Three Years with Mr Hopper

It has been 3 years since my younger dog Hopper showed up mysteriously in my backyard as a tiny puppy. He came through a hole in the fence big enough for him but far too small for my larger dogs.

He has learned many things since he arrived and became my close companion and someone to go to the office with me. On cold days, early mornings and nighttime when I go to the store, he prefers to come along and stay in the car, rather than be left at home.

This last year we have been exploring other boarding options for when I have to go out of town. Hopper does not like the word 'kennel'. When I told him that I was taking 'Hopper and Pepper to the kennel tomorrow' right before our February flight, he became visibly upset. He suddenly looked straight at me, eyes very wide open, and began to shake under the hand that was on his left shoulder as he faced towards me. After a few seconds he 'attacked' me with licks and whines, like he was expressing 'NO !!!' and tried to get on my lap as we sat in my car before driving home.

One of the more fascinating things that I realized in this last year is his ability to lean the correct direction, when he is sitting up in the car seat, as we go around corners. I certainly never taught him to do that!

One of the things I noticed in this last year is that I was using pronouns when I talk to my dogs. I decided that I would use regular names instead. That was last August and I think I pretty much have converted myself to talking that way to both dogs.

I pulled a great practical joke on Hopper while driving down Georgia Street in Amarillo. A large Caterpillar brand truck was going in the opposite direction from us, and I told Hopper, "Look! A Cat!". He immediately changed from his coiled up position on the seat to a sitting position looking in all directions for a cat. That was almost a year ago. Several months later I did the same thing to my wife in the same city, only she didn't bother to wake up.

Almost a year ago I was filling out the census questionnaire, got finished and realized there were no questions about my dogs! What a waste of time.

When I took Hopper to the vet in February I learned that he has stopped getting larger, so I know that I am probably going to continue to have a 50 lb dog.

One of the things that I have taught Hopper this last year, no matter how excited he is to be walking out any front door, he always has to stop and sit for a few seconds as I check to make sure there aren't 'puppies' outside that are going to attack, or some crazy bicyclist traveling 20 mph down the sidewalk at the commercial building. Our neighborhood has had way too many stray dogs this last year. The neighbor's pit bull almost got me yesterday while I was mowing. I had to get veRy loud, and then even louder for him to back off. (I didn't even think to put the running lawn mower between us.) Cats and kittens are always 'cats', and dogs and puppies are always 'puppies'. The word 'doctor' doesn't occur in our conversations either, dogs and humans always go to the 'vet'. So every once in awhile I have to tell him, "No, you have to stay home while I take my wife to the vet."

A Point

We have reached a point in history 

where one party has the evidence

and the other party has the ever dunce

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Blogger shows that (maybe) one person from Germany read over 300 of my posts in one day, yesterday. It would be interesting to know if this was something that really happened or just some computer playing some unknown game with my blog. If you are a real human, please leave me a comment, thanks.

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Be thankful for younger people.

The older me of today thanks the younger me of yesterday for having the wisdom to have the coffee pot cleaned up and filled with water every morning.

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Actually, I am waiting for the squid pro quo.

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I am expecting phone calls from my children today because it's National Fossil Day (Oct 16th)

Sadly, I didn't get any ..... (Oct 17th)

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Dream 2019.10.06

So in my dream last night I was being robbed at gun point by a man. He demanded my wallet. I told him, pointing at my car, “I drive a 30 year old car and have a part time job as a janitor, how much €#]*\¥ money do you think I have?!?!?”

He asked me, “What year model is that car?” and I said 1998, and he paused and then said, “That’s not 30 years(?).” and I responded, “Okay, so I’m not good with numbers either.”

He felt sorry for me and pulled out a $10 bill and gave it to me. And I responded, “Is that all?!?!?” He paused and gave me another 10, and left.

When I got back in my car I opened my bulging wallet that had exactly 1000 dollars in it, and put the money he gave me with it, and said, “Good, now I have one thousand and 30 dollars.”

Poland Exists - September First

Yea! It's September again'st!!!!

A day to be thankful for my favorite month but also an anniversarial reminder of how easily world wars can start by truly insane inept leaders and how difficult & costly they can be to end.

Poland exists today, yea!!!

Be thankful

Be happy

Know deep joy

Make a dessert

Make a friend

Two Years with a Four Legged Creature Named Hopper

Two very interesting years with my small dog Hopper !!! 

He is always ready to go anywhere. Now, if we can just improve on him being nicer to brother Pepper. We have spent almost a year going to the park, which is one of his favorite words. He has learned which intersections have slow light changes, (3rd & Main St), so he likes to get out of his chair and try to snuggle for a few brief seconds until the light turns green.

When I leave him behind at the house on the rare occasion he can’t go to my destination, he will invariably chew me out verbally when I return home. He has understood short trips, like to the trash can where I am gone for a minute or two, but if I leave in a vehicle without him, he is very unhappy. But during the last six months I have tried to explain to him verbally and with my own sign language, where I am going and why he can’t come along AND I even (I know this part sounds really silly), yes, I even tell him how long I plan to be gone. Yes, like he is going to really, hah, going to make the connection between my sign language for the hand spinning around on an analog clock 360 degrees with my rotating finger. So after all this effort he has settled down a little bit during his welcome home celebrations.

In just two years we have easily taken a thousand trips together, and remarkably he has never made a mess in a vehicle or my office, except one time that he got sick at my office.

He has learned very well which side of the vehicle he is going to get out, based on our location. He knows that he can always get out the driver’s side door when we pull up into either driveway when we get home, but when the vehicle is parked uptown on Main Street he knows he has to wait until I come around to let him out safely onto the sidewalk. He even understands when we rarely park on the street at home at the end of the driveway, that he has to wait until I come around to let him out the right side of the vehicle.

It is nice to have someone you can say, “I love you” to throughout the day, who responds positively.

The Obituary of Tim Schrandt

This obituary is one of my favorites of all time

Tim Schrandt, age 63, of Spillville, IA died on Friday, March 29, 2019 at Gundersen Health System in LaCrosse, WI after a short battle with cancer.

A funeral service will be held at 11:00 a.m., Thursday, April 4, 2019 at the St. Wenceslaus Catholic Church in Spillville with Deacon Pat Malanaphy presiding, burial will be in the church cemetery with full military rites.

Visitation will be from 3:00 – 7:00 p.m. on Wednesday, April 3, 2019 at the St. Wenceslaus Catholic Church in Spillville and also after 10:00 a.m. at the Church on Thursday morning. 

Tim Schrandt (Lynyrd) made his last inappropriate comment on March 29, 2019. If you are wondering if you may have ever met him, you didn't -because you WOULD remember. For those of you that did meet him, we apologize, as we're sure he probably offended you. He was world renowned for not holding back and telling it like it is.

Tim was born to William (Bill) Schrandt and Mary (Schrandt) Manning on June 11,1955 - 100 years too late. Given Tim's demeanor he would have been the perfect weathered cowboy in the old west or rough and tough pioneer, or maybe he just should have been Amish.

