Actually, Now My Froat Hoits

MOBILE ENTRY: I just now went from Amarillo to Fritch at 70 mph and got 30.4 piles per gallon according to the computer and sensor on my car, 12 year old Lincoln Continental. So was it today's use of mid-range gas instead of the lowest normal junk or could it just have been the wind pushing me? It's the Texas Panhandle, I'm going to say its the wind.

- - -

Actually I just now typed this entry into the computer from the comfort of my house but I wrote it in my head several days ago and didn't forget it.

But just to make it seem like I was texting and driving 35 mph (the speed limit in Fritch) I typed all of this in using a mouse and a document already open with OpenOffice Writer that allows me to pick each character one at a time up to about a dozen character before I have to perform a copy and paste process and then rinse repeat, start doing it all over again AND I pretend like I look in an imaginary rearview mirror AND make some motor noises. My dog looked at me strangely and left the room quite a while ago.

- - -

Actually, only the first sentence of my previous comment is true, I typed it in using a normal keyboard, the doggie-doggie is quietly asleep near me on the floor all stretched out dreaming puppy dreams snorting every once in awhile. No motor noises, no zoom zoom zoom.

- - -

[Cough]

If you have read down through all of these comments and feel the need to punish me in some (hopefully) trivial manner, I'll save you the effort

[Swallow]

and let you know I have already did it for you. I was sitting in my chair in a slouched position reading this mess while looking up at my computer and laughed in that position at some piece of my silliness and when I did it kinda slightly choked me then I coughed horribly, and now my froat hoits. More coughing. [Wipes tear from left eye] At least now you kinda feel sorry for those mean thoughts you had about me.

- - -

My son responded that he hadn't read all of my "mess"-age but thought that my 12 year old car was only probably getting 5 mpg and that the car has a bad sensor.

- - -

I don't text while driving.

Flour, Flour, Water, Flour - Cocaine???

I originally planned to only write this opening paragraph as a Facebook status: 

While waiting on coffee, my drug of choice, I glanced up at the ingredients for my dog's favorite treat. The first four ingredients were: Flour, Flour, Water, Flour - and I thought to myself, when I was young and made crude boat models from cardboard and laminated with pieces of newspaper, wasn't that my recipe for my home-made glue? There must be at least a trace of cocaine in those Wal-Mart brand doggie treats.

Someone asked for the meaning of this Facebook status. But I was confused by their question, so I offered this brief explanation:

There were three different kinds of flour in the first 4 ingredients of the small steak shaped dog treats, with water being the 3rd most ingredient of the 4.

Ol' Roy brand dog treats, their "Tiny Special T's"

On the front of the package it has as the very first dot point of three, "Made With Real Beef"

BUT on the back side below the heart warming story of Sam Walton's favorite bird dog, there is the list of Ingredients:

Note: items in brackets [ ] are my interjected explanations, items in parentheses ( ) are from the manufacturer

Wheat flour, Soy flour, Water, Corn flour, Sucrose [SUGAR], Propylene Glycol, Animal fat (preserved with BHA and Citric Acid), Beef [Ingredient #8 of 18], Salt, Natural Smoke Flavor, Calcium Carbonate, Phosphoric Acid (A preservative), Color added (Titanium Dioxide, Red #40, Yellow #6, Yellow #5, and Blue #2), Natural Steak Flavor.

Notice that they add artificial coloring. Aren't dogs color blind? So I am thinking the color must be there to impress the human's who see the pretty picture on the front of the package. And the amount of color is larger than the amount of flavoring, the very last ingredient.

Blue #2 - hold it, my dog really needs BLUE?

BUT then the first person asked a second time, why the cocaine reference? And then a second person wanted to know as well.

I have a tendency to write in a very exact manner but also in a variety of ways.

In the middle of the opening paragraph there are the words ".. and I thought to myself .." - the cocaine reference was the second part of my thought process at that very moment. The ingredient list started off with:

'flour flour water flour' 

'bland bland bland bland'

'light colored powder, light colored powder, clear water, light colored powder'

Yet my dog gets very excited about these, loves these things. Cocaine, another not-so-bland light colored powder, came to my mind. The cocaine is an exaggeration, something I was very sure was NOT in the dog product, yet I remembered that a long time ago it was a component of Coca-Cola, the cardboard box that was directly behind the dog treats at that moment on top of my frig by the coffee maker. So it was just my thought process at that moment, not a factual claim; that comes later when I actually list the ingredients, reference the home spun dog story, the need for blue color and the advertised package claims. I started the opening paragraph with a drug reference and ended it with one.

They throw in some sugar - so its a cookie?

Person number one didn't respond. Person number two responded "OHHHH WELLLLL, that explains it all... "

So I ended with: you'reEEE welcomeEEE

and a picture of myself:

{&^"?-

\@§~

or rotated:

Maybe It Was Something I Eight

Q: When is four equal to zero? 

A: When its half of eight.

8 divided by 2 equals 4.

8 divided into 2 pieces with a knife is a 0 and a 0.

So 4 equals 0.

But if you are not careful, half of 8 will be 3.

THREE?!?!?

Vertically.

