NaBloPoMo #4

NaBloPoMo - National Blog Posting Month

Question #4: When you are writing, do you prefer to use a pen or a computer?

My Response: The question didn't specify what I was writing, just the mechanistic method, so I am not restricting my answer to just blog writing.

When I am making my groc store list I use a pen. I love to be creative with fonts. I sometimes write left-handed for the fun of it. My pens are eXtremely fine point gel pens.

MITSUBISHI uni-ball Signo bit, size 0.18 mm

I have a whole buncha colors, maybe 14 or so, a mixture of size 0.18 and 0.28 mm. I draw cartoons with pens and pencils. There are also strange, surreal landscapes. All other times my writing, such as blogging, is performed almost eXclusively on my iPad. My favorite computer font is Trebuchet. My margins are usually justified, unless it's poetry, most of that is centered.

By pen I write a few personal letters per year (3 to 12) that go by regular mail. I usually write to either my mother or my longest term pen-pal, my best friend from childhood who lives in south Texas. My current local best friend lives near by and she never receives paper letters, only electronic media.

I spent about 8 months of my life making daily to-do lists for projects in a certain elaborate manner. This was during my final days as a chemist. I wrote on plain unruled paper, but there was a framework of lines and margins on a template sheet tucked underneath that allowed for beautifully spaced writing.

The to-do lists used a system of rotating 4 color pairs which I stepped through daily in a pattern of

Day 1  A-B

Day 2  B-C

Day 3  C-D

Day 4  D-A

Day 5  A-B

.

.

.

I had so many colors that I don't remember eXactly which 4 colors belonged to letters A,B,C, and D.

The first color would be used for the chronological header, then alternate with the second color for each item on the to-do list for the day. Color A was the first header color alternating with B, then the next day color B would be the header color alternating with color C for that day. Then I would continue on through the pairs cycling every four days back around to A-B.

One day before morning meeting someone asked me if my "notes" (to-do list) were printed on a computer. I thought my to-do list was elegant and organized, but I didn't think they looked quite that good. But I was flattered. I remember my elementary grade teachers telling me that I wouldn't be able to print when I got older, that I would have to use cursive. Hah!

When I lost my job I left behind approximately sixty-six 8.5x11 inch beautiful pages of to-do lists. They were most likely destroyed by barbarians. The pens were my private property so they were eventually returned to me. Our group secretary had refused to buy them for me so I found my own at Jet Pens.

Pens are available at Jet Pens: www.jetpens.com go to "Gel Pens" category

NaBloPoMo #3

NaBloPoMo - National Blog Posting Month

Question #3: “Can you listen to music and write? What song did you hear today?” 

My Response: No, I never listen to music while writing. I want dead complete silence.

I tried very hard to remember if I heard any music at all today and the answer is zero nothing no. I didn't go shopping, never play my automotive sound system, and only ventured out for supper at a restaurant which had no music. bam-WRONG-bam!!! I suddenly remembered that the long table of people in the far corner sang the Happy Birthday song to someone, but I was at the cash register paying out, so I didn't see them. I also "sang" Happy Birthday to the state of South Dakota shortly after midnight TWICE because it has two time zones. SoDak turned 122 years old today. So quite by accident the first and last song of my day will be the same one. There was no music in between unless you count my cell phone ring tone, the noise of the dishwasher, clothes washer or dryer. I do not.

See blog post H.B.S.D. for SoDak's birthday story

NaBloPoMo #2

NaBloPoMo - National Blog Posting Month

Question #2: “If you knew that whatever you ate next would be your last meal, what would you want it to be?” 

My Response: I would want it to be a tiny nuclear powered reactor capable of [-safely-] energizing my body for an eXtremely long time period. I just wouldn't want to be the physician somewhere down the road in the future dealing with my nuclear waste, or my nuclear waist. Or would I need to see a physicist? (Note to George W. Bush: if you are having trouble with that foreign sounding looking word, its your "new-que-lar")

NaBloPoMo #1

NaBloPoMo - National Blog Posting Month

Question #1: “What is your favorite part about writing?”

My favorite part about writing is that my entire life [almost] seems to revolve around it.

Writing is my constant eXperiment.

Writing feels effortless and stressless.

Writing feels so wonderful when you perceive a project's flow and then completeness.

It is cool when you can look back on your body of work and say, yes, that was an interesting mental journey, yes, I created that poem, that song lyric, that mental image, that photograph, that piece of art.

My blog in all its grand silliness: Is me

I hope you are always entertained and sometimes enlightened, that was my main goal.

Amish T-Hair-errorists

Hair's something religiously stupid: Amish T-Hair-errorists

[No, I didn't stutter just then.]

Amish vs Amish Violence _?!?!?

Supposedly an Amish man was attacked by a group of Amish men who shaved off part of his beard. According to the news article: A group of men armed with scissors and battery-powered clippers attacked Miller, holding him down and cutting out a chunk of his beard, according to the Millers and law enforcement.

