My 6th Collection of 100 Headlines, Status and Moments in Rhyme from MySpace, Facebook and Twitter
Other Collections of 100: 1-100 101-200 201-300 301-400 401-500 601-700
599: The Russian complains but fails mainly on the explain
597: My dog is easily fooled and impressed simultaneously. I cut his hot dogs at a steep diagonal thin slice and he thought they were better 'cause they were bigger. It is a good thing I have limited his math education to counting to 3, rather than 33.
Other Collections of 100: 1-100 101-200 201-300 301-400 401-500 601-700
600: Mending Wail - Something there is that doesn't love a splinter, that sends the chosen white blood cells under it, to spoil the upper dermis in my thumb.
599: The Russian complains but fails mainly on the explain
598: The error risk when dealing with terrorists is to think that they are ever satisfied, for it is only achieved and we can be relieved when they themselves have died.
597: My dog is easily fooled and impressed simultaneously. I cut his hot dogs at a steep diagonal thin slice and he thought they were better 'cause they were bigger. It is a good thing I have limited his math education to counting to 3, rather than 33.
596: "Wow, you are really strong!" "No, you are just very weak and easily impressed"
595: I think Bubba may be sick....
594: Unlike everyone else, I can see the usefulness of the sport of Curling leading to a lucrative career in the competitive world of Speed Janitoring, especiallingly when combined with a side of Bar Tending in a country with heavy beer steins and slick bar counter tops, like maybe, Germany. Where, I ask, Wo sind Die Deutsch Curler?
593: I think I will name my big pile of snow in the back yard "Shurglay", that way it will be known as Shurglay Glacier
592: I saw the first line in a CNN story mention something about a "medium sized bomb". I thought, why, when, where and how did that take on a size of 'medium'? I just assumed every thing between a hand grenade and a thermonuclear device were a size medium.
591: As a government there are several ways of helping yourself while fighting a guerrilla global war on terrorism. Continuing to publish alot of detailed information online in the form of news so your enemy can stay informed probably isn't one of them.
590: I like the bilingual tag on my blanket; it has "King/King"
589: I want a job writing TV commercials for E-Trade with babies. I love the latest one with the "milk-a-holic" line in it.
588: An online manual for Facebook might be nice.
587: apquest.com and mapquest.com are two different things, yet you magically arrive at the same destination
586: "Oh, Ernie, I don't want tomorrow to be over with"
585: So Cheney and Biden are sparring today according to the headlines. On TV. But they weren't on the SAME program, so I don't think they were sparring. Kind of like the difference between a boxing match and swinging away at a shadow while wearing gloves. Personally I think Biden is secretly jealous that Cheney got to be the real president for 8 years and he is no longer even a senator.
584: Someone gave us a really good soup recipe (~~if~~) you substitute a side of Prilosec instead of crackers
583: Japanese kanji characters typically have two readings, an on-yomi (Chinese reading) and a kun-yomi (native Japanese reading). When kanji are combined to form a new word in Japanese it appears that there is typically yomi pairing of similar types, on-on and kun-kun. This will greatly simply things for me if it holds true.
582: I try (to be funny). But I also think the presidents evil of Iran, c-China, Endo-sneeze-yah and Nerd-th Korea think that they think they are funny too, with their goofy glasses, member's only jackets and shooting pet store overstock inventory into earth orbit and obit, when my writings appear to be most likely banned in their countries. I'm not sure about Iran, I still get hits from that country, but it could possibly just be "The Demented Meanies of Free Speech" with a side order of paranoia keeping tabs on me while roaming the streets of Tehran on the back of a moto-cycle, with a wireless Internet access device in one hand while swinging a club at a crowd with the other, peering through a darkened helmet visor.
581: Amazon Dot Com is such a magical place. I had ordered something for the wife and it is still currently in their system as scheduled to be delivered on the 17th, even though it has already arrived on the 13th. Happy Valentine's Day, Honey!
580: Cooper got a new (used) couch for Valentines Day!
579: Olumpickz: My wife offered to give me a perm like the guy from ... don't remember which country, oh yea, Jamaica, [doobie doobie doobie], but then she seemed to not want to be willing to give me the opera singer's hair style. Actually I thought they were possibly the same wig from a different distance and camera angle, maybe, possibly.
