Ate Point Oh

I learned today that a Chinese person had given herself the middle name of "8." when she was a teenager. If you don't have a middle name, I would suggest the number zero, "0.", then when people wrote your name with letter "oh" as "O.", you could tell them they spelled it wrong. When they ask what's wrong, say, "Oh, n0thing"

Jennifer Lee was not given a middle name at birth, but instead chose "8." as a teenager. For many Chinese, the number eight symbolizes prosperity and good luck. She is also the author of a famous cookbook, so "ate" (eight) was a good choice.

I suppose you could have trouble with "1." and "Juan" as well.

If you were German, then "9." would give you "no" trouble.

[I like writing in bed. I haven't moved one foot in distance since I started this Facebook status and comments, turned it into a blog entry, and already two people in Bangalore, India have read it. Well, I did move 2 feet, my left one and my right one are now crossed and closer to me in a futile attempt to get warm]

The Law of The See

'Bermuda Triangle?' - I think a more effective way of dealing with Somali pirates would be to have them quietly and mysteriously disappear FOREVER. When they don't return it will make their remaining buddies on dry land think twice about getting in a boat. "Beyond this point there be dragons, Matey, argh"

I kinda like the idea of building a gigantic mechanical jaw to make bite marks in the pirate boats and then set the empty boats adrift. I would nick name the device 'McGruff'.

This would become part of the Law of the Sea, - "Boss, we have looked everywhere, but we don't SEE them"

Another idea that popped into my head: How 'bout sending them to Myanmar and put under house arrest for 23 years or longer ??? ...

So you thought that you'd go steal a boat

Or anything of value that happened to float

Too bad you can't read the English I just happily wrote

Now dear pirate you are of little note -

Burma Slave

Update 2010.11.18

I saw this particular item while Google searching and just died laughing:

Somali Pirates Disclose They Are A Subsidiary Of Goldman Sachs

A Cookie Rule

I have a new rule: If I forget what I am looking for in the middle of my pursuit, then I can just get a cookie. A cookie is something I rarely forget. I hope I remember this new rule.

I also realized that if I want a cookie but don't deserve one then all I have to do is pretend to look for something then pretend that I have forgot what I was looking for.

Bigger. If you just want a cookie you can always ask for something bigger, like Danish. When they ask for a clarification of which Danish, indicate that you want everything in the country of Denmark, to be it's absolute ruler and owner of all things Lego and non-Lego. Then negotiate for a cookie, maybe even one from Denmark, ah, a Danish cookie.

If your favorite cookie is not available, then it is required to eat two cookies simultaneously stacked on top of each other. I prefer chocolate chip macadamia nut.

&^)

Update 2010.12.06

My cookies [cashew sandies] were on sale so I sell-a-brate by eating two at a time instead of one. At 35% off, think of the money I'm not saving. The dog's portion of a tenth of a cookie hasn't changed, so I have actually increased from 0.9 to 1.9 cookies per treat session, more than doubling my mea$ure plea$ure trea$ure. If I include this in my resume I should easily land a job working for the IRS.

Conned by Contrails

Contrails:
The sky is filling!
The sky is fooling!
The sky is fueling
fools full of falling fears
who need some atmos-fear-ic schooling.

Poetry Link: the next poem in my blog ...

An Al Obama Vacation

2010.11.07

President Obama is scheduled to visit Indonesia on Tuesday but some of the Islamic people are protesting his visit because he supposedly is anti-Islamic from their perspective. Obama lived there as a child. They say you can't go home again, but at least he's trying.

A friend of mine thought the Tea Party People already thought he was a Muslim.

I responded, "Theoretically he could be both." quickly followed by a "maybe Indonesians don't like Kenyans"

So ... if the Indonesians don't want Obama to come there, would that make him a Kendon'tnesiyan ?

Someone else complained to me that Obama's current trip was costing the U.S. Tax payers 2 million dollars a day.

My response was: Yes, but at 2 million dollars a day that might be cheaper to keep him out of the country if he isn't signing even bigger spending bills. So that only works out to ~790 days or so, so roughly it would only cost us about 2 billion dollars to have our beloved president stay out of the country for the rest of his term. Sounds like a bargain! Orbitz? Expedia? Where do we sign him up?

The First Friend responded that Obama was doing the move overseas much cheaper than his predecessors (for which I have no supporting data), moving the White House (implied) overseas is expen$ive.

My cascading ring tones, oops, I mean, responses to First Friend were:

NUMBER ONE: So ... this mobile-home-casa-blanca ... does it have 3 axles or 4? Double wide? Telescoping oval office?

Now thanks to you (First Friend) I have that TV ad jingle "A-1 Is Number One" (A-1: local supplier for mobile homes) just starting its irritating probably all day journey through my cabeza. Hope-fool-y it will soon be echoing in yours as well.

At least for the financial sake of the country, I usually travel alone, in a very used automobile.

NUMBER TWO: Oh, what a relief! Now I have my own cerebral video of Obama mainly in slow motion to the song 'Tik Tok' by Ke$ha meshed visually with the opening of 'The Simpsons' show season 21 , episode 20, where I first heard/saw it, ah, much better than 'A-1 Is Number One'

"cause when I leave for the night I ain't comin' back"

Gonna party like$ it'$ 2011 (already)

NUMBER THREE: Now the Obama video is becoming more animated with B.H.O. simpsonized, mixing in some syncopated Indonesian crowds chanting with signs that have Arabic script on one side and flip around to Tea Party slogans on the other.

"Ain't got no money in my pocket but I'm already here"

Reference for lyrics: 'Tik Tok' by Blanco, Dr. Luke and Ke$ha

2010.11.10 - Update 

Pakistan was irritated because Obama visited India and skipped them. Don't worry, Pakky, he skipped me too! I was even waiting all day with milk and cookies. Guess I will save these for Santa Claus. Of course I have milk and cookies all the time. So I could have easily picked a different pair, say, vinegar and stale crackers.