Tim was the 4th of 8 kids, the bottom rung of the top tier (the big kids). Instead of taking his place on that rung, listening to the older kids and doing as he was told by his older siblings, he decided to anoint himself "king" of the 4 little kids. Tim spent his childhood and early adulthood ordering them around and in general, tormenting them. He was a great orator, (not like Shakespear, but more like Yogi Berra), as he always had something to say,
and always had to get in the last word.

His position as "king" and orator was challenged by the nuns at St. Wenceslaus school in Spillville. He may have met his match. We’re not saying the nuns won, but they put up a good fight, we mean literally - he got into a fist-a-cuff with a nun. In fairness, she probably started it. You didn't take a swing at Tim and not expect one back. Tim's fondness for authority (his own - not others) followed him to South Winneshiek High School in Calmar and later into the Army. This provided for many interesting episodes and stories, detentions and demotions, and a few "run ins" with the law, not just locally, but globally.

Tim worked at Camcar/Stanley Black and Decker in Decorah as a tool and die maker for 30 plus years. Tim worked with many friends and “a bunch of morons”. His words, not ours. Well not exactly his, words because that would have included a bunch of swear words.

Tim leaves behind a hell of a lot of stuff that his family doesn't know what to do with. So, if you are looking for a Virgin Mary in a bathtub shrine (you Catholics know what we’re talking about) you should wait the appropriate amount of time and get in touch with them.

Tomorrow would be fine.

In addition to his stuff he leaves behind two great boys who he was extremely proud of, Cody (Jenny) Schrandt and Josh (Lydia) Schrandt were the product of his marriage to Crystal Hilmer. He will be missed by his two granddaughters that he adored and taught to cuss, Peyton and MacKenna. Also left to keep the stories alive (but damn, there won"t be any new material) are his mother Mary Manning and siblings Mike (Rita Dixon) Schrandt, Marty (Clint) Berg, Becky Schrandt-Miles, Bill (Grease) Schrandt, Pam (Rick) Barnes, Peter (Sandra) Schrandt and many nieces, nephews and cousins that wanted to hang out near him, because you just knew he was going to say or do something good. It’s not that he was such a great storyteller, it’s that he WAS the story!

To his siblings amazement he was actually able to snag a good woman, Cheryl Murray, and hold on to her for the past 13 years, and as far as we know restraints were not used. Tim also created great memories and stories for Cheryl’s kids Alex (Christina) Murray and Samantha (Evan) Luedking and grandkids Tatum and Grace.

He will be having a reunion with his infant daughter Ashley, his brother Duke, his dad Bill Schrandt, many aunts and uncles and a handful of cousins that passed before him. Tim was in charge of getting the beer and ice for our family reunions, so they will be happy to see him.

A common line in obituaries is “He never met a stranger”, in Tim’s case he never met a rule he couldn’t break, a boundary he couldn’t push, a line he couldn’t cross and a story he couldn’t stretch. Another common obituary phrase is “He’d give the shirt off his back”, well Tim was prepared to do that, and he could do it quickly, because he always wore his shirts
unbuttoned ¾ the way down. Tim was anything but common!

Despite his crusty exterior, cutting remarks and stubbornness, there is actual evidence that he was a loving, giving and caring person. That evidence is the deep sorrow and pain in our hearts that his family feels from his passing.

Tim led a good life and had a peaceful death - but the transition was a bitch. And for the record, he did not lose his battle with cancer. When he died, the cancer died, so technically it was a tie! He was ready to meet his Maker, we're just not sure "The Maker" is ready to meet Tim.

Good luck God!

We are considering establishing a Go-Fund-Me account for G. Heileman Brewing Co., the brewers of Old Style beer, as we anticipate they are about to experience significant hardship as a result of the loss of Tim"s business. Keep them in your thoughts.

WALL-D

For your enjoyment, WALL-D

I purposely left the hair rough around the edges.

I Saved Someone's Life Yesterday

Yesterday June 20th was a very traumatic day for me.

I saved someone’s life.

That someone is named Toby.

Toby is my neighbor’s cow dog that is forced to live in the backyard on a cable all the time.

I feel sorry for Toby and give him a dog biscuit when I walk by him on my way down the alley when I take out the trash. Toby likes me.

Yesterday at 3:20 PM while I was in my living room just across the alley from Toby, I heard a hellacious dog fight, at least I figured that must be what was going on outside.

I grabbed the closest thing by me that looked like a weapon, my trusty remote pincer claw, manual ‘robot arm’, and ran out the front door.

What I saw was a Gang of Four dogs, at least two of them large male pit bulls, fighting Toby THROUGH a hole in the fence. 

I immediately started running and yelling at the dogs but they didn’t seem to notice me until I was right on top of them swinging the robot arm. In the less than two seconds it took for me to get to them they had yanked Toby by the neck  completely through the hole in the fence but the cable prevented them from pulling him any farther. 

I inherited my father’s ability to get really loud, really ferocious, really fast when the situation dictates. The Gang of Four didn’t hang around any time at all but headed west running down the alley.

I called the police and they contacted animal control. Toby sat up shaking and quivering while barking at me lightly in a confused manner. I started yelling for the owner to come outside, not wanting to leave Toby alone. No one seemed to hear me. The owner’s wife finally appeared inside the backyard in a couple minutes and Toby shot back through the hole in the fence momentarily tangling himself up with the cable. She took him inside and then on to the vet.

I put my dogs into our backyard and decided to try to stay up with the Gang of Four in order to guide animal control to them. I caught up with them in my car about a block away and when they left that front lawn and headed back to the alley I headed on west to see if they were going on that way. 

Sure enough, they all came towards the west end of the alley and suddenly a couple Husky dogs inside their fence started barking at them. One of the mean ass pit bull males was surveying the situation quietly and one of the Huskies appeared to be fixing to come over the fence! I yelled at the dogs and the gang decided to head back east. 

About 15 seconds later the owner of the huskies appeared in just a pair of black shorts. I told him briefly what had happened and he asked me, “Do you want me to shoot ‘em?” I told him no, that animal control and the police were coming. He repeated, “I’d be glad to shoot ‘em for ya’.”

About a minute later animal control pulled right up behind me and stopped, as I had let the police know where the dogs had moved to.

I told the animal control officer where they had headed and he took off after them.

I never saw any police.

I checked on Toby about an hour later and the vet found and cleaned up wounds on his face and neck. She thanked me for helping her dog.

I had called my wife to let her know about the situation. When she came home about three hours later she thought she saw two of the dogs about 3 blocks west of our house near the hair salon on Union Street. 

So I spent about another hour driving around asking several people, who were out and about, if they had seen these dogs, but no one had seen them.

Today I called animal control and discovered that they had captured NONE of the dogs. They told me the dogs had headed down into the canyons, which are outside the city limits.

I thought to myself, if they had attacked a child, they would have been shot, ... right?

I am a Door Able

I am in bed, almost asleep, when I get a text message from my wife in the living room at 9:30 PM.

Text message: "The front door is open. I'm scarred"

Of course I instantly know she means 'scared' but I pretend I don't understand.

I respond in a smart alec manner:

"You have scars?"

So I get out of bed and go into the living room. She says the front door is open. I am groggily thinking, does she mean the outside glass or inside wooden door(?). Then I turn around to see that it is most likely both, that the wind blew the wooden door open an inch or so.