Yes, the right half is 3 and the left half is Ɛ.

If this makes perfect sense to you, 

it is probably because you are laughing, 

because I was laughing 

when I wrote it left handed 

in dim light.

And I am not naturally left handed.

Or dim (?)

This Giant Earth

Right now I am awake in bed 

and don't want to be at 2:48 AM 

with thoughts of youth in Asia afar, 

would prefer a nice dream instead, 

and I am thinking about someone I miss greatly, 

for their charm and mirth, 

and they know who they are 

and they are hidden from us 

by the horizon curve and current darkness 

of this giant Earth.

Two cookies and one hour later I am back in bed, 

but I think The Dog smelled 

my secretly eaten treat with a sniff and a puff, 

and whined briefly in verbal disgust 

and then left the room in a huff. 

"Where is my usual shared morsel, 

my minute lunette shaped portion of Pecan Sandie, man?", 

an act of unshared baked treat betrayal, 

oh, I have had quite enough, 

{ruff}.

So it is now close to AM 4:38 

but I risked getting ever so slightly fatter, 

to take care of this shattered friendship matter, 

for 3 aren't too many to be ate 

even if its terribly early or horribly late, 

by sharing a cookie number three 

with someone (some-dog) who means a lot to me.

POETRY LINK: next poem in my blog ...

My Advice Column for Islamic People

My Advice Column for Islamic People

 بلدي العمود نصيحة للشعب الإسلامي

Suggestion #1 - stop worrying about other people drawing a human and then claiming it is a depiction of your prophet. YOUR ancestors have done an adequate job of making sure there are NO likenesses of him. So ANY picture that someone draws is not YOUR prophet simply because NO one knows what HE looks like. Just tell yourself, "Nope, that's not HIM"

اقتراح # 1 -- التوقف عن القلق حول أشخاص آخرين رسم يدعي الإنسان ومن ثم فهو تصوير نبيكم. فعلت أسلافك وظيفة كافية من التأكد من وجود لا التشابهات منه. ولذا فان اي شخص يوجه الصورة التي لا نبي الخاص بك لأن ببساطة لا أحد يعرف ما يبدو. اقول فقط نفسك ، "كلا ، هذا ليس له"

Arabic Language Disclaimer: I am not an Arabic language expert, merely a beginner, so I am relying on the software of Google Translate to adequately translate my message. This column is meant as practical advice from one human to another human. I am just one person, and so are you.

اللغة العربية تنويه : انا لست خبير اللغة العربية ، مجرد مبتدئ ، حتى وأنا الاعتماد على برنامج للمترجم جوجل لترجمة رسالتي على نحو كاف. ويهدف هذا العمود والنصائح العملية من انسان الى انسان آخر. أنا مجرد شخص واحد ، وهكذا أنت.

Filling The Larry Caldera

I live in two small houses that are right next to each other so I receive junk mail for the previous owners of TWO places. Remarkably, one family has been gone from the older place for 24 years. The divorced husband has been gone from the newer place for maybe 18 years. I now know the only reason the Postal Service stays in business. And forests continually uselessly slowly disappear.

Long ago I asked Larry, the soon to be divorced person, not to plant the tree in the front yard (of the 2nd house that I would eventually own). I knew that it would eventually consume the nice spacey void that comprised our front yard air space. Esthetics.

What I didn't realize is that years later, long after The Larry was gone, the evil hidden blankety blank blank roots of his willow tree would creep over underground and destroy the sewer line in my front yard costing me hundreds of dollars in repair bills.

So there is now a slight depression in the front lawn at the newer house where the evil willow tree was removed by the previous owner shortly before we purchased the place. I am going to fill it in to make the lawn smooth and pretty this summer. I call it 'The Larry Caldera'.

My grand nearly empty two house front lawn air space is back. There is a new smaller tree off to the north side. But its kinda pretty, and pink sometimes. It gets to stay. Something has to make up for the deforestation for the sake of The Larry junk mail. Glossy shiny paper junk mail.

Here is something spooky: I used the word 'esthetics' in the second paragraph. Then after I typed it, I thought to myself, no, I don't want to use that word, nobody really uses that word very often and then I might have to explain it to people and blah blah blah, so I erased it. Within 30 seconds after erasing it, the word 'esthetics' was used in a TV commercial. So I put it back, by typing.

I was going to erase the fourth word 'spooky' from the previous paragraph, but then I realized I had turned my TV off, and I thought, who is here to guide me? So I left it in place.

If it makes you feel any better, all you people who don't like the use of the word 'spooky', I momentarily erased it with a Control-X edit process but then immediately pasted it back into place with a Control-V without moving the cursor. So, if I cut the characters and then immediately pasted them back, does that count as an erasure?

If it makes you feel any better, I never can seem to type 'spooky' without screwing it up the first time with a 'sppoky'. So there is almost always an erasure somewhere in my world, thank goodness. Virtual mental Wite•Out® Brand Correction Fluid. Hopefully not many trees are consumed in the making of that product.

Polly - A Staying Praying Mantis

I saw something on my right arm that looked like a mosquito. I stopped my left hand half way on its path of supreme destruction to a cute tiny praying mantis. It was the smallest one that I have ever seen.