Notice: BATTERY ->POWERED<- 00ps, I'm thinking there's a motor in there! The guys claiming the superior Amish traditions were the ones doing the cutting - with the motor.

Reference: CNN Article

(I know, the first word of this blog post is supposed to be "Here's", but I just couldn't resist the pun)

H. B. S. D.

South Dakota became a state on November 2nd, 1889.

So I was hoping to be the very first person to sing happy birthday to the state this year, so I am trying to publish this very close to a wee bit after midnight on the Nov Two.

(waiting anxiously)

(nine more minutes to go)

(I wonder if I have time to make a cup of coffee?)

(this is eXciting!!!)

(suddenly yawning - must fight sleepies)

(zzzzzzz)

(what time iz zit?!? Oh, I'm still okay ...)

(ready, set, go!)


Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday, South Dakota,
Happy birthday to you!


OOPS - Update - I just realized a few minutes ago at 12:45 AM Central Time Zone that the western part of South Dakota is in Mountain Time Zone! So this necessitates singing again in a few minutes. I did some math as well, its eleven years on each side of a century, 1889 & 2011, so the total is 122 years.

(ready, set, go again!)


Happy birthday two you,
Happy birthday two you,
Happy birthday, Western South Dakota,
Happy birthday two you (at one-twenty-two)!!!


Update later in the morning: my aunt from SoDak mentioned that only I would know this particular fact.

My Response: I hope not, otherwise they are forgetting to teach one particular fact in State History Class throughout the Chinese Ringnecked Pheasant & Coyote state. Have fun celebrating today! Bake a cake, I'm going to - German Chocolate, yum. No candles on the cake though, it would take too long to light 122 of them. At least we have SoDak shaped cake pans - how thoughtful of them to shape our state pretty much in the shape of a rectangle that is close to a 9x13 pan. At least we aren't shaped weird like Wyoming or Colorado, whadda buncha squares.

Smart Potatoes for Dumb People

I saw this potato product packaged in a pair of pairs while groc shopping. 

So called "Smart POTATOES" on the right, a sack of similar potatoes on the left.

The Smart POTATOES are hand selected and then cleaned in a special manner. Then they are shrink wrapped. I wonder what's wrong with the way I wash my potatoes? And I hand pick mine as well, from the stack of availables in the store.

The Smart POTATOES cost 50 percent more than the regular potatoes that appear the same to me. Plus: Smart POTATOES are only sold in groups of eXactly four. HAH! I bought just THREE potatoes today, eXactly the number I wanted. And if I would have needed five, well, you see where I'm going with that. $$$

I'm Being eXtremely Festive

BOO!!! We decorated our house for Halloween using all natural recyclable fibre and a volunteer worker using his own design: I let a spider continue creating a web from the porch light.

I am doing my part on the inside of the house by vacuuming and doing the dishes. Maybe some laundry as well.

Maybe.

I will let The Wifey buy and distribute the candy.

But first there must be breakfast.

Oh, it's 11:31 ..... AM

But first there must be lunch.

I saw that one of my friends was making a German Chocolate cake and it sounded like she was going to give away pieces of cake for Halloween. Maybe that is something people do in Oklahoma, I'm not sure. So now I plan to make another GC cake as well, but there is no way I am giving it away to Halloween trick-r-treaters. Well, come to think of it, I did give a rather large piece to a friend a couple cakes ago. But that was to cheer her up after having some trouble with the law. And no, there was no hacksaw blade inside the cake to help her escape from jail, she was already out by that point.

Now, where was I? Oh, now I remember ...

But first there must be lunch.

I am thinking grilled chicken sandwich with bacon, side of onion rings, and of course, Dr Pepper.

- - - - -

Mid Afternoon Update:

Oopz - vacuum cleaners and cell phone chargerz are incompatible.

CePhCh: Dead

VacCle: In Emergency Surgery

Later ...

The Dyson did not die too soon!!!

Bonus: I know what I should do for Halloween: Offer all the lil peasant children of The Village a choice between CanDy ..OR.. PoeTry !!! Thiz iz going to be the bezt Hallowee never!

WHERE?!?!? WHO?!?!? .... (Evening time approaches and Wheel of Fortune is playing) .... I am dying from laughter! The clue for Wheel of Fortune just now was 'Fictional Place' and I heard a small piece of Halloween background ghosty noise and I saw the apostrophe towards the end of the first word and I said Dracula's Castle before anyone even had spun the wheel or guessed a letter! I normally don't play quite that well. Tamie just smiled. The dog was happy.

Two Cup Cakes Equals One Pint Cake?

So my niece arrives with her two children for trick or treating, but they are bearing gifts as well.

We each get a cupcake, Tamie's has a pumpkin flag using a toothpick for a flag pole, while my flag has a spider.

My CuCa goes "safely" [high] on the kitchen countertop. Tamie's CuCa goes missing.

"I sat it right here by my livingroom chair", she says.