Then I am fully awake, and say, "Hold it, you were the last person who came through the door and you are sitting right here a few feet from the doors and you had me come all the way from the bedroom (in my pajamas) to close doors you didn't make sure were closed (an hour ago)?!?!?"

I think by this point she realized the ridiculousness of her request and she put this fake scared little kid face & voice on and said, "I was scared." Yes, it was fake, there was a suppressed smile, too.

I am inappropriately dressed but I still, without fear or revealing myself, close both doors.

I realize several hours later that the dogs didn't say anything.

Poem: Wild Wind Wiggle Works

The wild wind wiggle works 

the old nails from their old over bored holes 

of the old worn wood boards.

The loose boards must be re-nail bound

Before they are discovered free by a snoopy hound

For they will make their escape fast and for good

And terrier-ize out past into the neighborhood

Poetry Link: The Next Poem in My Blog

Hopper at Day 365

It has been a wonderful year since my little friend Hopper mysteriously found his way into my backyard, and moved on into my heart. He is an almost constant companion. When he is not with me, I am invariably thinking about him.

Poem: Getting Syrious About Syria with DJT

"Very soon, or not so soon at all.", 

said the orange hairy buffoon bumbling baboon who is 6 foot tall

who thinks he thinks he's bright 

like Dr. Seuss in a book would write

but sounds like a freak 

when his brain leaks to speak

Oh, the things which you can get to become,

When you are very rich and yet very dumb.

April's Fool Version 2018

On April Fools Day I take my father-in-law on a short trip across town. Given enough time he will ask me some ridiculous question. The question that day was, "Do they sell any cars at that place (pointing to the GM dealership)? I never see them selling anything."

I think for a half second and reply, "No, they never sell any vehicles there. They are only allowed to display them, and people buy them online." - to which he replied, "Oh"

I waited about three seconds and told him, "Aprils Fools!!! I was just teasing", to which he cracked up laughing, and added, "and I'm not even wearing green!" which totally cracked me up laughing, and I said, "No, Homer, green is for Saint Patrick's Day." and we both laughed for another minute or so.

We get to his house in Stinnett, and right as I pull up to stop there is a darn goat on the other side of the fence staring directly at us. I tell Homer, "Look at that chicken."

"What chicken?!?!?", he says, knowing he has no chickens. I say, "right there!"

He leans forward, and says, "There ain't no chicken there - laughs - that's a goat!"

"No, it's a chicken, look, there's an egg right there on the ground!" - which causes him to lean farther forward in his seat. "There ain't no chicken there!" and he gets out, "What time are you picking me up tomorrow?" and I remind him that I don't remember and that my wife will call him. He gets out of the vehicle, and just as I suspected he doesn't go directly into the house as usual but heads toward the goat-not chicken-no egg zone.

Duckworth Birth

There was an interesting headline announcing that Tammy Duckworth was the first sitting US senator to give birth while in office. My question is: wouldn’t it have been easier giving birth laying down in a hospital?

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I think I have spent at least half my life being around Corelle brand Vitrelle dishes almost everyday and thought they were opaque. So I am scrubbing a small bowl of some dried food in a fairly dark kitchen and I notice something dark not coming off the bowl. And I suddenly wonder, "What was in that tuna fish salad?!?!?". I continue turning the bowl in my left hand with my right between scrubbing, and then I realized the dark area was simply my finger underneath the bowl blocking the faint reflected light from behind me, and the dish is translucent. I am usually more observant than that, at least that is what I tell myself.

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Dumbbell Jumble Tumble

A Poem for Today

Mumble, mumble, mumble...

Rumble, rumble, rumble...

Dumbbell, dumbbell, dumbbell?

Fumble, fumble, fumble!

Crumble, crumble, crumble...

Grumble, grumble, grumble.

Tumble, 

  Tumble, 

   Tumble.

My Lack of Knowing North

I can't imagine why anyone, especially a true Texan, would want to bomb Austin Texas.

I suddenly remembered a few minutes ago that I have only been to Austin once, that I can remember, when I was 17 years old. I remember that it taught me something about myself that I had just taken for granted. I had spent my whole life always knowing what direction I was going, NoEaSoWe, and that I could navigate by the sun and time and shadows and landmarks, and regularly spaced rural county roads. 

BUT metropolitan Austin was radically different. My high school science teacher was driving, the roads and streets were curvy, there were trees everywhere and it was overcast the entire time. I absolutely hated the feeling of constant discombobulation, my lack of knowing north.

There are many wonderful things and people in Austin, and obviously at least one person, no, bombing monster, who doesn't deserve to live there, or anywhere else, in the fine state of Texas.

The Average Urban Pigeon

I thought about how much of my entire life I have spent studying, visiting, worrying about, & basically contemplating 'public statues' ..hmm.. ... trying to figure the amount of time in hours. I think the answer is closer to zero than ten. If you include Mt Rushmore and Crazy Horse, then, yes, more than ten, but that kinda goes with the territory when you are raised in the Pahá Sápa of the Dakota Territory.

It would be an interesting study to know if the average urban pigeon spends more time sitting on statues than their neighbor humans do visiting them.

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Obama's tweet in response to Charlottesville is officially the most liked tweet ever. I bet Trump personally called to congratulate him.

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I have learned how to properly dispose of the dark chocolate that comes in the bag of mixed Hershey's Miniatures. I cut the dark chocolate pieces in half, then eat a dark half with a regular 'good' milk chocolate or a Krackel, in a 1:2 ratio, evil:good

I used to be someone's Krackel dealer, but she is gone, and that is one of the saddest events of my life (where someone didn't die). 

I suddenly realized just now that I started blogging 10 years ago just after she mysteriously disappeared and cancelled our friendship without bothering to tell me. I have absolutely no idea why she left. She moved from Borger to Amarillo and was busy with her third pregnancy. I thought she was getting close to being my best friend, then, -poof- she was gone. I was clueless for several years. I even wrote her several letters, getting no replies, giving her updates on our family. I would see her mother-in-law occasionly, who would give me vague replies, like, 'she sure is busy with her kids' and I would ask her to tell my 'friend' hi for me.

I did phone her once about three years ago to let her know about a wonderful new future event (addition) in our family. She only demanded harshly, 'How did I get her phone number?!?!?' - I told her it was public information from the white pages. She demanded that I never call her again and hung up!!! 

Imagine my shock. I have absolutely no idea what I have done to this person to receive such treatment.  I have discussed this with my wife a few times, but I don't think I have told very many people until now. 

On a road trip to Houston one time shortly after that phone call, I saw someone walking by who looked remarkably close to her as I was getting something to eat out of my cooler in the back of our SUV at a gas station. I told myself, 'You just need to stop thinking about her, she doesn't want you in her life.' I didn't realize that I had actually said this out loud, because my wife up front in the drivers seat said, 'Why did you say that?' - not knowing who I was talking about. I told my wife who I was talking about but not the event, the woman walking by, that had caused it. Then my wife said, 'Oh, I saw that woman walk by who looked like T_____.' 

Hopper at Day 131

Hopper at Day 131

He often falls asleep in delightfully funny poses, often trying to be as close to me or Pepper as he can possibly be.

He was going to get a new red collar to match his harness and leash, but I didn't like the style of the locally available ones. They didn't appear to latch securely.