It crawled majestically on my hand, a kind of Obi Wan Kinobi prance. I kept turning my hand so the P-Mantis was constantly seeing me reappear on his horizon like a giant man moon appearing in his eastern sky. I talked to him with the same gentle higher register reserved for calming dogs and the P-Mantis would stop and look at me with that Roswell alien triangular shaped head and arched back lifting just one back leg, the right one slowly up and down. I asked him if he wanted me to name him Molly or Dolly - the names of the two dogs of my father-in-law that I had just met a few hours earlier. I gave him neither name but released him onto the leaf of a red bell pepper plant near the first bloom of the season. I guess he can have the name Polly, Polly the Praying Mantis. Molly, Dolly, and Polly.

I got out my best camera and flash unit to take photos. I noticed a few minutes ago that he is still there 5 hours later. He must feel right at home by my back door .... or maybe I have that backwards, his back door.

Oops. I think I meant Yoda, not Obi Wan Kinobi.

The next day on the 5th of May - I have been taking lots of pictures. It is now 9 AM, roughly a half day later and Polly the P-Mantis is in almost the same spot where I left him on the pepper plant ... I am not too sure that he likes the flash unit of the camera.

Teasing, Teething, Tricking and Trying. My wife asked me this morning if the P-Mantis really bit me last night on the finger. I said no, I was just rehashing a previous conversation that I had with the exuberant young dog Molly earlier in the evening. Molly likes to converse using her/his (?) teeth. No, the P-Mantis doesn't bite, I was just teasing the P-Mantis and accidentally tricked my wife - and I wasn't even trying.

I just realized that someone might see my "P-Mantis" moniker and accuse me of taking the "prayer out of mantis" - ha ha - that's my Silly Religion Insect Combo Joke of the Day. Actually the "P" is still there, I just took out the "raying".

Update 2010.05.06 Noon - Polly was on the pepper plant early this morning but has moved "next door" - a few millimeters - to the okra patch in the egg carton to check things out. Variety is the vegetable medley of life.

Update 2010.05.08 10 AM - Going for Walks Together - I have been practicing taking Polly for a walk on my finger. I use one hand to prod her/him toward my other hand and Polly finally crawls off the leaf onto my finger. So I now have a pet insect that roams freely in the veggie plants just inside my back door. My wife thinks it is humorously bizarre, that and talking to the insect! Got a regular old Dr. Dolittle thing goin' on down here. But 'Roam' may be too strong of a word, for Polly has a tendency to stay just on the pepper plants, one pair in particular.

Update 2010.05.10 8 AM - Day 6 of Polly-wood

This Morning's Stroll on My Finger - Polly wandered from one of my hands to another, and would pause randomly to stare at me. Of course with me being in control of the "earth orientation" beneath her/him as I would constantly reorient, my giant smile tends to be always right there. (Imagine the sun always moving in the sky above you tending to always be in the north, well, that was Polly-wood today. Ernest always on the north.

When Polly stops, she/he rocks slowly sideways, sometimes on 6, sometimes on 4 legs with the front two tucked under chin. Today at one point there was a time of intense (what appeared to be) scrubbing, where she/he was standing on just three legs while three were busy doing something mantis-cure-ishly.

Update 2010.05.12 00:05 - Putting Polly in an Alternate Pepper Pasture

I was extra careful today. I moved Polly from one pair of pepper plants to a different pair that were going to stay indoors today while Polly's usual humble abode pepper plant pair went outside for the day of sunshine.

I shot some pictures of Polly on my finger and will post one soon. I finally got a card reader for the laptop because the living room server is down waiting on a part. The peg of the bracket for the heat sink and fan of the microprocessor broke off, causing the heat sink and fan to literally crash inside my computer; there was a loud thud when it died. So later today maybe with a Polly on my finger photo.

Update 2010.05.14 - Finger Photos Finally !!!

Update 2010.05.31 - A Frightening Moment in Insect "Land"
 
Just had a hilarious frightening moment with Polly. I was holding her/him on the tip of my index finger and suddenly she/he decided to JUMP the six inch gap to land on my NOSE! But I had my glasses pushed up on my forehead so she/he walked across my EYE then on up into my hair.

I very carefully positioned my hand so that she/he would crawl onto it and with great relief the journey was brief, in the fur-est of Ernie.

Update 2010.06.02 - Where, Oh, Where? 

Back of Milk Carton Notification Amber Alert: Polly Gone (Sadness Prevails) Why do you always have to wait 24 hours before filling out a missing person report with the authorities? It is longer or shorter when it comes to insects?

Update 2010.06.08 - The Prodigal

YEA !!!!!! There IS joy in Mudville today, for the prodigal Polly the praying mantis has picked the pepper plant to return to for awhile !!!!! I think she/he was possibly away in the forest that is the giant purple onion plant "next door".

Speaking of Mudville, as I was showing the praying mantis to Cooper just now I noticed there was quite a bit of dried dirt from former mud (from where though?!?!?) across his top of his nose. I guess we were playing ball rather wildly this morning, but now I think it was from possibly pulling weeds around the tomato plants, the really only accessible mud at the moment for a mutt around here. So maybe I have a potential truffle hunting hound on my hands, huh?

