245 Point Zero?

Steve Jobs yacht was finished recently and it is said to be "between 230 and 260 feet".

What?

That's a guess-ti-mate with a 30 foot gap, more than 10 percent of the average.

I think I wiLL start teLLing people I am between 4 and 7 feet taLL. Yes, I'm rich, I have somewhere between 500 and a billion dollars, and 0.5 and 1.5 wives.

-------

While wandering outside in my backyard I invented something useful. Organic dental floss.

How? What? When? Huh?

I discovered that a piece of grass in my backyard makes an adequate dental scrubber. I took the outside layer off to get to the "clean" inside tiny circular relatively stiff shaft. Rub, rub, rub. Perhaps I should have taken a photo? No! A photo of the grass piece, not me actuaLLy using it, um, [no], you don't need to see that.

-------

How Strange: I have worked on Portuguese for more than 30 years and just now discovered the word 'Lusophone'. It means someone who speaks Portuguese.

That discovery taught me another word: lusophobia - the fear of Portuguese

Yes! That's a real word! I can't wait to see my friend Lucy and teLL there is a new word I created "Lucyphobia" - the fear of Lucys. ActuaLLy, My Lucy of Spearman TX is veRy un-scary. She wiLL laugh when I teLL her this, I love her laugh.

Previous Lucy post: I Am Not A Vampire

Much Monkey Noise

Do I own a monkey?
No
So why am I waking up to monkey noises?

"If an apple traveling at the speed of light hits a static banana ..." ... there is a question mark in his voice.

"That way he woke to the sound of happy birds."

"Oh, baby possum tracks!"

He made himself an apple and banana sandwich.

Maybe the baby possum was lost.

Eee eeee ee ee E

Maybe he only knew the day animals(?).

A veRy brief period of French nasal monkey laughter. -from the teleBision, not me-

George held him high so he could help look.

He was imagining possums everywhere.

Now owl noises. [that could be a contraction: nowlneses]

Pronounced: now-L-ne-sez [I realize much later that this is how some New Orleanians pronounce 'New Orleans']

[I turned the volume down completely with the remote control. But there was stiLL dialogue. Then I reali-ZZZ-ed that the sound was coming from the other teleBision in the living room. Doing Double Dolby. Do I get completely out of bed to eliminate the noise? I try reflecting the remote signal off several waLLs hoping it wiLL snake its way down the haLLway. No success. Obviously not enough mirrors or mirror equivalencies.
Note to self: Buy more mirrors tomorrow]

[That could be a contraction too: mormirmorrow]

Need zzzz's.

[Suddenly Wonder Boy Genius Ernie realizes he has BOTH teleBision remotes in bed with him at the same time. He gets a bold idea of sending TWO signals at the same time. He tries several combination for blasting the double signal strength signal down the hallway from the comfort of his bed. No luck, the volume doesn't go down. So he turns around on the bed to get a better shot at the cheap chandelier in the hallway hoping for a reflection. He has a sudden thought, they should use this technique in the neXt Die Hard movie. Suddenly the teleBision remote signals set off the smoke alarm in the doorway causing it to go blasting into a test pattern. This upsets the dog. Poor Cooper, its okay, baby. Bruce Willis is putting away the lasers. Luckily the smoke alarms go to sleep by themselves.]

Recorded and performed from the comfort of my mattress.

No animals or fruit were harmed in the production, eXcept one slightly disturbed doggie.

All rights reserved world wide.

Seven And A Half Score Ago

I was born slightly less than 100 years after the Civil War began, and now that I am slightly more than half of 100 years old I feel closer to Abraham Lincoln, as I am just slightly younger than Abe when he died.

Thank you Steven Spielberg for indirectly reminding me. His Lincoln movie is coming out soon in November, veRy close to the day of the month of the Gettysburg address, November 19th, seven and a half score minus one years ago (149). I hope I did my score math correctly.

I celebrated by buying 'Team of Rivals' by Doris Kearns Goodwin.

A Crime of Paint

My son far away had the back of his vehicle massively splashed with paint. We don't have any idea why this happened. He knows few people where he lives and doesn't know of any personal enemies. His out of pocket expenses will be at least $500 to get it repaired.

If anyone would like to help him, please send funds by mail to:

Family Style
Attn: For Fixing A Bad Paint Job
717 N Main St
Borger, TX
79007 

Funds Received: $10 Thanks A Bunch!

Why My Dog is Probably Going to Vote Democrat

Why my dog is probably going to vote Democrat.

Cooper was peacefuLLy working on his chew bone on the livingroom floor during the David Letterman Show. Dave was showing the fake video of Mitt Romney driving when a dog suddenly comes down the exterior side of the window knocking on the glass making canine whining noises, while Mitt just keeps driving and talking, ignoring the dog. Cooper stopped chewing and looked up at the teleBision for the rest of the comedic bit.

So I am guessing it was a real dog noise even though it was visuaLLy a fake dog.

Update: My friend over at Facebook reminded me to get Cooper registered to vote.

My response to her: I asked him about it this morning to make sure he wasn't too traumatized by the video, and I tried to eXplain about Mitt's dog on vacation traveling on top of the car, but aLL I could get out of Cooper was something Scoobie Doo-ish that sounded like, "H. Rosh Rutt-Roh?", so I guess he going third party now.

Registered? I think he got registered when he got micro-chipped.

Update: The same FB friend asked: Does he work? Did he pay taxes? The answer is clear.

My response: Work? He guards, comforts and entertains me, and I figured up the approximate annual amount for the sales tax on just his chew bones: $34.32

Update: (From the same FB friend, can you teLL she is a lawyer?) He's a 47%-er for sure. Maybe he's a yellow dog Democrat!! Errr, or white dog Democrat?

My Response: From a distance during a Texan sunset there is a bit of a yellow cast to him. If you went to Ace Hardware and asked for paint color that was 4.7% yellow, that would be it. Just ask for an incomplete mix, I'm sure that wiLL confuse them.

Crisp Is In, and Seeing Twenty Twenty

On a journey for new floor tile and other supplies we discovered a new restaurant in Amarillo, Texas. For my meal I decided against my usual ice water and chose a hard apple cider. I rarely drink alcohol in public. My choices were either 16 oz or 20 oz, and I thought, that was odd to have bottle choices that close together in size. The waitress didn't eXplain and I didn't ask. 

I chose a 20.