578: ВОДКА vodka ВОДА water - you can see how a country can get in such deep trouble when one letter K separates water from something much much more and less all at the same time
577: A Thought While Watching The Olympics: My favorite part about the French language is that I don't speak it or understand it when it is spoken, but I leave that task to other people. My second favorite part is that I wisely quit trying a long time ago. The third part is that small Canadian children understand it, as well as their pet dogs, but I don't.
576: I just heard this: "My teeth are even on fire" (Moral of the story - don't trust the recipe card - listen to your husband) I even told her that she could add more of the spices later if needed. It is far easier and cheaper to add spices than to remove/reduce them from a cooking process!
575: My life can be rather boring at times. Today I had a dream that Diet Coke was on sale at Wal-Mart. Thats it. Told ya'. Boring.
574: "Where's the grated cheese?" - looking in the frig - "In the grated cheese drawer" "Okay, Smarty Pants"
573: Here is something Cuban and Funny: As you probably know Cuba is a Communist country and communists have little affinity for religious faith. But a long time ago Spain gave its loyal Cuban colony a motto of "La Siempre Fidelísima Isla" in English: "The Always Most Faithful Island" - I think it is funny that Fidel Castro has "Faith" for a first name.
572: "Matadog" - my latest experiment is trying to see if I can get my dog to play a new game where I hold my shirt like a matador's cape and have him charge it like an angry bull. Right now I am just settling for throwing my shirt on his head while he snorts in a masculine bovine Andulsian manner. Ooh, an E Hemingway moment, 'The Old Man and The Dog'
571: My Paul Revere Moment: I woke this morning with a severe charlie horse in my left calf. I checked the news shortly after that medical misery. I realized I now have a tool for predicting that an earthquake has happened in the state of Illinois.
570: Approximately 24 hours ago I watched my first performance of the musical artist Lady Gaga, in a music video. There are no words in the English language to accurately describe the mental state of how I felt afterwards. My only recourse was I just had to watch it again to be really really sure what I had just witnessed.
569: One of the cool things about my life is that some days I don't know what day of the week it is, and the really cool thing about my life is that most of the time it doesn't really matter. That's taking the Brazilian concept of time to a whole new level.
568: I hope there was a Global Warming Conference in Washington DC this week that had to be cancelled due to a snowstorm.
567: Waking up to fresh white bright powder; my very own back yard one yard tall glacier gradually grows, Momma Nature repairing all of yesterday's unnatural damage done by the digging dog. Somewhere an eskimo smiled just now and he doesn't know why. It was me and my glacier making him glad. Save the Wales!
566: Long deep shadows, a favorite time of day, a mention of dimension to my eyes, morning or evening light at play.
565: What's on my mind? Pain. Slight pain. My eye hurts. Thats why I am awake. If you want to know where exactly, take your left index finger and start it on a collision course with your left eye ball. Just B4 you get to the eye, scoot finger left about a 3/4 of an inch. There. But remember to stop the forward motion. If you don't stop then your eye will hurt like mine.
564: I saw a pair of white new-ish clean socks on the table. I looked at them a while. A short while. I decided I could either A) Put them on my feet or B) Put them on my hands and have a puppet show and in-turn-tain the dog. I chose the better path ........ .... .. .
563: Every once in a while I think my dog is trying to find a better deal
562: Cranked up the Bose NoReDu headphones, ripped my Gerry Rafferty 'City to City' album, just started the first track ... ♪♫♫♪♫♪ ☺
561: So many marshmallows, so little time.
560: Here is something that sounds stupid: the number 43 has a page, an article about itself, in wikipedia. Sesame Street for grown ups?
559: Enjoying the snow, enduring the ice, looking out on a winter morning; hot cocoa fogging the picture window, indoor-ing is nice.
558: It's bad enough that the Chinese government wants to limit Barak Obama's Freedom of Speech by forbidding him to speak to the Dalai Lama and warns of severe repercussions, but what about me? Someone in China has either directly or indirectly blocked access to MY blog of silliness, art and poetry for their country - and if anyone needed a renewed sense of humor and rhyme, its the Chinese government.