Too White

Days of Trump: 207  Done  1254  To Go

Today Scary Moochie officially doesn't start his now not-so-new extinct ex-job. The non-excitement and half vast relief have built up to a quiet squashed & crushed undone crescendo.

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Today's Silly Riddle:

What do you call a childless Italian deer?

A no bambino Bambi

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I am guessing that if Donald used a four syllable word like 'egregious', he must have had a speechwriter create that text.

It appears to be a 3 or 4 syllable word, which means in Texas that could vary from 2 to 5 syllables. I am thinking of trying to say it with a distinct 'greg' syllable.

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Charlottesville: White is a very exact technical physical expression of light and paint as the color of absence, at one end of a range opposite of black, but artistically there are nuances of expression with names like 'off white', 'eggshell', and 'ivory' for not-quite-white. I am thinking there should also be a 'too white'.

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Despacito - I just recently heard this song and saw the video. Wow, with it reaching 3 billion views on YouTube I am thinking I must be close to one of the last people in the Western Hemisphere to have heard.

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After a drought of several weeks it won't hardly quit raining here. I am thinking this might be our coldest August in quite sometime.

Meat Me In Pyongyang, Dear

I think we should respond to North Korea's recent threat that, "The U.S. will pay dearly for imposing new sanctions" by sending them deer meat in creative ways.

I suggest carpet bombing the entire country evenly distributed with one pound of frozen ground venison per person, on a weakly basis from all our air bases.

(I chose the wrong 'weakly' to go with today's deer/dear confusion theme)

I Spy With My Little Eye But I Would Most Likely Die If I Try To Apply

So, if Putin kicks hundreds of US diplomats out of his country, does this mean more opportunities for out-of-work spies? Where do I sign up?!?!? Oh, wait, the last time I tried to get a job at the CIA and NSA, I ran into age limitations on new hires ...

I bet I would make a lousy spy, plus my Russian language skills aren't overly impressive, but at least I can do a fair job of sounding out the Russian alphabet, so I can read maps and signs, plus know a few phrases. Food? I am not sure about food and I have to dilute vodka with something.

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I have mastered the art of opening a pistachio with just the fingers and thumb of one hand. This is quite useful during phone calls. I can even do it with my eyes closed. There are still about 5 percent of the inner goodies that fly out and land on the floor.

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Wow, I have lived in Borger almost 40 years and didn't know that T. Boone Pickens lived just to the northeast of us. 

I guess it never came up in conversation. 

His place, Mesa Vista Ranch, is north of Pampa on the Canadian River west of Highway 70. His house is rather easy to find in Google Earth, its about a half acre in size. His private airport is farther west, still on the south side of the Canadian River. We share a common history, with Phillips Petroleum Company being our first employer out of college.

This Could Very Well Be My Cryptic Suicide Note

Someone asked the question, "Who is going to break first, me or Trump?" My response:

I feel your pain, 

time just seems to drain,

Drip.

Drip.

Too many times my waking thought

Is what the hell did I do to deserve what I got,

Blip.

Oh, the semi-horror beyond belief

Of the constant muffled internal scream of no relief,

Skip.

Skip.

And now there is a younger junior insane profane vulgurer version asinine assistant named Mooch,

My traumatized soul says, 

Its now just way too muuch,

Rip.

The Wicked Vet of The Middle

Hopper survived his second visit to the vet last week, but I am not sure that I did. 

He got a different person this time, and I am not sure she was human. I didn't know we were getting her that day, and when she walked in and introduced herself, my heart sank. I took my previous dog Madeline to her a long time ago. She was in a different city to the south at that time and after that experience I knew I never wanted to see her again. So I guess we'll be going back to the vet in Spearman even though its 40 miles away to the north. They know how to treat customers properly.

Hopper has grown from 19 lb to 36 lb in the last two months.

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Here is the one funny thing that happened at the vet. 

I was discussing the feeding routine of my dogs, and one of the ingredients is 'boiled chicken'. When I said those two words the veterinarian's head jerked back in disbelief, her mouth flew open with a slight gasp, and I thought her eyes were going to pop out of her skull. 

This reaction made me pause, and she exclaimed, "Why would you feed them that?!?!?" ... which, of course, confused me, and I repeated quizzically, "boiled chicken?!?!?". 

She then cracked up laughing, and replied, "Oh, I thought you said, 'spoiled chicken'" - which amused me, thinking, 'Why would anyone EVER do that, purposely spoil chicken to feed to a dog?!?!? Does this really happen somewhere, anywhere?'

The Wolf Who Cried 'Little Boy'

Jeff Sessions is trying to kill me but he doesn't really know about it.

I wake up at 3 something AM to find out about the intercepted Russian intelligence communications about Jeff Sessions. I watch a news video of four people discussing this situation and how complicated and convoluted, what may and may not be real, and who and what leaks are happening.

Then, before I can get coffee in me, my little brain writes the title for a new, slightly modified, childrens' story, "The Wolf Who Cried 'Little Boy'". Oh, my goodness, I start laughing so hard my head feels like it is going to explode, and my throat really hasn't recovered yet from yesterday, so I am having trouble breathing as well. Luckily there are no dogs around to comfort me as I had let them outside a few minutes before, as I am in the warmest room of the house yet still freezing.

I get the arctic blast machine tamed, coffee made, and share a peanut butter sandwich with the dogs. Disaster averted.

The littlest dog fell asleep in the arm chair a few feet away while staring at me and now he is barking high pitched very lightly while he has a dream of chasing something. The creaking noise of my rotating kitchen chair causes his eyes to open but nothing else moves. I tell him that I love him, and he blinks approvingly, then curls up in a ball out of sight in the chair.

My cute little wolfie wanna be

How Little Rain

How little rain can come down

In our little desolate Texas town

That only an ant could possibly drown

And the grass will prob'bly stay crispy brown 

Where the roof hangs over the side of the house

The concrete slab didn't feel the miniscule douse

The flood ravaged on a molecular scale

But left very little in the rainwater pail

And the dog asleep out back didn't seem to care

That the rarified rain had slightly matted his hair

And this I can plainly prove of the quiet pup quite a lot

By the distance that he didn't move from his dog shaped dry spot

The house must have noticed I arrived too late for the storm

So it mustered up all the moisture its roof could form

And it landed on my left shoulder suddenly with a plop

The torrent of a tiny single solitary water drop

Noise Troll Dumbass

Notice: He knows where his whole nose is and a hole of his nose is.

The hole below his nose holes is known for its noise, 

It generates great hate or stingy stinky things irate 

with his know nothing voice noise,

Oh, vibratory vocal cords of discord tell us a story of mystery or history 

Or your busy family proclivity for business criminal activity.

A Sleep At The We'll

So, at 7:15 this morning I stop at the intersection of 3rd Street and Hedgecoke at a red light while headed west. Suddenly I wake up because the car behind me is honking - I fell asleep while waiting on the traffic light to change!

ONLY ... that didn't happen in real life. It happened in my dream. I fell asleep and woke up in my dream! But then the car horn in my dream causes me to wake up in real life, and I look down to see that it is 7:20 and I should have left for work 20 minutes ago.