I watched Polly some more and (s)he definitely took off for the onion planter, jumping a two inch gap back to the onion stalk after a sojourn in the okra field (egg carton). So maybe the action of my bringing the Okra "8" back into the house this morning attracted the critter to crawl back up to the higher pepper-okra neighborhood mesa. (Mesa is the correct term, as it is an actual table.)

Update 2010.06.10 - Show Biz?!?!?

I saw a vehicle advertising a company named "Industrial Pest Management" today, and I thought to myself, "I wonder who's side they are on? Bugs need managers? Like, show-biz agents?" and then I thought of my praying mantis. And then I thought how Michael Jackson turned out. And then I decided, "No, I'm not going to tell Polly anything about this"

Update 2010.06.14 - The Blind-"s" Side

Herding praying mantis is easier than herding cats, but not by much. I had taken the 8-pack-of-okra mini-forest outside for a day of sunshine, and obviously they are her/his favorite, for Polly was on the vertical blinds looking "in vane" outside for them. She/he was "in-between-vanes" and also looking "in vain" because I had already brought them back inside. She/he just doesn't pay attention. Insects.

Update 2010.06.23 - Just Hanging Around In The Mourning


My heart melted this morning in mourning as I thought Polly was dead hanging from a leaf but she/he had just molted, and a few seconds later I saw her/him a small distance away. Relief. Later I saw a time-lapse video on youtube of a very similar mantid actually going through a molt process. Polly is about 3 times longer than when we first "met" 49 days ago. She/He really seems to like the miniature forest of 8 tiny okra plants that grow in an old egg carton (limited sunlight for stunted growth), as the red bell peppers have moved outside. I have never found Polly over on the oregano bush. I have found her/him on the vertical blinds a couple of times, so I have to be careful when I wander near the back door or open/close the blinds.

Polly is on the left and the molt is on the right side

Link to the YouTube molting video: Molting Praying Mantis


Update 2010.08.13 - Day 100 with Polly


While looking at my little friend this morning staring back at me from the midst of the miniature okra forest hanging on mid way up the stalk, I wondered if Polly has a name for me? Perhaps its the praying mantis equivalent of "giant talking mountain with corrective lens", "amusement park of fingers" or "water bringer". So, 'Aquarius' maybe?

Update 2010.08.25 - AM or FM ?

I noticed that Polly appears to have a damaged antenna, with the left one about half as long as the right one. I looked at old pictures of her/him and they used to be about the same length. Not knowing for sure how this affects reception, I don't know if this would be considered an AM-putation or an FM-putation.

Update 2010.09.21 - Good Bye To A Friend

I noticed that Polly had been missing for a few days. I found her/him on the floor near the orchid plant dead on Aug 29th. It has been several weeks since Polly passed away, but I haven't felt like writing very much. It is hard to lose a friend, especially a tiny one. Polly was buried in her/his favorite place in the Tiny Okra Forest with orchid blooms mixed in above.

A few days later on Sept 1st another praying mantis was trying to get in my house through the front door. I coaxed it up on my hand a few times and then shot some photos as it climbed around on me. I didn't give this praying mantis a name.

Good bye Polly, it was an interesting 100 some days - my saddened heart doesn't want to know the exact number.


_NEXT _YEAR: Imagine All The Mantises

My 7th Set of 100 MySpace and My Other Place Headlines

My 7th Collection of 100 Headlines, Status and Moments in Rhyme from MySpace, Facebook and Twitter

Other Collections of 100: 1-100  101-200  201-300  301-400  401-500  501-600

700: The earth is leaking the transformed chemicals of things that died long ago killing the things of today causing a shortage of crawfish and shrimp ettouffee in my future. Or at least it results in a more expensive bowl of bayou Cajun Creole goodness  ;^(

699: Ah !!!! I just discovered Hulu

698: My new toy. I am my own Briggs and my own Stratton. I am the horse of my power. I am the spark plug of my mow.

697: I found a new printer for my computer. The minimum font size is a bit much though. Adds a whole new meaning to the word "Inkjet". Splat.

http://www.designboom.com/weblog/cat/8/view/10048/facade-printer.html

696: Do you ever have a distinct eerie feeling that someone has moved your ceiling fan in the middle of the night? (Right, that's never happened to me either)

695: Something cute I heard from a child: "These Cheerios are different. They seem fluffier. And by that I mean they're better"

694: Ernest S B Boston just joined the [Facebook] group "This Group Doesn't Exist In Facebook"

693: The noisy beaver outside with 2-cycle semi-unmuffled motor woke me. So I decided to calm my nap lack angst with a cookie. Inside the package was a special note from the Keebler elf. I now know his first name: 'Ernie' The message told me the 3 secret ingredients to their cookies: Care, Passion, and Elfin ingenuity

692: I am not sure what is outside. It is sounds like either a Dremel tool on steroids, someone getting their teeth cleaned with a chainsaw, or a harmonica player who accidentally swallowed his instrument but is determined to keep playing. Ear plug time.