But when beverages arrived on the table it was a draft in a tall thick cold cylindrical glass, no bottle. Again, I am a neophyte at things brewski. I just saw the large Crispin logo art on the waLL and had decided to try something completely new. 

 

I liked it. It very weLL with the BBQ pork sliders and the horrible deviled eggs that we found out later were missing some ingredients. My wife's chicken quesadilla was above average. I didn't care for their BBQ sauce, so neXt time I wiLL bring my own from the house, just like I have a bottle at my favorite local diner.

There wiLL be a neXt time because I found out that they have Guinness, and I had told Badger that I would try that soon.

So ... mid way through the meal with 20 oz of hard cider, my wife declares she is going to be the designated driver and demands the ignition keys. I know I'm not debilitated but I gladly aLLow her the key ring. 

I am not against drinking and driving, but I am truly totally against drunk driving. But my wife does not understand things like blood alcohol math, and besides, I don't reaLLy feel like driving, as I just got finished driving an hour.

We head out to the SUV after the slightly better than average supper and the vehicle is facing east with a curb immediately in front. So my wife backs out of parking spot by turning left 90 degrees, so then she is facing straight south. BUT then she immediately starts going straight! 

.... And I with medium volume yeLL, "You are heading over the curb!!!" 

- she stops, looks, and says, "Are you sure?!?!?" 

- "YES!!! You are headed over the curb, the exit is right there ..." pointing to the west. 

"Oh!", she replies, and goes out into the side street and stops to look at the curb. 

She says, "Are you sure that's a curb?" 

- THOUGHT: HOLD it, I was the one drinking, right? "Yes, Honey, that is a curb!"

Suddenly I am doubting who should be driving and I create a cute little bouncy syncopated song on the fly, "Oh, Who shouldn't be driving right now?" With that same words repeated three times, music varying slightly on each line.

She smacks me on the arm, grinning, teLLing me to shut up. I crack up laughing. 

I sporadicaLLy start singing pieces of my new song in a semi-whisper-hum with my mouth open slightly more than normal enunciating sharply with a Cockney accent, as she gives me a dirty look but with her cute smile.

So we are now headed to the lumber yard passing by Tascosa High School on Wolflin Avenue, children practicing footbaLL, and make it to the stoplight at the intersection with Western Street. While stopped, I look to the right at the building, point at it, and say to my wife, 

"Do you remember me teLLing you about that bakery (pointing at the building) about how it is named Frank's Bakery, that it advertises itself as the only French bakery in town and that the name 'Frank' reaLLy means French, so it is like saying French Bakery French Bakery?" 

She says, "No, I don't remember you telling me that." 

I responded, "I remember teLLing you when we were stopped at this intersection at this stop light, only we were facing south on Western. I believe it was August of 2007. (5 years and 1 month ago)" 

My wife immediately responded, "You can't possibly know when we had this conversation! - um, FIVE years ago!" 

So I told her that I had recorded this story on my blog in a post about 700 posts ago, in a piece caLLed "200 Percent French". 

So I puLLed up my blog on her iPhone and found the publication date to be August 16th, 2007. So I started singing the "Who Shouldn't Be Driving Right Now" song again, as I thought that was a pretty good demonstration of my current right then under the unfluence of alcohol mental capabilities. 

She smiled, wide eyed. 

I read the blog post out loud to her which confirmed everything I had just told her and it ends with these words which make her laugh:

(Don't worry, my wife never reads this stuff)

We made it to the lumber yard without my wife kiLLing me. We go through the long process of picking out tile for our business property. The first one she picks has 20 tiles to the box and she asks me how many boxes we need. I divide the 20 into 600 to get the answer 30 boxes. But there are only 4 boxes available in stock. So she picks an even better tile pattern that now has 30 tiles to the box, so that means we need twenty boxes. So we load them up along with glue and a new Welcome mat.

We are going through process of checking out and her cart is in front of mine. She is puzzled and teLLs me what the total is, and it seems a little bit too high. I go around to the POS screen and see that my wife has told the clerk the wrong information and mixed the 20 and 30 quantities of boxes and 30 vs 20 tiles per box. I was shocked that the check-out clerk hadn't even counted the boxes but relied simply on what my wife told him, 30 boxes instead of twenty! 

I wiLL keep this in mind if I ever decide to start shoplifting, mental note: "look for this particular clerk"

I forget how much eXtra money would have been lost, but it could have bought quite a bit of cider.

So .... what did I do? Why, I sang my cute little new song, of course, "Oh, Who Shouldn't Driving ..." AGAIN. 

My wife closed her eyes and smiled shaking her head, humorously moaning, teeth grinding, only this time she didn't threaten to kiLL me. I asked her if she wanted me to puLL the SUV up to the loading zone, and she handed me the keys. I think by this time she finaLLy realized I wasn't intoxicated AND she was ready to get rid of me and my song. 

I did let her drive home from the lumberyard.

Let Me Explain The Presidential Debates, So That You Will Not Have To Watch Them

The 2012 Presidential Debates are soon. I don't know when because I basicaLLy don't care.

Here is what is going to happen. Each candidate, thankfooly there are just two, wiLL teLL you eXactly the same things they have already told you during the last several months, only this time they are in the same room at the same time.

The new twist is that each of them wiLL try to figure out how to say the eXact opposite of the other one, only figure out the logic whereby they have the better deal for you.

My favorite parts are when each candidate tries to eXplain what the other candidate is reaLLy saying.

The real deal is I want neither of them, so the real loser in this election is me. In the long run the real winner of this election is most likely China, the big one, not the little one.

Dances With Pizza

Even for an old tired worn out sore man at the end of the day, I can move incredibly fast, you just have to throw a butcher knife at me. 

Or rather have me throw a butcher knife at myself, that'll work too. 

I should blame Cooper since he is the one who "forced" me to order pizza for supper. 

I knocked the knife out of my hand when I brought it up out of the wooden block thingy in the kitchen but it bumped the stove's exhaust fan shroud and then ricocheted off at least two other surfaces before heading towards my bare toe-sies. 

Remember: Always wear steel toed work boots when eating pizza with your dog, and don't forget the BBQ sauce. 

Oh, and don't forget to give your dog his after meal dog biscuit, like I just realized I forgot to do.