I search the floor carefully, and find the broken pieces of a toothpick. Cooper found HIS [low] pumpkin flagged cupcake. Cooper says, "Thank you Abby & Zack"

SO ... I finish adding the cupcake story to this blogpost, but the editor is not a WYSIWYG editor when using an iPad, so I always have to proof the blog post in it's live condition, especially when doing tricky things with HTML formating. After I read the latest update I just happen to read below to the ad Google has picked out: Spleen Tumors in Dogs - and I suddenly wonder, "Can dogs get tumors from splinters?"

Finally ... I saw an ad on my Facebooq page for "fangear", and I had no idea what it was OR why OR how it was associated with Mark Twain, especially while I was in the con-fused period of splitting the word incorrectly as "fang" + "ear", deeply confused as to what a "Mark Twain Fang Ear" could possibly be, but then I thought, it is Halloween. I next thought, well, there was that guy who wrote a story about Abe Lincoln being a vampire hunter, so maybe .....

Sheldon's Song for Canines

Sheldon Cooper of "The Big Bang Theory" teleBision show on CBS has a kitty song. I re-worded it for puppies. (Dedicated to Candra's dog Bonzai)


Soft Puppy,

Warm Puppy,

Little ball of wolf

Happy Puppy,

Sleepy Puppy,

Ruff ruff ruff

Two-day's Short Thoughts, Some Scary

Tamie: "Have you had your cheese this evening?"

Cooper: wags tail, "no-ar"

I crack up laughing as Tamie gets out of her chair.

Tamie: "Well let's get you a piece of cheese!"

- - - - -

I figured out the perfect Halloween disguise: a Dyson vacuum cleaner. When they offer the bowl of goodies - ))))))))))))-> in my bag!

- - - - -

Uh-Oh, puppy is chasing something in his dreams again. Squirrel? Cat? Bird?

S Q U I R R E L !!!

- - - - -

OWS: "Tents are a form of speech"? Well, maybe they are confused with past tense, present tense, & future tense.

- - - - -

I interview myself quite often, and most of the time I get the answers correct. Its the questions I get wrong. You're probably thinking right now, is he talking about talking to himself? And you are probably going to be surprised when I say no and yes.

One of my blog friends asked if I had transcripts of my interviews with myself.

My Response: Transcripts? Hmmm, probably buried eXtensively throughout my blog with a very light coat of top soil.

- - - - -

Just made the best German Chocolate Cake ever!!! I added 4 eggs instead of the 3 the recipe called for. Mmm...

- - - - -

I saw a news report that a New York couple were trying to obtain the trademark for "Occupy Wall Street", with an obvious attempt to make money from it. There will always be poor people and rich people, and poor people trying to become rich people by taking even more of the poor peoples money for cute OWS hats and bumper stickers.

- - - - -

There were big major drug bust and money laundering arrests in my city today after a year long investigation. At least 4 members of a family that have several local businesses, with the news channel last night mentioning so many grams of methamphetamines and 5 kilograms of cocaine. The flooring company down the street from our business is just part of the empire under investigation.

My sister-in-law asked my wife, "what are we going to do now?". We have already paid for our floor to be laid in the new nail section of our store and the job has only been partially completed. We are waiting on equipment and plumbing before we can even do the flooring. Interesting situation.

The currently incarcerated flooring shop owner has done many floor jobs for us over the past twenty some years at our residence and business buildings. The next to the most recent job back around March of this year was a small room for our sun tanning room for our business. When my wife and I were leaving town that day she asked me, "I bet you can't guess how much [owner's name] charged us for the floor today". She told me the figure and I was flabbergasted.

I am a very fair and honest person. I immediately called him on my cell phone and demanded to know why he had charged me so little, was he sure that he got the bid correct for the size of room and the amount of labor (?!?!?) His response was jovial - he had probably never had this particular (argumentative) conversation with a customer before. He said that he would charge more on the next job.

Based on another report of a drug bust in Florida this week, that 5 kilograms of cocaine has a street value of approximately $200,000 dollars. I am not sure what the quantity of the methamphetamines were. And to think I was worried about a flooring job bid.


Link to news story: Channel 4 Coverage

Remember, innocent until proven guilty.

Blog of Not

Now I am wondering if the fine people at Blogger are paying attention when they pick their "Blog of Note" for a day. Their most recent choice is En Tequila Es Verdad appears to have moved about a MONTH ago, September 30th to be eXact.

So that should be a hint on how you too can become a B-o-N:  M o v e ... .. .

I Will Gladly Solve All The World's Problems for a Small Fee

I try to help my friends understand their technical, scientific and mathema-tickle difficulties by using confusing answers with the primary purpose of cheering up their day.

One of my friends posted this quote: "Pursue money at the expense of happiness and later in life you can buy yourself a beautiful house to sit in when you're depressed" -Simon Sinek

My Response: Be sure to spend some extra money on a dog so he/she can be depressed too. Misery loves Limited Liability Corporations. Oops, I meant 'company'.