691: Someone in Russia loves me

690: I think I found my cell phone even though I wasn't looking for it. It's 8:00 AM. The Mon-Sat morning alarm goes off. My Samsung sang. It is buried in the couch with an extra blanket on top. It is saying rescue me. I have coffee. I ignore it. I am warm far away. Did I mention that 'I have coffee' ? Do I look like a St. Bernard? (Don't answer that last one)

689: LOL - while reviewing the history of the edit process for the article "Immigration to the United States" in wikipedia, I came across an interesting name for a user ID: "Can't sleep, clown will eat me"

688: Geek Disk-overy: Using the glow of your laptop computer screen to read a book in bed

(Actually it wasn't a totally new disk-overy, I have used it as a flashlight several times, wandering the hallways helping my feet avoid dog chew bones and sharp splintery jagged fragments of dog chew bones.)

687: Just in the process of determining my level of ick and sick at the wrong time of the day .... (5 AM)

686: Earth Day is nice, Earth Year is better.

685: Outside my window and room are brown low down mushy mushrooms in a row in the wet breeze by the trees popped out of the ground just found by a surprised wife in the grass as she passes on her quick several block hop to her shop. No time for us to stop and smell the fungus, hair and flair to do in a new do for quite a few.

684: Here is something "automatically" funny. I am in an application doing semi-random reading where the system is supposedly picking similar blogs for me based on my recent reading activity. [Remember: I am not making any choices] The system responds: "The blog you were looking for is not available" so I push the back button and try again. It works this time. I want a smarter "Next" button.

683: Than k y ou Fac ebo ok fo r imp roving thin gs a gain

682: Disgusted - just found out that the evil totally worthless tobacco industry has started marketing candy like smokeless tobacco products in a variety of flavors with an easily concealable form of a nicotine delivery system, not a smoking cessation device. Poisonous savory ploy without the smoky whirl to poison us with flavor for every boy and girl. A wolf in Camel's clothing.

681: I learned today that when the Department of Defense was created they were originally called the "enemy". The original name of the department under the National Security Act of 1947 was the "National Military Establishment" or NME, which people began pronouncing "enemy". It took them slightly more than 2 years to be renamed to the DoD.

680: Yea!!! I now have "free" over-the- air HD TV from an antenna; good-bye di$h.

679: I am deeply saddened, yet giggling tremendously, at a loss for the right words to express my silly angst after coming across an entry in wikipedia for a pinball machine named 'Attila the Hun' that was produced in 1984. Oh, George Orwell, you were slightly wrong about a few things.

If you want to find this article, just keep hitting the random article button, IT will eventuALLy find yoU.

678: I want to try creating a new movie script out of two old movies ... say ... 'The Blind Side' 2009 and ... hmm ... 'Pollyanna', the 1960 Disney production with Hayley Mills, not to be confused with the 1993 violent movie 'Blind Side' and the 1920 silent version of 'Pollyanna' with Mary Pickford. [{Hayley will be 64 two ...days from now, and Mary would have been 118 years old eight days ago}]

677: A wet day to weather watch drips and drops and downpours with the dog by the window, wrapped warm on the right side, the inside, of the glass. Sofa, so good.... until the UPS truck rumbled by, waking the four footer, rousing him to a ruffing state.

676: Just recently learned about the ENS - Enteric Nervous System – fascinating!

675: I wonder if zombiez ever attempt "Fight To The Life" contests?

674: match.com emails are arriving in my wife's inbox - should I be worried?!?!?

673: Off to determine which end of the spectrum of 'hunter-gatherer' I am closer to, with an inverted metallic wired cage with wheels complete with coffee cup holder near the handle and squeaky wobbly wheels. Got milk? No, that's the main purpose of this epic journey away from the quiet comfort of this pillow and gentle ele...ctric breeze in the dark minus the Samsung glow.

672: Awww... fluffy socks!!!

671: So....Ernest. Are you an English teacher? [ a question from a new friend ]

670: "Ununseptium" - that is the temporary name for the new element recently created with atomic number 117. HOLD IT - isn't that a double negative - couldn't it just be "septium"?

669: Note: I sent one message by phone as a Facebook status update because my normal access to Facebook was broken by their malfunctioning system. BUT then A&TT and or Facebook conspired against me, broke it up into three pieces and added its own garbage (so read them in the opposite order A->B->C)

(C) ##ß##position as me, that is my lame excuse for momentarily visiting MySpace

(B) ##ß##ve absolutely no idea if this is going to actually appear anywhere but if it does I will be the last person to know unless of coarse you are in the same

(A) ##ß##If you can read this then I am in a strange predicament where I can update my FaBo status remotely but can't access the system in a normal manner so I ha

668: I don't think the dog has quite figured out I am playing a new game with him, he is still doing the old one. OW!!! He just whacked me with a hippopotamus.

667: My heart goes out to millions of Polish people in sorrow today at the loss of their leader and so many more in a single event.

