Did You Ask Jesus To Fix Your Frig?

A customer of my wife was getting his hair cut and telling us about the problems he was having with his refrigerator. The door between the freezer and refrigeration sections is stuck open so he manually has to adjust things from time to time.

Then the spouse of the customer says, "Well, we aren't buying any more appliances because Jesus is coming back real soon!"

It took me quite a bit of effort to keep from smiling then laughing.

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Donald Trump isn't in favor of passing tighter gun laws but he is wanting to address mental health issues behind the violent attacks in our society. He wants to make it easier to get insane people off the street and get them help.

I totally agree. My first suggestion is to use this to get Donald Trump locked up in an insane asylum.

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Sometimes I totally get things confused by switching a word to a noun instead of a verb or vice versa. In the following headline I interpretted 'surfaces' as a noun.

I was trying to imagine what the effect or purpose was to use 2000 surfaces to display something.

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Now Sarah Palin wants to be Donald's Secretary of Energy. I can only stand to listen to her for just so long. What I would like is for Sarah Palin to take an IQ test. If she scores below 85, then I would like her to go find a cabin somewhere deep deep in Alaska and stay there for the rest of her days, and stop entertaining us.

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I had a terrible dream last night. Everything in my house was eXtremely organized.

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So there was an idiot wannabe terrorist in Maryland who sent a message on social media to kill all the white people. At least that is what they reported in the headline and they have him in police custody and charged him with a crime. BUT I noticed that he speLLed 'people' with PPL, so maybe he wiLL get off with that technicality. Maybe he didn't like white PVC piping, and he wanted to kill all the white 'PiPeLines' ? It could just be a major plumbing issue ... thoughts don't flow ProPerLy through his brain.

No Google, Kasich Didn't Say That!!!

I found this interesting thing in Google's display of un-formation of a half-something John Kasich said.

From Google:

Abolish all teachers?!?!?!? No, this is what he really said:

I also found this headline with two negative words:

"Breaking Down" in this article really means "Examining In Detail"

Then I found a huggy time reference in New England from CNN:

"resorts" ?!?!? - that might be a stretch of the reality of the situation.

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In the Trump World, I heard that Sarah Palin was going to interview Donald Trump. "interview"? I laughed for a good ten minutes when I heard those words, just imagining the conversations those two love birds could possibly have. So I guess Palin wants to become the next Barbara Walters. Palin and Trump, the incoherent ineptitude interviewing the incompletely insane. Perhaps they wiLL hug.

And now Trump has attacked Anthony Weiner. I am thinking, "Why?" What good did that do? I am utterly surprised that no one has assassinated Trump yet. 

Cars, Starring Hugh Laurie, Playing In My Head

My recent dream was a slight modification of the television series House. The characters of House were focused on making difficult automotive repairs. They used medical diagnostic equipment and lingo to repair veRy difficult car problems. It followed the House format of seemingly getting the car fixed only to have it break down again. House then fixed it replacing something minor. 

It was veRy vivid when I first woke up but then I rapidly forgot the details.

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Exciting News: My first new leaf is growing on my 2nd orchid plant. My jungle by the glass back door works its magic.

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My neighbor was working on my car trying to figure out a fuel system problem. But after 17 days I gave up on him and had a tow truck take it to my favorite mechanic's shop. I have been using him for over twenty years. My neighbor used to work in his shop, but they had a parting of ways.

My neighbor was frightened one day by wasps that had recently decided to live in the grill area of the car. Being deathly afraid of them, he grabbed his little boy who had followed him to my house and in the process of running away had dropped the key to the car.

Then it took a few more days of him not working on my car for me to finally give up on him. I had not ound out just yet in the process about the lost key. So he finally told me about it and asked me to let him know how much it would cost to replace the key.

Answer: It was a smart key and so it cost $75.76

I sent him a text message about 12 hours ago and have not heard a reply yet.

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So now Trump's strange news of the moment is about having a woman come on stage to pull his hair to show its attached to his head.

So I would call this the race of the "hair versus the torture us" with more nonsense. I think the torture us is winning.

I am glad that the Walter Cronkite of Latin America is boldly forcing Trump answer policy questions and asking other news people to do the same thing. 

Trump recently made bold claims about how the black vote was going his way. But of course that is total gibberish according to recent poll work. He would lose against Biden, who isn't even running, by a huge margin. 

I think Trump has a god complex. I think he thinks he can simply speak things into existence.

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One of my veRy closest friends from the diner was convicted in a jury trial and was sent to prison for three years. I knew absolutely nothing about this event until it was over, and I am completely devastated. Last night was the first time I tried to eat an evening meal at the diner without her, and it was terribly painful. I would go to see her in the temporary holding place, but I think I would just cry the entire 80 miles there and back. So I think I will stick to letters right now. The owner of the diner gave me a free six pack of beer as a grief present a couple days ago. We are all in a state of shock. I need to bake a cake and take to the diner, as is my custom. I hope her permanent (undecided) location in the Texas prison system isn't too far.

Dear Roger Ailes

Dear Roger Ailes,

I wish that you would try an experiment with your Fox News Network. I would like you to try stopping your coverage of Donald Trump. Just totally ignore him and see what happens to his cam-pain. No, I didn't spell campaign wrong. When I hear his name or voice I get a headache. Donald is merely running a gigantic reality television show for free using everyone's airtime. It's nonsensical entertainment filled with hate speech. You are enabling a Hitler-type dictator wanna-be. Stop it.

Ernest S B Boston

Why Did The Honey Bee Cross The Road? No, Sorry, Wrong Joke, Which Came First, Bee vs Honey

For decades there have been bugs in software. Now we have put software on bugs.