So, I stand up really fast from my chair in the livingroom of my house, and the car alarm on my wife's vehicle directly on the other side of the wall goes off, and I realize I was the last person to drive yesterday and that my motion set it off, so the key fob must be in my left pocket below my camera in its case. But I have some difficulty getting the key fob out of my pocket and finally take the camera out first, before getting the car to be quiet.

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ONE PERCENT chance of rain?!?!?!?

...now you are just messin' with my head, Weather Channel. Now I need to wake up at 3 AM to see if it happens.

Knowbody No's The Trumple I've Schemed

167 Done 

1294 (or hopefully less) To Go

He is gone to Europe, quick, somebody lock the door so he can't get back in!

I Am The Biggest Ambiguitor said: "I think it was Russia, but I think it was probably other people and, or countries, and I see nothing wrong with that statement. Nobody really knows. Nobody really knows for sure," Trump said in his first press conference overseas as president.

He is wrong, there are know-bodies.

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Using the bottom half of a plastic gallon milk jug, I have been making approximately 1/3 gallon sized blocks of ice every day or more for the dogs water bucket outside.

After trimming my pineapple crop yesterday I noticed while walking back to the house that the chunk of ice was gone! Pepper had stole it for himself, with it laying a few feet away in the grass. So I put it back in the water bucket and 'scolded' him. It was a bit smaller than the original block, of course, but it was still a much large weight and size than I would have imagined him carrying in his mouth.

When I came back outside after telling Tamie about it, he had stole it again, only this time moving it farther away and in a slight doggie depression in the dirt.

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My suggestion to Donald Trump for dealing with North Korea is to build a wall ... and then demand that Mexico pay for it.

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At this very moment North Korea most likely has no ICBM's - no fully functional ones, anyway - it had one and fired it to celebrate the 4th of July.

Now, if we can just figure out how to put a bug in their software/firmware so that once a rocket is launched it turns around in mid flight and heads back to Pyongonegone, we will have something interesting.

At that point we could rename their rocket 'Boom-erang', emphasis on the boom.

(Yes, I know their capital is really spelled Pyongyang)

What About Dessert?

I saw that my second cousin who lives 80 miles away had quail and pheasants, day old birds, for sale. They raise game birds for commercial hunting facilities.

I sent her a note in FB, asking, "How many pheasants would it take for a large batch of soup?"

Her reply, "Funny........cuz....  you need the grown birds not the chicks."

My response: "I was just guessing, thinking if I had one gallon of soup, and each pheasant ate 1 fl oz of soup, then I could throw a dinner party for 128 baby pheasants. My neXt question is what do baby pheasants like to have for dessert - ice cream? Pie? Cake?"

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I could see Trump building a solar wall on the Mexican-USA border, and then the Mexican government responding by planting shade trees to render it useless.

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If you reaLLy want a measure of just how slow the federal government is, consider that the Supreme Court is finally going to hear a case regarding the nefarious practice of gerrymandering, and it was a word invented in March 1812. So, it only took 205 years and 3 months, thats all.

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My first batch of mead production is underway. It started on June 12. I have been chartng the yeast activity by measuring the burps in the airlock. It appears that two weeks might be a good time to make a transfer from primary fermentation to secondary, then recharge the primary.

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Hopper (right) at Day 68 with his best dog buddy Pepper. Hopper is much smaller than Pepper, the camera position distorts their size.

Cake Plus Cake Equals More Cake

I am in the process of making a German chocolate cake for a charity event when I remember that I haven't got around to making my own birthday cake yet this year. I think I have made about six cakes in 2017 so far, so this should be my highest year to date. 

My new toys for the kitchen are springform pans for making beautifully round layered cakes. I got two set of 8, 9, and 10 inch pans.

My next thought was, "Did I get any birthday presents from anyone?" Then I remembered that the owner of the local diner bought my cup of coffee as a distinct birthday gift. Just the coffee, not the cup.

I bought myself some things for a new venture in alcohol. I am going to make mead. Have yeast, will make bubbles.

I did figure out that one of my dearest friends from childhood has her birthday only a few days from mine, so I now know someone almost the exact same age as me.

On my birthday I am sitting with my wife outside a hospital waiting on a relative to show up so we can give them instructions for their medical testing, then we are leaving town in order to go to Red Lobster. While waiting I see a memorial bench nearby made from stone that has a person's name, and then their date of birth and death. I do the math and realize that this person, who died a few years ago, lived exactly one day less than what I am on my birthday right that moment. 

I did get a really cool birthday card from my mother. It has two people laying on the floor yet holding a mug of beer straight up in the air. My mother wrote my name by the feet of one of the horizontal humans and my cousin L's name by the other one. The low angle above the floor for the perspective at which the art work in drawn makes it so you can't completely see the heads of the people, BUT on the third time I read the card I noticed that one of the human figures was male and the other female based on the pair of triangular shapes for breasts! Now, understand that the two human figures are clothed wearing the same type clothing, so my mother didn't realize she was writing my male cousin's name by the feet of the female in the picture. My cousin and I laughed about this together. Now I don't remember if I told my mother about this. I will call her right now. No answer. Cell phone service is extremely lousy where she lives in a rural setting.

My mother, a non-beer person, felt the need to include the "to certain people". I must be a certain.

Update: Someone paid (in a bidding war) $31 for my cake that cost me around $5 in supplies. But my best friend Susie brought TWO pies to the same event, and wound up having her first pie go for $40. The funny part is that Susie bought BOTH of her pies back!!!

Things & Thoughts & A New Puppy

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I would do some housework, but there is something small and warm and brown and white and furry fast asleep on my leg.

Snoring...

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So, if you had a second cousin sixty times removed, you would only be minutely related?

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Turkey is afraid of Wikipedia?!?!?!? My, what silliness.

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Dogmestic Tranquility: All three dogs piece-fully working on their own chew bone si-maul-taneously

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Is there anyone else who thought it was a huge security risk to put all the US Senate on a few busses?

This proves that Bernie, the non-attendee, is the smartest one of them.

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His socks were all white when he first came here.

He has been enjoying getting to go to work with me, seeing everyone there. He got in and out of my car with just a little help from me today, went fairly much straight into his crate. We take breaks by the loading dock on the west side, where there is some grass.

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I shaved my beard off. It weighed 1.9 grams.

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I just recently brewed my 7th batch of beer. The type is American Cream Ale. I think that is the fifth time out of the seven that I have brewed that particular type, and have always used Brewer's Best brand of brew kits. I do have a 'Northy 12' to get started soon from Northern Brewers. It is a Belgian Quad.

Poem: Wiggle Worm Warm

(After several weeks of dryness, where grassland fires have claimed the lives of local ranchers and thousands of acres burned, it has finally started raining some.)