666: I saw the left side of a man's black bra flapping in the wind at 40 mph on 10th Street. [-This isn't as bad as it sounds. A 'bra' is a protective device worn on the front of (typically) sports cars to protect them from flying debris, rocks, etc and 40 mph is the speed limit on that stretch of road-]

665: Today's Dumb Joke (- and a Science one too!) : Did you know a 'phone' is very acidic? It is a pH of one.

664: I don't live near a real airport. But most days at 6 AM and PM there is a noise akin to WWII era prop plane(s) from one particular too near neighbor, at the vehicular virtual aural airport, as he winds the giant rubber band in that tiny dark foreign car and takes off to work. At a muffler shop. Silence is aureate-al.

663: The very middle of middle c is this ":" [vertically]

662: G Ng Ing Ring Pring ... Spring!

661: If 'stuck' is the past tense of 'stick', what is a 'candlestuck', and should I fear it?

660: From the wikipedia article about the Hehe people of Tanzania: "Two male witnesses were thought sufficient for most 'normal' cases while it was thought that three to five were necessary with female witnesses."

659: I am feeing really blue. Literally. On my retina. The power switch to my Gateway computer is an extremely intense blue light that blasts my eyes. It is normally covered by a piece of paper. But scooting it back into place would require my 2 feet to walk 5 feet so I sit in an awkward position instead. That accurately describes my too early paining, I mean morning, head. Need more coffee bean, less laser beam.

658: I saw that CNN was reporting about a letter and other documents that a certain organization sent to XX state governors demanding their immediate resignation. CNN mentioned no threats were involved. Yet the FBI and the Department of Homeland Security got involved. What I really want to know is A) Why CNN thought this was a news story and helped legitimize their cause and B) why the Feds are spending money investigating.... Free Speech?

657: I wanted to tell you that I formulated a mathematical conjecture about all current mathematical conjectures but then I would have to explain the what and why of mathematical conjectures so I decided to (almost) keep it to myself.

656: Today I am reading "me" in Swedish. I have never studied Swedish or ever plan to do so, but today I noticed that someone had translated my entire blog to Swedish with a Google translate function. En Nobelpriset i litteratur skulle kunna vara i min framtid!

655: My most recent discovery: Instant Tofu Miso Soup - just add water PLUS precooked chicken and diced jalapeno. Available locally at United Supermarket ...Mmmm... seaweed! (Kikkoman)

654: This is the difference between my wife and myself while trying to interpret the dog's lack of action and passive mild apparent disobedience followed by a sudden surge of timely compliance. A-He wants to be king? B-He was just being polite? - we say simultaneously. I wonder if similar discussions occurred on the streets of Paris during the French Revolution in regards to their unruly ruthless regal ruler.

653: Don't believe yellow lies. I saw an advertisement for a "better" TV that has a yellow dot besides the normal RGB - Red Green Blue - trio that has powered color TV and computer monitors for decades. Notice that they are demonstrating for you the wonderful new fabulous Yellow on a your "old" TV that has no yellow dots.

652: I am working on new lyrics for the tune Popeye The Sailor Man: "I'm Tamie The Mighty Termite Terminator" (There really aren't termites in my house – my spouse has an overactive imagination, lack of entomo-”logical” education and a big fly swatter. It was entertaining though, watching her climb on the couch in hot pursuit of a mystery bug.)

651: I hear a moaning at the back door; alas, a puppie-dog on the wrong side of the glass; outside it is a lightly wet, slightly wet mornin'. And cold. And windy. And noisy. Time to embark on a journey to find red tomato plants for the green house part of my beige house.

650: Fun ny fun child ren

649: I am tired, mainly tired of today's version of nonsense. (Maybe its just the wind?) ((Maybe its just all the crazy drivers out today?)) (((Maybe its the bands of roving viscous coyotes?))) ((((Maybe its cause I feel like I am one of them?)))) [Ooops, that's 'Crazy Driver' - not 'Roving V. Coyote']

648: Today's Piece of Wikipedia Numerical Nonsense: "Starcz [start͡ʂ] is a village in the administrative district of Gmina Lutocin, within Żuromin County, Masovian Voivodeship, in east-central Poland.[1] It lies approximately 14 kilometres (9 mi) west of Żuromin and 126 km (78 mi) north-west of Warsaw. The village has a population of 10." 10 ?? Village ??? Without even looking, I am more inclined to believe its just a couple of houses in the middle of nowhere Poland.

647: Rework of Number 67: After the demolition crew blew up the old candy factory, the factory workers stood around in a pessimistic mood as the mist of PEZ candy hung flung in the air as pulverized mint and cement peppered the pavement and assaulted their sense of swell.

646: After watching Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid mess up his own vote twice on the same thing, I think one of the qualifications for being a United States Senator should be to understand the difference between the word "Yes" and "No", in both written and audible forms. Perhaps sobriety tests as well for each time they enter the Senate chamber.

645: You would think by now I would be better at keeping jalapeno pepper chemicals off my hands ... and here is the crucial part: so it wouldn't get in my eyes! ... but sadly, tearfully, you would have thought wrong. (I'm the one with tears, not you) Soup turned out okay. The spouse liked it. She thinks I have done a good job recreating an old recipe called "Uncle Ern's World Famous Soup", only this one has pork.

