. Three large cases. The third project of the display cases involved heavy object moving and straining, but at least I was off the ladder, The Up & Down, of the first two projects.

I teLL you aLL that to let you know that by earlier this afternoon my left leg had joined the right in a pain revolt. A charlie-horse had bothered the right leg through the previous night of little sleep.

I was in the middle of buying lumber and decided to go home for some ibuprofen and maybe coffee, and an ice water refiLL. Cooper needed me by then as weLL.

So I laid down on my bed with the iPad propped on the night stand with Cooper snuggled at my feet, waiting for the coffee to finish brewing and the ibuprofen to do its molecular magic. I had no intention of visiting dreamland, but I did while journeying-journaling through Wall Street on the iPad.

So the dream begins as I am going to see my best friend Susie. I drive to her country "estate" to help her with her bionic leg devices, something akin to the movie "Iron Man", only simpler, just legs. There is actuaLLy nothing wrong with Susie's legs in the real world.

She is eXcited to get her leg-so-skeletons but part way through the fitting & adjusting process a wasp lands on the side of her head in the temple region. It is searching for a place to driLL and for some reason I can not get Susie's attention, she keeps talking, my arms seem powerless to lift, to move, to shoo the inject-insect away. FinaLLy the anger is building up and I start huffing and puffing Three Little Pigs style, and I interrupt and irritate the injecter-insecter, and he stares back scowling at me and it seems I can read his mind, he is not happy. Then it appears he is fixing to launch and I can sense he is headed my way!

FinaLLy I build up aLL my strength and simultaneously say veRy BAD BAD words, and I take a swing to eject the insect from Susie's head.

In the real world my fist collides with the iPad and it lands face down on the bedroom carpet. But it is not a boxing knock-out, because suddenly a woman's voice is talking on the iPad. Yes, in the real world I hear a woman's voice coming from the floored device and I sit up on the side of my bed and crack up laughing. In aLL this commotion Cooper has not moved. He just looks at me wide eyed wondering. What is happening to my Ernie, why the violence, the cursing?!?!?

The Wall Street Journal app just h-app-ened to be open to a story about colleges setting up a "good-bye buffer station" to make the child-parent departing process easy and fast, emphasis on getting the parents to leave. My fist just happened to punch the button to start the video interview of Sanette Tanaka, Wall Street Journal reporter. ActuaLLy it was the louder woman in the interview that I first heard, but I couldn't find her identity.

Once I had my coffee cup fiLLed, I caLLed Susie to teLL her about my dream. I told her I had been busy saving her life. She thought it was interesting, and that I have the wildest dreams. She also asked about what meds I was on, but I told her just ibuprofen, just two tablets.

Oh, The You In Our

I wrote this for one of my relatives. He owns a piece of property far away from where he lives but somewhat close to his ex-father-in-law. His ex-wife was visiting and sent him a text mesage about the far away property, complaining about what the neighbors were doing to some trees on "our" property, but interestingly after the divorce she is no longer a legal owner.

I told him, "You can say: there is the letter U in the word y-o-u and there is the letter U in the word o-u-r, but there is no Y-o-u in this o-u-r'"


Something Different: What are the people of Iran protesting about now? ... The price of chicken


Something Oriental: Torch Festival

There is a Torch Festival in Butuo County in Sichuan Province, China this week. There are sheep and bull fighting, beauty contests, and horse racing. 

I am not eXactly sure who the contestants are in these events, it might be people versus sheep, or sheep versus bulls, or people and sheep versus bulls, etc, just not sure. 

Now, a beauty contest while horse racing simultaneously being pursued by angry sheep would be interesting, especiaLLy if the judges were buLLs. 

"Baaa", "Mooo", and the visiting Russian ice skating contest judge in the audience secretly and silently gives everyone a low score.

Why Head Why

Five A.M.

The Wife says, "I don't know why I can't go to sleep, I have to work tomorrow."

I respond "I know why. You are just so glad to be married to me."

Wife emits roar of laughter, wave upon wave.