557: I have come to the conclusion that finally having a laptop computer which will never be very far away from me for the entire rest of my life for much of any length of time except where the relative humidity forbids it (taking a shower) will qualify me as being a 'cyborg' and that will be my explanation to the Fed Govt if they question the 'race' answer on my 2010 census application. Pink. Cyborg. Clarification: I am the naturally pink being thing - the laptop is not. That would just be too girly-fied to have a pink laptop! Come to think of it, I don't even know what the external color my laptop is ... the room is dark.
556: I figure Obama must be doing something right if he has managed to irritate (I wanted to use a different word besides 'irritate' that means 'irrigate' but chose not to) communist China twice in one week to the bro-ink of World War Three. Taiwan and Tibet, first weapons for defense and then Free Speech, trying to tell the leader of the Free World who he can't talk to.
555: The Conversations of the Elderly: "Did I have coffee since you made it?" - I instinctively answered her 'Yes' in reference to the pot I made an hour ago, but then say 'No' in reference to the pot I made 5 minutes ago that may not even be finished. So my final answer is 'Maybe'.
554: Indirectly and without being a participant, I discovered the best way to play "Hide N Go Seek" : Just don't be there
553: Just a spoon full of shredded cheddar makes the dog eat his food, makes the dog eat his food, makes the dog eat his food - (repeat) - in the most delightful way.
552: India wants to spend 4.8 billion dollars start a manned space program to send up a pair of their astronauts 6 years from now. So at that rate we can get rid of that entire country for 24 quaddrillion dollars by the year 3000 trillion twenty ten and then Pakistan, their arch enemy, can save money on their nuclear weapons program AND Geico. Even a caveman could do that math.
551: When the snow is a couple feet deep in places, I know this couple's feet won't be going too many paces. For even with four wheel drive at hand and available, I prefer warmth, comfort and stayin' alive able.
550: At this moment I am studying amnesia. Well, not right this moment, I am writing that I am studying amnesia but that isn't true because I am writing this, but I plan to return to studying amnesia right after writing this. Well, it might just be best if you forget I ever wrote this, okay? Thanks. Or you can thank your amnesia, which ever one works or doesn't work for you.
549: There is more than one way to capture a wild rampaging unruly hippopotamus in your living room:
Introducing the Ronco Hippo-Chair-Snare
548: Here's the secret why my soup recipes are better than my wife's recipes: Half teaspoon of brown sugar. It'll be our lil secret, don't let her know .....
547: Snowball !!!! I figured out how to make a snowball with fresh dry snow in freezing weather. Just use a tennis ball and a squirt bottle of water. Roll, squirt, roll, squirt, repeat ... ... ... I named it 'Pluto' in honor of the former frigid dark planet and because I borrowed the tennis ball from my dog.
546: I was extremely confused last night watching TV, I must have turned to the wrong channel. Some guy kept talking about the "State of the Onion", and then I realized when it was over I had been watching the evening farm report from Vidalia, GA. It was still probably better than what was playin' from Washington DC.
545: Halfing fun with differential equations
544: My Dumb Joke of The Day: What is the favorite snack food of termites? "Door Eat Oh's - Wood Flavor, of course"
543: Quick, name something that penguins, polar bears, and The Prez have in common. Sometimes the little web browser on my phone cracks me up laughing simply by giving me half - the first half of the headline of what it considers the most important news story. Tonight's half gasped headline was: "Obama wants to freeze .."
542: When you hear the term 'bank robber', you usually don't think about it being THE BANK itself, robbing you. Well, today isn't a usual day.
541: Winter? Its a beautiful day to be outside in your barefeet playing in the bright sunshine!
540: I know 'xactly how it feels to win a Sarah Palin Look-A-Like Contest (but only because I have a strong imagination and needed something to cheer me up. I need hot cocoa, now!)
539: Discount: "Freedom Cost a Buck O'Five" is available for 99 cents on iTunes. See title search: Freedom Isn't Free
538: I get confused. When I stand in the kitchen the dishwasher makes a low noise that sounds like a telephone ringing. Of course, I am not confused for too long as it sounds like a telephone from the 1940's. Hopefully no one changed the ring tone on my cellular telecommunication ap-part-atus.
