My 3rd Collection of 100 Headlines, Status and Moments in Rhyme from MySpace, Facebook and Twitter
Other Collections of 100 Headlines:
300: Preconfusion Warning: Tomorrow is international "Talk Like a Pirate Day" - so I will switching my Facebook language setting over to 'English (Pirate)' for September 19th. The guy who invented the 'holiday' wanted to do something special for his ex-wife's birthday.
299: Spending too much time in 'hope' wastes your present and your future ....
298: I have devised a plan that would drastically cut down the number of cases of prostate cancer to essentially zero and save a tremendous burden on the national health care system. IDEA: Kill all males over the age of 29. That should keep Obama's Death Panels busy for a few weeks.
297: Someone I know, but I can't see, is going to land in the icy land of Iceland, and at least that's the plan if the plane is fixed and they go zoom, otherwise he is adjusting to just mainly waiting in a waiting room in the state of Maine in a non-zoomy state of being.
296: In my dream just now I got in a fight with a grizzly bear. I got away from the bear by poking a stick in his nose, but I didn't run away but held my ground growling at him. So my advice for hiking through the forest is don't forget to take your megaphone and pool cue.
295: My night was drizzle, dark and damp, and now my morning comes wrapped with a tight coat of bright fog. The same water gets a little decoration, motivation, evaporation and elevation from the sunlight.
294: Poetry is a way of life, a way of thinking & doing,
expression that is caressed, pressed & dressed,
then said.
293: I have entered a simultaneous state of both 'I can't imagine what is going to happen next' amazement and extreme partial sadness wrapped in a mystery that only deepens as time and forensics uncovers the depravity and diabolical greed that can be contained and slowly revealed in a single other human being. (Don't worry, if you can read this directly from Facebook, I'm not talking about you)
292: Ah, Texas !!!
291: Colorado is currently color yellowing and color reddening, winding down for winter.
290: Utah is really just an older New Mexico, except one chose to be our salt and the other our pepper.
289: Today I saw some strange looking wide dilapidated shredded mud flaps on the back of an RV going down the interstate. With them flapping sporadically in the wind, it gave me the impression of a giant tarantula serving as the drivetrain - a 'drivetrainantula'
288: My thought for the day: Does anyone named Fran Sancisco live in San Francisco?
287: Getting to know Idaho in a couple of days or so
286: In some parts of the world they have installed cattle guards to keep livestock off busy thoughfares, such as the Interstate Highway System. In other places where the cows aren't as bright, they just paint one directly on the asphalt.
285: I got a phone call at 3 AM to let me know that 2 had tango'd; the score, who won? Skunk 1, Dog 0 - and the atmosphere negative something.
284: After spending a half hour around my first tribe of Oregonians, I am guessing their favorite herb is not oregano but rather cannabis sativa.
283: Now leaving apple maggot quarantine area
282: We have moved on in the non-list of our unscheduled daily activities to 'Pillow Fight'. Earlier I proposed that we formulate a name for the field of study for when space alien archeologists come to study our planet a million years from now and totally misinterpret the remains of human activity.
281: "Due to the Bumper Shoot Festival, valet parking will be closed" - the strange verbal message my son just received on his phone that we have no idea what it means. Perhaps it was a secret code from a CIA agent delivered to the wrong person.
280: Seattle .... Visual Apple Peeling
279: In several ways I am playing chess with my father for the last time. After this game, I plan to never play him again for the second time in my life.
278: Somebody in Montreal loves me.....
277: Happy 70th Anniversary to The Beginning of World War Two Day
276: I'm pretty sure yesterday was a good day. I played hide-and-go-seek with my dog, or 'BOO!' as the name of the game that my dog knows it as, at least three times. I also conducted an apprroximate census of my tomato plants: >70 green spheres of significant size on my 5 plants. MMMmmm...
275: In these tough economic times if you decide to start a "Lets save money by not shaving policy", be sure to have a notarized signed document with your spouse's buy in - it will help in both the divorce proceedings as well as when he/she tries to have you committed.
274: One of the ways that I plan to cut down on the amount of CO2 green house gas in the atmosphere is to implement a personal policy of never burning diamonds.
273: 'responsibility' just means that you screwed up and didn't properly do 'sponsibility' the first time. And since you have most likely have never heard of the ability to be sponsy, you know what to ask for at the next PTA or school board meeting.
272: I tried to save 8 soles today, but they eluded me.
271: Thanks Marck 'No matter how hard I don't try, there's just only so much that I can't do.' - That sounds like the perfect thing to not write on the very expensive marble tombstone that I never want to have. Save a tree, save a rock, take good care of my dog.
