New Moore Island Renamed to Now More Wasland

The island of New Moore in the Bay of Bengal is no longer visible above the ocean level. This piece of now-no-man's-land-sand was claimed by India and Bangladesh. I propose a new name of "Now More Wasland". Wasland is my word for an island that no longer is.

The only reason people really cared about it was because of possible natural resources, oil and natural gas,  that could be potentially extracted. It was really a sand bar. There is current blame of global warming and the rise in ocean level to account for the island's loss. But I think it could easily have disappeared simply through erosion with it being a sand bar. Sand is easily moved  by wave action. The island was also situated at the mouth of a river, which also adds to its dynamic possibilities for both erosion and growth. To blame the island's loss strictly on global warming is a little far fetched. It was discovered recently by an American satellite in 1974 supposedly for the FIRST time. There is no long term historical significance to this island, only a short term hysterical one. The wikipedia article referenced dimensions of an elevation of 2 meters at it highest point, a few acres in size and this information sounded like it was for low tide. So maybe a better new name would be It Never Was Very Much of An Island Sandbar.

If humans were or still are concerned about this island, then they should artificially build it back. That kind of action has been performed for centuries by man, claiming low and below sea level land back from the sea.

It also helps to never give a sand bar a name. Oops! I already just did.

Wikipedia Article for the Island of New Moore

Other Silly Land and Water Pieces:

A Salty Wet Flag in the Dark
Oops! We Need To Rename This Russian City .. Again
Proving That Esfahan Is Not Half The World
The Past Tense of the Word Island

Proof for the Existence of Roaming Baby TV Antenna

At first I thought the tracks in the snow by my driveway were the result of a bird, a road runner Geococcyx californianus. They frequent my neighborhood. The next time I came home from the grocery store there was even one standing on the corner so I could get a good look at his feet - and I became more convinced that it had been him/her or a close cuckoo cousin walking in the snow.

BUT on the next trip from the grocery store the evening sun caught my eye on a TV antenna of a neighbor, so now it looks like the snow traveler just might be a baby TV antenna on the loose, happily hopping. I will keep an eye out for them.

Becoming Extremely Wealthy As A Writer

A while ago I wrote the following Facebook status giving an update as to how much money I had made writing online through the use of Google Adsense (nonsense?) and the "generous" contributions of one of my adoring fans.

349: My career as a writer is really taking off! At the end of 23 months of blogging using AdSense from Google, I had amassed 13 cents. Now 3 months farther down the road I am at 19 AdSense cents AND received a single philanthropic gift of 32 cents from one reader hand delivered all the way across the state of Texas. I am way ahead of my projected plan to become a millionaire by age 91 with a doubling period of 23 months

With it "now" being March 24th, 2010, it is now about 33 months since I started writing in MySpace and then Blogger with my silly little stories, poor poetry and grand goofiness. So I thought I would recalculate my progress towards the million dollar mark, as well as tell you about a NEW source of income: FOOD

Recently one of my adoring fans at the grocery store told his mother about my writing, so she started reading me yesterday, and became a fan. Yes, I have fans, I know it is hard to believe, I doubt it myself. But if Craig Ferguson can have a band of a robot skeleton army, well, I can have a few live humans absolutely adoring me as well, I suppose.

So I got an invitation to dinner from my latest fan! Only, I don't know how to include that in my calculation towards the million dollar mark. Do I try to calculate the cost of the meal as if it were purchased in a restaurant, say, the average cost in a diner in Borger, or maybe just the grocery store cost per serving per item plus the cost of the natural gas to cook plus the water to do the dishes minus the cost of gasoline to drive there?

Well, ignoring the free fan meal, my current earnings as a writer after 33 months are 57 cents from Google plus the 32 cents from Kate of Texas is starting to push me very very close to the dollar mark at ... Paul, how 'bout a drum rooooll please? ... tah-dah ... 89 cents.

So calculating a growth rate based on 89 cents doubling every 33 months, that looks like I should make it to a million dollars by about age 107. Now, IF I can just get a meal worth $5.00 then that would drastically cut back the time frame to a more reasonable age 99 and a half, ah!!! - that would make it a nice Christmas present for the year 20-somethingsomething..... and maybe buy my lunch PLUS one dose of Prilosec OTC?

