The Queen and I (Speak At The U.N.)

(From July 7th, 2010 - this got lost)

From the news I read that the Queen of England was going to speak at the UN in NYCNY and it had been about 50 years since she last spoke there. In my entire 50 some years I think the closest I got to speaking at the UN was when I ordered pizza a few blocks away at Sbarro's.

Or it might have been while I was on my way to my hotel in Queens and I was stuck in traffic talking to the stoplight near the UN building. Yes, you read between the lines correctly: I drove in Manhattan and lived to tell about it. But that was along time ago and I am wiser and safer now.

The Most Important Quality To Look For In A Future Wife: Can she smell frozen pizza at fifteen feet?

A friend of mine mentioned ice cream in a Facebook post so I went looking for frozen treats even though I already knew my ice cream sandwiches were gone. I found a small pizza. Frozen. Waiting. Just for me!

But I decided to share anyway - Se~Cret~Ly!

I carefully and quietly unwrapped it in the kitchen with my wife just a few feet away absorbed in a TV show. I wish I would have thought to make all the noises of opening the package and starting the microwave to coincide with the violent moments of the cinematic entertainment, but I will save that for next time.

After I started the pizza, I thought, "this will be a nice surprise for my true love" just as I am fixing to walk past her arm chair.

BUT ... she smiles and says,

"I'm ready for my pizza!"

and I stop dead in my tracks! I'm thinking, "Wow! I knew her sense of smell was incredible, but that frozen pizza has been in the microwave oven for less than 15 seconds and it takes a certain amount of time just to generate a sufficient volume of volatile chemicals and then they would have to escape the microwave oven and dissipate around the corner into the living room ~~WHAT?!?!?"

So I told her, "Well, I found a small frozen pizza in the freezer and I was going to surprise you with it, how did you smell it?"

And her eye brows go quizzically funny, and says, "What frozen pizza? You're cooking a pizza? I was talking about that Pizza Hut pizza that me and Cooper didn't get to have last night"

... and then I remembered that we weren't able to get pizza last night because we called 10 minutes too late. I was so flabbergasted I forget what I said next.

Tamie smiled and said, "We're getting his mental telepathy thing down pretty good, huh?"

&^)

You're In Good Hands and Being Strangled At The Same Time

HAH !!! Here is a funny insurance story: 

Several weeks ago I received a refund for overpayment of an annual policy for a house insurance that had been paid in full probably a month before. Now I get a letter saying they are going to cancel the policy because I didn't pay some membership fee, which I am pretty sure is considerably less than the refund they already sent me.

AND ... I haven't even cashed the refund check for minor legal reasons far beyond the scope of this silliness, so functionally, they still have the money sitting in their account.

A friend responded that I didn't sound like I was too happy with insurance companies at the moment ...

Actually, I am learning to see 'the stupidity of giant corporations' as a form of entertainment. It's what keeps my lawyer busy, well fed, and clothed.

Insurance has been at the top this last year in the Stupid category. I have never built a brand new house and never plan to do so, because the purchase of more affordable older homes has worked out just fine. But they want to constantly sell me policies based on the cost to rebuild versus what I just need to simply buy another house in my local market. They raised my rates about 30 percent in one year. So their greed and insensitivity resulted in a loss of my patronage. I won't mention their name, but it rhymes with 'Stall Ate'.

And we don't want unbusy, starving naked lawyers roaming the streets.