A Washington state friend living in England posted a picture of a plaque on an exterior wall in London England that read:

English Heritage
Jacob
VON HOGFLUME
1864-1909
Inventor of time travel

lived here
in 2189

My Response: I remember you posting this 5 years from now for the first time.

A friend posted a picture of a skeleton dressed in female clothing and a wig sitting on a park bench with legs crossed with a leash in her hand going down to a small skeleton that is supposed to be a dog. The caption for the picture is:

"Waiting for the Perfect Man"

My Response: Ah, to do that to a tiny little horse, how sad. You would have thought the horse could have ate the grass and stayed alive. Maybe it was a thirst thing, I don't see a trough of water. That must have been a very large woman compared to the size of the horse. No wonder she never found the right man if she was not willing to date someone shorter than herself. At least we now have a logical eXplanation.

A friend wrote that there was apparently a loose ferret in her apartment complex, and wondered if she needed to close the door on her balcony,

My Response: That's a good idea. That way the ferret who is hiding in your closet won't be able to escape. Like the old saying, "A ferret in the closet is worth two otters on the balcony".

My friend wanted to know what to wear to a Tea Party rally.

My Response: The English have tea often, so I would guess anything English looking, or if you want to look great, go for the Great Britain style. But there seems to be a lot of angst or ire associated with Tea Party-ers, so you could dress Ire-ish. I wouldn't go to the eXtreme end of the scale though, avoid The Leprechan Look.

.... I will add more helpful eXplanations and advice to this blog post in the future. I wonder when some "small fees" are going to start happening, I'm getting hungry.

Link to PREVIOUS ADVICE

Horse Equivalency

If I had four horses and or horse-equivalencies, I would name them Paul, John, George and Ring.

Then I could do a statistical study determining how many people accidentally say Ringo by mistake. I would correct them, of course.

A horse-equivalency (H-E) is a mule, donkey, burro, camel, llama or alpaca. Not to be confused with a horse power equivalency which is 746 watts.

What's really sad is that I have wasted brain space that had already had the 746 conversion factor memorized. When I learned it earlier in the summer while studying HVAC. I thought it might come in handy someday. Today was the day, hoo-ray.

I have never been a fan of horses since I was a small child frightened by them at my grandparents place. But now I am enjoying getting to read about them and their owner in New Mexico. My best friend also has a huge number of animals on her place as well outside of my location here in Borger. I think her large H-E's are mules, not sure. Horses seem about as intelligent as a dog. I just got started reading a blog called "The Seven Miles South of Nowhere Ranch" about a lady and her animals in New Mexico. It is a wonderful story and photographic journey. (Stories)

Link to The Seven Miles South of Nowhere Ranch

Head Bored Sound Board

My circular tubular metal ornate pipe "headboard" from Sears makes an interesting percussion instrument, but only cause I am alone momentarily.

I am sure The Wifey would not approve if she would have to actually be in the room at the same time. The dog also makes an interesting percussion instrument as well. He really enjoys those sessions. Well, what do you know, my clip-on metal lamp is about an octave higher than the headboard.

I wrote the first part of this piece without visually eXamining the headboard (it is dark in here eXcept the glow of my iPad), so it was a few accidental moments later that I got a slightly different tone and looked to see that there were - of course - a few different sections to the headboard. So when I actually get enough motivation to fully investigate, I will map out the sections of my new percussion instrument. Without looking, I think I know that it is symmetrical about a central vertical axis.

A friend remarked that I needed a hobby OR a drumset

My Response: Trust me, I already have abazillion hobbies and interests. I really need a Yamaha grand piano.

On an educational note: Yea! I learned how to install a GFCI wall plug today! (It is slightly more complicated than a normal old fashioned wall plug)

The wife responded to the original percussion topic by way of Facebooq, even though she is only approximately twenty three feet away from me.

The Wifey: You had better not be beating on my bed!! do you hear me!! lol

My Response: I was already beating on the headboard, did you hear me? NO! (My response to her was also non-verbal by way of Facebooq)


Hmmm ... These are the current ads on my Facebooq page:

-) Fun Adult Footed Pajamas
-) Blank Labels for Laserjet printers
-) Fun Chemist T-Shirts!
-) Win A Trip! (to Taos, NM)

I'm eXamining the list very carefooooly, and I'm surprised that Facebooq knows me so well, able to read ALL the thoughts of my pseudo-schizophrenic mindset. You think about blank labels at least 5 hours a day like I do, too, right? Right?

23/6

My latest insomniacal invention: instead using the numeric phrase "24/7" or "24/7/365" to indicate "all the time availability", I will begin using 23/6 and 23/6/364.

The former way of doing things was too demanding and eXhausting.

Also, if its the very last minute of any hour I would appreciate it if you would wait until the next minute (i.e. next hour) before disturbing me.

Your cooperation in the new improved realm is greatly appreciated. You may now go back to sleep.

Thanks.

- - - - -

I just found this quote: 

If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.

Will Rogers

A friend responded: AMEN!

My Response: I wonder if the canine version of "amen" is "adogs" ?