Meanwhile I have a veRy valid reason for not sleeping, an eXtreme headache wanna-be, which I am treating, no fighting, with a combo-nation of coffee, ibuprofen, peanut butter sandwich and it seems there was something else.

Coffee is finaLLy ready.

Thw Wife teLLs me another story after she foLLows me into the living room where the cerebral battle continues, Pain V Coffee.

She says, (and I eXplain)
"So I hear the TV
(get loud because it was silent)
and there is a pain in my back and I start looking for the remote
(control),
and then I realize
(her laughter)
that I am laying on the remote
(and she fails to mention or notice that her back had turned up the volume.)"

One of the ways that you can teLL that is her authentic conversation is that it has the word "TV" instead of "teleBision".

We now have our own iPads, it is a truly marvelous situation. The Wifey wanted my old one so I was "forced" to buy a new one. With cameras! Skype seems to work a little better, perhaps it is the faster processors, dunno. I don't think I have ever wrote the word dunno before. When I wanted to take a picture of my grape vine leaf yesterday, to show that it was larger than the palm of my hand, I had to hold the iPad with one hand, put the other hand under the grape leaf (still on the vine) and then push the camera shutter button with my nose.

While proofreading this I noticed the word "the" is speLLed "thw" in the sixth paragraph, but I decided to not fix it, because I had already fixed it once before as the very first word in the first paragraph.

Cool: I just realized that "dunno" is a contraction of three words, with an implied fourth word, "[I] do not know".

¯\(°_o)/¯

Is That Me?

W hile reading an article in the newspaper, I thought I saw myself in a crowd of people in a photograph. I thought for a few minutes and realized that I had not recently been to Atlanta, GA, nor had I ever been there. And if I had been it would probably not be to attend a contest where people use a machete to see how many water bottles they could slice open with one whack.

The 10th annual World Championship Cutting Contest

I finished the article but halfway through I thought of the movie Kill Bill.

Volume One or Volume Two ?

One, of course.

((( I actuaLLy knew that?!?!?!? - you ask )))

No, I had to look it up, I couldn't remember which movie has the super long fight scene, the scene with the slicing and dicing.

Hmmm, interesting, maybe I finaLLy do have a reason to go to Atlanta. Next year. I found a video of the competition at www.bladesports.org

Reference: Bladesports

Oh, A Type 0 from the WSJ

This sentence is from a Wall Street Journal article about the Green Party presidential nominee picking her running mate. It doesn't take much to make me laugh somedays.

The Green Party has never won more than a few percentage points nationally, but played an important role in the 200o election.

Not My Dream [Comma Optional] Wife

My wife just asked me, "Did you ask me for a pen in the middle of the night?"

"No." I answer, puzzled.

"Well, there is one on this table" - in the dining room.

She continues with a chuckle, "I had the strangest dream you kept asking me for a pen, and I kept saying, 'There is one in there in the dining room', what a strange dream".

I am thinking, yes, that is kinda strange.

Then she hauls a basket of socks from the laundry room before asking me, "Is this thing anything?" - yes, those were her eXact words.

I bet you can guess what my answer was. If you guessed "No", then the answer to your answer about my answer is no, you should know better than that.

"Yes", I simply say, before I even see It.

She hands me a dark piece of plastic coated metal that requires I eventuaLLy photograph it so you too can be as puzzled as me. But I wiLL keep you in suspense and publish this first without a picture.

Then I thought, I hope I don't lose it before I photograph it, that would be reaLLy terrible.

The Empire of Rob

My friend Rob Z Tobor of the UK has had difficulties getting a pineapple plant to start, so I have dedicated my youngest plant to him, and named it Rob. I also decided to set aside that portion of dirt (one Folgers Coffee can) as British soil, so we can start an Empire of Rob, or whatever name Rob chooses. So it has an embassy quality to it, as weLL as being a plantation. It is located near my plantation of three pineapple plants. They are aLL currently outside during the months of June through August. The rest of the year they come inside my house near the glass back door. This is similar to how Hong Kong was created I think and there are stiLL several chunks of the British Empire stiLL scattered across the globe.