Just Say Know To Math

The nearby city of Amarillo, Texas recently banned the use of cellular telephones while driving. There was an online article in the Amarillo newspaper that used some data in a questionable manner, so I wrote this online comment:

The article expressed [an] increase of 57 accidents for the time period 2006 to 2010 from 3,352 to 3,409, which is a little less than 2 percent increase, which may or may not be a statistically valid increase based on the data collection methods. The population increase in the same time period for the state of Texas was approximately 8 percent, which would mean that the more important per capita accident rate actually decreased. When you factor in the probable (I have no data for this) increase in the ownership of cellular telephones in the same time frame, this would indicate an improvement in driver behavior concerning cellular telephone usage while driving.

[end of my online comment]

I came back to the article 7 hours later to see if anyone had any responses to my comment, but there were no comments. BUT in the upper right corner I noticed there had been 4 votes cast about my comment, one thumbs up, BUT THREE thumbs down.

WHAT?!?!? All I did was point out that a piece of their supporting data was logically backwards.

In case you want to know, I don't text and drive. I don't usually talk on a cell phone when driving, unless I am in the middle of nowhere, which in my part of Texas is probably half of my driving time.

The Dogs of Wore

This picture shows my wife's latest customer:

His name is Max.

Now don't be confused, he isn't a client for her cosmetology services, but he bought a shirt. 

Max is getting a shirt with a Bulldog logo, as that is the mascot-logo for the local high school of Borger Texas.

Max is going to be in the parade with his new shirt.

The owner let me know that he is not in a cleaned up state, so he will look prettier and cleaner with the new shirt.

Max barked at me, but not as much once I started taking photos of him.

Hidden Forty

I have a carpenter painting and doing some work on a door and equipment at our business. This morning as he was moving some cabinets he found some small towels wrapped up between the unit and the wall. When he unfolded the towels there was forty dollars in the towels. This happened right before I arrived. My wife was already there and told him he could keep the money.

The interesting part of the story is the particular renter that left this money behind was the evil one who was trying to steal and destroy our business just recently. Normally I return any lost money or goods to the rightful owner, but in this situation I never had control of the money in order to do so.

I asked the carpenter if he would like to wrestle me for the money, but he said no, that I would probably win!

So, anyway, I felt strange as I drove by other business where the evil person now works on my way to get fuel and breakfast, with a feeling of incompleteness knowing that I couldn't return the forty dollars to its rightful owner, no matter how despicable she might be.

Several weeks ago as Miss Despicable was trying to pay me for two weeks rent instead of one, and doing it a day earlier than normal, she accidentally gave me a fifty dollar bill in the mix instead of a twenty. When I pointed this out, that she was trying to pay me $30 too much, the other renters in the other room overheard our conversation and jokingly and veRy loudly chastised me, saying in siLLy grouchy overlapping unison, "WHY did you tell her?!?!? We could have had a party with that money!!!" - and they teased me again the next day when I collected their rent on the normal collection day.

I feel strangely sad today for a variety reasons, mainly grief at the recent loss of my friend and mentor Eddie. That has its own mix of problems with greedy people interfering who are clueless to the reality of business and the probate process. I am not sure I ever reaLLy have too many enemies, at least from my point of view, for veRy long at aLL.

A Girl Name Contest!

I am trying to decide what name I should have had if I would have been born as a female. I am not planning on making any changes, plumbing or otherwise, this is just a theoretical question that floated through my little brain just now 42 seconds ago. Anyway, for some unknown reason, the first name that popped into my head was "Gwynyth". I would be interested in your suggestions for:

A) What you think my female name should have been
B) How about a middle name for me!
C) What opposite gender name do you think you would have liked for yourself.

Please feel free to leave a comment answering any or aLL of these questions.

I Audition as a Model for the Painting "The Scream" 119 Years Too Late

I was in the other room a few minutes ago, and Barak H Obama started yeLLing at me!

Imagine my surprise!

When it happens just moments after waking up from a much needed nap and you are stiLL tired it can be rather scary.

I went running from the living room screaming with my hands over my ears.

Don't worry, I made sure I put my left hand on my left ear and my right hand on my right ear.

Do you realize how difficult it is to do the opposite AND also run safely through a room with dog chew toys scattered almost everywhere?

I live dangerously ...

(I do a wide variety of siLLy things for the pure purpose of cheering up my wife.)

WeLL, I must go now, my lovely wife has made chicken gumbo. I have more interesting food news about her, but I must publish a new invention, a burger, on my recipe blog. Soon ....


Link to Edvard Munch's "The Scream"

Update: I am half way through my bowl of chicken gumbo and I see something different, smaLL and yeLLow.

I say, "There's corn in my gumbo!"

I look across the living room and my wife is smiling mischieveously, then she said, "It took you long enough [to notice]!"

Miss I On, I'm Possible

A veRy close young relative of mine is having an interesting day after having to work a veRy long shift. He is tired. He wants sleep, entertainment, and probably not to be bothered. 

I texted him so that I wouldn't wake him up, knowing about his long previous work shift. Then he told me later his phone makes the same amount of noise - text or phone call, so it didn't matter. (I woke him up.)

But he had a few good tales for me.

The first tale was that the cable company sent him the device to get hooked to the internet BUT failed to send the other device that allows him to watch teleBision. And they are already billing him for his cable service. The technical support person wasn't much help because it was a Sunday, other than to say she couldn't believe that had happened. She wasn't saying she didn't believe him, just flabbergasted about the mistake. 

But tomorrow is a holiday, so nothing will get done until Tuesday.

The second tale was more interesting. There is a knock on the door. Someone is standing there who wants to give him an eviction notice. He tells the guy, "I'm sorry, but that's impossible, I JUST moved in here two days ago!" But the guy is insistent. Then my young relative asks to see the papers, and it is someone else's name but the correct apartment address. He offers to show him identification to prove that he is not the person listed on the eviction notice and that he isn't connected to that person at all. So after a few more words, the guy finally leaves.

But the word finally isn't final.

A few minutes pass and there is a knock on the door. The same guy is back. He says that he has called his boss, and his boss says that its impossible. He needs to serve the eviction papers. 

My young relative is perplexed. What do you mean its impossible? He thinks, "I'm possible." What kind of response do you give a moron who wants to give you eviction papers when you aren't the correct person and you know you have paid your rent? He refused to take the papers.

But tomorrow is a holiday, so nothing will get done until Tuesday.