The location answers are possibly:

a) Alaska - that's where Will Rogers fatal plane crash was

b) Oklahoma - that's where he is buried

c) Any other state claiming to be "God's Country"

Are We Big Or Small? Druids Without Fluids

You can tell you are (probably) from a small town when a tree dies and it makes the headlines in the local newspaper.

PASTE from news source:
The Lake Meredith National Recreations Area’s well-known “Big Tree” has fallen. Due to the years of vandalism and repeated fires, the cottonwood tree was severely damaged, hollow, and unstable.
END of paste

I liked the use of the word "repeated": repeated fires

Arson? Camping? Firewood?

I have lived in this area more than three decades and never heard of this famous tree. [Update: my wife has lived here twenty years longer than me and had never heard of this tree either.]

We live in a part of the world that is not known for trees, getting about twenty inches of rain per year. This tree lived near the largest reservoir of the area but which finds itself dying as well. Note: Average year. But this last year was a scorching tree killing year. It picked a good year to go.

I plan to revive my plans to start another blog dedicated to the pursuit of finding the ugliest tree in Texas. It will be a contest. I had started it over in MySpace just about the time I stopped using their service on a regular basis. I think I had one good entry.

So this answers the ancient philosophical question: If a tree falls in a National Recreational Area and there's no one there to hear it, does it make a noise?

Answer: Yes, later in a newspaper where its black and white and read all over. And still later when it induces the big sound of chain saws and the small sound of crackling in a fireplace.

Small town, big tree.

Walk Your Pie Off Stall Street

I am starting a new movement called "WALK YOUR PIE OFF STALL STREET". 

Its an eXercise program fitness rebellion group thing to help people who eat too much dessert to begin to get more active by hitting the street and moving more. 

Hopefully its goes global so people can look less globe-u-lar. 

And actually do something useful for people.

And sell more athletic shoes. 

I have lotza wonderful shoes for sale. 

Come buy a pair. 

Or two. 

Or four. 

Or more.

(Sorry, I made everything in Italics font so it would make the letters look like they were in motion, leaning forward)

A Wreck of Commendations

What's really cool is to read someone's story about a trip down memory lane, but they are using someone else's memories OR even better, memories that have never really eXisted before in the entire span of human eXistence eXcept inside, deep deep inside, the confines of a mental institution.

If you like some of the bizarre things I write, then you might enjoy the works of Leighton Kelly at dayone2012.tumblr.com - go to the story "USING ALL THE PARTS" dated Oct. 18th 2011

- - - - -

While groc shopping just now I heard on the intercom, 

"Jennifer, pick up line number [something]"

This prompted me to invent a new game called, 'See How Many Interesting New Ways You Can Pronounce Jennifer'.

I think I'm up to about twelve.

- - - - -

I think it's amazing that they grow lettuce on icebergs.

- - - - -

Nomore Qaddafi ?

- - - - -

I forced my wife to watch four episodes of "Guy On A Buffalo" on YouTube. They are short, only a couple minutes long and wonderfully silly. A special thanks to Smedette at http://smedette.wordpress.com/

I had my wife watch episode number one last, and she complained slightly, "you mean I'm watching the first one LAST?!?!?" And I responded, "honey, you'll see, it doesn't really matter what order you watch them".

At this point you might be asking yourself, "What did all those sections have in common?" 

Answer: Buffalo

The first section was a story about buffalo, previous life.

The second and third sections happened while I was groc shopping last night, and I bought a one pound package of ground buffalo.

The fourth section, um, Qaddafi buffaloed (synonym for 'fooled') a whole country into thinking he should be their ruler for way too long, and of course, he didn't know when to stop the party.

The fifth section is, of course, the buffalo movie

Which Came First: The Chicken Or The Actress?

I was reading someone's profile earlier and noticed that they had listed "Nobody's Fool" as one of their favorite movies. I thought, wow, I love that movie and I've studied it in great depth, so I should be sure that I have it listed on my favorites as well. It has so many stars, Paul Newman, Bruce Willis, Melanie Griffith, and Jessica Tandy, plus a wonderful script and cinematography set in a New York winter.

So I checked my Blogger profile, and sure enough it was already there. So I decided to try Blogger's random question generator to see if there was anything new. The very first question was so bizarre and ran-dumb:

What was the stage name of your favorite actress before she was born.

That is the question that Google's blogger system gave me ... And ... I ... Am ... Thinking that their person who wrote that question should be fired. Fired? Yes, fired out of the largest cannon on earth for writing something so, so, ... so insanely unanswerable.

I had this vision of pregnant mothers wandering around a theatre talking to their unborn children, asking their abdomen, "So what should your stage name be, Sweetie?" And if they had the gender wrong and it was really a baby BOY in there, well, I could see how that could spin way out of control in his future on the playground at recess in the 3rd Grade.

It is after 1 AM in my time zone, so maybe I'm missing something. Is it a reincarnation question?!?!?