My wife has a quantity restriction of only three pineapple plants inside the house, so come this September I may have to disguise the smaLLest one, Rob, as something else. Maybe she won't notice for a while. Or perhaps I could get rid of my wife(?). 

(haha...hahahha-h-hah) 

Maybe I wiLL have a real greenhouse by then.

A picture of Rob the Pineapple Plant

It is about 3 inches tall at the highest point

A picture of my pineapple fruit

It is currently 3 1/4 wide by 3 3/4 tall, not including the green blades

Update: 2012.07.28 - The pineapple fruit is now 3 3/4 inches wide by 4 tall, and has picked up some yellow-ish-orange-ish coloring on the north side at the bottom. So that is how much it has grown in about three weeks.

Update: 2012.08.27 - The pineapple plant (on the left rear) that is part of The Empire of Rob has longer leaves, a couple of them are about 8 inches. The pineapple plant on the right-front is from the top of the pineapple I harvested recently.

The Idiot Sign Salesman

A salesman for a sign company named Signtronix shows up at our store today.

He asks if he can demonstrate his sign technology. I am momentarily elated, "ooh, new!", are my thoughts.

My wife and I agree to a demonstration.

He goes out to his vehicle and brings in a strangely shaped black bag and a stand to set it upon. My wife helps him get access to an electrical outlet.

Then the salesman starts talking and asks me some technical question about signs to which I simply answer, yes, I have heard about that. I don't remember what it was, and it didn't reaLLy matter. The sign is still in the bag. I can't see the sign.

He mentions something about some high official, maybe it was the founder of the company being from Borger. And I get suspicious then, thinking, isn't this a Torrance, California based company? What are the odds? I will have to check this out later.

He keeps talking. --- And talking. --- And talking.

I am starting to unlisten.

After a couple minutes I am very irritated at the sound of his voice. He sounds artificial. I don't know why, there is just something bombastically used car salesman nauseating about it, like I'm being forced to listen to a classroom lecture or a funeral sermon for someone I don't like. I kind of raised my hand just a little bit and he stopped talking momentarily enough so I asked this question,

"Can I just see your sign?"

He turned around and quietly walked back to his dark suitcase looking thing-on-a-stand and instead of unzipping the cover, he unplugs the power cord from the wall and begins to roll up his extension cord.

I asked him, "Are we not going to get to see your sign?!?!?"

He turned around and quickly replied, "I asked for ten minutes of your time and it seems you only want to give me three."

There is this quick flash thought that I have interrupted a magician in mid stream and his secret was revealed to the audience, and now he is pouting, taking his toys, and going home.

So I replied, "So, you are just going to get mad and leave?!?!?"

He replied, "I'm not mad ..." and said something else I have now forgot.

I am thinking, this idiot is more concerned with giving his presentation AND hearing himself speak, than he is in making a sale. I messed with his flow, and he became flow-strated.

I asked him to leave.

I think my wife was irritated with me.

Lesson: When you are a salesman the most important thing to do is make a sale, not talk.

I Am The Luckiest Person On The Planet

My ice cream container is almost a cylinder shape, eXcept the top circle is slightly larger than the bottom.

But the most important dimension concerning the design of the container is the lid's height. For some reason they designed the lip of the lid to be about 3/4 of an inch, and this came in handy.

My most recent container of ice cream had an eXtra 1/2 inch of ice cream on one side, so the top wasn't level.

I was completely overjoyed.

I wiLL do the math later to let you know the percentage eXtra. I would say a rough guess of maybe 4.1625 percent for now.

4.1625 PERCENT FREE ICE CREAM !!!

My other ice story is my dog's water bowl. Since I have an ice cube, water and crushed ice dispenser in the door of my recently new refrigerator, my dog regularly gets about 1/4 ice in his water bowl. He seems to like it very much. I use the crushed ice rather than the cubed.