Blogger Is Broken

Something or someone is messing with my account. I have comments sporadically disappearing from my friends blogs. Blogger sent me a cryptic message saying something is wrong with my account, BUT I can not figure out HOW to communicate with their help desk technical support folks.

Now I just noticed that I am listed as a follower of my OWN blog!

No Wrong Oops What? A Very Good Good-Bye

There are several things that some people never learn.

Condi's lipstick doesn't matter. She has plenty of thoughts and words, listen.

Stop trying to live below sea level. There is plenty of dirt, higher dirt to live ^upon, move.

I don't reaLLy watch the Olympics and Presidential Conventions for almost the same reasons.

Some idiot is trying to steal a building from me, and ruin my business. She is going bye-bye today. I don't know how many times she has told people that my building is for sale, or the number of times I have said, "NO!!!! I am NOT getting out of this business, I plan to run this another twenty years (i.e. the rest of my life)." Renters. Idiot. Trouble-maker. I am veRy glad she is leaving.


Now, back to studying "Stairway To Heaven" and learning about Led Zeppelin. Thank you, Eddie, you wiLL be missed by several people. Thanks for everything you taught me about HVAC and life, and for aLL the griLLed chicken sandwiches with bacon you bought me over the last year and a half of training. I wiLL try to be a good little helper to aLL those in need of a cooler breeze.

The Condensed Number Value Pattern in the Fibonacci Series

The Fibonacci numbers (FN) are a sequence of integers, starting with 0, 1 and continuing 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, ..., each new number being the sum of the previous two. The Fibonacci numbers, and in conjunction the golden ratio, are a popular theme in culture. They have been mentioned in novels, films, television shows, and songs. The numbers have also been used in the creation of music, visual art, and architecture.

0 1 1 2 3 5 8 13 21 34 55 89 144 233 377 610 987 1597 2584 4181 6765 10946 17711 28657

A condensed number value (CNV) is derived by repeatedly summing the digits of an integer until a single digit remains.

Examples:

12 => 1 + 2  = _CNV3
66 => 6 + 6 = 12 by previous example condenses to _CNV3
So 12 and 66 have the same condensed value of _CNV3

Condensed Number Value of the Fibonacci series, first 28 values:

0 1 1 2 3 5 8 4 3 7 1 8 9 8 8 7 6 4 1 5 6 2 8 1 9 1 1 2


0 1 1 2 3 5 8 13 21 34 55 89 144 233 377 610 987 1597 2584 4181 6765 10946 17711 28657

10946 => 1+0+9+4+6 = 20, then 2+0 => _CNV2
17711 => 1+7+7+1+1 = 17, then 1+7 => _CNV8
28657 => 2+8+6+5+7 = 28, then 2+8 = 10, then 1+0 => _CNV1
46368 => 4+6+3+6+8 = 27, then 2+7 => _CNV9
75025 => 7+5+0+2+5 = 19, then 1+9 = 10, then 1+0 => _CNV1
121393 => 1+2+1+3+9+3 = 19, then 1+9 = 10, then 1+0 => _CNV1
196418 => 1+9+6+4+1+8 = 29, then 2+9 = 11, then 1+1=> _CNV2

My recent discovery is that the sequence of Fibonacci numbers follow a repeating pattern of CNV. I searched for a repeating pattern, and found it at "_CNV1 _CNV1" in the 26th and 27th positions, 75025 and 121393, which are the same as the 2nd and 3rd positions.

Fibonacci numbers are derived by adding. Condensed Number Values for the summation process of integers follows a table:

Integer + Integer = CNV ...and... CNV + CNV = CNV

X + Y = Z where X and Y are either Integers or CNV's, and Z is a CNV

1 + 1 = 2
1 + 2 = 3
1 + 4 = 5
1 + 5 = 6
1 + 6 = 7
1 + 7 = 8
1 + 8 = 9
1 + 9 = 1
2 + 2 = 4 .... (and 2 + 1 = 3, so I didn't repeat Y + X = Z when I have already stated X + Y = Z)
2 + 3 = 5
2 + 4 = 6
2 + 5 = 7
2 + 6 = 8
2 + 7 = 9
2 + 8 = 1
2 + 9 = 2
3 + 3 = 6
3 + 4 = 7
3 + 5 = 8
3 + 6 = 9
3 + 7 = 1
3 + 8 = 2
3 + 9 = 3
4 + 4 = 8
4 + 5 = 9
4 + 6 = 1
4 + 7 = 2
4 + 8 = 3
4 + 9 = 4
5 + 5 = 1
5 + 6 = 2
5 + 7 = 3
5 + 8 = 4
5 + 9 = 5
6 + 6 = 3
6 + 7 = 4
6 + 8 = 5
6 + 9 = 6
7 + 7 = 5
7 + 8 = 6
7 + 9 = 7
8 + 8 = 7
8 + 9 = 8
9 + 9 = 9

So after a pattern of  24 Condensed Number Values:

  1 1 2 3 5 8 4 3 7 1 8 9 8 8 7 6 4 1 5 6 2 8 1 9 

the Fibonacci series starts repeating using this pattern. Some interesting features of this distribution of CNV:

 a) There are five _CNV1's and five _CNV8's
 b) There are two of the other values _CNV2,_CNV3,_CNV4,_CNV5,_CNV6,_CNV7,_CNV9

I noticed that Fibonacci numbers have a distribution of 2 odd numbers for each even value, a 2:1 ratio, with the pattern after the first zero value being odd, odd, even, odd, odd, even, .... repeating forever, because two odd numbers sum to an even, and then an even and odd produce an odd.

Because the smaller repeating group of 3 (odd, odd, even) is a factor of 24, they group together on an infinitely repeating basis:

CNV: 1 1 2 3 5 8 4 3 7 1 8 9 8 8 7 6 4 1 5 6 2 8 1 9

FN:  O O E O O E O O E O O E O O E O O E O O E O O E <-Odd Even

If FN has a _CNV2, then FN is even

If FN has a _CNV3, then FN is odd 

If FN has a _CNV4, then FN is odd 

If FN has a _CNV5, then FN is odd  

If FN has a _CNV6, then FN is odd 

If FN has a _CNV7, then FN is even 

If FN has a _CNV9, then FN is even 

If FN has a _CNV1, then FN is even 1/5 of the time, odd 4/5

If FN has a _CNV8, then FN is even 1/5 of the time, odd 4/5  

^Note: I have had a lot of fun researching the properties of Condensed Number Values since about age 10. When I was a child in church services (and bored), I would find the CNV of the offering and attendance numbers that were posted on the wall in the church sanctuary.

