Super Hero: Ford Truck Man Saves The Day!

Oh, I just remembered that I went MUCH faster than the 40 mph speed limit yesterday on our main city thoroughfare, Cedar Street, BUT, I was reacting in a superhero manner, as FORD TRUCK MAN

Since I started driving an F-350 last December, I notice trucks.

All of them.

I can usually pick out a Freightliner now at very great distances.

Well, today I was at an intersection of Cedar waiting to go north and an electric utility company truck with a tool bed chassis drives by at 40 mph headed south with a completely OPEN toolbox door! There was no telephone booth to change into my Superman outfit, so I zoom out into traffic and my turbocharged Power Stroke 6.0 liter V8 diesel steed catches up to them in three blocks. My horn causes them to slow down and the driver rolls down his window as I yell out, "your door is open", pointing, and they stop suddenly IN traffic to close it and then I keep going. I wonder if my electric bill will be lower next month, (wink)?

All in a days work for FTM.

So I went south a couple blocks to turn around to get back downtown to our business. But the next thing I saw on the journey north in my rear view mirror two blocks later was a Borger city police car tail-gating me! I thought, "Oh, no, am I getting a speeding ticket?!?!?" AND he just kept getting closer, so I pulled over into the gas station but luckily the cop kept right on going. No lights, no siren.

My super hero secret identity is safe for now ...

Ruin Jesse Ruin

I've always wondered what was wrong with Jesse Jackson, and my first answer has usually been to borrow half of a line by Cameron Poe from the movie 'Con Air', "a lot". But now I learned that he is in love with former United States President Lyndon Baines Johnson. That takes it to a whole new level of _____ .

My _____ was meant to eXpress my lack of just the right word, searching for a mix of bizarre, flabbergasted - basically, JesJac couldn't you find a better role model? I had just -TRIED- to read the wikipedia article on LBJ less than a week ago, and for the three letters LBJ that stand for his 19 letter name, I think his 24 year congressional career condenses down to a single 5 letter word "bully".

The Dog Whisper Error

I slapped this on my Facebook status because we had to make a side journey from the restaurant, delaying my dog's already late supper:

Cooper, if you can read this, Daddy will be home in just a little bit, I know you are probably hungry. Love you a bunches!!!!

‎[I crack mysELF up at times]

My close wonderful friend told me: Well, you are always funny! But let's talk about this extremely well trained and tech savy dog Cooper...do I need to call the dog whisperer and tell him he's got nothing on YOU!!

My Response: The D.W., he has ab-so-lute-ly nuffin' on me, because he goes for the authoritarian, "I am the boss of my dog and he's gonna learn that or else" and I go the opposite direction and most of the time the dog gets his way eXcept, logically, for when I'm having my morning coffee. He can wait a few minutes for me to get properly caffeinated and spin up to my proper mental RPM's. We talk, a lot. and play, and share lotza food goodies, mmm Ernie eats, mmm, Cooper eats! But the key word of my status was the second word "if", haha, of course he can't read my status, at least I'm pretty sure he can't. (?)

Dogs can be much more eXpensive than a prescription of anti-depressant medicine, but they [dogs, not pills] are far more effective, with better side effects.

A Few Good Amends

One of my graduate school friends was debating about adding something new to an almost finished piece of writing. Serious school writing. So I borrowed some Jack Nick dialogue from a movie and re-worked it for her entertainment:

Son, we live in a world that has articles, and those articles have to be guarded by men with erasers. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Whine-butt? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for the paragraph you had a little while ago, and you curse the merged lines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not remembering what I remember. That "What-you-had-a-little-while-ago's" death, while tragic, probably saved lines. And my grad school existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lines. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like on-time, co-ed, 'go get me a chai tea'. We use these words as the backbone of a semester spent upending, I mean, appending something. You use them as a trash can liner. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very verbosity that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "I think like you", and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a Bik Wite-Out, and revise a post. Either way, I don't give a d@mn what you think you are entitled to. 

Bobcats Eat Facebooq Dreams (Oh, Sorry, I Forgot The Commas)

When you have dreams about bobcats eating your baby's ears (while they are supposedly being protected in the neonatal nursery at the hospital) its probably time to rethink your choices for supper, or go ahead and blame it on Facebooq changing itself.

Don't worry, my children are safe, in their mid twenties with all their 2x2 ears intact.

