I have gathered strong evidence that Santa Claus may not be real!
How?
I noticed that Santa Claus was on separate teleBision commercials using different brands of cellular telephones, shown within minutes of each other. In one commercial he is using an iPhone, and in another commercial some other brand. I was so shocked that I forgot the second brand's name.
No wait, it gets worse: GPS
The other shocking discovery: Santa was talking about how he uses GPS on his phone to make his deliveries more accurately and faster. What?!?!? Santa Claus just admitted that he's made mistakes, ... No Way! Why would he even need GPS, because GPS is good for getting to a single eXact location, when Santa just needs to go everywhere on the same night. And he's been doing it pretty well for so long, hundreds of years, all long before the GPS systems were put in place, so I don't know what's going on.
Theories:
I s'ppose that the teleBision commercials could just have someone pretending to be Santa Claus, no, that's totally absurd! No one would dare fake being Santa Claus, how blasphemous, how unholy, how ironic, after all the name 'Santa' means 'holy'!
Perhaps Santa was just changing phones? Ah, that makes total sense! I don't know why I didn't think of that sooner. Its the only reasonable eXplanation. Well, never mind, just ignore everything you've read here, as a matter of fact I might as well just erase this blog post. I am so relieved, well, sweet dreams, I am headed off to sleep after being awake for 5 complete days worried sick about this. Santa Claus is real, Santa Claus is real!
Posts
Six Miles
1 week ago
4 comments:
Are you sayin that Santa is getting a better cell phone deal than me, cos I gotta know.
I'm sure Santa gets a better cell phone deal than everyone. There may be better reception while actually flying above the cell phone towers, not sure. I did read that the Federal gov't is getting in on the act of wanting to ban all cell phone use by drivers, which is bound to improve things. They would allow passengers and emergency folks who are driving (police, ambulance etc). So I want to see if they can give Santa a ticket while he is 'driving' - he will probably claim diplomatic immunity.
Scandalous. But trust me, Santa is Real. To quote from the movie Elf...I KNOW him!!
Yes, the movie 'Elf' is such a delight, Will Ferrell and Bob Newhart at their finest.
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