Dances With Pizza

Even for an old tired worn out sore man at the end of the day, I can move incredibly fast, you just have to throw a butcher knife at me. 

Or rather have me throw a butcher knife at myself, that'll work too. 

I should blame Cooper since he is the one who "forced" me to order pizza for supper. 

I knocked the knife out of my hand when I brought it up out of the wooden block thingy in the kitchen but it bumped the stove's exhaust fan shroud and then ricocheted off at least two other surfaces before heading towards my bare toe-sies. 

Remember: Always wear steel toed work boots when eating pizza with your dog, and don't forget the BBQ sauce. 

Oh, and don't forget to give your dog his after meal dog biscuit, like I just realized I forgot to do.

Just Say Know To Math

The nearby city of Amarillo, Texas recently banned the use of cellular telephones while driving. There was an online article in the Amarillo newspaper that used some data in a questionable manner, so I wrote this online comment:

The article expressed [an] increase of 57 accidents for the time period 2006 to 2010 from 3,352 to 3,409, which is a little less than 2 percent increase, which may or may not be a statistically valid increase based on the data collection methods. The population increase in the same time period for the state of Texas was approximately 8 percent, which would mean that the more important per capita accident rate actually decreased. When you factor in the probable (I have no data for this) increase in the ownership of cellular telephones in the same time frame, this would indicate an improvement in driver behavior concerning cellular telephone usage while driving.

[end of my online comment]

I came back to the article 7 hours later to see if anyone had any responses to my comment, but there were no comments. BUT in the upper right corner I noticed there had been 4 votes cast about my comment, one thumbs up, BUT THREE thumbs down.

WHAT?!?!? All I did was point out that a piece of their supporting data was logically backwards.

In case you want to know, I don't text and drive. I don't usually talk on a cell phone when driving, unless I am in the middle of nowhere, which in my part of Texas is probably half of my driving time.

The Dogs of Wore

This picture shows my wife's latest customer:

His name is Max.

Now don't be confused, he isn't a client for her cosmetology services, but he bought a shirt. 

Max is getting a shirt with a Bulldog logo, as that is the mascot-logo for the local high school of Borger Texas.

Max is going to be in the parade with his new shirt.

The owner let me know that he is not in a cleaned up state, so he will look prettier and cleaner with the new shirt.

Max barked at me, but not as much once I started taking photos of him.

Hidden Forty

I have a carpenter painting and doing some work on a door and equipment at our business. This morning as he was moving some cabinets he found some small towels wrapped up between the unit and the wall. When he unfolded the towels there was forty dollars in the towels. This happened right before I arrived. My wife was already there and told him he could keep the money.

The interesting part of the story is the particular renter that left this money behind was the evil one who was trying to steal and destroy our business just recently. Normally I return any lost money or goods to the rightful owner, but in this situation I never had control of the money in order to do so.

I asked the carpenter if he would like to wrestle me for the money, but he said no, that I would probably win!

So, anyway, I felt strange as I drove by other business where the evil person now works on my way to get fuel and breakfast, with a feeling of incompleteness knowing that I couldn't return the forty dollars to its rightful owner, no matter how despicable she might be.

Several weeks ago as Miss Despicable was trying to pay me for two weeks rent instead of one, and doing it a day earlier than normal, she accidentally gave me a fifty dollar bill in the mix instead of a twenty. When I pointed this out, that she was trying to pay me $30 too much, the other renters in the other room overheard our conversation and jokingly and veRy loudly chastised me, saying in siLLy grouchy overlapping unison, "WHY did you tell her?!?!? We could have had a party with that money!!!" - and they teased me again the next day when I collected their rent on the normal collection day.

I feel strangely sad today for a variety reasons, mainly grief at the recent loss of my friend and mentor Eddie. That has its own mix of problems with greedy people interfering who are clueless to the reality of business and the probate process. I am not sure I ever reaLLy have too many enemies, at least from my point of view, for veRy long at aLL.

A Girl Name Contest!

I am trying to decide what name I should have had if I would have been born as a female. I am not planning on making any changes, plumbing or otherwise, this is just a theoretical question that floated through my little brain just now 42 seconds ago. Anyway, for some unknown reason, the first name that popped into my head was "Gwynyth". I would be interested in your suggestions for:

A) What you think my female name should have been
B) How about a middle name for me!
C) What opposite gender name do you think you would have liked for yourself.

Please feel free to leave a comment answering any or aLL of these questions.

I Audition as a Model for the Painting "The Scream" 119 Years Too Late

I was in the other room a few minutes ago, and Barak H Obama started yeLLing at me!

Imagine my surprise!

When it happens just moments after waking up from a much needed nap and you are stiLL tired it can be rather scary.

I went running from the living room screaming with my hands over my ears.

Don't worry, I made sure I put my left hand on my left ear and my right hand on my right ear.

Do you realize how difficult it is to do the opposite AND also run safely through a room with dog chew toys scattered almost everywhere?

I live dangerously ...

(I do a wide variety of siLLy things for the pure purpose of cheering up my wife.)

WeLL, I must go now, my lovely wife has made chicken gumbo. I have more interesting food news about her, but I must publish a new invention, a burger, on my recipe blog. Soon ....


Link to Edvard Munch's "The Scream"

Update: I am half way through my bowl of chicken gumbo and I see something different, smaLL and yeLLow.

I say, "There's corn in my gumbo!"

I look across the living room and my wife is smiling mischieveously, then she said, "It took you long enough [to notice]!"

Miss I On, I'm Possible

A veRy close young relative of mine is having an interesting day after having to work a veRy long shift. He is tired. He wants sleep, entertainment, and probably not to be bothered. 

I texted him so that I wouldn't wake him up, knowing about his long previous work shift. Then he told me later his phone makes the same amount of noise - text or phone call, so it didn't matter. (I woke him up.)

But he had a few good tales for me.

The first tale was that the cable company sent him the device to get hooked to the internet BUT failed to send the other device that allows him to watch teleBision. And they are already billing him for his cable service. The technical support person wasn't much help because it was a Sunday, other than to say she couldn't believe that had happened. She wasn't saying she didn't believe him, just flabbergasted about the mistake. 

But tomorrow is a holiday, so nothing will get done until Tuesday.

The second tale was more interesting. There is a knock on the door. Someone is standing there who wants to give him an eviction notice. He tells the guy, "I'm sorry, but that's impossible, I JUST moved in here two days ago!" But the guy is insistent. Then my young relative asks to see the papers, and it is someone else's name but the correct apartment address. He offers to show him identification to prove that he is not the person listed on the eviction notice and that he isn't connected to that person at all. So after a few more words, the guy finally leaves.

But the word finally isn't final.

A few minutes pass and there is a knock on the door. The same guy is back. He says that he has called his boss, and his boss says that its impossible. He needs to serve the eviction papers. 

My young relative is perplexed. What do you mean its impossible? He thinks, "I'm possible." What kind of response do you give a moron who wants to give you eviction papers when you aren't the correct person and you know you have paid your rent? He refused to take the papers.

But tomorrow is a holiday, so nothing will get done until Tuesday.

Blogger Is Broken

Something or someone is messing with my account. I have comments sporadically disappearing from my friends blogs. Blogger sent me a cryptic message saying something is wrong with my account, BUT I can not figure out HOW to communicate with their help desk technical support folks.

Now I just noticed that I am listed as a follower of my OWN blog!