I just saw an advertisement for OnStar on a web page with the three letters FMV, so it has "OnStar FMV". I'm not sure that was a wise choice for letters, knowing what other things there are floating around that begin with FM.

Time for a quick break for a public service announcement:

Happy 50th Birthday Peace Corps!!!

My mentor in high school who got me interested/motivated to pursue good grades and go to college was a former Peace Corp volunteer. I already knew that I wanted to be a chemist in 9th grade but he gave me the extra push I needed. Thank you, George S.

I am going to protest against Facebooq by signing off for three minutes! That should get their attention and show them who's boss. (I had an amusing typo in that sentence, I originally had "singing" instead of "signing". I am not eXactly sure what "singing off" would be, but I do feel very confident that "singing on" is its opposite, but again, no daffy-nition for that one either.)

My cousin asked: Maybe we should all sign off together at a cetain time for so long of a time and that will wake them up, huh?

My Response: I think it would be cooler if everyone signed off eXcept me.  -Me.-  The only person on Facebooq. Outta 700 bazillion peeps.

Fundamentally its quite simple for Facebook to make people happier. Being a computer scientist who dealt with database systems, I know that Facebook consists of basically two parts: A user interface and a database of information

They could easily present a new version of their human interface to people while allowing anyone who wants to remain at their current version to stay put. 

So the next group that decides to build the next great MySpaceboogle Plus just might want to consider that as a fundamental business model philosophy rule guideline. I would build it, their system is a giant MySQL database with some fancy improvements but I'm too tired and sore from climbing ladders this week for two days. Besides, I don't want to become famous and have people make a movie about me. Who would want to be me? Would there be bobcats?

Straw What? Winner?!?!?

SO ... 833 people in the state of California out of a population of 37,253,956 OR 0.0022 percent of the entire population, voted in a straw poll for Republican candidates for the president of the United States of America. AND ... This was a news story. AND people care?!?!? Why not ask my dog? His answer is just as valid and worthwhile, and he doesn't even care or know anything about the election, mainly because I keep the teleBision turned off practically all the time.

Zero point zero zero two two percent

22 out of every million people

Why should we even care?

We shouldn't.

At least I think my dog doesn't care. I will let you know if he starts growling at the teleBision set when political ads start inundating us.

At least I have ear plugs and Bose noise reduction headphones so I can stand to be in the kitchen cooking while nonsense glows by in the next room.

My wife had the set on last night as I passed by in the hallway from one room to another. Some yelling caused me to glance at the teleBision set for maybe a half of a second and I almost vomited. In that half second someone was killing someone else with a shotgun. No thanks, I don't need that for "entertainment".

Find your own little piece of the universe without teleBision and find peace in the universe. You might discover reality along the way as well. Step away from the nonsense.

Newton's Third Law of Emotion

Here is a new eXperience:

I was startled by ice just now.

Ice of a very small amount.

Inside my house.

In a cup.

My wife left her "empty" tall styrofoam glass of tea on the computer desk from three and half hours ago.

The leftover ice melted and shifted and fell every so slightly making a noise and me jump, equally ever so slightly.

Newton's Third Law of Motion?

It took about 720 milliseconds to begin to figure out what happened.

Scared by falling ice.

A friend immediately responded, telling me to insert Twilight Zone music. I thanked her.

Something from yester-yesterday that has absolutely nothing to do with scary ice:

Everywhere I go today the women are singing too loudly. I am used to a more quiet eXistence.

At least my truck is fixed - new fuel injector at spot number quattro.

OKRA UPDATE:

Discovery: The last two packages of frozen okra that I have purchased for my gumbo have had freezer burn, which was disappointing. But I recently purchased some frozen breaded okra for my wife. So today I rinsed the breading off, probably at least 95% of it before putting it in my gumbo. It had a much better look to it. The breading probably protects from freezer burn.

On a warmer note, it is now September so I had to move my pineapple plantation of three plants indoors. They get to live outdoors June through August. The largest leaves are almost two feet long.

Pat Robertson Is An Idiot

Dear Pat Robertson: the words are "til death do us part, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer". I love my wife to the very end AND beyond. Love means to protect and provide. Alzheimer's is NOT a "form" of death, its a disease; death is death.

Why are people still listening to this idiot enough so that when he says stupid things it becomes news? Remember his nonsense about Haiti and earthquakes? The list just gets longer.

