I am a Lion Man for the County

I posted a Facebook status of my dreamscape:

Had a strange dream. Lots of tiny rocks in my drinking water.

My friend asked if it meant that I had kidney stones.

I thought, "That would be handy, a look-up table that tied strange dreams to medical diagnoses." So I created these ones, which are probably extremely accurate.

Dream: Birds Suddenly Appear Every Time You Are Near But They Don't Want To Be Close To You because you appear to have insect bites all over your body

Medical Problem: Careening Carpenter Ant Bites

Dream: Lug Nuts Keep Falling Off Your Car and you look like Englebert Humperdink only you are compressed vertically to 4' 7"

Medical Problem: You have a cold (I know, it doesn't make sense to me either)

Dream: I am a Lion Man for The County and I drive all over the Maine roads.

Medical Problem: You don't have anything wrong, but several people in Maine have been turned into Purina Lion Food because you are not very good at your job.

Dream: You have a repeat dream with the "lug nuts" only this time you get it right and you look like B. J. Thomas and you are stretched to 7' 4"

Medical Problem: You have pneumonia (now it makes perfect sense, well, compared to the original version) 

Don't worry, I will probably add more "Dream/Medical Problem" combos in the future. Somebody has to keep winning Nobel Prizes in Medicine AND Writing Fiction and it may as well be me, say, I wonder if I would get two for this one article, as it stretches across both medal categories?

Now something for the real world:

Wikipedia Article: Where There Is No Doctor