Absent For A Bit ....

I am away for a little while working on a few or more episodes for The Adventures of My Space Alien Alter Ego story ... will return (to Earth) soon!

Notice: Blogger has screwed up and lost a bunch of photos out of my blog! They are replaced with a gray silhouette of a human head. I will eventually get them replaced with the correct photo, it may take a while to find and fix everything. So some of my stories don't make much sense without their photos, sorry for the inconvenience.



The Hunt for Something I Read in October

I should probably stop playing Sudoku.

I just woke up from a dream where I am solving Sudoku puzzles verbaLLy, but I am a different person, Michael Weatherly, the actor from the teleBision show NCIS who is the character named Anthony DiNozzo. So I am DiNozzo doing Sudoku instead of fighting military crime, and I am arguing with someone about whether I should help my enemies with their Sudoku problems, and I am against helping them.

Suddenly I am no longer DiNozzo, but now I am the tiny old cranky funny lady from the spin-off series, NCIS: Los Angeles, an actress named Linda Hunt who plays Henrietta Lange. And Henrietta, (the new now me), must have been the one that DiNozzo was arguing with about Sudoku, because she says, "Well, I always help my enemies with their Sudoku puzzles!", and takes a sip from her cup of tea.

Then I woke up.

The worst part of this is that I woke up and my left shoulder stiLL hurts.

And I wasn't even playing Sudoku right before I feLL asleep, I had been studying about bone marrow transplants. So this is the only logical eXplanation I have to offer: don't study bone marrow transplants before taking a nap.

So I grab the telephone book and turn to the M section.

I walk by my wife in the livingroom and she asks, "Who are you caLLing?"

I say, "McDonalds"

She questions, "Why, did they do something wrong?!?!?"

"No, I'm caLLing to get you a job there."

She laughs and says, "NO! You can have a job there!"

I caLL McDonalds and ask them if their store in my town is currently seLLing McRibs. But it is noisy on his end and I have to repeat my question. I said, "Did you say 'Yes'?" and he responds, "Yes", and I echo his yes message.

And my wife just a few feet away asks, "Do they have McRibs?"

I say, "Honey, I said yes twice."

Now I wonder if my wife wiLL faLL back asleep and have dreams about McRibs. I s'ppose that is better than her dreaming about Tony DiNozzo.

Now I am hungry.

(several minutes later)

My wife walks into the kitchen.

I ask her, "WiLL you go to McDonalds and get me a McRib?"

She laughs and says, "You want ME to go to McDonalds and get you a McRib?"

I answer, "No, I want two of them. No french fries."

She walks away from me and says, "Does the back of my head (hair) look okay where I slept on it?"

Without looking I say, "It looks fine."

She responds with a snort, "You didn't even look!"

So she backs up to me and I lightly run my fingers through her hair, s'pposedly making an (hah!) improvement. I make positive affirmations similar to when I am teLLing Cooper how good a dog he is.

She responds, "I'm not Cooper!!!" and begins to laugh but then starts coughing and not so much laughing. So my humor delayed getting my McRibs by a few moments.

She puts on her jacket, "So, two McRibs, no fries, no drink? ... Sorry, Cooper, you don't get anything since you didn't eat your breakfast."

I respond "Yes" and she is out the door.

We eat.

A half hour passes by.

My wife is antagonizing Cooper trying to take away his dog biscuit, its a game they often play.

My wife says that she is leaving to go shop at a store named Maurice's. She asks me if there is anything she can get me while she is gone.

I respond, "Could you get me another McRib?"

She responds with a shocked voice, imagine an unusually loud whisper, "Are you kidding me?!?!?"

I say, "Yes."


Rob Z Tobor said...

I read your tale Mr ESB and thought to myself AH was this all a dream or was it partly a dream. Did your wife really go to get you McRibs (I dont even know if such a thing is available in the UK or not). Or did you dream your wife went to get your McRibs, your wife is very good if she did get it for you, a lot of wife's would hit their partners over the head with an Armadillo toaster if such a request was made of them. Particularly if the wife is vegetarian and the nearest McDonalds is about 15 miles away.

esbboston said...

Rob: No, the first part was a dream, but then everything else is a veRy eXact narrative. I have a good wife, and if she is just fooling me and isn't reaLLy a good wife, she does an eXtremely good job pretending to be a good wife, which is almost as good. I even read the completed blog post back to her for her enjoyment.

fmcgmccllc said...

The Hunt For Red October is one of my most favorite movies. I remember when the McRib first came out puzzling over how this could be. And it turning into one of the most beloved McD's order is truly amazing. Having never seen one how do you get around the bones?

esbboston said...

fmcgmccllc: Knowing there are no bones in the McRib aLLows you to eXplore your more carnivore side, by imagining there are bones there and eating them anyway. I made up the word 'pseudoboneivore' for you just now. I also noticed as I was writing the first sentence there was a mirrored construction "e no bone" which was a form of linguistic micro-enjoyment. My neXt eXperiment wiLL be to take the giant chunks of white onion off the McRib and replace them with finely diced purple onion. Wish me luck!

Mia said...

I like the title of this.

esbboston said...

Mia: yes, that is one of my favorite blog post titles. I think my favorite title is the invisible paint story, Green With INVI

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