Please let me know if anything is unclear or if you believe I have made a mistake in my math, logic, or presentation. Thank you!

 

Update: 2012.09.08 - I found another website where someone else had published some of the same things I mentioned in this blog post. It has a publication date of May 2012, but I didn't copy that work.

Link: Fibonacci 24 Pattern

Invisible Instruments On The Moon

With thoughts of Neil Armstrong, I just realized that performing the act of "Air Guitar" on the moon would be referred to as "Vacuum Guitar".

Siri Us Stuff - I asked Siri "Is one-third of a lumberyard a lumberfoot?"

Tuned Watermelons: I discovered that you could arrange watermelons AT the groc store and play them like a xylophone. The couple shopping nearby thought it was cool. 

They were sniffing the cantaloupes. 

I asked them if they knew how to detect a cantaloupe that had been inspected several times but then rejected by other people. 

They said, "No"

I told them to look for several nostril impressions.

They laughed.

More things later ... maybe.

I Can't TeLL You

I laughed.

I told my wife, "I just thought of something funny that I can't teLL you, is that okay?"

She nodded her head yes.

It was something ironicaLLy funny (to me) that she would not have found funny, but it would have simply been more fuel for the fire of why she thinks someone I have a business contact is a dirty rotten scoundrel. So I wiLL keep that part of my his-story private.

This aLL is at the end of a long evening of unquiet. Now there is only the sound of the air conditioner humming along. The Cooper is complaining. I think he wants us to leave the kitchen area and come into the living room. I plan to make evening coffee first. The compressor for the air conditioner makes a slightly different noise as it starts up.

My wife says, "Is it fixing to rain?"

I respond, "No, that was the AC compressor coming on. It isn't so blazing hot now so that the compressor doesn't run 110 percent of the time. You just aren't used to hearing that noise."

It goes back to the main sound being the clicking noise of my iPad typing. Then I realize it is completely artificial, and I turn down the volume. So I turned down the volume - no luck, the keyboard STILL makes noise! There must be a separate control. There, I found the control that turns off the keyboard clicks at almost the same time that the AC compressor kicked back off. So now the only sound is the fan of AC unit, a distant teleBision, and my hurt shattered heart, I mean sadness, nothing cardiovascular.

Yes, I should actuaLLy make the coffee now ...

My Main Fun-ction In Life

My main function in life (at times) is to make my mother giggle.

I attempt this on a regular basis usuaLLy through the physical medium of telecommunication.

On the drive home from the automotive parts store after breaking something that was instaLLed too tightly by the representatives of Ford Motor Company and constructed of plastic, I invented something.

The newly invented something was a different voice for singing.

So I caLLed my mother during the long drive across the semi-barren rocky wasteland that makes up the terrain between Borger and Pampa. I told her that I was thinking about getting a newer Yamaha electronic synthesizer soon and that during the process of clearing my throat I invented something new (while thinking of synthesizer noises).

"What?" she asked.

"Its a singing voice combining these three elements:

   A) Robotic-electronic (with sharp raspy enunciation)
   B) Southern African American
   C) Female (think Tina Turner)

.... and I keep working on just one song, I'm On The Edge Of Glory"

I never actuaLLy perform The New Voice for my mother during the telephone conversation.

But first I am off to buy a torque wrench, to avoid the error of the previously paid automotive technician.

I asked my wife to guess the price of the failed plastic component, a cap for one of the two fuel filters.

"Ten dollars?", she guessed.

"Try seventy, before sales tax", I replied.

My wife recently saw the price tag for the Yamaha a few weeks ago and asked, "you really want to pay that much money for a keyboard?!?!?"

"No", I replied simply. I don't want to, but I think I need the device. I have wanted it for quite a long time. My wife is not a musician, so I am not sure she understands the purchase. The money eventuaLLy being spent is from a smaLL inheritence from my father, and I think he would be happy with my new noise maker. He liked it when I played the piano at his house.

I have lived way too much of my life without a piano.

Back to the wrench ....

I had caLLed Autozone while on my way to Pampa earlier and they had a torque wrench. They said they would hold it for me. When I arrived about an hour later after Pampa, I was told that there was s'pposedly one wrench in their store inventory, but, they couldn't find it in the store! So they had caLLed the Pampa store and it was sending a wrench over by delivery truck later that day. I could have simply picked it up in Pampa, but they had not taken down my ceLL number and couldn't contact me. So they took down my number and I waited for the truck and got busy doing a variety of things. But someone urgently needed a new AirCond motor, so I fixed my truck without a torque wrench in order to play super-hero and save a damsel in distress (heat).

But the wrench store never caLLed, so I guess I wiLL wander by there later today, a new day. I hope my wrench is waiting for me. I have other things to torque on my F-350. I think my agriculturist father, the master tinkerer and fixer-upper of antiquated combine harvesters, would be proud that I finaLLy have a torque wrench in my life.

The Cheese Dial in the Dark

At 8:45 PM this evening Sunday Aug 12th my dog Cooper began complaining for his daily evening treat of a piece of cheese. But I have begun waiting until nine o'clock to give it to him.

So I told my wife that he had to wait a few minutes.

Why?

I am doing an eXperiment.

I am going to see how weLL my dog can teLL time (internal clock) or how weLL he can pick up other time related clues, such as maybe when certain teleBision shows come on, or that it is dark outside.

Why??

Today on the Sunday morning teleBision show "Texas Country Reporter" there was a segment about a man in Arizona who makes eXtremely accurate sun dials. (yes, I know, you are probably wondering what part of Texas the Arizona is in; I asked myself the same question. If Texas is the real country, then Arizona is one of its 49 colonies. Arizona is a 2^nd tier colony, as it doesn't touch the boundary of the motherland of Texas, such as New Mexico, Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Lousiana, the four blessed 1^st tier colonies.)

So ... I wiLL try to keep track of when Cooper asks for his evening cheese by publishing updates to this blog post, but I wiLL also constantly reinforce the 9:00 PM "Giving Of The Cheese Houristically Allocated" (GOTCHA)

Definition: Houristic - adj - event timing characterized by a particular hour long block of time on a regular basis

Update: Time of Cheese Request - Target is 9 PM

Standardization: Wait for a request from dog. Ask him what he wants. He should respond with the word, "Lum" (his word for food), and his tongue wiLL flick outside his mouth, typicaLLy to the right side of his mouth, once. Then I wiLL ask him to show me what he wants, and he has to point at the refrigerator with his nose.

