Buy a Make Your Own Blue Meth Kit at a convenience store.
Join the search for comedic actor Andy Kaufmann in hiding, who most likely died 29 years ago. (Its an Elvis conspiracy theory kinda thing.)
Explore the mystery of why the first R was dropped from the original speLLing 'Alburquerque'. Notice the wonderful symmetry of the repeated 'rque', which could easily be pronounced 'ark', which could lead to a whole new combined word of "Al buh ark ark", which reaLLy sounds more like how Cooper might pronounce it.
Go to Santa Fe, New Mexico.
Learn that Albuquerque means White+Oak in Spanish, and then begin to only use the word 'Whiteoak' and correct people AND road signs with stencils and spray paint when they try to say the Albu word. Make fun of anyone who tries to teLL you the name is derived from the Arabic word for The Plum.
Visit the hospital to view new borns, to see New New Mexicans.
Visit the zoo to view African antelope, to see gnu New Mexicans. (Hahahahaha - I thought of you, Rob, when I wrote this pair.)
Discover that there is a job opening for a high school chemistry teacher and apply. (Yes, I accidentaLLy discovered this last week while looking for chemist jobs in New Mexico)
Learn to breathe at 10,300 ft elevation. Then make bragging comments like, "This isn't even as high as La Paz Bolivia" and demand coca leaves for elevation sickness relief. (Oh, wait, this is the elevation for nearby Sandia Peak. Albuquerque is about half that elevation at 5300)
Watch your kids play mud volleyball.
Try to meet at least one person from each of Albuquerque's 46 zip codes. Put them on your Christmas card list.
When people ask, teLL them your name is Walter White or Jesse Pinkman or better yet, mix those first and last names.
Reenact the 1862 Civil War battle of Albuquerque, which involves retreating to Texas, which fits perfectly into my plans for going home.