270: If anyone complains about the current state of my backyard, I am just going to blame the abundant rain, and point out that I am just singlehandedly Amazingly trying my best to make up for the failure of millions of Brazilians who are destroying the Amazon rain forest.
269: gp pm tgpdd tgat gd dgdm.t dtdm amtgdp tm pwgtag ggp pgmmd tm tgd amppdat mmdd addmpd twpgmg tggp mdpp att gt gp dapgdp tm ajgaj tgd attttm tm pdmd patgdp tgat dpapd.
269 Translated: (Ernest) is so tired that he didn't even bother to switch his phone to the correct mode before typing this mess but it is easier to click send rather than erase.
268: Oh, I have just recently discovered the Probate Code of the State of Texas online for free! Weeee! Ah, what joy! An interesting read in-deed, and all the new Latin vocabular-y, for the lil' lawyer wanna-be, living inside of me.
267: My dog is an entomologist.
266: I have learned that just because someone is willing to constantly call law enforcement, it doesn't necessarily mean they have any appreciation or understanding of law nor are they willing to live by law.
265: If I had a sister (or a brother) named 'Debra', I would tease them that they are 80 percent the same as a 'Zebra' - and because the letters D and Z rhyme, I would probably just tack on a few extra percent just to confuse them. It is well known that Zebras are easily confused by percentage mathematics.
264: Strangest song title to date: Last night on the David Letterman Show a song was performed called "God is Great, Beer is Good, People Are Crazy". Yes, thats right. I'm not making this up! And if I did just make it up I would not have told you. I know, I know, - Dave and I were stunned as well. There was even a backup gospel-type choir doing the chorus. They had a hard time keeping a straight face while performing.
263: I was driving in wet cold morning heavy downtown traffic and had just pulled out into the flow of vehicles when my ventilation system malfunctioned suddenly fogging up the interior side of the glass and to my amazement it had even created ice which I couldn't easily remove. I thought, 'this is really strange for August in Texas'. Then I woke from my dream a few moments ago.
262: I think I annoyed my dog. He was resting on my lap just fine listening to the same Coldplay song, 'When I Ruled The World' - their live performance from SNL, over and over until I started using my hands as puppets, doing their version of lip sync. Oh well, back to band practice ........ rewind, repeat.
261: I have just now discovered an adequate substitute that I should be able to use to put Dr Pepper out of business: A 50-50 mix of Coca-Cola and A & VV Root Beer
260: I love my mother very much.
259: (Ernest) Is home. Is thankful for all the good people with fine hearts who truly love and care. Is completely tired. Is hurting in his head.
258: (Ernest) is enjoying the wife telling about her dream of me forcing her to leave her home behind to live in a cardboard box. (In my defense, it would have been the nicest, biggest box available.) In the dream she kept yelling out, "I'll work harder!!!"
257: Part of the Freedom of Speech is politeness. Waiting for your turn. Listening.
256: Double LOL - I just saw a book titled 'A Lion Called Christian' and then thought of the historical references wondering if any of his distant relatives devoured any Christians during the Roman 'glad he ate her' days.
255: I think it is ironically interesting to have a president who is so vocally primarily concerned about national health care but then at his individual level continues to smoke cigarettes.
254: A good day. A very good day? Yes, a very good day!
253: I have a new verbal tool in my arsenal of tricks for when the dog is in a whiny mode. I just ask him in a kind voice, "What's the matter, baby need a percutaneous tracheotomy?", and every time he quiets down immediately. He must be paying more attention to the medical dramas on TV than I originally thought.
252: When the former president flies on a plane, is it known as 'Air Force Minus One'?
251: When I saw Santa Claus yesterday at the job fair I got excited about the prospect of working as an elf making cool toys, but he seemed just a bit indifferent towards me. When I asked for directions to his place he just replied, "a ways north of Norway"
250: Even though its not raining outside at this moment and I am not actually singing, there is a mildly wildly syncopated version (of my own composing) of "Singing In The Rain" going through my brain right now, leaking out my lips every once in a while.
249: Nature abhors a vacuum. College dorm rooms naturally abhor a vacuum cleaner. Nature abhors a clean vacuum cleaner. But if you have two vacuum cleaners, you can ea-silly always have one clean vacuum cleaner, or at least a cleaner one of the two.
248: My neighbor's dog ran away from home but didn't get very far. About one foot. He/She broke through a hole in the fence and was still hooked onto the chain. But my dog Cooper came to his/her rescue and notified me that something was going on outside his fence.
