Bong Pong - Something New for the Department of Duh Fence

Now here is an interesting piece of drug paraphernalia: a catapult for throwing marijuana over the border was discovered. From the picture it looked like a fancy complicated trebuchet style. I wonder if our government will make a decision to build taller fences? Maybe they could use catapults on our side to send things back? How medium evil.

Friend One replied: Trampolines on our side.

Me: Trampolines at an angle?

I know the perfect company to make giant defense trampolines: Boing

(and yes, I know it's really spelled 'Boeing')

Friend Two replied: Lol! Things bouncing back and forth...

Me: In this case the drugs are getting high.

Friend Two replied: teehee!

Me: Me agree, teehee!

Friend Three replied: Pong was a great game. Put the trampolines on trucks and Pong the stuff back across the border....

My response to Friend Three: I like your idea. Maybe we could change the name of the game to 'Bong Pong' ?

Friend Three: hurry up and get that patent Ern'st =)

Invention Link: The Next Invention in My Blog

Demo-Crazy

Sometimes the road to demo-crazy

is a lively demonstration filled

with deadly potholes

that rides a little crazy,

things go bump in the right.

Poetry Link: Next Poem in My Blog

Is Facebook Getting Owls-Timers Disease At 2 AM?

2 AM (or 8 Zulu ?)

The computer screen changed so fast as I was accidentally selecting the correct something and now Facebook has selected something new that I "like" but I have no idea what it was-is-isn't. I still didn't get the original thing done yet in the confusion. Let's hope I don't-can't-won't forget that person-place-or-thing. Now I'm wondering if it was a verb (?) or just several well arranged adjectives.

Oh, now I remember, Happy Birthday Amanda!!! Now if I can just figure out the click I didn't want to have happened ...

[Interruption to Reader: Somehow the previous sentence disappeared for awhile in Facebook, several minutes and attempted refreshing cycles failed to make it appear]

It appears that Facebook lost the first comment that was here, so maybe Facebook has aged prematurely and is starting to get owls-timers. Who?

I remembered that I was trying to wish Amanda a happy birthday in the confusion of mis-clicking and now my dog is sneezing and in the process it feels like he bruised my calf muscle. It may not be bruised, just extremely tired, I get those two confused easily at 2 AM.

[mysteriously missing message finally returns]

SEE? I wasn't lying, Facebook ReALLy lost that first comment for awhile. I guess it's better for Facebook to be losing a comment than for me to be losing my mind.

I did finally finger-out which mis-click it was, an "Event" - something Subaru-ish involving walking a dog and the Super Bowl, WALKING a dog, are you kidding me? Like that sort of thing happens around here, hah, it's more like running with the bulls in Pamplona when we play, only there are tennis balls, semi-demi-damaged-deflated basketballs and old coffee cans involved, but still a lot of snorting, and from a great distance it has a quaint resemblance to soccer. A very great distance.

At least I hummed "Happy Birthday to You" to Amanda in print, I hope she figured out what that was. I used varying lengths of "Hmm" to "Hmmmm" in my typing, and her name of course, at just the right spot.

NOW it feels like I am getting a cold again, but only on the right side of my head, to go along with the right calf muscle. I wonder if these are signs of a stroke? I did manage to go to the completely opposite end of the house to get a frozen strawberry Blue Bell I Scream confectionary, so the wife doesn't think it's a stroke, she says I look like I am moving pretty good at the moment, but she is using herself as a reference.

"Yes honey, I can turn the light off now that I have finished my I Scream"

(I can very accurately predict the future at times. I had typed the first three words of that previous sentence purely as a comedic ending to this early morning tale BUT then she actually asked me to turn the light off three words deep at the can. So I finished typing the words, THEN read them out loud to her from the iPad screen.)

T i m i n g
O w l s
S l e e p

The Varn

My head was cold laying here in bed which necessitated the invention of shaping my [extremely long] pillow into a U shape hat to stay vvarnn. [a cute form of the word 'warm'] SO if you see me wandering around in public with my U Pillow Hat, you can confuse your friends by pointing at me, and whispering, "he's a great inventor"

When your friend asks what my invention is called, tell them, "The Varn" - being sure to make the v and the n be twice as long. Then see how many of them are able to visually telepathically read your mind. If they slowly say, "AHH!, w-ar-m", introduce me to all your friends who have this visu-tele-cerebral-read capability and I will see about getting them a job at the CIA or NSA, "we" are always hiring.

Rumbled Ruffled Roused

We,
the dog and me,
weather watch a wet day

drips and drops and downpours 

with the dog by the window, 

wrapped warm on the right side, 

the inside, of the glass. 

Sofa, so good....

zzz zzz zzz

....until the UPS truck
diesel rumbled
disturbing the
slumbering

dog,

waking
him UP,
a ruckus,

the four footer, 

rousing to a ruffing state.