2012.08.30	9:35 PM
2012.08.29	8:57 PM
2012.08.27	8:38 PM
2012.08.26	8:43 PM
2012.08.25	Away From Home
2012.08.24	Away From Home
2012.08.23	Cooper was asleep
2012.08.22	8:55 PM
2012.08.21	8:40 PM
2012.08.20	Away From Home
2012.08.19	10:04 PM Cooper was asleep for about an hour
2012.08.18	Away From Home
2012.08.17	8:51 PM
2012.08.16	8:38 PM
2012.08.15	8:35 PM
2012.08.14	9:41 PM
2012.08.13	8:37 PM

Who?

My wife is watching the closing ceremony of the Olympics.

She says, "Well, I expect Elton John to perform and that other guy from over there."

I think about the (im)p0ssibilities 0f that statement f0r 600 millisec0nds.

I crack up laughing.

Comment from Marianne: "C'mon. You KNEW who she meant, right?"

Me: ActuaLLy, no, my first guess was Rod Stewart, but she eventuaLLy revealed Paul McCartney

A Violent Dream, But For A Noble Cause

So this is my latest reaLLy stupid dream.

In my dream is my dog Cooper. In the real world Cooper is a 100 pound German Shepherd - Husky mix, but in my dream he is a dauschund, a very small dog. On the inside its stiLL my same dog, personality, inteLLect, eXperiences ... just in a smaLLer package. I don't believe in reincarnaion, so maybe its a form of rein-canine-ation? Anyway, there is trouble, big trouble, for the smaLL package of new Cooper in dreamland.

In my dream a big dog has come along and snatched him up and decides to carry Re-Cooper away for what I can only guess a meal. I go running after the dog who is trying to eat my dog and screaming but the dog with a dog is faster than me, and Cooper-In-The-Mouth is strangely getting even graduaLLy smaLLer as the chase goes on and on. I pick up a 2x4 board trying to use it as an encouraging device to get the big dog to drop my little dog, but, no, he runs through a hole in the waLL and I scream, I have no way to follow, I can't get to the other side!

Dream ends.

Boom.

Snap.

I actuaLLy wake up to go check on my baby, yes, he is just fine, all 100 complete pounds. He wags his tail gently, "I love you, Ernie, you can go back to bed, itz zo-kay".

Eyes blink.

"Please turn off the hallway light, itz zin my eyes, on your way back to bed".

I CERNtainly Know What You Are Saying

I go into the local diner slash bar that serves my wonderful grilled chicken sandwich with bacon. One of the cooks comes out to chat with me. We had not seen each other in several weeks. We chat physics alot.

The following lines were the very beginning of our conversation and we both knew what the other person was talking about, three words each.

Cook: smiling, "They found it!"

Me: "Yes, I heard."

What?!?!?

Higgs Boson, sub-atomic particles, Large Hadron Collider, CERN, Switzerland; just your typical tiny Texas town diner dinner conversation content.

And to think we could have had a super collider in Texas a long time ago, but it got voted down.

Here is a cartoon #89 that I drew as part of my series "TINY PICTURES FROM My BRAIN". I think this was from about twenty years ago.

 

Link to "Tiny Pictures From My Brain"

My First Pineapple Harvest !!!

I was able to get 203 grams of edible fruit (less than a half pound) from my first pineapple fruit grown at my house. It is smaller than what I can get at the groc store, but tasted marvelous, probably the best ever!!!

I have two more fruit that are just getting started. It took this one about 6 months from the first appearance of the fruit until completion, and about two years before that just to grow the plant. The entire amount of dirt used was about 3/4 of the volume of a Folger's Coffee can, 34 oz size. I just planted the top from this picture in a slightly larger can, (it is outside, I will find the size later...) so maybe more dirt volume will give a larger fruit? The plant was only outside for about 1 1/2 months of its 6 month fruit producing time period, so probably more direct sunlight would help, but I don't have a greenhouse, only a sunny double wide glass back door that faces west.

I am pretty sure that the amount of energy that I eXpended in the process of caring for the plants, watering them, transporting them between the inside and outside twice a year, vastly eXceeds the amount of food energy that I gained by eating the pineapple. Plus my wife ate one fourth of the pineapple, and I am saving one fourth for someone else. At least I didn't spend any money on water - they live completely on a diet of rain water. No wait, I think I spent $10 on the large water collection barrel, but that eXpense is spread out across the grape vines and the orchid as weLL. I store water long term in leftover 2 quart jugs from V-8 juice. So I do use some city water to clean those out .... $$$

Sixteen Shades Of Pink

I was having a negative day fiLLed with bad events, thieves, and ignorant people, but then I got some interesting news on Friday. A far distant relative caLLed my mother and told her that he had traced my maternal grandfather back to a Cherokee heritage in Georgia. Surprise! I have lived most of my life not knowing I was a native.

This eXplains the manner in which I have fiLLed out the previous two United States Census questionaires. When it asked for race, I created a new minority "Pink". So my family has been Pink the last twelve years. I figured that everyone is pink, you just have to look deep enough. So we Pink reaLLy aren't a minority, we are the majority, all 100 percent of us.

So figuring out a percentage Cherokee, I think the fraction might be 1/8 or 1/16 Native American Indian. I bought my first of probably many Indian books yesterday and got busy learning the language last night.

Here is a color scale between White Man and Red Man in 16 Shades

As a tribute to my new found heritage, I used a "Georgia" font instead of Trebuchet as the first letter in each sentence, and the word "I" and "Indian".

So what song am I humming right now?  ... Georgia On My Mind by Ray Charles ....

My wife is 1/4 Choctaw. She is constantly bothering me about being more Indian, so I think I wiLL adopt a new name, "He Who Puts Up With Four Times Wife".


Update: Later in the afternoon while my wife was behind me in the laundry room with some noise by her, from the kitchen I told her, "At least now I have a good reason to go to Georgia"

She responded loudly, "What did you say?!?!?"

I repeated, "At least now I have a good reason to go to Georgia"

She repeated louder, "What did you say?!?!?" - this time walking towards me.

For the third time I turned around and said, "At least now I have a good reason to go to Georgia."