Sprinkle, sprinkle little cloud

Your noise is a wee bit loud

But the rain is very nice

As long as there is no ice

Oh, but later loud round ice does come

It seems every storm here has at least some

And the little scared dog's favorite hiding place

Is to wiggle worm warm under my arm his face

Poem: Sprung

Spring has sprung

So summer can simmer

Us on to an awesome Autumn 

Of full Fall

To store more for 

To enter Winter

Clearly a yearly

Thing to spring to do

For me and for you

To meander through

CPAP & CCCP

Four Letters Long

CPAC & CCCP

Conservative Political Action Conference

C is S sound in Russian & P is R

CCCP is the Union of Soviet Social Republics

Soyuz Sovetskikh Sotsialisticheskikh Respublik

In Cyrillic alphabet: Сою́з Сове́тских Социалисти́ческих Респу́блик

From Google Translate:

Консервативная политическая конференция действий

Konservativnaya politicheskaya konferentsiya deystviy

False Flag Operation at CPAC:

False Flag Operation at CPAC

Some Quotes

"IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING THAT YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE MORE CHILDREN THAN YOU HAVE CAR WINDOWS." - ERMA BOMBECK

"EVERY TIME I THINK THAT I'M GETTING OLD, AND GRADUALLY GOING TO THE GRAVE, SOMETHING ELSE HAPPENS." - LILLIAN CARTER

"A CYNIC IS NOT MERELY ONE WHO READS BITTER LESSONS FROM THE PAST, HE IS ONE WHO IS PREMATURELY DISAPPOINTED IN THE FUTURE." - SYDNEY HARRIS

"IDEALISM IS FINE, BUT AS IT APPROACHES REALITY THE COST BECOMES PROHIBITIVE." - WILLIAM F. BUCKLEY

"WASHINGTON IS A CITY OF SOUTHERN EFFICIENCY AND NORTHERN CHARM." - JOHN F. KENNEDY

"WE'VE HAD TRICKLE DOWN ECONOMICS IN THE COUNTRY FOR TEN YEARS NOW, AND MOST OF US AREN'T EVEN DAMP YET." - MOLLY IVINS

"EVERYONE HAS HIS OWN CONSCIENCE, AND THERE SHOULD BE NO RULES ABOUT HOW A CONSCIENCE SHOULD FUNCTION." - ERNEST HEMMINGWAY

"I ALWAYS WANTED TO WRITE A BOOK THAT ENDED WITH THE WORD MAYONNAISE." - RICHARD BRAUTIGAN

"MEN MUST HAVE CORRUPTED NATURE A LITTLE, FOR THEY WERE NOT BORN WOLVES, AND THEY HAVE BECOME WOLVES." - VOLTAIRE

"IF ONLY I HAD A LITTLE HUMILITY, I'D BE PERFECT." - TED TURNER

"OPPORTUNITIES ARE USUALLY DISGUISED AS HARD WORK, SO MOST PEOPLE DON'T RECOGNIZE THEM." - ANN LANDERS

"IF TRAGEDY IS AN EXPERIENCE OF HYPERINVOLVEMENT, COMEDY IS AN EXPERIENCE OF UNDERINVOLVEMENT, OF DETACHMENT." - SUSAN SONTAG

"REMEMBER THAT AS A TEENAGER YOU ARE AT THE LAST STAGE IN YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU WILL BE HAPPY TO HEAR THAT THE PHONE IS FOR YOU." - FRAN LEBOWITZ

"I DID NOT HAVE THREE THOUSAND PAIRS OF SHOES, I HAD ONE THOUSAND AND SIXTY." - IMELDA MARCOS

"I WOULD RATHER SIT ON A PUMPKIN AND HAVE IT ALL TO MYSELF THAN TO BE CROWDED ON A VELVET CUSHION." - HENRY DAVID THOREAU

"THE TROUBLE WITH BEING PUNCTUAL IS THAT NOBODY'S THERE TO APPRECIATE IT." - FRANKLIN P. JONES

"PERHAPS ONE HAS TO BE VERY OLD BEFORE ONE LEARNS TO BE AMUSED RATHER THAN SHOCKED." - PEARL S. BUCK

"THE PROPER TIME TO INFLUENCE THE CHARACTER OF A CHILD IS ABOUT ONE HUNDRED YEARS BEFORE HE IS BORN." - DEAN WILLIAM R. INGE

"I DON'T WANT PEOPLE WHO WANT TO DANCE, I WANT PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO DANCE." - GEORGE BALANCHINE

"WHEN YOU BUY A PILL AND BUY PEACE WITH IT YOU GET CONDITIONED TO CHEAP SOLUTIONS INSTEAD OF DEEP ONES." - MAX LERNER

"THE REALLY FRIGHTENING THING ABOUT MIDDLE AGE IS THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU'LL GROW OUT OF IT." - DORIS DAY

"NO MATTER HOW OLD A MOTHER IS, SHE WATCHES HER MIDDLE AGED CHILDREN FOR SIGNS OF IMPROVEMENT." - FLORIDA SCOTT MAXWELL

"INTELLIGENCE IS QUICKNESS TO APPREHEND AS DISTINCT FROM ABILITY, WHICH IS CAPACITY TO ACT WISELY ON THE THING APPREHENDED." - ALFRED WHITEHEAD

"CHEESE ... MILK'S LEAP TOWARD IMMORTALITY." - CLIFTON FADIMAN

"MOST OF US SPEND TOO MUCH TIME ON THE LAST TWENTY FOUR HOURS AND TOO LITTLE ON THE LAST SIX THOUSAND YEARS." - WILL DURANT

"ONE OF THE LESSON[s] OF HISTORY IS THAT NOTHING IS OFTEN A GOOD THING TO DO AND ALWAYS A CLEVER THING TO SAY." - WILL DURANT

"THERE IS NOTHING SO USELESS AS DOING EFFICIENTLY THAT WHICH SHOULD NOT BE DONE AT ALL." - PETER F. DRUCKER

"EVERY MAN HAS THREE CHARACTERS ... THAT WHICH HE EXHIBITS, THAT WHICH HE HAS, AND THAT WHICH HE THINKS HE HAS." - ALPHONSE KAN

"HISTORY NEVER LOOKS LIKE HISTORY WHEN YOU ARE LIVING THROUGH IT. IT ALWAYS LOOKS CONFUSING AND MESSY, AND IT ALWAYS FEELS UNCOMFORTABLE." - JOHN GARDNER

"ALL MEN SHOULD STRIVE 

TO LEARN BEFORE THEY DIE

WHAT THEY ARE RUNNING FROM, 

AND TO, AND WHY." 

- JAMES THURBER

"CHARACTER IS LIKE A TREE, AND REPUTATION LIKE ITS SHADOW. THE SHADOW IS WHAT WE THINK OF IT. THE TREE IS THE REAL THING." - ANONYMOUS

"NO FORM OF ART GOES BEYOND ORDINARY CONSCIOUSNESS AS FILM DOES, STRAIGHT TO OUR EMOTIONS, DEEP INTO THE TWILIGHT ROOM OF THE SOUL." - INGMAR BERGMAN

"MUSIC IS YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE, YOUR THOUGHTS, YOUR WISDOM. IF YOU DON'T LIVE IT, IT WON'T COME OUT OF YOUR HORN." - CHARLIE PARKER

A Few Things Drumpf

Having Donald Trump go back out on the campaign trail after a month into the presidency is like hiring someone to do a job, but then they keep wanting to redo the same exact job interview on a regular basis. Except now they want to talk about their new foxy Swedish girlfriend who is really just a fantasy.

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I think if Donald likes Florida so much, we should encourage him to stay there permanently, in his assisted believing facility.

