Absent For A Bit ....

I am away for a little while working on a few or more episodes for The Adventures of My Space Alien Alter Ego story ... will return (to Earth) soon!

Notice: Blogger has screwed up and lost a bunch of photos out of my blog! They are replaced with a gray silhouette of a human head. I will eventually get them replaced with the correct photo, it may take a while to find and fix everything. So some of my stories don't make much sense without their photos, sorry for the inconvenience.



Tiny Cannibals Screaming In My Corner

There are people yeLLing and screaming in my bedroom.

I go in there but there are no people.

Just a box.

Sometimes there is music.

Sometimes there are gun shots.

In the night the box glows.

The box wants me to buy things, many things for $19.95 plus shipping and handling.

A man is semi-yeLLing at me in Spanish to "come buy a car from him", at a place where "there is no problem".

I like no problemas.

I know what he is saying in Spanish simply because he does the same yeLLing in English at other times.

I like no problemas but I like my current truck and he is just a tiny yeLLing bilingual flat man. I have touched the box while he is yeLLing and he feels flat and glassy. When I put my fingers on the screen to try to touch him he does not appear to be able to feel me. Why would I want to buy a car from a tiny yeLLing bilingual man who appears to be so insensitive?

I have noticed there is another larger shaped glowing box in here in the livingroom that has the same tiny little yeLLing bilingual insensitive car selling man sometimes in the middle of the night. But when the tiny man is inside that box he is bigger! Thats right, he has grown about 50 percent larger! Amazing. And scary.

Why would I want to buy a car from a tiny yeLLing bilingual insensitive man who can't control his size? He has grown fifty percent just in the distance of going the twenty feet between the bedroom and the livingroom. How large would he be 70 miles from here? What if I finaLLy give in to his demands and buy a car from him and when I go to where he lives in a giant box somewhere far away and he is reaLLy gigantic and he is hungry and then he eats me? Because who can trust a giant hungry yeLLing cannibalistic car salesmen, they are the worst kind.

Besides, I slept wrong last night and the left side of my neck is sore. My dog is hungry and there is no mesquite smoke flavored deli sliced turkey breast or sliced American cheese, his favorite things. So I should reaLLy go buy groceries before the dog eats me, instead of buying a car from a cannibal.

Ouch! I just tried to move again and the pain is severe. So it is just a race of pain between my current pain or the possible pain of being eaten alive by a dog. Decisions, decisions. I wonder if I taste like turkey and or cheese? My guess is someone would say, "chicken".

Oh, the horror! There is now a man on the box singing Johnny Cash's 'Folsom Prison Blues' very poorly at about 70 percent speed. That is more than enough incentive to escape this house, neck pain or no neck pain, to get the dog's food. Time to go to the groc store where their non-Johnny cash register glowing boxes only want money in eXchange for turkey and cheese, and where there usuaLLy is no problema.


Rob Z Tobor said...

A truly great post. Those little boxes can be very interesting we have Bilingual ones over here only ours are English and Welsh.

You have to wonder how the little box knows where it is, to use the right language.

esbboston said...

Rob: I have calculated that the location of the Azores would form a triangle betvveen Texas and Wales that would encompass the Bermuda Triangle. In the Azores the tiny boxes may speak Spanish and Welsh.


This finaLLy reveals the power and eXplains the mystery of the Bermuda Triangle and its vegetative secret agent, Bermuda Grass.

fmcgmccllc said...

Interesting how different parts of the country have different sales ads and languages. Here we only have English and Canadian, and it takes a swift ear to catch which language they are speaking.

I like Louisiana where they have Cajun ads.

Shelly said...

I know quite well of those ads you are speaking of! They sometimes drive me to want to escape my house, too!

Jewels said...

You better feed him, because I watched Cujo on my little box this weekend, and apparently, dogs are mean when they're hungry.

esbboston said...

Jewels: I was fortunate that my wife had one can left of Vienna sausages, which Cooper loves but I always forget about them, so indirectly my wife saved my life possibly with Vienna sausages. So my wife volunteered to buy groceries due to my neck pain.

While I was in the middle of writing this siLLy piece about teleBision, my friend Pearl was also writing about teleBision, only she was having a conversation with her glowing box. So I told my wife about how much fun we were having, about Rob and the Bermuda Triangle and the Welsh-English-Spanish geometry, and she indicated that she was glad I had similar bizarre friends to chat with all over the world. Hahahahahahahhaahhaaha, as Rob would say.

esbboston said...

Shelly: I tried to find a link to the car dealership, but couldn't find it yet, I'll keep trying ....

fmcgmccllc: Cajun is fun sounding. Our asparagus turned out well last night. Tamie wound up roasting it. She also made cole slaw and brought home potato salad whoch she added more hard boiled eggs to. Supper was fabulous! I hope you get to spend a nice long time with BD, I wasn't sure how long he was going to be there.

fmcgmccllc said...

As far as we are concerned, he is home for good. Keep a good thought.

Aysh said...

I LOL'd a lot through this!
a tiny bilingual man who doubled in size randomly would frighten me

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