Even for an old tired worn out sore man at the end of the day, I can move incredibly fast, you just have to throw a butcher knife at me.
Or rather have me throw a butcher knife at myself, that'll work too.
I should blame Cooper since he is the one who "forced" me to order pizza for supper.
I knocked the knife out of my hand when I brought it up out of the wooden block thingy in the kitchen but it bumped the stove's exhaust fan shroud and then ricocheted off at least two other surfaces before heading towards my bare toe-sies.
Remember: Always wear steel toed work boots when eating pizza with your dog, and don't forget the BBQ sauce.
Oh, and don't forget to give your dog his after meal dog biscuit, like I just realized I forgot to do.
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Oh my God, that was hysterical. And I really wished someone would have caught it on video. You'd be "viral" by now.
Marianne: I thought of video immediately as it vvas happening. Perhaps I need to instaLL a bunch of cameras to capture aLL the good stuff automaGicaLLy.
I'm glad they got your school system back vvorking again.
I have heard of 'shoeless Joe Jackson' you could be toeless Ernest Boston
Badger: I am not so sure how weLL my Vibram Fivefingers shoes would work with missing toes.
Here is some more of the story: I was talking to my wife on the phone about supper plans and mentioned the option of 'pizza', but she didn't want that. But just as soon as Cooper heard me say that word, as he had been looking at me very intensely but quietly while I was talking, he suddenly went nuts and started with his usual "I'm hungry" stream of verbals. So I told him I ordered him pizza and he smiled, settled down and jumped up on the couch to look out the window for the delivery man. Yes, he does love pizza! But I did make the mistake of ordering just pizza instead of the combo pack that has the cheesy breadsticks that I think are his favorite.
This is, of course, hysterical. But the phrase "exhaust fan shroud" is pure art.
That sounds rather dangerous. But not many people can say they were attacked by a mad fan with a large knife.
I bet it all happened in slow mo too.
Cooper looking in awe at the knife spinning in the air...hitting the fan,,,then the bench...the dustbin...fade to you with your mouth open in a 'Noooooooo' kind of way watching the blade from a different angle and just before it hits your toesies you pull them out of the way, slip and fall on the kitchen floor. Camera back to normal speed and Cooper jumps on top of you - licks face, you laugh.
TangledLou: The shroud of the fan is quite real, perhaps you know them by a different name.
Rob: Luckily the fan was safely enclosed and it was the shroud that I bumped into.
Julie: Your version is much better than mine. I think my eXperience was medium motion, I didn't faLL, and luckily Cooper was in the other room. Today I am cooking with a much smaLLer knife, one I am qualified to drive. Making buffalo-ground pork sausage burgers! Mmmm.... I cook two pounds of meat at one time and then reheat later as needed, makes for a great fast meal.
The first thing you should do is get the phone number of the nearest pizza delivery.
The next thing you should do is stop doing things your dog tells you to do. This can lead to no good.
Mia: I actuaLLy skip the phone and order online at pizzahut.com, and stop doing what my dog wants? Hahahaha, yea, like that is going to happen any time soon, I am a slave.
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