644: Question: How many people out there know someone who has milked a goat in the last 48 hours? Sadly, I am one of them. No no no! Not a milker of goats, I'm someone who KNOWS someone who has milked a goat. I told my wife to tell that person, well, when the Health Scare Bill ruins the country and the Arabs take over running the place, she'll fit in just fine. How about camels?

(I received a complaint about this one from my aunt who noted the fine quality health benefits of goats milk, so I had to respond because I was secretly maing fun of two of my in-laws, not really goats in general)

We have had alot of fun over the years making light of the goats and goat herd of the local rancher who shall remain anonymous unless someone reads this and reveals who I am talking about. A certain nearby city council has worked rather hard to try to eliminate the herd but it is still in existence. An episode in that legal nearly catastrophic battle can be found in the real life adventure story "Choking and Laughter: Key Ingredients to a Great Evening Meal"

We love our old goat rancher very much and love to tease him about his herd, as well as other things, lots of things. Although lovable and hug-able, he makes himself an easy target.

643: As I let my dog out the back door, I 'gently' pushed one of the winged sleepy neighbors back outside using my cellphone as a transport-transput device, then gave instructions to the curious hound, who had wondered what I had found, "Its a wasp, make sure you eat it"

642: Youth in Asia

641: The really nice part of our legal system is that it is cast in stone that very few things are cast in stone.

640: I have noticed in the current book that I am reading the explanations are sometimes of little value/help: "His face has a veil of dark blue veins in it, like a soldier's face that has been too near a cannon mouth when it exploded" - not something too common in my world.

639: The main question I want answered is this: Does President Obama continue to smoke tobacco products? If he does and can't do a 'simple' thing like quit smoking and help his health and the economic impact of himself on the rest of the economy, he has no ability to execute a grander scheme on 300 million people. The real problem for America isn't lack of health care, its unhealthy choices that burden the system.

638: It is 3:45 AM. I am pretty sure that I have never laughed this hard at this time of day before. At least I don't remember doing so. But the source of laughter is far too complicated and convoluted and involves math and planets and ... well, tomorrow .... I'll have to write it all down, and those dishes aren't going to ...wash themselves. Swish. Splash. Swush. A night of double lasagne.

637: Spring? Its more like Sprung here, with snow on the ground and maybe more coming, possibly Sprang, Spry-ing or Spro-ing, but not quite Spring.

636: Yea! I finally got the movie 'Hachi : A Dog's Tale' on DVD

635: I don't believe in sorcery. I don't think people can predict the future. I do believe in religious freedoms. I do believe that if the Saudi government fears a Lebanonese TV sorcerer and condemns him to death, then they, The Saudis, are the more dangerous ones. After all, if the sorcerer could really predict the future,... wouldn't he have known the Saudis would arrest him for his "crime" ?

634: (Remember I do not endorse tattoos) I thought of another interesting design for a tattoo. It would be a picture of a doctor removing a tattoo using a laser procedure. But then it would probably look just like someone welding. "Hey, bro, nice welding tattoo"

633: The Swedish cartoonist Lars Vilks has caused outrage with millions of Islamic people by drawing the head of Mohammed their Prophet on the body of a dog in 2007. I agree, it is an insult to all dogs everywhere. Of course I'm not about to kill anyone over it. Sigh. Why is it that the children, I mean the puppies, have to suffer?

632: I have a saying for my nephew graduating from police academy this evening: You are entering a dangerous profession, "those who live by the doughnut, die by the doughnut".

631: The Federal Government "at" work "about" work: I received an automatic email notification for job searching on the 15th that I didn't notice until today - the 17th - for a federal job in Amarillo. When I clicked on the link to inquire about it, the job wasn't available. Then I noticed in the e-mail that the job CLOSED on the 15th, the same day! I'm thinking, "Thank you (?!?!?)"

630: Today's Piece of Wikipedia Math Silliness: One article about two computers, supposedly "IBM Supercomputers", that were never built and designs never completed over an 8 year period starting nearly 50 years ago.

Link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ACS-1

629: If many more massive and minor earthquakes mantle mangle and crust bust Chile, it may soon be spelled ¢nii=

628: Today's Livro Laughter: "Look what the jellyfish has done to me" - very appropriate as the very last entry in the "Life's A Beach" section of my Arabic-English phrasebook

627: Three Point Something Day

626: My Dumb Joke of the Day: What did the police call the photo of the man they arrested for stealing the musical electronic synthesizer? His "Moog Shot"

625: We're all in our houses with wireless mouses.

[A friend responds that she is old school]

Actually I am now (much later) in the kitchen part of the house,

using my portable laptop on a table with an embedded invisible mouse.

624: Raw Hide Bone 1, Cooper 0 -> s0met1mes the 1nan1mate 0bjects have/get the upper hand. 1njur1es, Me1odrama, 0U-ch1es. But 1n th1s case, n0t f0r l0ng.