Update 2011.02.27 - My Google AdSense has jumped from 57 to 89 cents

Update 2011.03.11 - Google Math Problem: I noticed yesterday that my earnings from Google Ad-Sense had jumped from 89 to 90 cents for my 44 months of online blogging. BUT when I checked the amount I earned by pressing the "Today" button, it had a zero amount, so I tried the "Yesterday" button, hmmm, still ZERO. So maybe I earned it tomorrow(?), confused ... .. . There is no "Tomorrow" choice.

Update 2011.03.16 - The system reported that I made one cent today, but there was no increase from the previously reported 90 cents on the 11th.

BUT ... Later in the day my earnings jumped to 2 cents for the day for a total of 91 cents total earnings. I did have a slightly higher than normal readership but when I ratioed it out it would have been less than 1 cent, so I don't understand why it is astronomically higher at 2 cents, perhaps I am suddenly more valuable. I certainly felt more valuable today with readers from at least ten countries, that was cool. I felt valuable AND tired, rough week so far. Wife. Broken arm. No sleep. But the weather is pretty. (her arm, not mine. But pizza is coming down the road very very soon! Supreme!)

Update 2011.03.23 - The system reported weekly earnings of FOUR cents, the most I believe I have ever made in a week, with an even stranger TWO cents earnings for one of those days! My all-time earnings is at 94 cents now. Oh, I forgot I already told you about those two cents, sorry, my bad, I see that now in the previous update.

Update 2011.06.05 - This morning the system showed that I had made one cent today for a total of $1.04 from Adsense, BUT later in the day it had my daily earning at 49 cents - in ONE day! So I am not sure what happened, but it was a nice boost. So now my lifetime earnings from Google Adsense are $1.53 after only 47 months blogging in English. I also do some artwork and publish some of my writings in Portuguese and I have not totaled those up in quite awhile. They may add up to 10 cents, they have much lower volumes of traffic.

Update 2011.12.26 - Before this last week I had made about two dollars writing on my blogs. I have about eight blogs with a wide variety of content besides this one that has my writings. I have photography, recipes, abstract art, cartoons, and Kakuro game education. That two dollars is after a period of four and a half years. Totally unimpressive. I know. But then one day about a week ago (most likely) one particular person clicked on a bunch of my Google ads, so I accumulated around $15 in ONE day. But I have heard about Google taking away the entire account of people who appear to have sudden suspicious activity of clicking on ads, and most likely they came from the same IP address, so Google may take away all my "hard earned" $2 because somebody got carried away. Irritating.

Our Magical Buffalo Is Slightly More Expensive

This is not a piece of fiction

I went shopping for buffalo in A City Far Away. Why? They have roast and steaks besides the ground buffalo that my local store carries. But it is the same chain of stores, United Supermarkets (of Texas), AND it is exactly the same outside supplier for the meat. I know.  How? I am 'The Buffalo King'. Self proclaimed, of course. I watch things and promote things, things like buffalo. Bison bison.

My eyes survey the inside of the curved cold glassed meat display. They have two kinds of roast but only one actually on display. The butcher describes them and my taste buds decide on the leaner cut. Then I notice that their price for their fresh ground is 50 cents cheaper than in My Town Far Far Away. So I mention the difference to the butcher that in My Town Far Far Away the ground buffalo is $5.99 and his store sells it for $5.49, so I ask for a pound of ground as well. I also complain that My Store Far Far Away has raised the price from $4.99 to $5.99, or ~20 percent, in a lot less than one year's time period, which seems unreasonable. At least Cooper will be happy - I'm bringing home two kinds of buffalo!

So the butcher weighs, prices and wraps both containers of meat. We have a side conversation about day-old buffalo that his store sells at a deep discount but it is always sold by noon. So I am out of luck today for cheap 'day-elderly' buffalo.

While checking out later in the Express Lane, I noticed that I had been charged the $5.99 per pound instead of the proper $5.49 and realized they overcharged me by 50 cents, just doing the simple math in my head, because it was right at a pound, 0.99 pounds exactly. I explained to the check-out clerk that my conversation with the butcher must have influenced what price he punched into the scales to create the ticket that was attached to the meat package. Then we had to repeat this explanation to the assistant manager who got involved with the refund, reweighing and punching a bunch of buttons.