Oh, I almost forgot about the picture I took today of a local convenience store sign, also an ice story:

 

As I drove by the store about two weeks ago I read the sign as "Fresh Tea", with the letter T missing, but my mind figured out what the most logical missing letter should be. But then a few seconds later I told myself, say, Isn't the most important letter in the WORD tea the LETTER "T" ?

The reaLLy sad part about that story is that NO ONE has fixed this sign in about two weeks since I first noticed it. This is the very busiest section of roadway in the entire city of Borger Texas, so it has been read at least one hundred thousand times...

Weekends Are For Those with Weak Ends and Weak Middles

I heard an elderly lady say this today:

"I think its crazy that they have the 4th of July in the middle of the week, they should move it to the weekend."

I just didn't have a response to this.

Update: I just eXperienced a veRy shocking episode in my life thay almost caused me to faint and faLL out of my kitchen chair. I was almost finished eating my home-made chicken gumbo and suddenly a spoon came from above on the opposite side of the bar to take a test bite. It was my wife. Now, you have to understand the ridicule and second class citizenship I have suffered, YES, suffered, from this woman who has complained almost every time about the smeLL of my gumbo. Everytime I have suggested she try gumbo, at home or in a restaurant, she vehemently answered, "NO-NEVER!!!", so folks, I am now living in Never Never Land. She took a second bite. I intensified my fake fainting. She spiLLed a few drops on her blouse, but that didn't even begin to slow her down. She was eating dangerously now, allowing the spoon to travel mid-air over a calculator. So I moved the pan over the bar closer to her. Yes, I was eating directly out of the pan. I took out my camera and shot a picture for blackmail and ridicule purposes. I can not wait to show the children. I came in the living room to write this up and she yeLLed (mildly), "I finished it aLL!!!" After she came in the living room I gave her eXact recipe instructions verbaLLy. Now, I reaLLy wiLL faint if I catch her actuaLLy cooking gumbo.

The Daze of The Weak

I have decided that I wiLL begin teaching Cooper the days of the week.

It isn't so much a teaching eXercise as it just means I wiLL begin including it, naturaLLy, in our conversations.

He is seven now so he should be able to handle the concept.

I had to be away earlier today, so I eXplained my absence because I am almost always home on early SATURDAY mornings.

Update: Saturday evening is a semi-duplicate of Friday evening. Same restaurant, slightly different meal, but the same movie 'Iron Man'. My wife asked me to restart the movie where she feLL asleep last night, so I tried. But now she has faLLen asleep again, only a little ways farther before sn00zing.

My waiter was the same guy from last night. He gave me a very strange smiley face on the back of my ticket. So I put it on the front of my refrigerator with a magnet.

Three Percent Nothing

While studying the chemical element boron, I came across this sentence in Wikipedia:

Borosilicate glass, which is typically 12–15% B₂O₃, 80% SiO₂, and 2% Al₂O₃, has a low coefficient of thermal expansion giving it a good resistance to thermal shock.

I noticed that the best you can get to with 15+80+2=97 percent.

So the only reasonable eXplanation is that it is 3 percent Nothing.

So the neXt time your chemistry lab partner makes a remark like, "Gee, your beakers are reaLLy shiny." - just say, "That's because they're at least 3 percent nothing! ... maybe as high as 6 percent nothing!"

Interesting Headlines from the WSJ

From the Wall Street Journal:

   Iranians Squawk At Chicken Prices

   Costa Rica Addresses Its Lack of Street Names

   Flood Insurance Premiums May Rise

   Best Buy's Founder Weighs Buyout

   Yogurt Boom Leaves Farmers Behind

   Cajun Towns Feud About Sausage With Links To The Past

   Coca-Cola Pours Into India

Google, That's Not What I Asked For ...

I typed 'physics' in a Google search, and this was the first page of results. I reaLLy enjoyed seeing what NON-physics thing showed up in the very first entry.

Happy Birthday Paul !!!!!!!!

Yesterday ... A Beatle turned seventy.

I feel older now.