623: That was a scary moment - I just drove in front of a Prius

622: Ah, I just heard a far off low rolling rumble, a flame flicker, a blaze, a fan come to life, a furn-ace warm em-brace

621: Okay, I finally understand whats wrong with the U.S. Senate. Its when one senator can hold up everything. That sounds dictatorial, hostage taking, not a balanced representative form of government. If you can't understand this issue or its unfairness, you have no business being a senator.

620: A wind chime doesn't become one until you take it outside. While its still in the store its a CCD - 'Clumsy Customer Detector'

619: How often do you write your name out in a semi backwards last name first, first name in the middle with middle initials only on the end with comma separators on forms "Boston, Ernest, S B" only to wake up screaming in the middle of the night a few days later, "I'm not Ernest S B Boston!!!" ? Right; it never happens to me either.

618: Today's Discovery: B-o-ing. The springs on the inside of the free pens from the bank will make a dandy mattress for my pet squirrel. Boi-ng. One down, 471 more to ...slowly... collect so they don't get suspicious, and then Whuirrel gets a new mattress. Bo-ing. Break out the sewing machine and Dremil tool, its factory time!

617: White Light Bright Snow Blow Go South Face North Close Eyes Open Mouth Wide Snow Non-Cone On The Tip Of My Tongue No Flavor Except Cold Just Barely On My Bare Tonsils Bing Float Hover

616: Is it time for coffee yet? Please say it is, please (?!¿¡©¤££€€)

615: I had a wonderful surprise at the pawn shop a couple days ago. I met a young female Chihuahua. She was the most wonderful happy lively non-ferocious effervescent bubbly Chihuahua I had ever met. She was only 6 weeks old. I figured she hadn't had enough time to learn how to be a normal Chihuahua.

614: I have discovered an odd conjoined number jumble anomaly jungle in the otherwise glorious State of Oklahoma. I saw a stretch of road that had 3 numbers on it. I thought, that was odd, until I discovered an even stranger passageway, a stretch of schizophrenic asphalt where there were 4.

613: They are called 'Killer' Whales for a reason

612: ({{Pain}}) That kinda even looks like my headache, at least it does while I am having my headache

611: Progress!!! I have trained my dog to wipe his feet when he comes in from the muddy back yard. He follows my command/hand as he walks over a large towel a few times until his paw prints are negligible. Sometimes he even sits on his "Cooper Carpet"; he likes that term very much.

610: WI and MI - I just realized that two states are right next to each other that have abbreviations that can be easily transformed through a symmetrical process, depending on the font of course, and how much you squint your eyes. I wonder how many other states have this proximity and symmetry relationship and how does it effect the black market sinister trade in auto inspection safety sticker sleight of hand and XactoKnife?

609: [FACEBOOK GAME APPLICATION NOTIFICATION Tamie Boston cleaned up your stinking sewers in MyTown! Click here to return the favor! a few seconds ago] WRONG !!!! Its really HER town, and besides that, who was it that responded to her request in the REAL world 20 minutes ago, "Honey, could you check to see about the water running tooo loooong in the toilet?" At least that problem is on the NON-stinking side of the sewer system.

608: "Oh, the things we do to save the world" - Tamie A H Boston

607: Weather forecast: 50 percent chance of snow. I look out my window. The lawn is half covered in spots of snow. They got it right.

606: Yea! I am a little bit more of a Java programmer now! I got the JDK installed, and then just been playing with some Java programming of Euhler, then Runge-Kutta methods for numerically solving differential equations. This is my first time to get to really learn differential equations, so that means re-learning a bunch of calculus. The college semester of Laplace Transforms 30 years ago doesn't count!

605: [Am I living in a virtual world or a victuals world?] I had just got a note in Facebook telling me: Tamie Boston got your pollution level under control in MyTown! Click here to return the favor! ... BUT at almost the same time she was complaining about the smell of my ground buffalo cooking in the kitchen ... Yea! She must be getting well in the REAL world for her sense of smell is coming back.

NOTE: Just in case you don't know the word, 'victuals' was the term Grannie used on the TV show 'The Beverly Hillbillies' for 'food'. It sounds more like it should be spelled 'vittles'.

604: "Honest Officer, my wife really died from laughing. Just look at the smile on her face. I had starting humming a song that I wrote a long time ago and had forgot about, and one of my dog's favorites, I might add. When I mentioned it to her, she said, 'How unfortunate' - and then she died of laughter"

603: Hold it, what was that just now? Ice Roller Derby? [Oh! Lumpix Reference]

602: Ah, a cold winter day outside and me indoors washing dishes, who could ask for any thing better than this? Well, I guess I could ask for a buffalo steak already perfectly cooked w a side of Pork 'n Beans, world peace, and a new Toyota, but then I would have to go out into the brrrrrren wasteland. Back to a tubba happy sudz zanda cuppa hot cococa (insert wet cold smiley doggie face here)

601: So now my dog has a new "trick": Simultaneous Snoring and Dreaming. His dreams invariably resort to chasing and barking, so in hizzz immobile virtualizzzzed zzzituation, tranzzzformed into Simultaneous Snoring and Barking

Laugh-GaGa-instan with Laddies GaGa

I have been thoroughly enter-strain-ed with laughter by American servicemen in Afghanistan, I mean, Laugh-GaGa-nistan today