The Fractional Pillow Fight

I just had half of a pillow fight with my dog.

He had no idea whatsoever in how to appropriately respond, so-so-so, he wrapped his mouth around my hand.

No, he didn't bite me, he wrapped his mouth around my hand. There is a difference.

See? -close inspection- no bitey marks.

Ha ha, he wuvs me.

Goofball (me)

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Today's Unvention: They should name a cold medicine "Drain No"

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Due to poor inventory control on the part of Wal-Mart, my dog will just have to settle for an old piece of corn bread instead of a chew rawhide bone. He likes the corn bread. In a related story my orchid looks beautiful with five recent blooms.

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Hmmm, My Blog Is Messed Up On The Right

Somehow my blog template has malfunctioned OR (something else) and now the right column of stuff is misplaced to a position BELOW everything else AND with the magic of how Blogger works I have no idea how to fix this. Funny thing, I have NOT made any changes to my template design in quite a long while, so I am hoping that it is something weird that Blogger has done to "everyone". I will have to investigate.

Diagnostic Work: If I display only this particular blog post, then the problem goes away, so maybe it is something wrong in a particular other blog post or one of the pages that are at the top. 

I tried opening each blog post on an individual basis and there was no problem with the right panel being misplaced until I came to the blog post titled "Life Stuff, Wife Stuff"

I fixed the problem by doing *nothing* - I simply opened the blog post in the editor, and then asked for a Preview - the preview was just fine, no right panel problem. So I saved the contents of the blog post WITHOUT making any changes to the blog post.

M_agⁱ_c

Septembrrrr

Hello Septembrrrr,
Cool Is Nice,
Cold Is N ice

I went outside just now to be sure really,
that it was still as temp brrrr chilly,
ah, I love this temp brrr at sure, thrilly,
no longer like living in a solar -bleep- grilly.


Poetry Link: The Next Poem in My Blog

Does The Monkey Move Diagonally?

Hmmm, I just learned a new definition for the word "PRIMATE" - it can mean an archbishop in the Catholic Church.

So my question is this: Is it possible for any primate to become a primate?

In other words, can a monkey become an archbishop?

Does this mean we might soon be seeing monkeys on chess boards?

May We See Your Mirth Certificate Please?

Forget about the birth certificate for Obama, the Twenty-second Amendment (1951) prevents a President from being elected more than twice. I am starting to think Barak H O might be the reincarnation of Grover Cleveland, who has already served two terms. If you look at pictures of them there is an uncanny resemblance.

Oh, sorry, I accidentally pulled up a picture of Grover from Sesame Street, I get him and the former prez mixed up every once in a while, my bad.

‎(While researching this piece of humor I discovered that there have been THREE Adlai Stevenson's in national politics, same family tree, just one generation skipped: first one was a Vice Pres, second a Pres contender, and the third came close to being a vice pres nominee. They served in a variety of other posts as senator, congressman, ambassador and governor as well)

C L A R I F I C A T I O N: By "uncanny" I mean that neither one on them resembles a can.

Hmmm, maybe its a foursome of confusion: Obama looks like Adlai Stevenson's son's son, who was Grover Cleveland's vice president with both of them politicians from the great state of Illinois and Obama's vice president Biden looks more like Grover Cleveland with both of them being more East Coasty, as well as Grover from Sesame Street looking more like Barak all the time. Perhaps I really just need more coffee at 1:15 AM. ... Oh, sorry, counting noses, thats five "people", so, fivesome, unless you are factoring in the reincarnation reduction, then maybe "fourpointonesome", approximately. I think I checked all their birthdays as well (including Grover of Sesame Street fame) and they don't match. Yes, thats right, Grover has a birthday listed in his Wikipedia article: October 14th.

Have Your Cake Pan and Wash It Too

Necessity is the sister-in-law of invention: I am now forced to bake a German Chocolate Cake in order to be able to wash dishes.

Why?

I discovered a long time ago that the plastic container for my frosting is just the right size to make the perfect sink stopper in my kitchen.

Yesterday I discovered that it is missing.

"Someone" threw it away, so I was unable to do dishes. (My wife told me it was most likely my sister-in-law)

UPDATE 2011.09.19: I finally got my cake, and even shared a little with friends. Joy.

CHECKING: Did you notice by the timestamps that it took over TWO weeks to get my cake? That is just sad, so very very sad (hah)(smile).