I haven't quite made it to when I'm sixty-four.

At The Same Laugh-i-tude

So I am in Dreamscape.

I am inventing martial art fighting techniques.

I developed this reaLLy cool movement where I am doing, then perfecting, the timing of a galloping approach to an imaginary opponent whereby I am moving faster than normal, but the sound of my bare feet landing simultaneously on the grass appears to be slower than a normal pace, to confuse the opponent. I am a blended combination of Bruce Lee, Henry Rollins and me.

Everything is fairly quiet.

I am alone.

Suddenly my friend comes out of what is s'pposed to be a house but it is located in the town I finished high school and the building is the drug store on Main Street that is reaLLy a restaurant/cafe now, and stiLL caLLed The Drug Store.

I am in the street to the northeast of the house/drug store/cafe and he is yeLLing at me. "Why were you not inside watching me sleep? I need you to watch me sleep so that you wiLL know how to sleep and learn to sleep better! Why weren't you watching me?"

I respond, "I know how to sleep"

He continues yeLLing, never reaLLy slowing down so you thought it looked like that because you thought he asked a question and then paused for me to give an answer but there never was a pause only two voices, "... You need to watch me very closely ... No, you don't know how to sleep, I know, but you don't know, you just think you know."

His yeLLing noise goes on for a long time. He yeLLs the same thing four different ways repeatedly, ad noise-ium.

In Realscape it is Father's Day 2012 and there is no yeLLing or martial arts. There was pizza. The dog was eXtra grumbly, a very mild form of canine yeLLing, because the pizza was delivered slightly late. But of course it needed to be delivered late because you have to aLLow them eXtra time to OVERcook your pizza, which of course I did not desire OR ask for .... ... .. .

One son is far away but strangely he is almost slightly closer than normal by being at the same latitude as me for several weeks. He normaLLy lives much farther north. He is forced to be telephoneless by his employer for several days while camping. It sounds strange but he has a strange job, even stranger employer who I hate. I hate The Isolation. I am pretty sure I wiLL not get a phone caLL from him today. A few days ago I discovered the same-latitude thing about my son, and I asked my wife if that was any comfort to her knowing that her son was straight west of us. A strange look of semi-confusion developed on her face. Her answer was no.

As a math project I might calculate how many miles closer he is than normal.

This is my first year to have my step-father gone on Father's Day. I caLLed my mother today. We had a better chat, happier than yesterday's chat. I told her that the state of Texas didn't mangle my name on my new driver's license like they did seven years ago when I legaLLy added my fourth name. Then we talked about several things before she accidentaLLy caLLed me by my step-father's name as we were trying to say goodbye, and then sadly flustered with a laugh, she next mistakenly caLLed me by my brother's name who lives close to her, and then she reaLLy laughed, and I laughed. But then she suddenly remembered something.

She told me that my brother greets her on the telePhone at the beginning of conversations with almost the eXact same phrasing that I do, taken from the title of a children's book, "Are You My Mother?", and then she very carefuLLy slowly said goodbye using aLL four of my legal names.

Dessert Boy Gets An Extra Helping of Scam-nesia

There are several things wrong.

I wiLL teLL you about three wr0ng things in reverse order, the order that I discovered them.

The latest fashion trend (?) that I saw on teleBision is caLLed Trendy Top. It is like a giant tight cloth tube that women can wear over the top of the pants and covering their middle section, so that their body doesn't show when they bend over. I applaud the inventors, but it reaLLy has the wrong name. It is located on the MIDDLE of the person, so it should be caLLed the Trendy Middle, not Trendy Top.

The second thing that is wr0ng is this news story about the Forest Boy of Germany. I just found out about him AFTER they discovered he was a hoax. That was strange. But I am making preparations to now do the same thing. WeLL, not eXactly the same thing. I have grown tired of my current life and so I am running away. All this blogging, seLLing shoes, and re-tired-ment has gotten to me. We don't get much rain here, we make up for it with wind, so those two multiplied together mean No Forest Near Here, so I can't be a Forest Boy. So I am thinking I could probably wander off to New Mexico and become 'Desert Boy'. So sometime neXt year you can eXpect me to show up in Albuquerque, but I'm not sure eXactly what fake story I wiLL claim.