537: "What time is it boys and girls?" "Time to study Quebec!!!" "That's right, how did you know?" "You threatened us yesterday with corporal punishment if we forgot" "Oh,,,, I forgot about that"
536: First: I'm not really sure what that is. Second: I'm not really sure I want to know Third: I lied to myself - I really really want to know, but now its gone.
535: Odd, I wasn't aware that yesterday was Penguin Awareness Day until it was almost over. (I'm sorry, Elisa) I will have to find a piece of paper and pencil and write that down, so I can lose it and forget it, and then wait 365 days for this to happen again.
534: Hmmm, I think I invented the word "thud-denly", rhymes with "suddenly" - I only found one occurance of the word when I Googled it. Cool. I used it in a recent poetic piece of writing. Then I looked and several others had "my" word, except no one else has the hyphen. Mine is an emphasis on the sound, whereas several oth...ers use it as a speech defect, replacing S with TH.
533: Cool, Orion is directly south of me, pretty night, crispy clear cool night. So is the mint in my mouth.
532: "I stood out in the almost rain and almost got wet looking for that for you." - I must hang out with a very strange crowd, as they all just died laughing when I said that line, and then I laughed at them laughing so hard, which I think just made them laugh even harder. (I shouldn't do things like this on an empty stomach.)
531: My advice to Haiti: In Tents Pain, In Tents Gain. IF you can't afford to build an earthquake resistant structure using concrete, don't build them at all. It just isn't a good idea to live in Haiti with a "rock" suspended above your head or even to be in the walls that surround you. Tents are cheap. A tent making industry might be a good thing, too. Fewer people will die or get hurt in tents during earthsqueaks.
530: Oh, Silly Netherlands, Free Speech is more important than worrying about irritating some Islamics who seem to have relatively little concern overall about freedom of speech for anyone. (LINK to Geert Wilders news story)
529: Mmmm ... Chicken Noodle Soup from scratch! A little Italian dressing and Tabasco while cooking the chicken and then lasagna noodles a little later, topped off with slices of baby carrots.
528: is contemplating suicide. (No, no, no - for other people, not himself) (Oh, that is the hardest I have made myself laugh in a very long time)
527: Oh, to be the first one to open a bag of marshmallows! Such a wonderful minor late night delight, forming the insulating mustache tingling tangling foamy layer for the top of my hot cocoa, for it is cold outside, but I am warm, and my cup is hot, Mmmm, cocoa ...; Mmmm is for Marshmallow
526: I don't really have trouble with my P's and Q's, its more with my P's and O's. They are right next to each other on the keyboard so way too often this sentence turns out as 'They are right next tp each pther pn the keybpard sp way tpp pften this sentence turns put as'. I use opposite pinky fingers for the P and Q. When I start to mix them uq, you'll know I have puite serious qroblems.
525: I think I freaked my dog out. I recorded a short message on my phone, "Cooper, how are you doing?" - then I placed-played my recorded self on the opposite side of him. He left the room.
(Don't worry about the dog, he came back shortly. This is going to be a great new toy when we, The Dog and I, play "Hide and Go Seek")
524: Of Ice and Men and Mutts: Our large backyard snowball/glacier has quietly receded in the shadows to just a meager measly icky sticky couple of cubic centimeters and is therefore almost in-stink-ively extinct (minor amounts of unpleasant organic materials of composition decomposing). Coopie and I hope that there is soon more snow so it can be re-seeded and return to its previous glory! (And do its part to save the planet)
523: Haiti - Pat Robertson opens his mouth again and reveals and reminds us that he is the most stupid arrogant evil person on the entire planet all rolled up into a nice neat bundle of TV joy sound bite.
522: Oh, I remembered that I left something off my story about the wife trying to kill me with the jalapeno pepper fumes. The reason she accidentally scorched her REAL peppers was because she left the kitchen in a hurry to take care of something in her kitchen in the VIRTUAL cafe world in Facebook!
521: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
520: Experimental Culinary Success: Discovered the wonderful dreamy flavor of creamy peanut butter on Nacho Cheese Flavored Baked Doritos. Now this is some kinda diet, yes!