Her response was, "Oh, I thought you said 'I finally have a good reason to reward you', and I thought we were fixing to have us a fight!"

"Oh, silly silly woman", I thought, not spoken.

Saving Private Susie

I have been working on three projects. I didn't mean to, it was just a de-painting job at first, but then an "emergency" insulating project interrupted the de-painting before I could even start the painting, and then The Wife begged me to help her with a display case refinishing project. Three large cases. The third project of the display cases involved heavy object moving and straining, but at least I was off the ladder, The Up & Down, of the first two projects.

I teLL you aLL that to let you know that by earlier this afternoon my left leg had joined the right in a pain revolt. A charlie-horse had bothered the right leg through the previous night of little sleep.

I was in the middle of buying lumber and decided to go home for some ibuprofen and maybe coffee, and an ice water refiLL. Cooper needed me by then as weLL.

So I laid down on my bed with the iPad propped on the night stand with Cooper snuggled at my feet, waiting for the coffee to finish brewing and the ibuprofen to do its molecular magic. I had no intention of visiting dreamland, but I did while journeying-journaling through Wall Street on the iPad.

So the dream begins as I am going to see my best friend Susie. I drive to her country "estate" to help her with her bionic leg devices, something akin to the movie "Iron Man", only simpler, just legs. There is actuaLLy nothing wrong with Susie's legs in the real world.

She is eXcited to get her leg-so-skeletons but part way through the fitting & adjusting process a wasp lands on the side of her head in the temple region. It is searching for a place to driLL and for some reason I can not get Susie's attention, she keeps talking, my arms seem powerless to lift, to move, to shoo the inject-insect away. FinaLLy the anger is building up and I start huffing and puffing Three Little Pigs style, and I interrupt and irritate the injecter-insecter, and he stares back scowling at me and it seems I can read his mind, he is not happy. Then it appears he is fixing to launch and I can sense he is headed my way!

FinaLLy I build up aLL my strength and simultaneously say veRy BAD BAD words, and I take a swing to eject the insect from Susie's head.

In the real world my fist collides with the iPad and it lands face down on the bedroom carpet. But it is not a boxing knock-out, because suddenly a woman's voice is talking on the iPad. Yes, in the real world I hear a woman's voice coming from the floored device and I sit up on the side of my bed and crack up laughing. In aLL this commotion Cooper has not moved. He just looks at me wide eyed wondering. What is happening to my Ernie, why the violence, the cursing?!?!?

The Wall Street Journal app just h-app-ened to be open to a story about colleges setting up a "good-bye buffer station" to make the child-parent departing process easy and fast, emphasis on getting the parents to leave. My fist just happened to punch the button to start the video interview of Sanette Tanaka, Wall Street Journal reporter. ActuaLLy it was the louder woman in the interview that I first heard, but I couldn't find her identity.

Once I had my coffee cup fiLLed, I caLLed Susie to teLL her about my dream. I told her I had been busy saving her life. She thought it was interesting, and that I have the wildest dreams. She also asked about what meds I was on, but I told her just ibuprofen, just two tablets.

Oh, The You In Our

I wrote this for one of my relatives. He owns a piece of property far away from where he lives but somewhat close to his ex-father-in-law. His ex-wife was visiting and sent him a text mesage about the far away property, complaining about what the neighbors were doing to some trees on "our" property, but interestingly after the divorce she is no longer a legal owner.

I told him, "You can say: there is the letter U in the word y-o-u and there is the letter U in the word o-u-r, but there is no Y-o-u in this o-u-r'"


Something Different: What are the people of Iran protesting about now? ... The price of chicken


Something Oriental: Torch Festival

There is a Torch Festival in Butuo County in Sichuan Province, China this week. There are sheep and bull fighting, beauty contests, and horse racing. 

I am not eXactly sure who the contestants are in these events, it might be people versus sheep, or sheep versus bulls, or people and sheep versus bulls, etc, just not sure. 

Now, a beauty contest while horse racing simultaneously being pursued by angry sheep would be interesting, especiaLLy if the judges were buLLs. 

"Baaa", "Mooo", and the visiting Russian ice skating contest judge in the audience secretly and silently gives everyone a low score.

Why Head Why

Five A.M.

The Wife says, "I don't know why I can't go to sleep, I have to work tomorrow."

I respond "I know why. You are just so glad to be married to me."

Wife emits roar of laughter, wave upon wave.

Meanwhile I have a veRy valid reason for not sleeping, an eXtreme headache wanna-be, which I am treating, no fighting, with a combo-nation of coffee, ibuprofen, peanut butter sandwich and it seems there was something else.

Coffee is finaLLy ready.

Thw Wife teLLs me another story after she foLLows me into the living room where the cerebral battle continues, Pain V Coffee.

She says, (and I eXplain)
"So I hear the TV
(get loud because it was silent)
and there is a pain in my back and I start looking for the remote
(control),
and then I realize
(her laughter)
that I am laying on the remote
(and she fails to mention or notice that her back had turned up the volume.)"

One of the ways that you can teLL that is her authentic conversation is that it has the word "TV" instead of "teleBision".

We now have our own iPads, it is a truly marvelous situation. The Wifey wanted my old one so I was "forced" to buy a new one. With cameras! Skype seems to work a little better, perhaps it is the faster processors, dunno. I don't think I have ever wrote the word dunno before. When I wanted to take a picture of my grape vine leaf yesterday, to show that it was larger than the palm of my hand, I had to hold the iPad with one hand, put the other hand under the grape leaf (still on the vine) and then push the camera shutter button with my nose.

While proofreading this I noticed the word "the" is speLLed "thw" in the sixth paragraph, but I decided to not fix it, because I had already fixed it once before as the very first word in the first paragraph.

Cool: I just realized that "dunno" is a contraction of three words, with an implied fourth word, "[I] do not know".

¯\(°_o)/¯

Is That Me?

W hile reading an article in the newspaper, I thought I saw myself in a crowd of people in a photograph. I thought for a few minutes and realized that I had not recently been to Atlanta, GA, nor had I ever been there. And if I had been it would probably not be to attend a contest where people use a machete to see how many water bottles they could slice open with one whack.

The 10th annual World Championship Cutting Contest

I finished the article but halfway through I thought of the movie Kill Bill.

Volume One or Volume Two ?

One, of course.

((( I actuaLLy knew that?!?!?!? - you ask )))

No, I had to look it up, I couldn't remember which movie has the super long fight scene, the scene with the slicing and dicing.