The third thing that is wr0ng is that I didn't know Oklahoma City had a professional basketbaLL team, the ones who used to be in Seattle. I wonder how I missed this? What is even worse, for those who know my meat favorites, the team has a mascot of a BUFFALO. And everyone knows how crazy I am about everything that is Bison bison. I even have multiple friends in Seattle who probably mentioned the Supersonics leaving their city! (The Supersonics became the OKC Thunder) But I reaLLy pay no attention to sports, I have absolutely no idea who has won any Super Bowl in the last ten years. I stopped watching basketbaLL when Michael quit. Soccer? Hah.(Just in case you need clarification, I meant Michael Jordan)

So maybe when I show up neXt year in Albuquerque, New Mexico, I wiLL try to mix a little scam-nesia with buffalo-ness wearing a Trendy Top under my buffalo robe speaking only very bad Portuguese that authorities wiLL mistake for Spanish and maybe try to deport me "back" to old Mexico. Dessert Boy. All the other hobos wiLL be jealous of my ESL lessons and food stamps. If I spout off enough nuclear physics nonsense maybe they'll think I am an escapee from a lab in nearby Los Alamos?

(hahaha - I just saw I had a great typo, I caLLed myself Dessert Boy instead of Desert Boy. You should just be glad I speLLed 'Albuquerque' correctly.)

I like my new word: scam-nesia

My Song Is Exactly 16 Times Better Than Toby Keith's Song

The title of my song is Red Solo Gallon.

ActuaLLy the song was wrote by some-four else. I tried to use the word someone, but there were four people instead of one. A pair of Beavers' and a pair of Warren's.

Second ActuaLLy: At this moment I only have a song title, very few lyric fragments. I wiLL most likely rewrite their complete song, and possibly use Elmer Fudd's voice to sing it, like my other smash internationaLLy renowned hit, "You Waise Me Up (So I Can Hunt Duh Wabbits)"

Link to You Waise Me Up (So I Can Hunt Duh Wabbits)

Th Wal Stre Journ in Slo Mo & No

I have an oops on my iPad.

For some reason the app for viewing The Wall Street Journal is broken. It appears for a few seconds and then crashes. It reveals no error message.

I have tried to contact the WSJ about this, but so far they have been unresponsive.

AND they charge me $18.43 a month for this service.

At least I can read about 6 seconds at a time, before the screen disappears. But ONLY the very first screen of the issue, which is not even close to being the fuLL front page of a paper issue. And considering that it takes about 12 seconds just to load the screen before you can read, it means I am getting to read maybe one fourth of one percent of the entire newspaper at one third speed, for fuLL price.

I am not sure how to do the math for figuring how eXpensive it is adjusting for one fourth of one percent, because that is just an approximate guess. Not every story seems to be new every day in every issue when it is working normaLLy.

But let's try this: 18.43 x 100 percent x 4 = 7,372 dollars a month.

I am sure I am missing some cool stuff a-happenin' in the world as weLL.

Meanwhile it is thundering outside keeping me awake at 4 something AM.

I hope it is just thunder. Cooper is complaining because I think he is afraid of the noise. Or maybe he just wants me to go to bed and turn off the kitchen light.

UPDATE: 2012.06.12 23:45

Semi-triumph: I figured out how to read the front page easier. Just as soon as the page loads, I can take a snap-shot of the screen by hitting the buttons on the opposite sides of the iPad. Then I can just 'read' the picture.

So ... I went to see the WSJ picture and when the Photo system showed the most recent photos, I accidentaLLy took another photo of aLL the photos on the page, 33 of them. I cracked up laughing, because THEN I opened that photo and took another photo, this time of the zoomed-zoomed WSJ. I hope this makes sense, be-ca-use it just barely does to me, yawn, Sleepy-Boy wanna go night-night beddy-bye.