I am thinking negatively for a second, what could possibly go wrong, with visions of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles going through my head. The intersection where insects meet the Internet.

Buzz 1.0

Honey I Shrunk The Honey Microprocessor

Cooper Votes

I am having a hellishly busy week where I have contractor fixing water damage, problems with Best Buy sending a bad incompetent joke of a plumber to do a dishwasher install which he screws up leaving water leaks and a broken brand new appliance AND my wife overloads me with work in our printing business. It wasn't completely her fault, she honestly thought she was taking an order for a certain quantity BUT then the customer later clarified it was for FIVE times the amount. 

So I am exhausted yet surprisingly keeping it together.

I wake five mornings ago and tell myself (jokingly) that I need to put Cooper up for adoption because I don't have time to take care of him. [Of course the reality is that he is the thing my daily world revolves around, my source of joy] But then my neXt thought is, "I could kill two birds with one stone by putting my wife up for adoption instead. I wouldn't be eXhausted AND I would have plenty of time for my dog."

So I decide to put it to a vote where the only one voting is the dog.

I am in the kitchen and I turn to him sitting attentively in the livingroom and ask him if we should get rid of Tamie, put her up for adoption. He just looks at me seriously, staring, not blinking. So I rephrase the question slightly but I get the same eXact response which seems to be 'No'.

So I ask him if he would like treats, his dog biscuit and Beggin' Strips. He smiles. A definite Yes.

I go to work and tell this complete tale to my wife who enjoys it immensely. She says, "Do you realize how spoiled rotten that dog is? I made chili last night and cooked ground beef and mixed some in with his dog food aNd he didn't eat it! So then I realized he wanted his usual ingredient, so I spinkled a veRy small amount of beef jerky crumbs on top and he ate it like normal."

Five Inches of Canine Confusion

Because my Cooper is getting older he is having a harder time climbing up on the bed. So I lowered it down about five inches by removing the metal framework.

Now it is the same height as the couch in the livingroom which he has no problems with getting onto. BUT he is confused about the bed. He doesn't seem to understand what has happened and he won't just jump up on it. He has complained loudly about it. We spent about an hour trying to help him. He did 'crawl' onto it once with Tamie helping him, it was hilarious, but then couldn't figure it out again. He finally gave up and slept on the floor. He even SAW me remove the metal frame.

Old dogs, old tricks.

At least I got to enjoy watching Tamie make running and jumping examples for the dog.

Old women, old tricks.

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If three beers a day wiLL get you to age 110, I am wondering if a 6-pack wiLL let you reach 220.

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I saw a headline: 

Massachusetts Mayor Calls Bobby Jindal The 'Gomer Pyle' of Politics

I thought this was very unfair to Gomer Pyle.

Plus Ted Cruz trying to make bacon with a machine gun. Only Rachel Maddow pointed out that it wasn't a machine gun, it was a semi-automatic.

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I just realized I usually go for several months at a time without ever thinking of Hubert Humphrey.

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At first I thought I had an injury on the knuckle of my right hand. Then I realized it was dried ketchup from supper eleven hours ago. I have no idea how I missed that, I remember wiping my hands off with a napkin, bizarre.

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Fargo!!!! Season 2!!!! October!!!!

I saw that production is currently underway for season 2 of Better Call Saul in Albuquerque.

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Donald Trump found the love of his life at a very early age. It was the first time he looked in a mirror.

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T Rump, The Lizard King

Former President Jimmy Carter is wrong about the US being an oligarchy. With the Koch brothers spending so much on a vast number of elections it is really an "oil"-igarchy.
Hahahaha, oh, I love my new word.

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Insomnia, Outsomnia

Withinsomnia, Withoutsomnia

For the first time in weeks I didn't wake up at 3 AM.

I woke up at 10:30 PM and stayed awake until 3 AM.

I am not sure I am making progress. 

Yesterday was a very sad day and this is going to be a tough week. We lost a special friend, one of our cosmetology renters, passed away. I enjoyed her very much. I always looked forward to our chats and laughter on Friday afternoons. She cared for so many people in life and was a grand example for all.

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We have received a ridiculous amount of rain this year. We are at about 24 inches so far when we should have received 12 and after about a decade of drought, especially the final three years of it were scorchers, ending about 15 months ago.

With the help of rain barrels I have been able to water my vineyard entirely with rain water. I am about 3/4 finished harvesting my grapes. Its my first harvest with a significant yield on 3 out of 4 plants. I am not sure why the grapes are tiny on the southwest plant, the largest plant.

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The new head of the DEA says that marijuana is less dangerous than heroin. He used the word 'probably'!!!

DUH !!!!!

I hate drugs.

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I will be glad when The Donald is gone. He is such an evil mental imbecile. He has taken megalomania to a whole new level I call gigalomania, which is appropriate as the prefix 'giga' means billion. 

He can't even admit that he has said something that he clearly said, "John McCain is not a war hero." He has this bizarre word algebra where he thinks that saying the opposite statement (sarcastically) four times will negate the original saying. He only said the positive statement because the moderator had instantly chided him AND the audience began to boo him. 

IF he was running for president and doing exactly the same things and saying the exact things WITHOUT the billions of dollars of wealth and previous celebrity status NO ONE would be listening to him. 

His only agenda seems to be building a Mexican wall, bombing ISIS so he can steal their oil and hiring the idiot Palin, the younger female version of his brain for his cabinet. All this while hiring hundreds of immigrants in the past for his empire when he makes all these job creating claims for Americans. He doesn't even seem to be able to properly value his business empire with estimates scattered over a huge range. 

The United States deserves someone far better than this to be the president.