Jehoviah, Clean Up At Counter Number Four

Laughter finds me. Laughter defines me. Laughter hunts me down and tackles me and confines me in a hilarious twisted ball of pain, good momentary pain, sometimes, and I take down innocent victims with me in a whirlpool of fool swirl, and in this case, girls gasping for oxygen hanging on for some sense of verticality.

All the innocent victims of this true tale are female and young except me.

Blame it on dessert; blame it partially on a desert.

I am at the groc store at the end of an eXtra long and tiring day of noble accomplishments on a final mission, the sole purpose to find I Scream -only vanilla will do- for peach cobbler that is supposed to be baking at home.

I get to the checkout line with the ice cream plus a recharge of frozen cobbler for the future. Person A checks my items and Person J (not B - more later) asks me if I want paper or plastic, just as Person C walks up and tells Person J,

"You know what, I tried to find your name in -[something, maybe Facebook: I don't remember what it was that Person C was searching - the word got lost in the following mayhem, and it doesn't really matter] and I couldn't find it because I thought your name was Je-ho-vi-ah.", pronouncing it slowly.

Instantly the eyes of Person E (me), Person A twisting around, and Person J are tightly focused on J's name tag which she flips up to read for herself, her own name upside down as if she had forgotten who she was, and all three of us immediately realize that there is NO "H" -OR- "V" on the inside of Person J's real name in order to even generate the sounds for middle 'Jehoviah'.

Person J exclaims "WHAT?!?!?" and we all crack up laughing really hard, with Person J finally regaining a little composure to ask Person C "how on earth did you get 'Jehoviah' out of my name J_____h?" but before Person C could answer her, Person E (me) said,

"In the entire history of mankind no one has ever used the word 'Jehoviah' until just now, its been rolling around in her head (pointing at Person C) for awhile to be revealed in a Raiders Of The Lost Ark sort of way " - new round of laughter causes Person A to double over onto the checkout counter almost flipping onto the floor, exclaiming, "oh my stomach hurts so bad!" - Person E continues barely able to stand, noticing the person behind me in line, also female, is now lightly laughing too, "but there was that time about 4,000 years ago when the Jews were wandering around in the wilderness and when one of them would use the word 'Jehoviah' instead of [The Correct Form of The Word] someone would point at them" - and Person E (me) pointed his right index finger at Person J - "and would say, 'his throat is dry, QUICK!, get him a drink of water!" - which sent our now growing groaning group of laughterers spiraling out of control with Person J stumbling in circles clutching her abdomen, I just knew somebody was going to get fired for laughing too hard, - then Person E (me) finished, "but she [now pointing at Person C] has brought this Word back to us, and we thank you".

A fresh round of laughter and body gyrations with verbal pain moan complaints sends the group to grab hold of the nearest railing or railing equivalents for support as if a localized earthquake had struck our tiny part of the globe. It had. An L wave of Laughter.

I finally got my credit card to work, while we all slowly regained our composure in fits and starts and giggles, and Person J accompanied me to the exit door of the groc store trying to close down for the evening. She said, "I hope we made your day", laughing, handing me my sack of frozen goodies and Person E (still me) said, "Well, at least you learned how to properly mispronounce your name, Jehoviah, I mean, J_____h"

I coughed all the way home, dangerously close to being violently sick and my throat hurt for a few hours. Relief only came eventually with enough vanilla I Scream and cobbled peaches.

&^)