Sweet dreams to me. HopefuLLy better than last night's dreams that involved cars traveling down veRy muddy roads, doing veRy dangerous things. Nobody was getting stuck. Zooooom

UPDATE: 2012.06.13 11:30

I finaLLy got it fixed. I had to delete the app from my iPad, then reinstaLL. The WSJ technical folks finaLLy started responding several times with suggestions by e-mail. It even reloaded the previous week's worth of issues into my iPad, so now I can get caught back up on aLL there is to know that's worth knowing, and thinking veto-ishly, aLL there is to no that's worth no-ing.

I have to deliver a dryer that I repaired, then its GCSwB Time!

He Disappeared!!!

When I was at the diner the other day, yesterday I believe (?), I found out that Jesus was gone!

I heard he moved to Plano.

So I was sad that I didn't get to say good-bye.

He was one of my favorite people to talk to at the diner. He is a very good waiter.

Jesus: Hope you get a great job in Plano!

If you read this Jesus, please remember to let me know when you are coming back to Borger.

I heard you were in recently town for a wedding.

Oh, one other thing I almost forgot to teLL you: I no longer drink Dr Pepper, I have switched to very weak tea.

I've Looked For Clouds On Both Sides Now

Strange morning.

It is raining ever so slightly by my house.

On the west side, yes. The ground is wet and muddy.

On the east side, no, not reaLLy very much at aLL. The pavement is dry.

It is almost 8 oh clock.

We should be ate-ing, but someone is a laZy bum this morning, sleeping her little life away.

I asked Cooper to go get her out of bed when he complained about food, but he didn't seem to want to venture away from me in the living room.

I even made a pot of coffee like she had asked, but that was almost too long ago now to be considered *fresh* coffee.

Ah, there is no orange juice in the house either, but I know there is some V-8.

Cooper and I inspected the grape vines, they are looking better. I believe I was under watering them, but I have increased the irrigation rate over about the last ten days. I had to go beyond just stored rain water.

My indoors praying mantis of the year is missing. I may have to try to find another one. I even have one tiny little okra plant for it to wander on besides the orchid. I should probably start a new purple onion. I have not grown one of those in about a year. They are eXtremely easy. They make flowers.

I need to take the pineapple plants outside, I am five days later than normal. They live outdoors June through August.

I am not growing any tomatoes this year.

My major number one goal of the day is to get a letter sent off to my friend in prison. It is already in my computer, I just need to get it wrote into a greeting card.

Here was yesterday's blessing: I am sitting in the diner that my prison friend owns having my usual grilled chicken sandwich. Her mother is at the cash register talking to someone. Suddenly I "hear" my friend in prison's voice, only it isn't reaLLy her. I don't know the lady talking, but I approach and asked the mother of my prison friend, and I find out it is another daughter of hers that I have never met.

I told the other daughter that she sounded just eXactly like her sister, and that reaLLy made me happy to hear "her". She thought it was truly wonderful, and hugged my shoulder.

I believe my prison friend is getting out much earlier than originaLLy planned, I had heard October instead of December, so that makes me happy.

It is a sad time here. My step-father passed away recently. He was very wonderful for my mother for about twenty years. He wiLL be missed greatly. They had been friends since high school.

Okay, it is now 8 oh clock completely so Cooper and I just need to make enough disturbing noises to get our breakfast maker going this morning.

Link: My little friend, Polly The Staying Praying Mantis

Update Later:

Yes, I got my letter finished and in the mail to my friend. I wrote it while I was in her diner, and so when I got ready to seal the envelope, I used a small amount of water condensate from the side of my glass of iced tea in order to wet the glue to seal it. So a few molecules of water from her diner wiLL visit her from afar.

I am ending today listening to the Queen's musical celebration. With London being about six hours ahead of me, I am pretty sure this is recorded.

ActuaLLy I may end the day with coffee.