247: Oh, boy! It's a special day!
246: If you want to minimize police - citizen confrontations that turn into media circuses of "he said, she said", then simply digitally audio record every minute of a police officer's time on the job and have it be totally in control of an independent agency.
245: "You can never almost go home again" - to and for my mother
244: I am surprised to see from reading AP news about the indicted NC group that "military training at home" appears to be a crime in the United States of America.
243: I slowly overtook a painted train traveling parallel to my automobile route. The graffiti covering the bottom portion of most of the railroad cars was 'half vast' - massive, grotesque, uncoordinated and lacked a central unifying theme. Then I was comforted by the thought that at least the paint added a layer of corrosion protection to the rolling railroad caravan canvas.
242: Someone (me) is eating pumpkin bread at Starbucks but first there must be an interesting sculpture simultaneously created and destroyed in the process. [activity] At one brief shining moment there was a miniature rendition of Howard Hughes' mammoth moth known as the 'Spruce Goose' on my porcelain platter. Now there be but crumbs and a black plastic fork.
241: On one leg of my journey I experienced two clearly discernable dry/wet demarcations on the pavement for the edge of the storm. Is this anywhere close to being equivalent to finding a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?
240: Small Ville Texas, where the cost of living is low, folks still say "hi", and you can buy a pair of snow cones on credit (its a long story with a sweet happy ending)
239: The day is mathematically, chronologically & statistically progressing in the right direction. We have gone from a 30 percent chance of rain to raining 30 percent of the time.
238: I thought my inner core was cracked. Then I found out it was really molten. Iron. Molten iron. And spinning. And HUGE. And it was creating a magnetic field that caused beautiful glowing lights dancing at my feet and head. Cool. I noticed my glowing feet. Then I realized I had been dreaming that I was the entire earth. Again.
237: Housekeeper: Someone imported you hire to rearraign the stuff of "our" house, and hide important things from and mentally strain-gle your spouse. Also known as a 'spousesweeper'
236: Civics 101: It doesn't really matter who yoU are, or how important yoU think yoU are, you shouldn't ever think that it is a good idea to act stupidly, to yell and to scream at a peace officer any more than perform that same three ring circus for a judge in a courtroom.
235: Warning: Don't mess with my wife or she will 'fire' you as a customer! You don't mess with Texas and you shouldn't 'less' a Texan's income by not showing up for your appointment multiple times.
234: Is there like, another word for 'thesaurus', and where would I find it? [That reminds me about teasing my mother one time when she mentioned that I could use a thesaurus for something. So I asked her with mock seriousness, "whats that?", & she tried to explain repeatedly then realized my trickery and whacked me on the arm]
233: ..........
(Number 233 was silence for the day of my father's passing)
232: It is a very costly thing when people have no fashion sense or common sense or sense of smell. At least when it happens in the elderly, chances are you will out live it.
231: While shopping in WMT just now I heard a young mother use the word 'eXtablished' in a sentence to her child.
230: Ernest is sitting on the edge of shade, so close to the edge that I'm afraid I might fall off. Oops, it moved and I didn't. There, all better, for now.....
229: Wanted: Actively seeking the services of a young trainable mountain gorilla. Must be willing to pick tomato worms. Eating worms would be considered a benefit with pay adjusted accordingly. Willing to share 10% of tomato crop and 15% of the leaves. Microsoft Office Suite skills a plus; Fortran and COBOL programming experience a definite plus. Seasonal work. Online resumes only, please. Must love dogs.
228: Mr. Caveman, I can feel your pain. That stupid theme song from those recent Geico commercials keeps playing on an endless loop in my head.
227: As part of my continuing journey of preparing for the complete societal meltdown and chaos to come, I have gone to the hardware store and purchased 2 each of every kind of nut, bolt, screw, pin, washer, nail, rivet, snap, clasp, latch, hinge, hook, nut, bolt, screw, pin, washer, nail, rivet, snap, clasp, latch, hinge, and hook.
226: Just practicing homelessness and gardenmoreness in a light rain.
225: Checklist: Okay, let's see, I can now grow oregano and I have got started on my rainwater collection system to water my garden. So, as soon as I can grow a coffee tree, baby, I'm ready for any meltdown - polar ice caps, global economic or both. Ooops, I forgot about dog food ... and sugar ...
224: Ah, puppy is back from his ride in the car, the first one in quite awhile; "Neglect!!!" - I am sure that was his collective doggie thoughts boiled down to a single word - at least he got to see prairie dogs today, but no locomotives in action. He likes trains, but he likes prairie dogs more.