Hmmm, interesting, maybe I finaLLy do have a reason to go to Atlanta. Next year. I found a video of the competition at www.bladesports.org

Reference: Bladesports

Oh, A Type 0 from the WSJ

This sentence is from a Wall Street Journal article about the Green Party presidential nominee picking her running mate. It doesn't take much to make me laugh somedays.

The Green Party has never won more than a few percentage points nationally, but played an important role in the 200o election.

Not My Dream [Comma Optional] Wife

My wife just asked me, "Did you ask me for a pen in the middle of the night?"

"No." I answer, puzzled.

"Well, there is one on this table" - in the dining room.

She continues with a chuckle, "I had the strangest dream you kept asking me for a pen, and I kept saying, 'There is one in there in the dining room', what a strange dream".

I am thinking, yes, that is kinda strange.

Then she hauls a basket of socks from the laundry room before asking me, "Is this thing anything?" - yes, those were her eXact words.

I bet you can guess what my answer was. If you guessed "No", then the answer to your answer about my answer is no, you should know better than that.

"Yes", I simply say, before I even see It.

She hands me a dark piece of plastic coated metal that requires I eventuaLLy photograph it so you too can be as puzzled as me. But I wiLL keep you in suspense and publish this first without a picture.

Then I thought, I hope I don't lose it before I photograph it, that would be reaLLy terrible.

The Empire of Rob

My friend Rob Z Tobor of the UK has had difficulties getting a pineapple plant to start, so I have dedicated my youngest plant to him, and named it Rob. I also decided to set aside that portion of dirt (one Folgers Coffee can) as British soil, so we can start an Empire of Rob, or whatever name Rob chooses. So it has an embassy quality to it, as weLL as being a plantation. It is located near my plantation of three pineapple plants. They are aLL currently outside during the months of June through August. The rest of the year they come inside my house near the glass back door. This is similar to how Hong Kong was created I think and there are stiLL several chunks of the British Empire stiLL scattered across the globe.

My wife has a quantity restriction of only three pineapple plants inside the house, so come this September I may have to disguise the smaLLest one, Rob, as something else. Maybe she won't notice for a while. Or perhaps I could get rid of my wife(?). 

(haha...hahahha-h-hah) 

Maybe I wiLL have a real greenhouse by then.

A picture of Rob the Pineapple Plant

It is about 3 inches tall at the highest point

A picture of my pineapple fruit

It is currently 3 1/4 wide by 3 3/4 tall, not including the green blades

Update: 2012.07.28 - The pineapple fruit is now 3 3/4 inches wide by 4 tall, and has picked up some yellow-ish-orange-ish coloring on the north side at the bottom. So that is how much it has grown in about three weeks.

Update: 2012.08.27 - The pineapple plant (on the left rear) that is part of The Empire of Rob has longer leaves, a couple of them are about 8 inches. The pineapple plant on the right-front is from the top of the pineapple I harvested recently.

The Idiot Sign Salesman

A salesman for a sign company named Signtronix shows up at our store today.

He asks if he can demonstrate his sign technology. I am momentarily elated, "ooh, new!", are my thoughts.

My wife and I agree to a demonstration.

He goes out to his vehicle and brings in a strangely shaped black bag and a stand to set it upon. My wife helps him get access to an electrical outlet.

Then the salesman starts talking and asks me some technical question about signs to which I simply answer, yes, I have heard about that. I don't remember what it was, and it didn't reaLLy matter. The sign is still in the bag. I can't see the sign.

He mentions something about some high official, maybe it was the founder of the company being from Borger. And I get suspicious then, thinking, isn't this a Torrance, California based company? What are the odds? I will have to check this out later.

He keeps talking. --- And talking. --- And talking.

I am starting to unlisten.

After a couple minutes I am very irritated at the sound of his voice. He sounds artificial. I don't know why, there is just something bombastically used car salesman nauseating about it, like I'm being forced to listen to a classroom lecture or a funeral sermon for someone I don't like. I kind of raised my hand just a little bit and he stopped talking momentarily enough so I asked this question,

"Can I just see your sign?"

He turned around and quietly walked back to his dark suitcase looking thing-on-a-stand and instead of unzipping the cover, he unplugs the power cord from the wall and begins to roll up his extension cord.

I asked him, "Are we not going to get to see your sign?!?!?"

He turned around and quickly replied, "I asked for ten minutes of your time and it seems you only want to give me three."

There is this quick flash thought that I have interrupted a magician in mid stream and his secret was revealed to the audience, and now he is pouting, taking his toys, and going home.

So I replied, "So, you are just going to get mad and leave?!?!?"

He replied, "I'm not mad ..." and said something else I have now forgot.

I am thinking, this idiot is more concerned with giving his presentation AND hearing himself speak, than he is in making a sale. I messed with his flow, and he became flow-strated.

I asked him to leave.

I think my wife was irritated with me.

Lesson: When you are a salesman the most important thing to do is make a sale, not talk.

I Am The Luckiest Person On The Planet

My ice cream container is almost a cylinder shape, eXcept the top circle is slightly larger than the bottom.

But the most important dimension concerning the design of the container is the lid's height. For some reason they designed the lip of the lid to be about 3/4 of an inch, and this came in handy.

My most recent container of ice cream had an eXtra 1/2 inch of ice cream on one side, so the top wasn't level.

I was completely overjoyed.

I wiLL do the math later to let you know the percentage eXtra. I would say a rough guess of maybe 4.1625 percent for now.

4.1625 PERCENT FREE ICE CREAM !!!

My other ice story is my dog's water bowl. Since I have an ice cube, water and crushed ice dispenser in the door of my recently new refrigerator, my dog regularly gets about 1/4 ice in his water bowl. He seems to like it very much. I use the crushed ice rather than the cubed.

Oh, I almost forgot about the picture I took today of a local convenience store sign, also an ice story:

 

As I drove by the store about two weeks ago I read the sign as "Fresh Tea", with the letter T missing, but my mind figured out what the most logical missing letter should be. But then a few seconds later I told myself, say, Isn't the most important letter in the WORD tea the LETTER "T" ?

The reaLLy sad part about that story is that NO ONE has fixed this sign in about two weeks since I first noticed it. This is the very busiest section of roadway in the entire city of Borger Texas, so it has been read at least one hundred thousand times...