So, here is my 1:26 AM scientifically correct answer: Egg (They didn't say how far back in time to go, so I am going for the unfertilized egg time zone)

I Thought It Was Meat

The first word "I" in the title of this blog post is not me. The title is from a line in a story I heard today from a customer at our business.

The third word "It" from the title is a pronoun, but in this case a very strange package, with aluminum foil on the outside.

A minimum wage cleaner who works for a motel was asked to clean out a room that had a guest suddenly leave. He works for an oil company and went to another job site. But he didn't properly check out of the motel, so his belongings were gathered up by the cleaner. The hotel manager/owner told the cleaner that she could have anything left of value in the refrigerator and throw the rest away. So she did.

The manager walks in during the clean-up and notices an aluminum foil package at the very top of the trash can contents. He asks, "where did this come from?"

The cleaner says, "It was in the freezer, I figured that it was a piece of meat."

The manager opens up the suspiciously shaped package. It has 30 items in it. Each item is a 100 dollar bill.

$ 3 0 0 0 - - - yes, 3 followed by 3 zeros

-In the trash can-

The bills were checked for integrity. They were not counterfeit.

He keeps the money. The cleaner is shocked. She was hoping that he would split the money with her. He told her that she threw it away. Finders keepers, losers weepers - as we would say as children.

He plans to hold the belongings in storage for a month, so if you happen to be reading this and you suddenly remember that you left my city for another job site and forgot your $3000 in your hotel room refrigerator, can I have a finders fee?

The International Dateplanes of Unluck

I think I just figured out something: when it's the 13th of the month and a Thursday in my part of the world, then its Friday on the other side (going west) of the International Dateline, so would that make the International Dateline an unlucky place to be? Its the 13th on one side, and Friday on the other. Since the International Dateline passes mainly through the ocean, this would affect mainly fish and whales, but only the ones who are superstitious and have calendars.

When I thought about the three dimensional aspects of the International DateLINE extending into the ocean depths, I realized it isn't really just a line, it's a PLANE surface that extends from the middle of the earth outward. So its really the International Dateplane. Then I envisioned the shape of the current dateline on a globe and realized that it isn't straight, so the International Dateplane"S" would really consist of multiple planes.

The fish would probably only spend brief periods of time passing through the date planes, so that would minimize their unluckiness. If they are caught in a fisherman's net though, its a really unlucky day for them.

Yester-moment Interrupted Leading To a Mild Case of Fear-ritation

This is strange: I just had a dream and in the dream I had an epiphany. We (?) made something that everyone liked, ...no..., loved, yes, they loved it, whatever it is. But I don't remember what it was. It made people smile. I would have published this a few (?) minutes quicker, but I actually fell asleep AGAIN halfway through writing this. So I woke up to words about a dream, [words in an unfinished Facebook status update] and I thought, wait, that didn't just happen.

* - the (?) means "I don't know". The first one, "We", I don't remember who the other people are, and secondly, the "few" minutes that I fell asleep, no idea how many that few was.

I have had absolutely no problem staying awake to finish writing the rest of this, even though I am yawning like crazy. I think it is because I am yawning so often and so wide (is that the right term, to yawn widely?) that I am not falling asleep. Yes, the yawns are wide enough to be ear and jaw painful! Also I noticed that I don't appear to be proofreading this very much so it isn't up to my abnormal level of (hah) perfection (bigger hah). Its really hard to fall asleep with a combination of mild headache, yawning, typing, and the fear that, oh, no, maybe I won't go back to sleep for the rest of the night simply because all this gigantic word mess-message is taking place. Fear isn't quite the right term but its close. Fear, Irritation, ... Fear-ritation. Yes, there's a new word for ya'!!!

I s'ppose that a Fear-ritation is at least an order of magnitude better than a Fear Infection.

Update 2011.10.11 05:08 - Oh, sorry, it is now a couple hours later and I just realized that I forgot to give you the definition of the other new word I created in the blog post title, "yester-moment". Just like the word yesterday means the day before today, the word yester-moment means the semi-well defined moment that happened (to you, your private little mental world) right before the current moment. A day is 24 hours long eXactly, but your moment is flexible, your baby, your boundaries. As far as I can currently imagine, there is no tomorrow moment structure possible, I am just totally unable to wrap my early morning mind around that concept, where would the future time fence be?

Update 2011.10.13 04:47 - What is really nose-i-ating is when I fell asleep writing this into my iPad that I have propped up vertically on a pillow in my bed and then it comes crashing down on my face smashing my nose. There is a gentle balance, and I even have the iPad leaning slightly away from me. The iPad will usually stay in place fairly well UNTIL it is jostled by a spouse getting into bed. The firm flat nightstand is much more reliable, but I forget..

essencenesssense

I just created a new word: essencenesssense - now all I need to do is come up with a definition for the word, then I can use it in an essencenesssense sentence.

[Well, I guess I have already just now used it in a sentence.]

If you hear someone use the word in a very serious manner, just respond, "I sense a tense essencenesssense sentence".

Think.

T h i n k.

Think.

T h i n k.

Think.