Poetry Link: Next Poem In My Blog

I Am Not A Vampire

I was looking forward to groc shopping today mainly because I was out of my favorite Blue Bell All Natural Strawberry Fruit Bars, 6 to a box, bar code 0-71899-62252-9. The last thing on my groc shop list. BUT not in stock, momentarily replaced with cheap Popsicles. BUT the freezer chest by the checkout stand had individual wrapped BBANSFB at $$$ more.

And I was such a good Ernie today, too. I didn't bite, kick, or poke anyone. I did laundry. Cooked. I did accidentally scare someone JUST by standing in EXACTLY the same spot as yesterday when I scared My Lucy. And today I didn't even slowly flap my arms like a giant butterfly. My Lucy is obviously terrified by gigantic butterflies. Yes, I actually have a friend I named "My" Lucy to distinguish from all the other possible Lucys who might be clients of my wife. She is so special that I even wrote:

"Hi Lucy !!!"

in the grunge on the back window of her SUV with a double wide two finger thick Italics font. She said she wasn't going to ever wash it off. Still, strawberry sadness lingers 'cause there's no frozen strawberries to be held by my fingers.

I just figured out that it must be my mirror image that's so scary, because each time the scared person saw me, it was in the mirror! So I think that means I am not a vampire. But I still might be a gigantic butterfly, I just have to practice. A scary gigantic reverse image Ernie butterfly.

"Do you know how to get to Carnegie Hall?"

"Practice, practice, practice?"

"No, I was thinking a taxi might be easier."

Kitty Kills Cleaner

When vacuum cleaners die a fiery death as the result of cat hair, they have to go stand outside. 

In the cold. 

In the dark. 

By themselves.

"hurry, out the door, o-door-if-furry-fire-ous device!"

The next day I found out they killed a SECOND vacuum cleaner with the same project. I wonder if we need to apply for EPA Superfund money and technical support?

A sense of balance and well being has been restored in my Facebook world. I now have a dog friend to counter balance the cat friend. My cat friend in Facebook is NOT the same one who lived in the building we purchased. (I am hoping no one tells my wife I have a cat friend, she probably would not like that idea. But my wife never reads this blog, so hopefully no one tells her.)

One of my sisters told me to buy a Dyson, that they handle pet hair just fine.

I told my sister that I am not sure what the brands were of the deceased vacuum cleaners, I just know:

1. The first one had already vacuumed a lot of dog hair in it's lifetime at our house
2. As I was hauling the first vacuum cleaner downtown in the back of my truck, I realized with a 4,000 lb capacity it could probably handle 200 vacuum cleaners at one time
3. I am not sure what the brand is of the third vacuum cleaner that my wife just bought, I just hope it doesn't die soon

Update Title: Kitty Kills Cleaners

Meow

I Invent The Photongraph

It would be nice if they had a device that would absorb the photons of light that reflected off objects and held that information in a two dimensional grid that could be displayed or printed onto paper. I would name this invention the "photongraph".

I would expand this invention to take multiple photongraphs in sequence, to be easy to see things as they move. I would call this invention "moveeasies".

In order to have a device that would record the images of nuclear blasts, similar to moveeasies, I would invent the "tell-of-fission", which could be put to a more useful task of displaying outdoor leisure, such as the "tell-of-fishin"

To make the tell-of-fishin applicable for covering the large scale capture of fish using a mesh of string, I would invent the "entered-net".

Invention Link: The Next Invention in My Blog

eyePad Control Failure

Oooh, that was really strange ... as I was laying in bed reading the news on my iPad with it propped sideways on the nightstand by my bed and almost falling asleep I noticed that I was trying get the touch screen to scroll using my EYES instead of my finger. It's been that kinda day!!!

Then I started laughing at myself so much I started coughing and now I can't go to sleep and I am dead tired. Shopping. Been sh-hopping for cabinets and countertops for my wife's new salon location. No more lifting anything for 36 hours, please (?) at least I finally got up into the back of my truck for the first time today. Good thing I have a step stool, it's a long ways up and almost as far going down.

I remember my inner nerd dialogue wondering what is wrong with my iPad, why won't the page advance?!?!? And just like you try different finger motions and adjustments when doing complicated things, like copy and paste, I kept moving my eyelids in slightly different ways hoping for it to finally work, or maybe I need to try my eyelashes ...

[mental WHAM] 

... it was the eyelashes part that made me suddenly realize what what was going on. Of course I made the mistake of telling my wife who cracked up laughing as well.

I used a what what just then instead of a what, sorry.

My First Poem of the Year 2010, Oooops, Sorry, 2011

Free Zing,
Snee Zing,
Snoo Zing.
Boo Zing?
No, no Boo Zing.



Poetry Link: Next Poem in My Blog