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The President 'Meats' The Press

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A day without immigrants was an okay idea, but I would rather try A Day Without Donald. If that is a yuuuge success, then maybe we should try for a week, then a month, then a year, ...

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Benjamin Netanyahu and Bend The Truth Nutty Yahoo give a joint press conference from the White House.

(Definition: yahoo - noun - a rude, noisy, or violent person - red neck, boor, lout, oaf)

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One of the constitutional requirements for being president is to be at least 35 years old. I think it was put in place so that the president would be someone with hopefully some maturity. If Trump continues to act like he is 4 years old, then he should have to wait another 31 years to be president.

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Here is a partial list of new names Putin has for the US

Urinenighted Stains of Amerika

Amerikistan

Trumpmenistan (named in honor of fallen comrade Flynnski)

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Flynn is fleeing his job

Californians are fleeing their dam problem

Missiles are fleeing North Korea

Where should I flee ?!?!?

My new word: Ref-flee-gee

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Ending on something non-Trumpical

In the middle of the night I think I hear my wife say, "Our county is now purple, it was brown."

Nothing else.

I lay there for a while wondering if I misunderstood her, thinking, I'm pretty sure she is awake, not talking in her sleep.

After trying to think of alternate words I finally give up and ask her what she meant.

She was talking about the weather map on TV which has a picture but muted.

I just giggled. I had thought it might have been something political.

New Word: Trumpacrazy

15 down, 1446 to go -> Completed 1% of Trumpacrazy

Orangey and The Bannon

I have an idea for an animated series called, 'Orangey and The Bannon' based on the animated television show characters of Pinky and The Brain.

Orangey: What are we goin' to do today, Banny-On-On (yuuuge) ?

Bannon: The same thing we do everyday, Orangey, try to take over the world by pissing off slightly less than half of everyone on the planet.

Orangey: Who zit gonna be today, Steverino Bannonbino? Can we do Italy, our pizza delivery last night was late and the crust was burned.

Bannon: Let me check-in with the Kremlin first, you know how Putin can get when we act without his approval.

Orangey: Nyet!! I do nyet!

Bannon: Orangey, you aren't working on your Russian enough, 'nyet' means 'no'.

Orangey: Thatz what I said, 'I know'. Nyet-nyet-nyet, sounds like we are playing volleyball, (narf-ski!!!!!)

Taiwan Won One Tie

I can't imagine the United States government getting upset if China's leader called the governor of the state of California, so communist China shouldn't be so upset if Trump, who isn't even a real president yet, has a phone call to the 'wrong' China by talking to the leader of Taiwan. There is a strong possibility that Trump didn't know which China he was talking to on the phone, and there is an even higher probability that he didn't care if he was talking to the 'wr₀Ng' China.

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Here is my veRy first Dutch language joke:

The Dutch word for 'tail' is 'staart'. But the tail on my dog is at the end, so I would have chose the spelling 'eend'.

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I saw a news article where someone tried to blame part of Cuba's economic problems on the US embargo, but then I thought, didn't Cuba have the entire rest of the planet to try to conduct foreign trade?

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So Donald Trump and Al Gore have a meeting to find common ground. 

They both have 'al' in their first name and 'r' in the last. Oh, and one of them 'used' to be a Democrat.

We Are Not Mice

I sUddenLY discovered that the kind folks who invented the lid for my disposable coffee cup added a recessed region for my nose to make it easier to drink my morning resurrection concoction. Get the noser closer to the action. 

Actually I am sitting outside with my sick dog hoping we get to go inside soon. Its not too bad, I am actually wearing pants instead of the usual cargo shorts, and have this large towel over my head, tenting it. If I leave the sick dog outside by himself he starts getting barky-barky. The non-sick dog is curled up under my bench, wanting attention from my feet in the form of massage. Very little of me is actually cold. 

I am probably the only person outside at 6 AM studying Dutch in my tiny town of 13k in the dark. The people who made this particular group of lessons added several silly parts. I am using an app called duoLingo which I absolutely love. I used it for French (YES!!! I actually enjoyed studying French for the first time in my entire life.) As my younger son says from time to time, "Oh, the Dutch". 

Strange Dutch Examples: 

• The birds read the newspaper. 
• We are not mice. 
• The boy is wearing a dress.
• You are sour, just like a lemon. 
•  and my favorite: Excuse me, I am an apple

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YEA!!! My friend is coming home from prison veRy veRy soon!!! I am going to cook her a buncha stuff and I have been saving beer from every batch for her. I plan to spoil her even more than I did before her incarceration.

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NEW BEER: I am going to try brewing a new type of beer from Northern Brewer Homebrew Supplies called Northy 12 Belgian Quad.

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So the panda bear at the National Zoo had to have surgery to remove a half-eaten piece of bamboo. Here is my headline:

Bei Bei Has Bamboo Boo-Boo

Movie Idea: Deplorable Me

I came up with an animated movie idea: Deplorable Me based on Despicable Me, where the character Gru is replaced, somewhat, by Donald Trump, and the minions are a wide assortment of his rabid fan base, who actually adore being called Deplorables.

Let The Fool Build His Wall

I think they should go ahead and let Trump build his wall with his own money, but have to do it only 1 inch vertically at a time, complete 40 foot width and Pacific Ocean to Gulf of Mexico length. That way when it gets to be about 5 inches thick, we can stop the project, and rename it "Interstate Zero", a troll road.

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I am of the opinion that Supreme Court Justices should be allowed to speak their minds about Presidential candidates. Why should 300 plus million US citizens get to express their opinions and yet the nine members of the top bench should not? 

Donald Trump is again at his nastiest calling for Ginsberg's apology and hoping she gets off the court soon.

If it is wrong for the judiciary to express their opinions of Trump, then it should be just as wrong for members of Congress. 

I, for one, welcome the words of wisdom from legal scholars. I don't think enough politicians are saying strong enough words against The Monster that is Donald Trump.

I am not so sure that Trump understands there are three equally important branches to our Federal Government.

Tiny Useless Evil Minds

A veRy sad day for our country. To target to kill people, especially police, simply because they are white is so unimagineably heinously bizarre. What tiny useless evil minds some people have.

Quote I found during puzzle play:

"QUIET MINDS CANNOT BE PERPLEXED OR FRIGHTENED, BUT GO ON IN FORTUNE OR MISFORTUNE AT THEIR OWN PRIVATE PACE, LIKE A CLOCK DURING A THUNDERSTORM." - ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON

Veteran Suicide Rate Misinformation

I think the news organizations are misleading the public about the suicide rates of U.S. veterans.

They report that veterans have a suicide rate that is twice the general population.

But then I thought, those two groups don't have the same gender ratio. 

In the group veterans, the ratio of men to women is about 10:1

In the group general population, the ratio of men to women is 97:100

But the ratio of men to women suicide for the general population is 3.5:1

So, these numbers seem to indicate that being a veteran doesn't mean they have a higher rate of suicide because gender isn't being factored into the information.

Determining My Cause of Death

I have figured out how I am going to die. It will be by heart attack because someone, most likely my wife, frightened me.

I spend a great deal of time alone, either at home or at work. When I am at home my dogs are almost always with me, but I am away from other humans. So my dogs never seem to startle me drastically, even if they come to wake me up.

