Hel Ping with Tech Nickel Sub Port

I try to help my friends understand their technical, scientific and mathema-tickle difficulties by using confusing answers with the primary purpose of cheering up their day.

A friend noticed that after living in Germany for two years her camera was still on Oklahoma USA time.

My Response: So its been messed up with daylights savings time as well several times, this could pssibly explain why half the year your pictures are _under exposed and the other half ^over, but this doesn't explain how I mispelled 'possibly' earlier (She never responded about how I misspelled the word 'mispelled' which I pssibly did on purpose.)

When a friend complained about a hydraulic leak on her commercial airlines flight as "bad news"

My Response: That's pretty cool how they can fix things like that in mid-flight now that they have in-flight maintenance crew pod docking. (Oh, sorry, I was thinking 50 years in the future.)

Several of my friends were talking about things and events that they just barely remembered, all of them using the word 'vaguely'

My Response: I vaguely remember being five years old and learning about death, birth and death [my three oldest documented memories] in the span of a few months in that order but I don't remember learning the word 'vaguely' until much later but I am unsure when.

One of my friends wrote: A little paint on the barn never hurt anyone :p

My Response: I s'ppose lead based paint could possibly be an eXception. If it is lead colored paint but contains no lead, then that would be okay.

(I later found out she was talking about her facial make-up)

One of my friends published a picture of a goat in the back of a pickup truck, announcing that it was his next vehicle. One person asked which one - the goat or the truck?

My Response: My father-in-law raises OR raised goats in Stinnett TX - I am not sure if the city has forced all the livestock out of town yet. I think he had about 7 or 8 at one time. After raising three daughters I am pretty sure he can handle 8 goats. So the Goat:Girl ratio of 8:3 seems adequate, but it depends on several other factors. (And you don't know my sister-in-laws!!!)

My friend was wondering why certain terrible big bad bug related events happen mainly at night. Now it was going to give her horrible dreams.

My Response: Some things are nocturnal and some thinks are nocturnal.

What are the odds of a cell phone still working after a hot water wash cycle of 12 minutes? (Someone suggested putting the phone in a container of rice, to act as a dessicant, for several days, and don't turn it on until it dries out)

My Response: Then combine the rice with cream of chicken soup, chicken, tabasco sauce, worcestershire sauce, bake at 375 for 'bout an hour, then you have a phone-y casserole that you should not eat, a bit crunchy, melted plastic, so you need less grated cheddar cheese on top at the end to make it look right.

How can it be 93 degrees at midnight? Ugh!

My Response: It was either 92 and went up a degree or it was 94 and went down.

A friend had tire trouble yesterday: There was a huge screw in it with a washer attached. She got a little discount to get it fixed too! (Amount was not revealed)

My Response: Was your discount the retail value of the huge screw and washer at hardware store prices?

If the value of their discount was less than that amount, then you should go to negotiate a better deal. But it depends on whether they gave you the screw and washer back.

A friend complained that hers eyes and her friends eyes were both infected!

My Response: Its probably just a mild case of Spider Monkeys.

Wikipedia Photo:
Photo used under the Wikipedia Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 license
Geoffroy's Spider Monkey, also known as Black-handed Spider Monkey, at Belize Zoo, Belize.
By Michael Schamis

A friend was complaining about how hot it was in south Texas and that she was reconsidering her choice for which college parking lot. She compared her journey to hiking on the surface of the sun.

My Response: I ran into the same situation when I moved (as a small child) from the dark side of the moon to the Bright.

My niece mentioned that her 2nd grade daughter was wandering around the neighborhood, going door to door performing cheers, 5 for a dollar. She had earned $12 before my niece knew she was gone. WHAT is she going to do NEXT?!?!?

My Response: How much time did it take her to make that much money? If it has a good rate of return we can probably find some venture capitalists, not sure 'bout the child labor laws and the age old question, "Is Third Grade Really Just A Luxury Item For Society".

My friend said she was off to another day of rejections, persecution, and despair, and to wish her luck,  in Oklahoma, USofA.

My Response: I guess thats better than injections, electrocutions, and despots, but maybe not by much. It just depends on your choice of TWTS (Third World Trouble Spot) for comparison.

My friend said she was beginning to get a sore throat and feeling bad, followed by the single word 'No', only there were 39 of the letter O's instead of just one. I figured the illness must be affecting her numerical skills. 18 of the O's were lowercase and 21 were uppercase. If she were feeling okay she most likely would have been sure to make them be the same number, being a graduate student.

My Response: My diesel truck engine is feeling the same way. I was told it needed a new EGR cooler and an oil cooler; I'm thinking, "Fever?!?!?"

Scientists discover an asteroid with a mountain three times taller than Mount Everest!

My Response: That just means its a funny shaped asteroid. Plenty of those. Yawn. Non-event. Not news worthy. [Can you tell I am not a mountain climber?]

From National Geographic:

The fierce fish can be excellent communicators, though their "talk" ranges from "go away" to "no, really, go away," experts have found.

Piranhas Bark—Three Fierce Vocalizations Deciphered

Now a fish tank, an underwater water microphone, and a video camera have helped uncover three different piranha calls—all tied to a variety of grumpy behaviors.

My Response: I think they are really saying, "I bit myself!" - "I bit myself AGAIN!" and "I really can't believe I bit myself a third time! I even know to be careful around piranha because I am one."
Repeat ad nauseum.
Fish forget so soon.

A friend asked me: I need your brilliance to check into HAARP and break that down in language I can understand...doesn't have to be ga-ga-goo-goo but close okay? :)

My Response: E.T. The Extraterrestrial movie came out in 1982, and HAARP program began in 1990.

E.T. phone home.

My friend was proud of herself that she had hemmed a pair of pants using Duct Tape, proclaiming "MacGyver would be proud". I think this was actually the second time.

My Response: Its great for you that Duct Tape now comes in so many colors, patterns, waterproofedness, UV resistence, and tensile strength.

Today (Sunday Oct 16th) one of my friends almost got ready to go to work, but one of his friends reminded him that it wasn't Monday.

My Response: Daylight Saving Time doesn't end until Nov 6th. If you wish to actually skip a complete day I think that would be called Day Lite Losing Time. At least you don't have to change your clocks, just all your calendars. But I think you have to be a Pope to do that kind of thing, and it helps if your name is Gregory the (Number). When you retire though, you will gradually forget what day it is and typically won't care.

My aunt in South Dakota wrote: BBRRR!! COLD..21 FEELS LIKE 13...!!

My Response: Old..54 feels like 74... no eXclamation marks needed