223: PuttinG a cOllAr AnD A fleA cOllAr BAck On A DOg while yOu hAve A heADAche cAn be A lOt Of fun! For one of us.
222: Hmmm, I must have done something very bad - I crashed - 'busted' - the entire Google Chrome browser on my XP computer which is supposed to be very 'robust' at the application layer ..... .... ... .. . r0 r0 r0 r0 r0 (nothing) - followed by that empty feeling you get when you lose at a slot machine, only I don't know exactly what that feeling is as I have never played a slot machine.
221: After watching video speeches & reading quotes of Sarah Palin, I thought to myself, "So this is what a female version of George W. Bush would sound like"
220: It looks like I slept on my mustache wrong - one half looks 'normal', the other side is doing a fair job of imitating 'Salvador Dali'. Sorry folks, no flash photography today in the 'amused, see him'.
219: My dog is resting on the floor at my feet. With seismic P-wave hick-ups. (wait) (wait) Ah, fur-th quake is now over.
218: Its important to turn the lights on in your bathroom at night. I just came "this close |<----->|" to stabbing my foot with a steak knife when my belly knocked it off the counter" a) Get a smaller belly b) Put up the steak knife c) Turn on lights before entering room d) Move
217: something something something
216: As much as my dog sheds hair, he doubles as a 'sheep'. I am offically listing him as a Half Huskie/ Half German Sheep-herd from now on. Baaaa-Ark!
215: I almost have a cartoon idea finished that has the words "Eve, its an easy design decision, this room so needs to be a man cave"
214: Silly wise despots despise easily.
213: After 16 pairs of black New Balance MX600AB 11 1/2 4E, it is time to move on. They appear to be gone. Alas, there is nothing quite so sad as beloved extincty shoes. I guess someone forgot how to make them, or I didn't buy enough, or someone hates me - those are the only reasons I can think of at this moment of deep sorrow. A buy gone era.
212: A bumper sticker I created for my sister today: Those who can't sing cartwheel.
211: Tomato worms in my part of the world have been known to soar as high as 25 feet in a single 'hop' completely clearing my house from back to front. Of course they didn't necessarily achieve this through their own means of locomotion, know the proper procedure for landing or book the flight far enough in advance to qualify for the lowest possible fare.
210: It may be July 5th, but I have that December 26th dead tired overworked Santa Claus
Glad~That~Whole~Day~Is~OVER
yet thankful feeling and a smile. Drats - Rudolph's water bowl is empty.
209: Word of Advice to the fine citizens of Gaffney, SC: Most serial killers know how to read. So don't be interviewed by CNN, give you and your wife's name and be quoted: "If he comes to me, face to face, I'm ready, I'm loaded, and I'm aimed for him" & "I'm afraid for my life, it's going to be kind of like a dog fight. I'm telling you: I'm going to win" - especially when your home address is available on the Internet.
208: I noticed that a bottle of imported water in my house came from the Alps. Of Arkansas. Then I looked closer at the "Alpine Spring Water" logo & it doesn't exactly have an "A" in the word "Alpine" - just an inverted V mountain shape with a jagged line to represent the snow. So I am thinking maybe "LPINE" is how they say "Pine" -> "Pine Tree" in Arkansas. Pine tree water. Is that anything like 'maple syrup'?
207: "Root beer float with a root beer chaser, please, waitress"
206: Just judging by the velocity & ferocity that my dog puts into keeping cats off our property, I think the folks at Beggin' Strips have missed out on a flavor opportunity. I am not for the wholesale slaughter of kitties, I am just thinking outside the litter-box. I figure a few of my chemist chums and I could come up with an artificial cat scent. After smelling the place where I used to work - it should be easy!
205: KFC has begun selling grilled chicken which may overtake fried. Soon they may branch off to include pheasant & quail. Then they will be known as Kentucky Grilled Birds or The KGB and then I will stop eating there out of fear.
204: If I fall asleep sitting in my lawn chair, does that count as 'camping'?
203: T - "I didn't say you could dance in my bed!!!" [Jason Mraz music induced dancing]
202: A brand new tiny little leaf !!!! Visible proof that I am not completely killing my latest orchid.
201: Last night Mr. Froggie was waiting patiently on the top step of the stairs at the back door. As soon as I opened the door he immediately jumped inside about a half of a foot, distance. I quickly & carefully (acting in my capacity of 'club bouncer') took the bottom half of my foot and sent him "hopping west" after a brief stay of 1.5 seconds. He is taking what I tell Cooper too seriously, "Mr. Froggie is our friend!"
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