But at work I am usually the only person working in the southern half of the building where our printing business is located, and I don't hear people walking (carpet) and they are suddenly right behind me in my office and start talking to me. This scares me terribly. I need to install motion detectors.

Sometimes it is remarkably silly. I am sitting in the dining room in the early morning and the younger dog is headed to the bedroom area. I know he is going to wake up my wife, most likely. I have thought that all through. But when she appears a few minutes later, I am still drastically startled.

I guess I need to live on a desserted island. I didn't spell it 'deserted', as I would like to live on an island that has a Cheesecake Factory. I had dinner in Wyoming a few weeks ago, and it was a marvelous steak dinner followed by cheesecake. They had a huge variety of cheesecake that are brought in from Denver.

It appears I will finally get to go to a Cheesecake Factory in Oklahoma City soon. It will be on the way to Missouri. When several people were talking about things to do on our vacation in Branson, while we were at my wife's cosmetology section of the building, they were mentioning all these faith oriented tourist attractions. I cracked everyone up laughing when I asked, "Do they have attractions for us atheists?". I am not eXactly sure how you would make an atheist themepark. No one asked me if I was serious about being an atheist, which I found surprising, not that I ever have conversations about what I believe with anyone. I like to remain a mystery. 

Another Happy Pineapple Plant Owner Has Happened

This pineapple plant showed up at the diner, a present to Sandy from Frankie. Sometime in the future I will try to conduct a pineapple plant census of Borger Texas to determine our per capita pineapple plant ratio. 

I have a new neighbor who would like to move in, but I don't think my wife would approve. Both dogs have left this frog/toad alone now for at least three days, and he is right here at my back door every evening.

You can just barely see a part of Pepper in this picture. 

Update: The next evening he was back again, and the dogs didn't mess with him, eXcept for maybe an occasional sniff while in transit to the great outdoors. Because there is a light on just inside during most hours of the night, there are alot of bugs attracted to the area, so the frog/toad is most likely well fed. See, electricity can help feed frog/toads!!!

Here is a better picture of Pepper laying on the floor holding me. His mantra is, "I told you, I must hold you"

I Wonder If There Is A College Degree for This

Some people are into time management, wild life management or managing their 401K stock market portfolio.

I am forced into Dog Biscuit Management. 

When Santa Claus first got the younger dog Pepper for me in December he ate everything at a voracious pace, most likely after living a life of extreme scarcity. But after living here 5 months he has figured out that he has hit the doggie sweepstakes, and suddenly has become very nonchalant about eating things.

This suddenly blew up veRy early last Sunday morning after giving both dogs their dog biscuits while I was trying to make coffee. There was a veRy loud furry fury from the living room from The Big Dog, Cooper, as he most likely had finished his three items and was moving on to Pepper's uneaten items. But I am the alpha leader of the pack and shut them down pretty fast. 

So I have to be careful every time I give them treats. I am trying a new technique today of putting Pepper's treats on the kitchen floor on the south side, where Cooper rarely goes, and giving Cooper's to him in the living room. But Pepper still carries his treats into the living room.

I try.

No, I Am Not A Thief

On any given night there is a strong chance I will be woke by a stray dog in the neighborhood. I sleep with my window open.

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It has decided to be Spring finally and it can't decide when to stop raining, so it has made it difficult to mow, and it is too cold too often. But at least it isn't snowing here like it has been in South Dakota.

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I had a bizarre thing happen at the diner. I sat down at the community table in the chair nearest the kitchen so I could chat with Sandy the owner and have a beverage. It was last Saturday evening late and my wife had already fed me a huge supper at home.

After maybe an hour I was momentarily alone as Sandy had wandered off to perform some task and I was reading some news, when suddenly from the kitchen through the vertically narrow window for food delivery the owner's grandson, the chef, asks me if I would like a sandwich.

Bear in mind it is not uncommon for me to both give and receive food as a gift at the diner, my home away from home. I am always sharing new recipes, home made brew and stew, a birthday cake or two, to name but a few. So I ask what kind of sandwich, and Gabe tells me it is an egg and bacon sandwich, but just as he was fixing to hand it to me declared, "Oh, I forgot the cheese!" and he sets it back down and jokes about how masterfully he cuts a piece of cheese with surgical skill, we laugh, and I ask for a side order of mustard, which he puts a spoonful and a half into a small glass container. I remembered that I had promised to get him some cake soon, but I haven't baked in quite a while.

So I thank him and simply turn to sit back down at my spot, and I get to about the middle of the second bite of sandwich even though it has LETTUCE on this sandwich, which I thought was bizarre.

Suddenly Sandy appears exasperated semi shouting, "Ernie! Why are you eating Hawk's sandwich!!!"

I am taken aback, and I said, "What?!?!? Gabe offered me a sandwich, so I just ate it! He asked me, 'Ernie, would you like a sandwich?'" Somehow Gabe thought it was my order, and what he probably said was, "Are you ready for your sandwich?" not wanting for me to have to wait for the waitress to get back to deliver it just 6 feet and get cold.

The waitress had seen me from across the room get the food from the window and had not heard any of my interaction with Gabe, so she had talked to Sandy before confronting me. So then everyone cracked up laughing and started teasing me about stealing food. Of course, I returned the favor.

The customer named Hawk was sitting in the closest booth to the south of me and he enjoyed the episode too. As the second sandwich arrived in the delivery window the waitress exclaimed, "Ernie, don't steal that second sandwich!!" and laughed, to which I waited until she delivered it to Hawk to say across the room, "Be sure to charge him for 2 sandwiches!!!" which cracked up everyone to laughing again. There were a few more lines that I have forgot by now.

About 5 minutes later Sandy decides to join me back at the community table with a plate of food, and I promised not to eat any of it. She laughed, and left to go back to the kitchen, AND what appears next?!?!?!? Sandy brings me out an unrequested bowl heaping with strawberry and chocolate ice cream!!!

She lets me know that the ice cream is actually a gift to her from another regular diner patron named Frankie. I tell her that I rarely receive things from Frankie, that my wife is usually the recipient of his gifts, as he always brings her things from the grocery store, as my wife cuts his hair. BUT that day I had actually received TWO things from Frankie indirectly, the ice cream being the second. But I told Sandy there was absolutely NO way she would ever be able to guess what Frankie had given me to give to my wife earlier that day. He had me follow him out to his truck at our place of business in order to give me an old dirty plastic bucket!!! He had given my wife one a couple months ago so that our dogs could have a larger water bowl at the house. And now they were getting another bucket for outside water.

So Sandy sits down to eat her supper and tells me that my event of eating the sandwich tonight reminded her of an old customer named Denver, now deceased, who used to come into the diner and would stand at the north end of the bar - Sandy turning left to point at the spot just across the aisle - and he would always drink these short bottles of beer (I forget the brand). She said that one night she caught Denver walking out the front door with an expensive compound plate and insulation pan underneath it piled high with hot Mexican food that he had taken right out of the food delivery window when no one was noticing! She hollered at him, "Denver! Get back here with my expensive plate and I'll put that food in a to-go container for ya!" So that explained why there had been several sporadic episodes where the waiter and the chef had gotten into arguments about missing plates of food, where Denver had absconded with meals. He would just wait for something of interest to show up and run off with someone's food.