Definition: the ability to feel eXtreme subtlenessties

I think one of the things I love about this word is that every single letter in it resembles the letter C, alone, in some combination, reversed angle pair to make an S, rotated to make an n. All the near symmetry!

- - - - -

Earlier today sometime when it was dark I had a dream about a caveman inventing calculus. He used a lot of rocks, mud and tree branches.

None of the other cavemen or cavewomen or cavechildren or cavedogs appreciated his efforts. They just thought he was making a mess of their stack of firewood. This second part was not part of my dream, but simply something else I thought might have happened. Don't worry, it's okay to use three or's in the same sentence if you are talking about cavepeople and or cavepets, because I'm pretty sure they did. The modern day people I know that seem to closely resemble cavepeople do it all the time.

This suddenly reminded me of the day in 8th grade when I discovered/learned that you could draw molecular diagrams using letters to represent atoms and lines to represent chemical bonds. Structure!!! It was a magical moment for me. Structure, the universe had tiny distinct structures. I made a huge mess on the chaulkboard that day drawing molecules. It seems like I got some negative feedback from someone, I don't remember that detail, but I didn't care. The moment was a watershed.

Marquese Nonstop Scott - WOW !!!!

I have just seen the most amazing dancer of my entire life. Search Google or YouTube for "Marquese Nonstop Scott".

Link to video

Link to 2nd video

Buy Three Instead of Two

It is cool outside.

Steak for breakfast!

Later.

Snuggled warm at the moment.

Just the right amount of warm.

Down to one fan.

One giant pillow.

One side hurts.

Time to turn over.

Take my iPad with me.

Disconnecting power cable.

Turning.

Made it.

Actually I wrote all that in advance just in case something happened in the disconnecting turning process.

I now needa cookie.

Sadly, the house is empty of cookies.

Somebody didn't make it to Amarillo as eXpected to get them.

Note to self: Next time buy three packages instead of two.

One of my friends read the first part of this (everything above) and asked if I was feeling okay today, sick?

My Response: No, I am actually feeling quite wonderful. I just worked all day yesterday. At a few minutes before midnight I decided to go get coffee to continue on, but then decided to go home instead and play with the dog.

By "playing with the dog", I mean that I went home to have coffee and he was happy to see me and got under my feet as I sat on the couch coffee-ing while he worked on his new chew bone I had just given him a few hours earlier.

Tamie told me that he had not been working on it until I came home. He really enjoys it when Tamie and I are in the livingroom together so that he can be on the floor between us. I talk to him about what wonderful progress he is doing on his chew bone to systematically rip the knot off each end.

I am my dog's cheerleader, "Go, Cooper, Go!". He succeeded.

The Fifth Law of Thermodynamics

The Fifth Law of Thermodynamics states that if you are going to die an icky death where there should have been mo' therms, be sure to take along a fifth of your favorite alcoholic beverage to ease the pain and make sense of your frigid vacation choice to calm that chattering inner voice.

(Hah! I just now noticed that I ended my law with the three letters 'ICE')

‎[My friend is traveling above the Arctic Circle in Norway for a holiday vacation and he is in the middle of planning and scheduling at the moment.]

Lqtza Different Shqrt and Sqme eXtremely Cpld Stuff

I created this saying for a friend today after seeing his huge number of things to get done:  

"Sum"-times To-Do Lists morph into Too-Due Lists

Do you know what's twice as good as one cookie? That's right, T^HR_Ee cookies!!! I love math.

If I could be anywhere right now, different than my usual get away spots,,,(???),,, probably autumn in New York City, sounds fun.

Caution: the next paragraph has letters with icicles because the subject matter is very cold, mainly the letter "o", and a few "u" and double "u".

Here is sqmething "cool" abput the satellite UARS that crashed recently: One qf it's instryments yyas prjmarily cppled cryogenically yyjth SOLID Neon, the gas you nprmally assqciate yyith brjght colpred signs. The supply qf neqn lasted 19 mpnths, slpyyly evapqrating ayyay. After the neqn yyas gqne the instryment yyas yseless, nq lqnger held at −430°F.

INTERESTING AUDITORY COMBINATION: Listening to Yo Yo Ma on the cello while playing Angry Birds, meanwhile my canine friend has to beg loud enough to overcome a pair of ear plugs AND Bose noise reduction headphones to get my attention. Now if I can train the wife to just throw something in my direction if she needs anything, well, a soft something, I'm semi-fragile.

It's A Wonderful Wife

I fall asleep on the couch.

I go to the bedroom to find that my side of the bed now has an eXtremely large but almost empty can of cashews and a teleBision remote control device.

After 28 years, 9 months and 1 day of marriage I realize that the honeymoon is finally over.

Then I suddenly realize that is almost the eXact same amount of time I worked before getting fired, and decide its time for a pillow fight.

At midnight!!!

-----
Two days later ... after the arrival of new pillows, gigantic ones.