But the '50 Cents Refund' is not what happened. They gave me 33 Cents. Why? Well, I had already held the Express Line too long and I didn't really want to waste any more time of the other customers just for a few more pennies, so I didn't say anything about the wrong amount. I waited until I was right at the door to examine the receipts. Then I discovered that I was only given credit for buffalo costing $5.93 a pound and charged for the correct price PER pound. So I laughed and drove to My Far Far Far Away Home.

BUT when I got home, told my doubly happy dog about the buffalo and then looked at the receipts, I started laughing so hard that I gave myself a severe headache. The two receipts had different weights for the same buffalo, with the refund receipt even having two different weights for the same exact thing! So, according to the the time stamps of the receipts, I guess the only logical explanation at this point for this event is that in the 2 minutes and 6 second time period between the events of the original purchase and the refund, The Dead Magical Buffalo grew from 0.99 to 1.02 pounds, or gained 3 percent! Then I remembered that the store manager had simply weighed the package again rather than just ring up the price and weight from the butcher's ticket. 

BUT remember there is a headache involved AND I discover later that I have missed something ELSE when I go back to proof read My Story from The Far Far Far Far Away Land. The second receipt reveals that it came from a Magical Cash Register that performs math as:

[   0.99 lb @ -$5.93/ lb  equals -$5.93   ]

... which is an incorrect calculation. If it would have calculated "properly" for the per pound entry, they could have stole another 6 cents from me. Thank you, Magical Cash Register.

I felt there was a need to do one more set of calculations before ending this story. I decided to calculate how long it would take The Dead Magical Buffalo to grow at an exponential rate to the point where there would have been no refund....and then  decided that was too boring. Instead, I decided to calculate how long it would take for The Dead Magical Buffalo to keep growing so that it weighed the same amount as the entire planet earth.

Math Project for Exponential Growth

Start with 0.99 pounds of The Dead Magical Buffalo

Grow to 1.02 pounds in 2.1 minutes

3.030303... percent growth in 2.1 minutes (2 minutes and 6 seconds)

Calculate exponential growth rate constant and confirm with a second series of discrete  step calculations with a spreadsheet.

Reaches 1 million pounds in approximately 16 hours and 13 minutes

Reaches the mass of the earth in approximately 2 days 19 hours and 48 minutes


Update 2010.03.21 20:00

Later when I was telling my tale about the buffalo growing to the mass of the earth it occurred to me that the density of the earth and buffalo should be considerably different. Because buffalo meat is about 5.5 times lighter than the average density of the earth, then a buffalo mass that equals the earth would be 5.5 times the volume of the earth.

So I started examining the sizes of the other planets of our solar system to see where Planet Bison would rank but no other planets are close enough in size to make a difference. I started wondering about other celestial objects and when the word "meteor" passed through, I suddenly thought about Planet Bison being "meatier". That was at 3:45 AM this morning and I believe that was the hardest I have ever laughed at that time of day in my entire life. Meteor, Meatier.

Twinkle Twinkle little meat ball, 

have you stopped growing at a rate ex-po-nen-ti-al? 

Like a math problem in the sky, 

if you keep growing everyone will die.

And fill the universe with magical meat,

what a tragical mathematical voluminous feat.

Twinkle Twinkle little meat ball,

if I take a bite, will that slow you down much at all?

Patrick Allitt Is Wrong - America Is Not A Miserable Place

Professor Patrick N Allitt of Georgia USA recently published an article and was interviewed calling "America the miserable". There are far worse places on the globe than the United States of America in the misery index, even in the midst of everything that has taken place since 9/11. The United States isn't even close to the abject poverty, daily public terrorism, lack of personal freedom and dictatorial rule of law compared to places like North Korea, Afghanistan and a variety of hot spots around the world.

My Very Short Career As An Agricultural Advisor

One of my friends was looking for a rototiller. This was my advice.

The difference between a 'rototiller' and a 'rottweiler' can typically be $5000, so be careful when you go shopping.

If you accidentally get a 'rottweiler' make sure you get a plow and harness. And then you might want to get a team of rottweilers to accomplish the same thing as a single rototiller for a minimal amount of tillage time.