519: Now starting Harry Potter for the first time. Book One
518: Step..pin...g ba..ck a...way from th..e brigh.t glo.wing li.ght, gasp lung..s slo.w.l..y rec.over.ing after wife tried to kill me with jalapeno pepper fumes. Cough
517: I am making a soup this morning, and put in a number of jalapeno pepper pieces following a formula of x=2ⁿ. So, even if it doesn't taste all that great, it will at least be secretly mathematically pleasing.
516: Global War? Yes, Global Warming? No, not today anyway!
515: Playing with Oracle 11g, installed it today at home, just like the good ole days at work!
514: When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. When it hands you clementines, make pyramids. When it doesn't hand you quite enough clementines, don't throw in the towel, just use a towel to "fake it', and prop up one corner of your pyramid!
513: I love listening to my dog's sounds, learning his wags, whys and ways, his looks, his beckonings and bays.
512: I saw a photo of Obama squinting his eyes in the outdoors sunshine and suddenly thought of the perfect actor to portray him: Gilbert Gottfried
511: Yesterday's experiments using orange peelings as an art medium and/or leather substitute have failed semi-miserably. But there is hope with toothpicks. Have knife, will unravel.
510: want sleep now please tired ired eyes are red laying in bed pillow under head pillow on head need pill for head run Jane run see Spot get ball (oh sorry that last thing was just something that popped out from 1th grade)
509: I'M BRRR ALERT: If I suddenly die from dieting within the next 30 minutes, it may be because of the Lean Cuisine "Thai-Style Noodels with Chicken" experiment, part number 13800-55332 I promise to check back in with you later so you won't be too worried. One never knows what one may be allergic to, but alas, I think I am allergic to *nothin'*.
508: In the last war of The Greater Good vs The Greatest Evil, TGE launched Kamikaze against TGG in a last ditch effort and were only stopped by utter and nearly complete devastation and the threat of more of the same rain of ruin from above. This century's divine wind like nut jobs aren't likely to be silenced any easier, especially when they can arrive by jet coach on Christmas with potent popping underwear. (They are taking Grinch to a whole new level of low.
507: Obligatory obliquely oblongishly shaped slightly greater than one foot tall 95 snow 4 grass and leaves plus 1 percent "other" ball completed from all the available eskimoish type permafrost construction materials in the back yard. It would have been slightly larger except it was being ATE by some crEATure as I kept trying to creATE it. Greenland? no, Whiteland? maybe, Brownland? yes.
506: I kissed my wife. She said I smelled like oranges, the tiny ones I had got at her request. I asked her if this made me her 'Oh My Darling Clementine'
505: 2009 - Sad Old Year, Goodbye
504: "NO !!! - you've had your supper, been outside, there's water in your bowl, you've got a new chew bone rawhide, had a treat, now lay down and be quiet by my feet and chew your bone because Ernie is reading, OR you can go bother Tamie" - The Wife died laughing and The Dog chose The Floor without any more verbal canine sass. Crunch, crunch, crunch crumble chew is now the only ruminating rumble from either of those two.
503: So I brave the cold and blowing snow to heat up the vehicle and clean off the windows to take the wife to work then wonder why she is taking so long to come out of the house. Just as I walk in the house she laughs, gives me a funny she-is-in-trouble-look, says, "I'm feeding my face and feeding my fish" - her virtual fish in Facebook. ... And while we are burning up real ga$oline $he al$o ha$ to "run over" to clean two other people$ virtual fi$h tank$. We've created a FB Mom$ter.
502: On the side of my popcorn bag is a quality statement claim: "You'll Like It Better, Or My Name Isn't Orville Redenbacher" - what would be interesting is if that wasn't his real name, for instance, if he was accidentally switched with another baby in the hospital. And that other baby had a last name of Burns. And he eventually became a Kentucky Colonel. Colonel Burns would not have been a good name for a popcorn czar.
Hyperlink to Kentucky Colonel
501: With criminal abuse allegations and charges looming against the star of the CBS 'hit' sitcom "2 1/2 Men", the network executives may be scrambling how to rework the show sans Sheen. They may be thinking of going with a title like "1 1/2 Men", but if life is truly imitating art, only maybe far worse, then the 'half man' referenced in the title isn't Jake, and they should stick with "2 Men"
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