Wifey walks into the bedroom. "What are you doing with my pillow? That's my pillow"
Me: "Snuggling"
Wifey: "But it's my pillow!"
Me: "I'm pretending that it's you"
Person Me gives pillow (new & large & wonderful) to Person Wifey
Wifey: "Can you turn the light off?"
Me: "No, I'm typing [this]"
Wifey: "Can't you type in the dark?"
Me: I can type in the dark on my iPad but that would require an interruption in this narrative process, so, "No, I can't type in the dark", besides, I would have to turn/roll over.
Now I'm turning off the light.
Click.

Night Night All Y'All

My Friend Needs a P.I. to Find a P.I.

Someone I know is eXperiencing a strange form of identity theft: Pelvis Impersonator - they got a bill from a hospital radiology department and doctor for a 

"CT ABD/PELVIS CONTRAST" 

for a service date that doesn't even begin to match any work they have had done.

Hopefully the hospital has some form of surveillance footage to show when Pelvis had left the building.

My friend later mentioned that it will be really interesting to see the X-Ray type work and show that the hip bones don't match hers, or more interesting if the person was pregnant!

Super Hero: Ford Truck Man Saves The Day!

Oh, I just remembered that I went MUCH faster than the 40 mph speed limit yesterday on our main city thoroughfare, Cedar Street, BUT, I was reacting in a superhero manner, as FORD TRUCK MAN

Since I started driving an F-350 last December, I notice trucks.

All of them.

I can usually pick out a Freightliner now at very great distances.

Well, today I was at an intersection of Cedar waiting to go north and an electric utility company truck with a tool bed chassis drives by at 40 mph headed south with a completely OPEN toolbox door! There was no telephone booth to change into my Superman outfit, so I zoom out into traffic and my turbocharged Power Stroke 6.0 liter V8 diesel steed catches up to them in three blocks. My horn causes them to slow down and the driver rolls down his window as I yell out, "your door is open", pointing, and they stop suddenly IN traffic to close it and then I keep going. I wonder if my electric bill will be lower next month, (wink)?

All in a days work for FTM.

So I went south a couple blocks to turn around to get back downtown to our business. But the next thing I saw on the journey north in my rear view mirror two blocks later was a Borger city police car tail-gating me! I thought, "Oh, no, am I getting a speeding ticket?!?!?" AND he just kept getting closer, so I pulled over into the gas station but luckily the cop kept right on going. No lights, no siren.

My super hero secret identity is safe for now ...

Ruin Jesse Ruin

I've always wondered what was wrong with Jesse Jackson, and my first answer has usually been to borrow half of a line by Cameron Poe from the movie 'Con Air', "a lot". But now I learned that he is in love with former United States President Lyndon Baines Johnson. That takes it to a whole new level of _____ .

My _____ was meant to eXpress my lack of just the right word, searching for a mix of bizarre, flabbergasted - basically, JesJac couldn't you find a better role model? I had just -TRIED- to read the wikipedia article on LBJ less than a week ago, and for the three letters LBJ that stand for his 19 letter name, I think his 24 year congressional career condenses down to a single 5 letter word "bully".

The Dog Whisper Error

I slapped this on my Facebook status because we had to make a side journey from the restaurant, delaying my dog's already late supper:

Cooper, if you can read this, Daddy will be home in just a little bit, I know you are probably hungry. Love you a bunches!!!!

‎[I crack mysELF up at times]

My close wonderful friend told me: Well, you are always funny! But let's talk about this extremely well trained and tech savy dog Cooper...do I need to call the dog whisperer and tell him he's got nothing on YOU!!

My Response: The D.W., he has ab-so-lute-ly nuffin' on me, because he goes for the authoritarian, "I am the boss of my dog and he's gonna learn that or else" and I go the opposite direction and most of the time the dog gets his way eXcept, logically, for when I'm having my morning coffee. He can wait a few minutes for me to get properly caffeinated and spin up to my proper mental RPM's. We talk, a lot. and play, and share lotza food goodies, mmm Ernie eats, mmm, Cooper eats! But the key word of my status was the second word "if", haha, of course he can't read my status, at least I'm pretty sure he can't. (?)

Dogs can be much more eXpensive than a prescription of anti-depressant medicine, but they [dogs, not pills] are far more effective, with better side effects.

A Few Good Amends

One of my graduate school friends was debating about adding something new to an almost finished piece of writing. Serious school writing. So I borrowed some Jack Nick dialogue from a movie and re-worked it for her entertainment:

Son, we live in a world that has articles, and those articles have to be guarded by men with erasers. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Whine-butt? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for the paragraph you had a little while ago, and you curse the merged lines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not remembering what I remember. That "What-you-had-a-little-while-ago's" death, while tragic, probably saved lines. And my grad school existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lines. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like on-time, co-ed, 'go get me a chai tea'. We use these words as the backbone of a semester spent upending, I mean, appending something. You use them as a trash can liner. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very verbosity that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "I think like you", and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a Bik Wite-Out, and revise a post. Either way, I don't give a d@mn what you think you are entitled to.