Of course when your neighbors see you out in the backyard plowing with your team of rottweilers, they may think of you as the tillage idiot, and we wouldn't want that.

So then you have a choice of either plowing at night or installing a tall fence.

If you choose the plowman-at-night option though, you would have the option-option  of changing your name to 'Schwarzenegger', because I think that is German for 'Black Plowman', (i.e. black=night, it's dark).

And then you never have to worry about being asked to run for the office of governor of the fine state of California, as your new name will scare people away.

My friend told me that she would keep me informed. I asked her if she could tell that I had enjoyed the TV show 'Green Acres' as a child. 

Beating Al Gore with Carbon Ba-nano Tubes

Episode 5 

I let the dog outside so that he would not hear the following conversation. I didn't want him to get upset ahead of time over the coming events or be worried about me.

I asked my wife if she would mind me being gone for 3 weeks.

She said 'no' and then asked where I was going never taking her eyes off the video games, virtual farming and being the mayor of pixelville.

Outer Space. I told her that I was going into outer space to try out my new invention of a faster-than-the-speed-of-light instantaneous mechanical telegraph using carbon ba-nano-tube technology and eventually use a version of it to create the Internet in space before Al Gore got a chance to do it. I wanted to build the first test expanse of the invention for the range of say, the distance from Earth to Saturn, approximately 9 astronomical units or roughly a billion miles. I figured that it would take almost 3 weeks to "spin" 3 carbon ba-nano-tubes in parallel a billion miles and then do some testing. Plus install my cute new little atomic hinge device a thousand times once every million miles. Its a good thing I asked for a portable Scanning Electron Microscope for my birthday. But I am getting ahead of myself.

I got the idea when I saw some dust on my mini-blinds in motion and while thinking about my recent banana that got ashed to a crisp by "being in the hot wrong place at the not right time".

The region of the solar system where the planets circle the sun is rather "crowded", so I plan to go straight up, from an earth perspective, into an "emptier" space about 200 million miles to get away from the material junk and a substantial amount of gravitational pull of the planets.

Hyperlink Wikipedia Photo in motion Nanotube

 

(Used with Wikimedia Commons permissions)

I have been stealing diamonds for a very pure source of carbon, and finally have enough for this project. My nano tube generator is capable of producing 3 tubes in parallel out its "spinnerets". I have nicknamed the device トリプル蚕, the Japanese word for "Triple Silkworm". I realized I could have made it entirely from recycled diamonds, but a few weeks ago when I randomly said the words "carbonized banana,,, nano,,, nano-tube,,, carbon ba-nano tube", I just cracked up laughing, and thought, "I am going to have to include some banana carbon as well, just so I can name it that, that is such a cool name, 'carbon ba-nano-tube'"

The essence of the invention is that you can push a carbon nanotube in the friction free world of outerspace quite easily. The result is an instantaneous movement at the other end if you do it right. The three strands of nano-tube run parallel (flat side by side) and every million miles there is a nano scale hinge that connects all three tubes. They swivel about the center tube, so the net effect is that when you push or pull the left tube, the right one does the opposite and the center tube remains motionless. And they can be pushed with incredible ease and at great speed.

So then I just install an amplifier circuit and recording - display - local broadcast junction box out on the end of the triple nano tubes, and then I have a communication line that works faster than the speed of light to transmit information across the vast emptiness of space. And then once I have multiple robotic "factory" craft built, I can bridge the communication gap between this solar system and my home. That way if I can't actually be with my mother on planet Oklahoma, I can use my Skype-in-the-Sky video approach to at least chat with her. "Oklahoma" isn't the real name of my home planet, but I'm not allowed to reveal its name, so I use the place where my "Earth Mother" is located for its code name.

"Are you my mother?" I have waited 20 extra years to hear her voice, and see her face. I hear Elton John sing in my mind '... and I think its gonna be a long long time ...' and I smile and think, well, not much longer, Rocket Man.

My wife said sure, but just make sure to get all the laundry caught up, kitchen cleaned and extra groceries bought before I go. And don't forget to get the oil changed in her SUV. Oh, and finish building that robot that takes out the trash.




Reference: 'Rocket Man' lyrics by Bernie Taupin, from the 1972 Elton John album 'Honky Chateau'

Invention Link: The Next Invention in My Blog