Here is something sadly strange that I saw today. Someone sold a house to a possible future client of mine. It appears that the former owner cut out aLL the wires on the inside of the air conditioning unit. Bizarre! ... So I have a puzzle to diagnose.

Exce$$ Po$tage

The company that I used to work for sent me a long letter a few weeks ago about the status of their retirement program, an annual report of sorts. Now, I say "their" program because I am no longer technically part of their organization and they have no more legally defined obligations to me through their retirement program. I thought to myself when I saw the letter, "This is strange, I wonder why I am getting this, I shouldn't even be on their mailing list. What a waste of paper and postage."

Today I got ANOTHER letter from the same organization. They mailed a letter of apology, as their records indicate that I shouldn't have received the first letter.

I am thinking about sending them a 'Tha_nk Y⁰u' note for their concern. I wonder if I can send it 'Postage Due' ? Or, here is an even better idea: They could just give me my old job back, then it would be okay for them to put me back on their mailing list.

Invisible Man Gets Metal of Freedom

Barak H Obama gave out Medal of Freedom Awards to distinguished people this week. This photo shows him giving one to The Invisible Man. 

The answer to your question is "No" - I didn't put a typo in my blog title. I meant for it to be Metal with a t. I figured there was probably some metal in the medal.

Now it wiLL be easy to spot The Invisible Man, just look for the Medal of Freedom that appears to be floating in mid-air.

A Very Large A-Weigh

I was studying radio astronomy and came across the picture of the Very Large Array of radio telescopes in Socorro New Mexico USA, when it dawned on me that I could use multiple tiny accurate balances to measure larger things. I would just need to find flat bottomed objects or a lightweight flat bottomed carrier to hold non-flat objects.

From Wikipedia: Very Large Arrays of radio telescopes are used to act as a single larger telescope. The antennas can be physically relocated to a number of prepared positions, allowing aperture synthesis interferometry with a maximum baseline of 36 km (22 miles): in essence, the array acts as a single antenna with that diameter.

Very Large Array:

Very Large A-Weigh

Each balance can weigh up to 100 grams to an accuracy of 1/100th of a gram, or one place in 10,000. I think 4 balances would be able to weigh up to 400 grams with an accuracy of +/-0.04 grams. Each balance has a cost of $11.80, so four would cost a little less than fifty dollars to weigh almost a pound.

Link: Previous Blog Post about my Scale "Lotza Fun in Tiny Weighs"

The Very Large Array photo from Wikipedia is used under the GNU Free Documentation License

Lotza Fun In Tiny Weighs

I just got a new toy so that I can accuRately weigh the catalysts for chemical Reactions. But of course I wiLL use it to weigh a vaRiety of things. Soon I wiLL know appRoximately how many gRams common household objects weigh.

The sneaky thing about this pRoduct is its name. The name of the company is AmeRican Weigh Scales, Inc, but the scale is made in China. I suppose it is possible to get the letteRs C-H-I-N-A from the woRds AmeRICaN weigH.

I neveR dReamed that you could buy a poRtable electRonic scale capable of weighing objects up to 100 gRams out to an accuRacy of one hundRedth of a gRam, all for less than 20 dollaRs. That includes the pRice for a 100 gRam calibRation weight. Wow. 100 gRams is almost a 1/4 of a pound.

Chemists must always have new toys, and a scale is essential.

One of the eXpeRiments I have planned is to measuRe the lifting poweR of a helium balloon. I plan to tie a balloon onto eitheR the fifty or hundRed gRam calibRation weight, and then see how much less it weighs on the scale. Then I will be able to accuRately know how many balloons to buy in oRdeR to Re-enact the scene from the PixaR movie "Up" wheRe the old man floats his house away to South AmeRica. I have been needing to get back to BRazil for quite awhile. Recife here I come!

Update: Rob Z Tobor asked me if it was possible to get the scales to weigh themselves. I thought about it for a few seconds, and realized there was a load cell involved, so I turned the scale upside down on a tall pill bottle of vitamins, and the scale pressed down on itself.

The answer is 76.7 grams